How do I tell my Mother I don't feel safe around her?

[Tis_Bearself]

Something to think about, Riman: if you’re planning on having your own kids one day, as shown by your posts, someone who has excessive, unresolved anger at their own parents might very well have difficulty being a good parent themselves. Or even being a good marital partner.

If you want to have a good marriage and a family, address this now, by getting counseling help.

I can tell you right now that when I was young and met young men who seemed to be angry at their moms or their families, I ran the other way. Too much risk, too much baggage. I was happy to meet and marry a man who had a good relationship with his parents. That doesn’t mean they agreed on everything and never had a conflict, but it does mean that there was mutual respect and love and a decent family relationship, not him saying “I don’t want them around my grandchildren” or “I want to ghost them” etc.

 

[blackforest]

I respectfully disagree. As brutal as their position is, rudeness and anger will only further entrench them in their misguided beliefs. Civility is the only effective way to reach people.

 

[RolandThompsonGunner]

It seems weird that you worry your mother would harm your children just because she’s pro-choice.

I doubt he genuinely believes that. On some level, I think he’s just angry with his mom and wants to hurt her, so he’s consciously or unconsciously wrapping it all up in Catholicism. It’s a way to rationalize a desire to hurt her as something noble. “I’m not bitter or vindictive, I’m just really devout.”

 

[blackforest]

I can tell you right now that when I was young and met young men who seemed to be angry at their moms or their families, I ran the other way. Too much risk, too much baggage.

My high school teacher advised me to find a husband based on how he treated his mother. Later in my life, that advise proved to be wise.

 

[blackforest]

I think pro lifers have been way too nice.

Lots of people are pro-choice because it’s just kind of the default position and they’ve never given it much thought.

If it was one individual I was speaking to privately, I think they would feel attacked and block me out (writing me off as a “crazy religious freak” who doesn’t really know what she’s talking about) if I didn’t show them some respect in the conversation.

Please join me in the spin-off thread: Discussing Abortion: Is Civility the Best Approach?

 

[Uriel1]

Riman,

We need to show love to our enemies
By being holy, your mother will notice
Being kind to her will calm her down

Just do it for Jesus to start with and He will start to bring peace
When she has peace she will begin to change

 

[Elf01]

Please join me in the spin-off thread: Discussing Abortion: Is Civility the Best Approach?

Probably should be merged with the one I also created.

 

[blackforest]

@camoderator @Elf01 and I were on the same wavelength. Could you please merge our two threads?

Discussing Abortion: Is Civility the Best Approach?

Pro Abortion People Catholic Living

Continuing the discussion from How do I tell my Mother I don't feel safe around her?: And Jews weren’t classified as fully human by Hitler. I’m sure at least some people genuinely believed it. Also, on some level pro aborts do understand what they support, otherwise why rare and I’d never have one myself (personally pro life but …). Especially the personally pro life but people know what they support. Anti Semitism was common at the time, so I don’t see a difference. I see the opposite. …

 

[TheLittleLady]

It is easy to judge someone who sins differently than you do. “Supporting abortion” is a very wide statement.

It can mean a medical professional who develops new techniques for surgical abortion or the Republican politicians/judges who consider RvW the settled law of the land and are okay with abortion in cases of criminal father/deformity/mental or physical distress to the mother. The National Right to Life endorses politicians who side with the “limited abortion” stance.

I have never met a sane person who would slaughter their grandchild.

Are you watching/reading some teachers who use extreme language to incite outrage? Perhaps turn away from that for a time. Read the New Testament, study the Catechism, speak to a priest. Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 over and over.

Christ does not give us a spirit of hatred and outrage but of love and a sound mind.

 

[TheLittleLady]

profess to be Caholic/Christian

A validly baptised person IS a Christian, in the Church or after making a profession of Faith they are Catholic. That mark is indelible on their soul. Even if the person lapses and falls into mortal sin, they are still just as Catholic as the Pope.

Who is influencing you that Catholicism can be “lost”?

I am surprised that they were even allowed to marry in the Church and looking into possible annulment. I don’t think a non-married party can initiate it but I am willing to try. Could be the wakeup call they need.

This is so far off the chain that I cannot put words to it.

Get an appointment with your priest, get into counseling. This is unhealthy rage.

 

[PetraG]

So I’m supposed to feel safe letting my Mother hold a new born child when just seconds before she would be okay with it’s slaughter? No chance. If anyone needs mental health treatment it’s her. These are not extreme feelings. These are the teachings of the faith. Unless somehow abortion is now seen as okay in this forum. In which case I may just need to find a different place to talk with Catholics.

Please find a very holy priest and talk this over. You are beginning to sound as if you believe your mother would be apathetic if you told her you were pregnant and contemplating an abortion yourself. You don’t know that. You are projecting a lot onto her that you don’t know. It is rash judgment, which is a very bad spiritual habit. There are, after all, teachings of the faith that apply to you, too.

Yes, I do. If she thought I was worthless before birth then I am worthless to her now. She thinks a woman decides whether a person is a person not God.

No. She is misguided about when a person becomes a person. There is a difference.

I think she did that because she felt she “owned” me. She wanted a child and so that determined my personhood in her eyes. I told her that if she ever feels I am no longer worthy of that personhood, that she can slain me in the graphic way that fetuses are slain. She was appalled that I would even suggest that she was capable of thing. Apparently I don’t matter unless she feels like it so I don’t see her issue with her logic.

Well, of course she was appalled! You made a gross and false accusation against her.

cont…

 

[PetraG]

I am not claiming that keeping me in the faith would. I am saying they lied and did not uphold their vows and kept me from Christ when he was in my life for the first 12 years of my life. It would be a completely different story had they not married in the Church or profess to be Caholic/Christian. In fact, I am surprised that they were even allowed to marry in the Church and looking into possible annulment. I don’t think a non-married party can initiate it but I am willing to try. Could be the wakeup call they need.

Can. 1060 Marriage possesses the favor of law; therefore, in a case of doubt, the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven.
As a Catholic, you are bound to consider their marriage to be valid until it is proven otherwise.

I can appreciate how upset you are about your perception of your parents’ situation and I can easily accept how angry you are that they failed in their duties to teach you and raise you in an undiluted experience of our faith. Don’t you see, though, that your reaction to this lacks mercy? You are allowing yourself to stand in judgment of another soul. That is absolutely forbidden.

Again–really, I implore you, find a very holy priest, someone whose council you trust will not swerve from the teachings of the Church, and express your concerns to him. Then–promise us!–be obedient to the truth he will tell you. I am confident you will let go of the harsh judgment of your parents you are being tempted to make from your own damaged sense of trust in them and will instead turn to a response not only more in keeping with the true faith but also more likely to lead to your mother’s amendment in attitude towards the totality of the faith that she has been called to.

I feel for you, I really do. I accept that you mean well. Trust us, though: there is a better way through this. It is the way Christ will call you. Dare to trust in that.