How do I deal with living under an emotionally abusive mother?

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. We’re currently so financially strapped and coupled with my parents always discouraging me from getting a job,I’m going to be in my situation for some time.
Mr. Ajax,
I’m sorry for the tough times you’re going through. The good part is that you’re in college and sounds like you’re doing well there, and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
It sounds like your dad is not stepping up to help you. He went to take a nap after she broke his keyboard? It would be better if he could set limits and encourage your mother to behave responsibly. Maybe she wouldn’t listen, but she might listen better to him than to her kids.
One comment: you’re 20 years old. You can get a job and ignore what your parents say about it. You’re giving them money – I’m not clear where that’s coming from.
Probably be best to leave the room when she starts yelling. Ignoring the behavior might help extinguish it.
God bless.
 
Mr. Ajax,
I’m sorry for the tough times you’re going through. The good part is that you’re in college and sounds like you’re doing well there, and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
It sounds like your dad is not stepping up to help you. He went to take a nap after she broke his keyboard? It would be better if he could set limits and encourage your mother to behave responsibly. Maybe she wouldn’t listen, but she might listen better to him than to her kids.
It really, really sounds like his wife has a personality disorder. Living with a person with such a disorder is so exhausting that yes, it wouldn’t be strange for someone to just go take a nap to try and escape. Standing up to them doesn’t work because their emotional reasoning skills are less than toddlers, basically more like babies. So setting limits doesn’t even work. No matter what you say, they think you are out to get them and will scream and scream and scream. Literally. Research shows that family or friends who live with them almost always become depressed. Hence, as with any abuser, professional advice is usually to just leave.

Unlike with other mental ill health conditions, ppl with personality disorders never seem to want to get help or take meds. Whereas most ppl with depresson or anxiety tend to be desperate to get help and to feel better.
 
It really, really sounds like his wife has a personality disorder. Living with a person with such a disorder is so exhausting that yes, it wouldn’t be strange for someone to just go take a nap to try and escape. Standing up to them doesn’t work because their emotional reasoning skills are less than toddlers, basically more like babies. So setting limits doesn’t even work. No matter what you say, they think you are out to get them and will scream and scream and scream. Literally. Research shows that family or friends who live with them almost always become depressed. Hence, as with any abuser, professional advice is usually to just leave.

Unlike with other mental ill health conditions, ppl with personality disorders never seem to want to get help or take meds. Whereas most ppl with depresson or anxiety tend to be desperate to get help and to feel better.
When ti comes to where the money came from, it comes from either my parents giving it to me occassionally in order for me to actually have something, partly from my grandparents. It’s not much honestly. I don’t really use it other than buying some personal things like books but even then I spend little. I’ve had at most $200.

To be fair they never ever took any money from my school stipends, ever. I saved it up so as to be able to travel this year to a kendo competition. I’m mostly referring to my own personal familial allowance as frankly I don’t really have anything useful to do with it. I sort of keep it for emergencies.
 
I have to agree with the opinion that your mother may have a personality disorder. You already understand that you need to move out as soon as possible. Boundaries need to be established and you may need some guidance from a counselor with experience in dealing with personality disorders. You are in a tough situation right now but your life will improve when you are gainfully employed and on your own so don’t despair. But you will need some professional help in setting those boundaries. Your mom may never admit that she is out of line and your dad doesn’t seem to be able to handle this either. Stay close to God right now and pray for your mother and for yourself. Your priest can be a source of help also. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
 
This.

I’d add these, too:
Keep in mind that colleges usually offer free counselling services.
You can talk with your dad and decide how to handle your mother’s unacceptable behavior together.
Where a lone man may be overcome, two together can resist. A three-ply cord is not easily broken. Eccl 4:12

As for your sister, remember that it is considered child abuse to make a child witness the abuse of a parent or fellow sibling. The child who is not made a target does not get off “scot free,” but also suffers from being in the same household with an abuser. Consider that you, too, might do whatever keeps you off of your mother’s radar. That isn’t to say that your sister doesn’t need to get motivated to do better, but to ask this: Aren’t there enough put-downs and harsh judgments in your house as it is? Don’t you want to find a positive way to get your sister to do more around the house? You might talk with your dad about how to accomplish that. Maybe he’ll invite her to do some home care with him, to get her started. It does girls a lot of good to have a good relationship with their dads and the positive regard of their brothers. It will leave her less vulnerable to being lured into bad decisions suggested by the first slimy guys who come along and try to flatter their way into her good graces.

There is a book, Co-Dependent No More, which has quite a bit of good advice on how to enforce your boundaries in a healthy and peaceful way. It is directly about coping with someone who has an addiction, but it really has to do with coping with someone that everyone else around them is tempted to accommodate. Most libraries have it.
What is your mums reasoning for wanting you to do housework but not your sister?

It sounds like your mum has poor emotional selfregulation skills and so do you…
You need to find a way to not plug in to your mums ways.
Why don’t your parents want you to get a job?
Th
 
If things are as bad as you say then you need to get a job and leave. If I was that miserable I wouldn’t care if I had to temporarily work a job I hated in order to get to a better place in life. That is what grown ups do–they take responsibility for their lives, make choices to improve things, and work hard to get where they want to go. You are 20 years old. It’s time to be a grown up. Praying for you
 
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