Anyway here is my question. How do I overcome poor social skills.
You need to practice. There’s really no other way.
but i’m afraid to approach when I don’t know them. I hate going randomly up to one person and just talking to them unless it’s a certain situation where you are supposed to meet people like a catholic group or for something at work.
Why do you think you would need to do that? I assume you mean just talking to someone randomly on the street or even the store (even in a friendly Midwestern state like NE) for the purpose of getting to know them?
I guess that happens every so often on TV, but in reality, I advise against this especially for beginners. There are certain situations where it’s more acceptable, like if you want to talk to someone on the bus or walk with someone at a college campus you are in class with.
The only exception is if you go to a place like that regularly and maybe talk to someone who works there on regular basis and build rapport with them. I’ve actually done that with women before.
But unless you’re Brad Pitt or Selena Gomez, you’re not going to be able to just pick up someone from the street. It’s too stressful and the chance of success is pretty much zero if you don’t know the person.
However at places like bars or clubs or even certain catholic events, I’m afraid to talk to people, especially girls because I don’t want to seem like some creep whose hitting on them or something.
First of all, people go to social events to be social. If you’re not being social, you tend to stand out more than you think.
Second, a woman suspecting (I don’t think most would say KNOW) you are hitting on you isn’t necessarily a bad thing----PROVIDED you aren’t dropping some cheezy dive bar pick-up line to get her into bed.
If you know how to romantically communicate (in the words of dating guru Marius Panzerella) with women—teasing, flirting, making her laugh, it may not matter that you are hitting on her.
It doesn’t promise a date, but you won’t have to worry about looking awkward or like a creep.
However the problem is that i’m a starer. I’ll admit sometimes I stare.
Okay, this is something you MUST work on. If you stare a lot, women will notice. Why? A lot of men don’t get this, but deep down inside pretty much every woman has a basic instinctive fear that a bad guy is going to nab her, drag her into the woods, rape her and then murder her.
So if you sit around and stare, it will just make them uncomfortable. Women will not date men they are not comfortable with.
The other thing you need to avoid----don’t ever come up behind a woman on the street and surprise her.
I know it probably makes me a creep, but it wasn’t like I was thinking “oh she’s so hot” or typical stuff like that. It was more like
Oh, I believe that, but simply admitting that will pretty much
never get you set up for a real relationship.
Women want men who they are attracted to and listening to you rattle off why you’re not a pig or a creep isn’t their idea of fun and a good time.
“how do I get an awesome girl like her to like a guy like me?” when I looked at her. What made it tough too was that I couldn’t just ask her out.
Well, I’ve been there before, too. But you need to control your feelings a little bit and not elevate the girl you like so high. It sets up this mentality that she’s too good for you, which probably isn’t the case.
Especially while working together. I felt it was more important to focus on our job at hand.
You probably don’t want to be asking a girl out unless you’ve had some real time to build up rapport.
You can in cases like these go for the long ball and hope she’ll agree to go out with you, but I don’t think it will work most of the time.
The best advice I have for a situation like that is to ask a girl if she wants to hang out. Don’t worry about classifying the event as a date.
Anyway , I later found out through a source that she found it hard to “love me as a person of god” and while she was nice enough to me in person, I can’t help but wonder if she and most other girls think of me as some awkward creep who’s only good thing is that he’s catholic.
It also makes me wonder if something is wrong with me or if i should even consider marriage as a vocation due to my lack of social skills.
In order to properly discern a vocation, you need the guidance of a spiritual director. My sense is that it will take much more than your view of your social skills. The priesthood and clergy life is not a safe-zone for those who don’t think they have the skills to date.
So how do I overcome my fears and anxieties? Obviously prayer is going to be the main answer, but I want more concrete advice. Don’t get me wrong, prayer works. But prayer alone doesn’t get you what you want. I can pray for a spouse constantly, but unless I get out there it isn’t going to happen. Typically God doesn’t put things in our lap (as nice as that would be).
:clapping:
I think you’ve already taken some big steps with the on-line dating (just be smart about this) and with simply admitting that a good woman won’t just be put in front of you because you pray or because your Grandma, older sister or favorite aunt tell you “there’s someone out there for you!” in a way that means you can just sit and wait.
