How do I help my son who says he has "no connection" to God?

[milimac]

My 13-year-old son was confirmed last year. This year he told me that he has never in his life felt a connection to God, even though he has tried several times – lying in bed silently. He doesn’t think he can have a relationship with someone like that, unless there’s something more. He just doesn’t feel his presence and any signs could just as easily be explained away. He says he’s not looking for something dramatic, but just doesn’t feel anything and sees himself drifting away from the faith.

He’s a smart kid and gets into philosophical/religious discussions with other kids at school. He told me about a discussion where someone was saying that basically even the good things we do are motivated out of selfishness. I don’t remember the name of it, but it sounds like a philosophical idea I have heard of before.

Any ideas of how to approach this problem with him? Luckily he has not put up any resistance to attending Mass or going to Confession, but I’m not sure how long that will last.

 

[nodito]

How about sending him on a retreat? I went on several when I was in high school and they had a great impact on me. Franciscan University of Steubenville has good ones that they hold over the summer; typically a long weekend filled with great speakers, confession, music, etc. It’s a lot of fun. But since summer’s a long way off, you might also look into a Catholic Emmaus weekend. There may be an Emmaus community near you; mine became a great source of support and unconditional love. Check with your local Catholic high school to see what other retreats exist in your area. Sometimes it’s helpful for kids to get away from their typical routine, family, etc to make the faith their own.

 

[po18guy]

Since children seem to be less trainable than pets, I would suggest that you find or make the spare time and go pray for him before our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Then, be patient and persistent, allowing the Holy Spirit to work on him. It might take years or even decades, but your son is called to the Sainthood of Augustine.

 

[pianistclare]

Is he in formation? What kind of Religious Ed classes is he enrolled in?
Is he part of a dynamic youth group?

 

[tawny]

If your Parish has a Youth Group, encourage him to become involved. Many Parish Youth Groups offer ongoing formation courses for those who have been confirmed. They also afford various Youth Ministries for participation. In addition, they offer spiritual guidance & direction to youth.

 

[GEddie]

He’s 13?

Doubts about the familial religion are part and parcel of that age period. It sure was for me.

Pray, do penance, and make sure he gets to Mass and Confession. And keep an eye out for youth activities in your or a nearby parish that could reorient him to the faith.

God Bless and ICXC NIKA

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I don’t think this is always something you can sit back and wait to feel, it’s something that comes from living your faith and engaging in fellowship and good works. I think its also important for him to know it’s normal to struggle with spiritual dryness. A lot of people talk a lot about God directing their lives almost as if they were being given regular verbal instructions and it can make you feel like you are the only one not to have this.

 

[SuperHappy]

First and foremost, pray for your son. I know you already do, but be very specific that God will reveal Himself to him.

Second, please consider enrolling your son in formation classes and help him join in the youth group at your parish, if he has not already.

Third, when he talks to you about faith, try to explain to him why you believe. Give specific examples from your own life and experience of how God has moved you. This will help him see. Also when something is happening, point out how God is working in your lives.

Sending up a prayer!

 

[milimac]

Is he in formation? What kind of Religious Ed classes is he enrolled in?
Is he part of a dynamic youth group?

We have been alternating between home programs and parish programs. Last year he did the Confirmation classes along with others who didn’t really want to be there and whose parents rarely attend Mass. This year I am having him do Theology of the Body for Middle Schoolers from mycatholicfaithdelivered.com. I am considering having him give youth group another try. I think now that the Confirmation class is done there may be a better chance of him connecting with other kids who actually want to be there and perhaps being able to discuss his struggles with others who may have good advice. So my strategy is to do a mix – home study for actually learning the faith, and youth group for social connection with other Catholic teens and youth group leaders.

 

[milimac]

Thank you all for your advice and prayers. I go to adoration weekly and pray the rosary daily, now in a more focused way for him. I know most of this is in God’s hands, but I want to prepare the way as much as possible. He told me he finds value in going to Confession, so we try to go every month or two. I have also been trying to read the gospel to him in the evenings when we pray (mostly me praying and my sons listening, though I encourage them to thank or ask God for something) and share a reflection or inspiring quote.

I think he is also scandalized by kids at school who say they are Catholic but speak profanity and act like jerks. His school (public) also did a unit on world religions which I think probably watered Catholicism/Christianity down. I suspect most of his friends at school are “nones” who have no religious upbringing.

 

[pianistclare]

We have been alternating between home programs and parish programs. Last year he did the Confirmation classes along with others who didn’t really want to be there and whose parents rarely attend Mass. This year I am having him do Theology of the Body for Middle Schoolers from mycatholicfaithdelivered.com. I am considering having him give youth group another try. I think now that the Confirmation class is done there may be a better chance of him connecting with other kids who actually want to be there and perhaps being able to discuss his struggles with others who may have good advice. So my strategy is to do a mix – home study for actually learning the faith, and youth group for social connection with other Catholic teens and youth group leaders.

This is good to hear.
People encourage their children to go even to grad school…but for something as important as their faith they permit them to drop out of formation.
In a few short years they will find out why their morals and spiritual development should have been a top priority.
Praying fro your success as the primary educator in the faith. Find a solid program to fill in the gaps.
God bless you.

 

[Wendy1989]

Any ideas of how to approach this problem with him? Luckily he has not put up any resistance to attending Mass or going to Confession, but I’m not sure how long that will last.

Milimac - He needs an Ambrose. St. Ambrose was the answer to St. Monica’s prayers. Most of the time, teenagers need someone to talk to that will listen and talk to them on their level. While it sounds like a ‘warm-fuzzy’, a peer group led by a faithful leader that is seen as ‘cool’ can help your son find his relationship with God. You’ve supplied him with your relationship with God but he needs to find his own relationship. It’s a part of growing up.

 

[AdamP88]

Explain to him that this is true for most people. Not many people do “feel” the presence of God on a regular basis. It’s a constant struggle to have faith and grow in relationship with God and to love him and be a witness to the faith in this life.

 

[Anglewannabe]

The good thing is he thinks about these things. I would encourage him while he is in private prayer to actually tell these things to God and teach your son to say ‘God, I believe, help my unbelief’. Don’t insist he do it in front of you, allow him his space for personal prayer.

Also, my advice for you: Pray for patience, it could be several decades before you see the fruits of your work in you son