How do I politely tell someone I don't want to go out to "get to know him better"?

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Just say “no thank you”.
Repeat as often as necessary.
If he asks more than three times, report him to HR.
 
If you say it politely and he still persists, you no longer have an obligation to be polite.
 
pensmama87 said:
If you say it politely and he still persists, you no longer have an obligation to be polite.
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I agree with this…if he keeps asking…just say something like"I’ve already told you no multiple times…please stop asking me, you are starting to make me uncomfortable"…if he does keep asking you should consider reporting him to HR…you shouldn’t have to worry about this and he should take no for an answer
 
Faxero said:
Next time he requests an audience with you, point the finger gun at him. Shoot down his request.
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VERY bad idea, can be construed as a threat, then you become the bad person. Dark is approaching it correctly by not antagonising, she just needs to be more clear that No is afinal answer.

Maybe ask a girlfriend in the office she trusts about him?
 
anonymous_in_fl said:
Just say “no thank you”.
Repeat as often as necessary.
If he asks more than three times, report him to HR.
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I was going to post this.

The problem with always giving an excuse as to why you ca’t go is that he assumes you might still be interested. Just say “No, thank you” without giving a reason and he’ll get the message if he has any social skills.
 
Try: “No thank you. I have told you this before, and I would appreciate it if you would listen and stop asking me in future.”

If he doesn’t stop, report him.

Lou
 
crystal_waters said:
You could test whether his intentions are friendship or verging on sleazy by next time he asks you to go out with him say something like…oh will your girlfriend be going too…?.if its just a friendship then he wont object to bringing his girlfriend right?..

You could turn him down by saying that you only go.out with guys on group outings, not alone or something like that…
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Honestly my doubts about his intentions aren’t the main reason I don’t want to do this. The main problem is he’s the person where, when he’s talking to me at work, I’m generally hoping he’ll stop talking and go bother someone else soon. I find him incredibly dull, rather self-absorbed, and lazy, and I don’t want to go listen to him talk about himself and his stupid car and things like that for an evening.
Bill_Martin said:
I was going to post this.

The problem with always giving an excuse as to why you ca’t go is that he assumes you might still be interested. Just say “No, thank you” without giving a reason and he’ll get the message if he has any social skills.
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The trouble is if I say “no thank you” he’ll ask “why not” and then I feel like I have to make up some excuse, because “I just don’t like you” isn’t polite.
 
DarkLight said:
Honestly my doubts about his intentions aren’t the main reason I don’t want to do this. The main problem is he’s the person where, when he’s talking to me at work, I’m generally hoping he’ll stop talking and go bother someone else soon. I find him incredibly dull, rather self-absorbed, and lazy, and I don’t want to go listen to him talk about himself and his stupid car and things like that for an evening.

The trouble is if I say “no thank you” he’ll ask “why not” and then I feel like I have to make up some excuse, because “I just don’t like you” isn’t polite.
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Not necessarily. You could always say “_____, I have asked you to leave me alone on too many occasions. You have no respect for me or my boundaries and you are not interested in anything I have to say. I have no reason to want to spend time with you, and you’ll only prove my point if you ask again”.

I think you’ll just have to cut him off and maybe be firmer than you would like so he gets the message.

Lou
 
Lou2U said:
Not necessarily. You could always say “_____, I have asked you to leave me alone on too many occasions. You have no respect for me or my boundaries and you are not interested in anything I have to say. I have no reason to want to spend time with you, and you’ll only prove my point if you ask again”.

I think you’ll just have to cut him off and maybe be firmer than you would like so he gets the message.

Lou
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I think it’s a little soon for that. The trouble here is I’m feeling obligated to say “I’m too busy” or “I have something that night” or something like that, so as not to be rude. Which is then leading to him thinking that there’s a chance next time, because I didn’t say no forever, I just said I couldn’t make that time. Except I don’t know how to say “no forever” in a way that isn’t rude. He’s not being rude, so I don’t want to be rude back.
 
I was listening to the radio the other day, and something I heard rung true. Being polite and nice doesn’t always mean not hurting the other’s feelings or even making them understand. When you can, yes, but oftentimes we can’t. Sometimes a nice, polite, and charitible response can still hurt. But sometimes you have to, especially with persistent people who for whatever reason can’t read between the lines.
 
DarkLight said:
I think it’s a little soon for that. The trouble here is I’m feeling obligated to say “I’m too busy” or “I have something that night” or something like that, so as not to be rude. Which is then leading to him thinking that there’s a chance next time, because I didn’t say no forever, I just said I couldn’t make that time. Except I don’t know how to say “no forever” in a way that isn’t rude. He’s not being rude, so I don’t want to be rude back.
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With all due respect, I don’t think the issue is the guys behavior at all. Every time someone offers a solution you disagree and keep repeating you don’t want to be rude. I think the issue is 100% you need to learn assertive skills. Until you can say ‘Please don’t ask me to hang out again’, this guy has really not done anything to wrong
 
DarkLight said:
I think it’s a little soon for that. The trouble here is I’m feeling obligated to say “I’m too busy” or “I have something that night” or something like that, so as not to be rude. Which is then leading to him thinking that there’s a chance next time, because I didn’t say no forever, I just said I couldn’t make that time. Except I don’t know how to say “no forever” in a way that isn’t rude. He’s not being rude, so I don’t want to be rude back.
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I guess the only problem with that is it gives him a green light to carry on. Have you tried telling him (gently) that you really don’t want to because you have virtually nothing in common, and it would be a waste of time?

If he does carry on, then he is being rude at worst and oblivious at best. Either way, if you want him to stop, you’ll have to be firm.

And if it does get to the point where he really won’t leave you alone, feel free to use the not-so-nice answer 😉

Lou
 
Anglewannabe said:
With all due respect, I don’t think the issue is the guys behavior at all. Every time someone offers a solution you disagree and keep repeating you don’t want to be rude. I think the issue is 100% you need to learn assertive skills. Until you can say ‘Please don’t ask me to hang out again’, this guy has really not done anything to wrong
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I do feel like a lot of people are overexaggerating the situation. This isn’t a case of harassment - it’s a case, like I said, that I feel like I don’t know how to say “I don’t want to spend time with you” without coming across as just being mean. Which was kind of the point of the thread here - how do I say that in a way that doesn’t come across as mean?
 
DarkLight said:
I do feel like a lot of people are overexaggerating the situation. This isn’t a case of harassment - it’s a case, like I said, that I feel like I don’t know how to say “I don’t want to spend time with you” without coming across as just being mean. Which was kind of the point of the thread here - how do I say that in a way that doesn’t come across as mean?
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I don’t think there is a non-hurtful way to say “I don’t want to get to know you better.”
 
If you want to maintain a nice work relationship-say the following with a smile:
I hope we can be office friends but after work I am usually very busy. Thanks for asking though. Then ask a work related question or a sport question–to drop it.

If you want him to go away and leave you alone: say: I value our wotk relationship, but you really need to stop asking me to get togehter after work-it is making me uncomfortable.
 
mommy_k said:
If you want to maintain a nice work relationship-say the following with a smile:
I hope we can be office friends but after work I am usually very busy. Thanks for asking though. Then ask a work related question or a sport question–to drop it.

If you want him to go away and leave you alone: say: I value our wotk relationship, but you really need to stop asking me to get togehter after work-it is making me uncomfortable.
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Yeah–use the word “uncomfortable” liberally.
 
DarkLight said:
So I have a guy at work who keeps asking me to go places with him to get to know him better. He’s said this is non-romantic and he has a girlfriend. The trouble is I just plain don’t want to. I don’t like him, and not just in the sense of not liking him “that way.” It’s getting tiring trying to come up with reasons why I can’t go out with him, especially ones that won’t backfire if I end up going to dinner after work with someone else at some point. How can I politely but firmly say, no, I don’t particularly want to do anything with you, in a way that doesn’t leave him thinking “maybe next time”?
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You say " no, please don’t ask me again."

Cmon. These things are pretty strait forward.
 
How about “That sounds too much like a date, Steve. I’m not comfortable with that.”
 
You can say, ’ I don’t feel comfortable going out just you and I alone, since you have a girlfriend. Even if it is just as friends, because your girlfriend probably wouldn’t like that. Sorry, hope you understand’
 
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