How do I get my son to stop hitting? He's turning 6

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Serap

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When my son is frustrated, he tries to get through it, but when he can’t, he hits me or hits his sister. He doesn’t have a problem hitting at school, but he hits me and his sister at home.

Every time I see him getting upset and he doesn’t use violence, he gets a point. If he hits me or his sister, he loses a point. He gets a small toy car for each point he earns each day. He loves this reward system.

He gets very angry with me if he loses a point. Most times, he hits me. I hold his hands and tell him to stop hitting me. I keep reading that time outs are ineffective and that I should stay with him, but it’s not working. He gets more aggressive and hits me harder. It seems like my attention to him is feeding the fire.

I eventually just lose my patience after about 30 minutes and I just lose it. I begin to punch my pillow and I scream into it. He laughs at me and says, “Poopie mommy.”

I’m feeling empty and drained. How do I effectively discipline him? Are time outs necessary during this time? I don’t want to be hit anymore…I can’t take it emotionally.

This is simply not working for us. He’s turning 6 in December.
 
Serap said:
When my son is frustrated, he tries to get through it, but when he can’t, he hits me or hits his sister. He doesn’t have a problem hitting at school, but he hits me and his sister at home.

Every time I see him getting upset and he doesn’t use violence, he gets a point. If he hits me or his sister, he loses a point. He gets a small toy car for each point he earns each day. He loves this reward system.

He gets very angry with me if he loses a point. Most times, he hits me. I hold his hands and tell him to stop hitting me. I keep reading that time outs are ineffective and that I should stay with him, but it’s not working. He gets more aggressive and hits me harder. It seems like my attention to him is feeding the fire.

I eventually just lose my patience after about 30 minutes and I just lose it. I begin to punch my pillow and I scream into it. He laughs at me and says, “Poopie mommy.”

I’m feeling empty and drained. How do I effectively discipline him? Are time outs necessary during this time? I don’t want to be hit anymore…I can’t take it emotionally.

This is simply not working for us. He’s turning 6 in December.
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It is not illegal for a parent to hit their child as long as the ‘smack’ amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’.

Keep in mind what God’s word has to say about this
Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. Proverbs 23:13

A father who loves his son will whip him often,so that he can be proud of him later.2 If a son is disciplined,he will be of some use, and his father can boast of him to his friends. Sirach 30:3
 
hesso12 said:
Keep in mind what God’s word has to say about this
Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. Proverbs 23:13

It is not illegal for a parent to hit their child as long as the ‘smack’ amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’.
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I will not spank. I am looking for alternatives.

Thanks
 
hesso12 said:
Well suite yourself.but in return you will see the results.
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Thanks for your suggestion. I have chosen not to spank because the last 20 years of scientific research has already given the results of spanking.

I would appreciate it if this did not become a spanking debate. Can someone please help me if they have the time?

Thanks so much.
 
I see so many people today putting there,trust in science rather than God.

Remember that God is the creator of science and he,also tell’s us in his word that.

8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD Than to trust in man. Psalm 118:8

so whatever man say’s isn’t always right.but what God say’s is ALWAYS RIGHT! so trust in what he has told you,not what a group of scientist’s said.
 
hesso12 said:
I see so many people today putting there,trust in science rather than God.

Remember that God is the creator of science and he,also tell’s us in his word that.

8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD Than to trust in man. Psalm 118:8

so whatever man say’s isn’t always right.but what God say’s is ALWAYS RIGHT! so trust in what he has told you not what a group of scientist’s said.
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Moderator, can you please ask him to stop? This is only causing me more hurt.

Thanks,
Serap
 
hesso12 said:
It is not illegal for a parent to hit their child as long as the ‘smack’ amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’.

Keep in mind what God’s word has to say about this
Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. Proverbs 23:13

A father who loves his son will whip him often,so that he can be proud of him later.2 If a son is disciplined,he will be of some use, and his father can boast of him to his friends. Sirach 30:3
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So, the way to teach him not to hit is to hit him harder? What happens when the kid gets bigger than Serap and he can hit her way harder than she can hit him?
 
You need to seek a psychological evaluation of your son now…all you are doing now is empowering him with what he sees as your weakness to use stern discipline…of course he doesn’t take his aggression out at school because he knows he’d probably get a butt whuppin’…you mamby pambying him with a points system is playing you for a sucker…keep that up and by the time he’s a teenager you and your daughter will be the ones getting a butt whuppin’…sorry…not trying to sound cruel…I worked in a psychiatric hospital and saw the results of how ineffective a points system is…get him help now or regret it later…God bless
 
Serap,

I think you may possibly be dealing with some sort of neurological issue. So, I would do a full psychological evaluation.

My daughter was very difficult at 6 and 7 (far more difficult than her 4-year-old brother), and it turned out she is on the autism spectrum. With a lot of effort, we have made substantial progress with her and she’s a lovely young lady now, but it was a lot of work and she had a lot of therapy. So, don’t be afraid to seek out professional help.

In the meantime, I always recommend the books Transforming the Difficult Child and Don’t Shoot the Dog. I think I’d change your system so that he can’t lose points, but he needs to gain more points than just one to get whatever the reward is. Also, think about tasks he can do for you and think about all of the optional nice things you provide him with. Does he want to watch 15 minutes of cartoons or do 20 minutes of a video game or does he want to go to the pool this evening or to a friend’s birthday party or to the toy store to spend birthday money? Well, he’d better not have just slugged a sibling. He’ll need to earn his privileges back through good behavior and/or work. No freebies!
 
Xantippe said:
So, the way to teach him not to hit is to hit him harder? What happens when the kid gets bigger than Serap and he can hit her way harder than she can hit him?
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Once a parent spanks the child,he/she would immediately obey as they get older the child starts to develop the knowledge of respecting there parents.thats what we do in Pakistan and when the children are older they are still obedient to there parent’s by giving them honour.
 
Peebo said:
You need to seek a psychological evaluation of your son now…all you are doing now is empowering him with what he sees as your weakness to use stern discipline…of course he doesn’t take his aggression out at school because he knows he’d probably get a butt whuppin’…you mamby pambying him with a points system is playing you for a sucker…keep that up and by the time he’s a teenager you and your daughter will be the ones getting a butt whuppin’…sorry…not trying to sound cruel…I worked in a psychiatric hospital and saw the results of how ineffective a points system is…get him help now or regret it later…God bless
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Nah, it’s normal for kids to suck it all up at school and then let their hair down at home. As I’ve been told by a psychologist, it’s normal for children to reserve their worst behavior for mom. Normal, but not good. It doesn’t necessarily mean the OP has been doing anything wrong–it’s just wrong for this particular child.

I agree with your advice of a psych evaluation, though, and the need for speedy intervention. That’s correct.
 
hesso12 said:
Once a parent spanks the child,he/she would immediately obey as they get older the child starts to develop the knowledge of respecting there parents.thats what we do in Pakistan and when the children are older they are still obedient to there parent’s by giving them honour.
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Do you have any children or are you a teacher, teacher’s aide, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychiatric nurse, hesso12?

If not, I don’t think you have much to add to this discussion.
 
Xantippe said:
Do you have any children or are you a teacher, teacher’s aide, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychiatric nurse, hesso12?

If not, I don’t think you have much to add to this discussion.
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I have the BIBLE!
 
hesso12 said:
I have the BIBLE!
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And so do we all…

It does not say, “Beat your child at every opportunity” believe it or not.

Also, in the US there are often legal issues. If the OP lives in a part of the country where spanking is not a social norm, she could find herself being investigated by Child Protective Services if she follows your advice.

See Romans 13:

“Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore he who resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of him who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain; he is the servant of God to execute his wrath on the wrongdoer.”

That’s in the Bible, too.
 
Don’t be afraid to talk to his doctor.

My daughter had a speech delay and we got help immediately and it didn’t cost us anything. Intervention isn’t just for your child but for you too.

Our speech therapist helped both our daughter and us by giving us suggestions on how to encourage her to talk. It was great and really helpful.

If I were in your situation I’d use time outs. We do with our daughter.

Her preschool has a system where time outs are implemented when the kids misbehave such as not listening to instructions. They are reminded twice to listen and the third time means a time out in a designated time out chair.
However, aggressive behavior like hitting, means an immediate time out.

We do that exact system at home and for us it works.

The first time it happened with my daughter…she hit her then 8 month old sister…and she got a time out right away. It worked.

Please don’t spank.
It doesn’t solve anything and just puts a sense of fear in your child and let’s them know it’s okay to hit back.

I can’t believe the fear child would have if someone they love and someone so much bigger then them would hurt them.
 
Xantippe said:
And so do we all…

It does not say, “Beat your child at every opportunity” believe it or not.

Also, in the US there are often legal issues. If the OP lives in a part of the country where spanking is not a social norm, she could find herself being investigated by Child Protective Services if she follows your advice.

See Romans 13:

“Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore he who resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of him who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain; he is the servant of God to execute his wrath on the wrongdoer.”

That’s in the Bible, too.
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Yeah thats in the US,but here in Pakistan it isn’t neither in India or Israel.
 
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