How do I get my son to stop hitting? He's turning 6

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Serap,

I know you mentioned DH working on his Ph.D. Do you have a chance to touch base with him, and is he able to give you disciplining down time? With boys, sometimes it takes dad to fully support mom and give a talk to son the if mom reports something to me, I will back her and you will have to a lot of explaining to do to me.

Just a thought.
 
guys thank you from the bottom of my heart. Great advice here.

I purchased and read “How to Discipline Your Strong Willed Child” and followed it and it has saved my life. I have not spanked my son in 4 weeks and I have been yelling WAY less.

When I’m really angry, I tell my kids that I need to go to a cooling down spot and to leave me alone until I come out. I’m also doing a lot of connection exercises. I am laying with each child for 5 minutes in the morning to make mornings better. I’m playing with them more and trying to connect on a deeper level. It’s going really well. My sons behavior is improving a lot. He stopped himself yesterday from hitting his sister and I praised him for it.

I’m also focusing more on logical consequences as much as possible and reserve time outs for hitting and calling names. My son wouldn’t leave the park the other day, so I told him no more visiting the park for 2 days and that next time I say it’s time to go, he can try again. Or if my son throws his ball in the house, I take the ball away for one day. If he won’t brush his teeth, no sweets. If he is fighting with his sister, they both get a 15 minute cooling down period apart and then we talk. I need that cooling down period too or I will lose it and yell at them. Once we are all calm, we can talk about what happened and how to act next time.

I can honestly say that it’s going really well and I think spanking is behind me for good. The yelling is still happening, but it’s going to take time. I’m not perfect.

Thanks so so much!!! I think we are on the right track now.
 
Serap said:
When my son is frustrated, he tries to get through it, but when he can’t, he hits me or hits his sister. He doesn’t have a problem hitting at school, but he hits me and his sister at home.

Every time I see him getting upset and he doesn’t use violence, he gets a point. If he hits me or his sister, he loses a point. He gets a small toy car for each point he earns each day. He loves this reward system.

He gets very angry with me if he loses a point. Most times, he hits me. I hold his hands and tell him to stop hitting me. I keep reading that time outs are ineffective and that I should stay with him, but it’s not working. He gets more aggressive and hits me harder. It seems like my attention to him is feeding the fire.

I eventually just lose my patience after about 30 minutes and I just lose it. I begin to punch my pillow and I scream into it. He laughs at me and says, “Poopie mommy.”

I’m feeling empty and drained. How do I effectively discipline him? Are time outs necessary during this time? I don’t want to be hit anymore…I can’t take it emotionally.

This is simply not working for us. He’s turning 6 in December.
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Are you the mother or father of this Child?
 
Thanks for the update, Serap! So glad you’re seeing some positive results from the work you’ve been doing!
 
Serap said:
guys thank you from the bottom of my heart. Great advice here.

I purchased and read “How to Discipline Your Strong Willed Child” and followed it and it has saved my life. I have not spanked my son in 4 weeks and I have been yelling WAY less.

When I’m really angry, I tell my kids that I need to go to a cooling down spot and to leave me alone until I come out. I’m also doing a lot of connection exercises. I am laying with each child for 5 minutes in the morning to make mornings better. I’m playing with them more and trying to connect on a deeper level. It’s going really well. My sons behavior is improving a lot. He stopped himself yesterday from hitting his sister and I praised him for it.

I’m also focusing more on logical consequences as much as possible and reserve time outs for hitting and calling names. My son wouldn’t leave the park the other day, so I told him no more visiting the park for 2 days and that next time I say it’s time to go, he can try again. Or if my son throws his ball in the house, I take the ball away for one day. If he won’t brush his teeth, no sweets. If he is fighting with his sister, they both get a 15 minute cooling down period apart and then we talk. I need that cooling down period too or I will lose it and yell at them. Once we are all calm, we can talk about what happened and how to act next time.

I can honestly say that it’s going really well and I think spanking is behind me for good. The yelling is still happening, but it’s going to take time. I’m not perfect.

Thanks so so much!!! I think we are on the right track now.
Click to expand...
I don’t think I read any of your posts that mention anything about your husband or his role in this? Would you care to elaborate?
 
mavdragon said:
I don’t think I read any of your posts that mention anything about your husband or his role in this? Would you care to elaborate?
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he’s very involved. he has been very busy lately studying for Ph.D. exams.

my husband has a tendency to be more punitive and I’ve been helping him learn that it’s ineffective. logical consequences work better when possible. he’s a good dad and we back each other 80% of the time.
 
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