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How do I politely tell someone I don't want to go out to "get to know him better"?
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styrgwillidar
Guest
Then you’re hanging around with children, not men, and you’re far better off without them. Their unreasonable and petty reaction to a simple, direct, polite no is their problem, not yours. You don’t owe them anything other than a polite response, you are under no obligation to ‘come up with a good reason’ or explain anything.That’s just been my experience with men in general - most guys get mean and call you names if you reject them, at least if it’s without a good reason.
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The_Old_Maid
Guest
Three added points:
One. Yes, it can be painful, even scary, to be called a bad word. I’m not saying you’ll get used to it, because people really shouldn’t have to get used to it.
But being called a Bad Word won’t turn you into that Bad Thing.
And the pain and humiliation may sting now, but it is better than turning your No into Yes just because he wore you down – and realizing later finding that he doesn’t respect NO when he decides to put some happy-hands on your bod. Compared to that, is a little thing like being called a Bad Word really so terrifying?
Two: the incomparable Miss Manners on the word NO:
(oops, running out of time to type it, sorry!)
books.google.com/books?id=Ju1XvqoMookC&pg=PA560&lpg=PA560&dq=%22miss+manners%22+even+if+it+is+something+you+can+change+and+do+it+doesn’t+help&source=bl&ots=5IAgEDD0DT&sig=LIZCDif9t6qbKkkamC5ij9aynC4&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiI14Dw9NLLAhXIloMKHYQqCPMQ6AEIHDAA#v=onepage&q=%22miss%20manners%22%20even%20if%20it%20is%20something%20you%20can%20change%20and%20do%20it%20doesn’t%20help&f=false
Basically, though, Miss Manners rocks.
One. Yes, it can be painful, even scary, to be called a bad word. I’m not saying you’ll get used to it, because people really shouldn’t have to get used to it.
But being called a Bad Word won’t turn you into that Bad Thing.
And the pain and humiliation may sting now, but it is better than turning your No into Yes just because he wore you down – and realizing later finding that he doesn’t respect NO when he decides to put some happy-hands on your bod. Compared to that, is a little thing like being called a Bad Word really so terrifying?
Two: the incomparable Miss Manners on the word NO:
A lady does not give reasons for not being accessible to a particular gentleman. She doesn’t explain why she won’t go out with him, she doesn’t explain why she won’t marry him, and she doesn’t explain why she won’t do anything in between. The very notion that every lady would yield, if she didn’t have a compelling reason not to, is insulting.
Gentlemen may think that they want to hear why a particular lady is turning them down, but they are mighty unhappy when they do. It is, of course, true that declining one date leaves a gentleman ignorant of whether you are simply not free or intend to decline all his invitations. The third try is supposed to tell him that.
However, as you point out, such subtlety eludes some of them. Therefore, you must master the all-purpose refusal. Do not make up stories about boyfriends, or, worse, tell them truthfully that you have nothing in common. A lady does not give reasons.
And three:–Miss Manners’ Guide to the Turn of the Millennium
(oops, running out of time to type it, sorry!)
books.google.com/books?id=Ju1XvqoMookC&pg=PA560&lpg=PA560&dq=%22miss+manners%22+even+if+it+is+something+you+can+change+and+do+it+doesn’t+help&source=bl&ots=5IAgEDD0DT&sig=LIZCDif9t6qbKkkamC5ij9aynC4&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiI14Dw9NLLAhXIloMKHYQqCPMQ6AEIHDAA#v=onepage&q=%22miss%20manners%22%20even%20if%20it%20is%20something%20you%20can%20change%20and%20do%20it%20doesn’t%20help&f=false
Basically, though, Miss Manners rocks.
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DarkLight
Guest
Well, confirmed today that his girlfriend is definitely NOT ok with this behavior.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Care to elaborate?Well, confirmed today that his girlfriend is definitely NOT ok with this behavior.
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Lou2U
Guest
In terms of your response, that really doesn’t change anything. You don’t want to go out with him because you aren’t interested, not because his girlfriend isn’t happy. His girlfriend’s opinion should change his behaviour, not make you change your reason for not wanting to meet with him.Well, confirmed today that his girlfriend is definitely NOT ok with this behavior.
Lou
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Joe_5859
Guest
Is he still pestering you? Have you told him you’re not interested?Well, confirmed today that his girlfriend is definitely NOT ok with this behavior.
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Xantippe
Guest
Well, it does add a little dollop of icing to the situation, demonstrating that 1) he’s not super honest and 2) he’s not nice to know.In terms of your response, that really doesn’t change anything. You don’t want to go out with him because you aren’t interested, not because his girlfriend isn’t happy. His girlfriend’s opinion should change his behaviour, not make you change your reason for not wanting to meet with him.
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Lou2U
Guest
That is true, but the OP should use herself as the reason not to go out with him instead of his girlfriend. If he breaks up with his girlfriend, she’s back at square one. It’s better for the OP to be more assertive by saying “I don’t want to because I’m not interested” than “I don’t want to because your girlfriend won’t like it”.Well, it does add a little dollop of icing to the situation, demonstrating that 1) he’s not super honest and 2) he’s not nice to know.
Lou
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
It completely matters how the conversation with DL and the girlfriend happened and what was said and why.
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