How do I embrace being a man?

[Fusiontron]

I am 23 years old and will be entering a graduate program in a month. The past 5 (especially the past 4) years did not go very smoothly but I am in a good position to move forward as I will be receiving a monthly stipend and free tuition. But how do I actually take action to move forward? I’m obviously not 18 anymore so things are different. How do I recognize that some things I just missed out on and will have to move on vs. things I missed out on but can still do? I feel (on some level) that I wish I could be 18 again to do it all over again. But at the same time I know that I don’t want to experience what I experienced all over again. It just feels scary but also exciting. I don’t know if I am ready for it. Both the rights and the responsibilities. I guess what I’m really asking is how do I embrace the present?

 

[on_the_hill]

One day at a time, and be mindful of how you’re feeling now regarding missed experiences. Also, chances are you’ll find like-minded friends and classmates. It can be a whole new re-start. It was for me and I loved it. Good luck!

 

[EasterJoy]

Is the alternative realistic? No amount of regret can bring the past back. Certain opportunities that are past are in the past. There is no bringing them back. Your opportunities are in the future.

Don’t waste your prime wishing you weren’t in it yet. You can do it. You won’t always get the outcome you want, but as the pilots say you do your level best and then decide that in the end any landing you walk away from is a good one.

I know a lot of people who’d like to be young again, but they wouldn’t choose 18. They’d choose something closer to your age. Go for it!

 

[Xantippe]

I am 23 years old and will be entering a graduate program in a month. The past 5 (especially the past 4) years did not go very smoothly but I am in a good position to move forward as I will be receiving a monthly stipend and free tuition. But how do I actually take action to move forward? I’m obviously not 18 anymore so things are different. How do I recognize that some things I just missed out on and will have to move on vs. things I missed out on but can still do? I feel (on some level) that I wish I could be 18 again to do it all over again. But at the same time I know that I don’t want to experience what I experienced all over again. It just feels scary but also exciting. I don’t know if I am ready for it. Both the rights and the responsibilities. I guess what I’m really asking is how do I embrace the present?

Being a grad student is not the same as being a college student. You’re older, your classmates are often way older, you have less time, your classmates have more adult responsibilities, so please bear in mind that it isn’t College II.

Try to live within your stipend, eat well, study hard, get some exercise, keep up your spiritual life, and have some outside social life.

Just those basics should keep you VERY busy.

Oh, and you have an excellent chance of meeting your future wife in grad school, especially if you look outside of your department and keep up your social life.

Good luck!

 

[EasterJoy]

Being a grad student is not the same as being a college student. You’re older, your classmates are often way older, you have less time, your classmates have more adult responsibilities, so please bear in mind that it isn’t College II.

Try to live within your stipend, eat well, study hard, get some exercise, keep up your spiritual life, and have some outside social life.

Just those basics should keep you VERY busy.

Oh, and you have an excellent chance of meeting your future wife in grad school, especially if you look outside of your department and keep up your social life.

Good luck!

I remember when I started grad school that the first advice we all got was this: Anyone with enough going on to be here has too much going on to do nothing but be here. Make sure that you budget your time for the rest of your life, the people who are important to you, and the other things that interest you.

He won’t be alone in feeling the way he is feeling, either.

Pray for at least one solid friend, OP, someone according to the Lord’s heart. God doesn’t always provide exactly what we ask for, but when we ask Our Father for a fish, we are not going to get a snake (Luke 11:11-13). The Lord did not send his disciples out alone, but two by two. God understands what you need before you ask.

 

[tweedlealice]

I am 23 years old and will be entering a graduate program in a month. The past 5 (especially the past 4) years did not go very smoothly but I am in a good position to move forward as I will be receiving a monthly stipend and free tuition. But how do I actually take action to move forward? I’m obviously not 18 anymore so things are different. How do I recognize that some things I just missed out on and will have to move on vs. things I missed out on but can still do? I feel (on some level) that I wish I could be 18 again to do it all over again. But at the same time I know that I don’t want to experience what I experienced all over again. It just feels scary but also exciting. I don’t know if I am ready for it. Both the rights and the responsibilities. I guess what I’m really asking is how do I embrace the present?

Jeremiah 29:11===I have a plan for you. It is a plan for good and not for evil. It has a purpose and a future.
Be wise, What is your degree? Look around for job availability early.Lead me Lord. Guide my paths to where you want me to be.
in Christ’s love
tweedlealice

 

[mountee]

Congratulations, a stipend and free tuition for a graduate degree are remarkable. Nothing you can do about the past but enjoy the good memories and learn from the mistakes. You will find graduate school to be very different from undergraduate studies and I suspect you will like the difference. Pray for God’s guidance and support and take each day one step at a time. I will pray for you to enjoy what comes next and to be successful in your studues.

 

[Fusiontron]

I appreciate all the responses in this thread so far and am thankful for the advice you guys have given to me.

I think a lesson I could share to anyone on this board is that turning 18 (becoming a legal adult) is not the magic pill it is made out to be. Turning 18 did not solve my problems and it only delayed solving the problems and thus the problems I faced from ages 14-18 were the same 18-22 but they affected me even more. So basically you need to be proactive about solving your problems.

Although I was legally an adult at 18 it really feels like I’ve only become an adult rather recently. Hopefully, I can do well and make the most of it.

 

[on_the_hill]

I’m 48 and still have my doubts about whether or not I’ve reached adulthood.

 

[JimG]

It would be best to embrace adulthood before the hard times hit.

 

[EasterJoy]

I appreciate all the responses in this thread so far and am thankful for the advice you guys have given to me.

I think a lesson I could share to anyone on this board is that turning 18 (becoming a legal adult) is not the magic pill it is made out to be. Turning 18 did not solve my problems and it only delayed solving the problems and thus the problems I faced from ages 14-18 were the same 18-22 but they affected me even more. So basically you need to be proactive about solving your problems.

Although I was legally an adult at 18 it really feels like I’ve only become an adult rather recently. Hopefully, I can do well and make the most of it.

Realizing that your problems do not solve themselves speaks well for your maturity.

Pretty much all that changed when you turned 18 is that you became legally responsible for your own decisions and legally have a right to make them for yourself. That does not mean that you aren’t a social animal who needs friendship and love, that your knowledge and experience is not limited and does not require supplementation from the knowledge and experience of others, or any of that nonsense. An adult is not a person who has no need of a trusted inner circle. An adult is someone who has more say in who will be counted in his trusted inner circle. The law now allows you the right to decide for yourself what gambles to take, and lets you take the consequences of the gambles you choose. Your life did involve some gambles before you turned 18. You just had less of a say over what the gambles were and did not necessarily bear the whole burden of how the gambles in your life turned out.

Adults don’t have to take care of themselves in all ways all of the time. With adults, it is more that you have to take care of getting yourself taken care of. If you are terrible with money, it is up to you to find someone to help you. If you don’t know how to make a decision, it is up to you to seek out the help you need to make it. You’re not on your own, though, and you don’t have to want to be.

I’ve always felt for people whose parents unceremoniously kick them out on their own at 18 years old, not to mention those who feel a need to seek emancipation even before that. We’re a social species. The progression between dependence to interdependence to being dependent again is ideally a gradual one, without a sharp dividing line.

 

[SonOfMan]

I remember back in middle school all the girls wanted to act older and be seen as mature, wearing make up, acting different etc. Now that they are all older with kids and real responsibilities they seem to be the most immature of all.

Maturity isnt about wearing make up or pretentiously doing what you think are grown up things. Being mature and a man/woman means keeping on top of your responsibilities and doing things that you dont want to do, but doing them anyway because they must be done.

 

[on_the_hill]

Now that they are all older with kids and real responsibilities they seem to be the most immature of all.

Not to go off topic, but really? I think it’s just the opposite and it’s the men who aren’t growing up.

 

[mdleagedguy]

I am 23 years old and will be entering a graduate program in a month. The past 5 (especially the past 4) years did not go very smoothly but I am in a good position to move forward as I will be receiving a monthly stipend and free tuition. But how do I actually take action to move forward? I’m obviously not 18 anymore so things are different. How do I recognize that some things I just missed out on and will have to move on vs. things I missed out on but can still do? I feel (on some level) that I wish I could be 18 again to do it all over again. But at the same time I know that I don’t want to experience what I experienced all over again. It just feels scary but also exciting. I don’t know if I am ready for it. Both the rights and the responsibilities. I guess what I’m really asking is how do I embrace the present?

Cultivate new interests apart from your academic program. Learn things that will serve you well as a parent, such as cooking. Keep a regular workout schedule. Maintain family relationships. Make new friends, and reconnect with old ones. Volunteer for something good. Travel to interesting places, even if they are relatively close to you. At 23 you should be enjoying the moment and looking to the future. A man does not embrace his regrets. He looks back fondly at his accomplishments. So accomplish things! Be confident, even if you don’t feel confident.

 

[Xantippe]

Not to go off topic, but really? I think it’s just the opposite and it’s the men who aren’t growing up.

I wouldn’t take that the wrong way–it’s a real phenomenon.

I remember girls in 6th grade that were in a BIG hurry to be all grown up. I don’t know what happened to them (I haven’t stayed in touch and don’t live in my hometown anymore), but I expect there were some sad stories among those girls. There tended to be much older boyfriends in the picture. At that age, we thought it was thrilling that a high school boy would be interested in a 6th grader. We didn’t think the thought that comes quickly to the middle aged mind–what kind of loser is this high school boy that he is “going out” with 12 and 13-year-olds rather than a girl his own age? There might also have been some even sadder stories involving mommy’s boyfriends.

So, while the girl-in-a big-hurry-to-grow-up-who-never-does is a real thing, I wouldn’t be in a big hurry to judge her.

 

[EasterJoy]

I wouldn’t take that the wrong way–it’s a real phenomenon.

I remember girls in 6th grade that were in a BIG hurry to be all grown up. I don’t know what happened to them (I haven’t stayed in touch and don’t live in my hometown anymore), but I expect there were some sad stories among those girls. There tended to be much older boyfriends in the picture. At that age, we thought it was thrilling that a high school boy would be interested in a 6th grader. We didn’t think the thought that comes quickly to the middle aged mind–what kind of loser is this high school boy that he is “going out” with 12 and 13-year-olds rather than a girl his own age? There might also have been some even sadder stories involving mommy’s boyfriends.

So, while the girl-in-a big-hurry-to-grow-up-who-never-does is a real thing, I wouldn’t be in a big hurry to judge her.

They were not in a hurry to be grown up. They were in a hurry to dig in what they imagined was the cachet of adulthood. They wanted the appearances that can be chosen when one reaches adulthood, but usually adulthood itself.

Remember the problem of Susan in The Last Battle, the final book of the Chronicles of Narnia. The problem was not that she was grown up–Digory and his friend Polly had grown up–but that she was so infatuated with *the trappings *of being a grown up that she had suffered a sort of regression into materialism and vanity:

*“Oh Susan!” said Jill. “She’s interested in nothing nowadays except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on growing up.”

“Grown-up, indeed,” said the Lady Polly. “I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she’ll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race onto the silliest time of one’s life as quick as she can and stop there as long as she can.”*

 

[dconklin]

I’m 48 and still have my doubts about whether or not I’ve reached adulthood.

HA! I turn 48 in two days and I resemble this statement. I never put big emphasis on numbers - especially ages. We all mature differently. At 24 I was finishing grad school. Take your time and live your life!

 

[SonOfMan]

Not to go off topic, but really? I think it’s just the opposite and it’s the men who aren’t growing up.

I wasnt getting into a woman vs man thing here. Both sexes are like this, although this example was just the one that glared in my mind as I saw this topic pop up as I was viewing Facebook.

 

[Fusiontron]

I’m not so sure about the whole male vs. female thing . . . but I would say that in general people are taking longer to mature, if at all.

For me, the problem was that although I turned 18, I still pretty much had the same set of choices as prior to 18 due to my personal circumstances. Circumstances which I fought to change and did although at a great short term cost to myself including losing the ability to make decisions about items I previously had been in control of.

That sorts of goes back to what I’ve been told (and EasterJoy basically what you said) is that becoming an adult doesn’t just result in complete independence as we still must interact with other people and our environment. As an extreme example Someone can’t just decide to travel to all seven continents because they are an adult, they would need the time and financial resources to do so.

I guess that is the scary part. I finally have the chance to make those choices for myself and I basically have a good idea of which choices I will make. The hard part is saying that I am worth it and then to actually carry out my plans rather than back down and stagnate.

 

[LSK]

I am 23 years old and will be entering a graduate program in a month. The past 5 (especially the past 4) years did not go very smoothly but I am in a good position to move forward as I will be receiving a monthly stipend and free tuition. But how do I actually take action to move forward? I’m obviously not 18 anymore so things are different. How do I recognize that some things I just missed out on and will have to move on vs. things I missed out on but can still do? I feel (on some level) that I wish I could be 18 again to do it all over again. But at the same time I know that I don’t want to experience what I experienced all over again. It just feels scary but also exciting. I don’t know if I am ready for it. Both the rights and the responsibilities. I guess what I’m really asking is how do I embrace the present?

I am finding great direction from the book Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis. I read a little each morning and again at night. I hope it helps you have the fantastic life you are meant to have!