How do married people view singles

[eucharisteo]

Heh. A coworker tried to set me up with her relative, about twice my age. When she pushily asked why I didn’t want to date him, I said it must just be because I am mean. Then she said “yes you are”! I’ve been trying to come up with better responses since then.

Tell her you don’t date perverts. Kind of rude but she may stop trying to set you up.

 

[Monica4316]

I’m only 23 and I get comments like that

I get the impression that some of my friends feel sorry for me because I’m not in a relationship and not married. I’ve also had married friends try to set me up with their friends.

To that I reply, the main purpose of my life is to do God’s will and to learn to love Him. My vocation will be what He chooses… and whatever He chooses will be good, - in fact, best - for me. So no reason to feel sorry for me.

I think when people imply that our lives are somehow less fulfilling because we are single, that’s based on a lot of misunderstanding, and perhaps some messed up priorities in their own lives. Not everyone is called to marriage, and if a person is called to the single or religious life, THAT is what will be fulfilling to them.

 

[eucharisteo]

I’m only 23 and I get comments like that

I get the impression that some of my friends feel sorry for me because I’m not in a relationship and not married. I’ve also had married friends try to set me up with their friends.

To that I reply, the main purpose of my life is to do God’s will and to learn to love Him. My vocation will be what He chooses… and whatever He chooses will be good, - in fact, best - for me. So no reason to feel sorry for me.

I think when people imply that our lives are somehow less fulfilling because we are single, that’s based on a lot of misunderstanding, and perhaps some messed up priorities in their own lives. Not everyone is called to marriage, and if a person is called to the single or religious life, THAT is what will be fulfilling to them.

-]That you’re a pervert. You’re only 23. so the guys they try to set you up are my age, late 40’s?/-] This was supposed to be funny, but then I thought about how I’ve gotten into so much trouble on boards in the past I thought it would be best to first strike through it because everyone already received it and to say I am really joking, turning things around. If I were trying to date someone your age I’d thing I was a pervert. You’re just a baby to me by comparison. I realized this looked way too “fresh” after I submitted it. SORRY:blush:

It took me a little bit to get over the fact that my wife was 22 to my 28 when we married. But now it’s no big deal. I used to tease her by saying I robbed the cradle.

 

[Rose71]

I find it interesting to read that some married men admit to feeling uncomfortable around single women. On one hand, I admire their honesty in actually admitting to this. On the other, I find it really sad.

As a single woman - actually, single has nothing to do with it - or being a woman…so I’ll start again…As a Catholic human being, I believe I have a responsibility to respect the institution of marriage; to act sensibly (as in behave and dress in a non-provocative manner) around married associates and to definitely, definitely not try to seduce married men, or to undermine the sacremenmt of marriage by making derogatory comments like refering to it as being ‘trapped’ or similar, as a way of retaliating to silly, insensitive comments about my being single.

However, I am not responsible for the insecurities of anyone else, married or single. I trust myself; my married male friends and colleagues trust and respect me too, which is why we get on so well. I like meeting people, so when I meet wives and girfriends I make every effort to be interested and polite too. Generally, this approach works fine.

I find it incredibly insulting when married or otherwise attached men feel the need to make it clear they are married / not interested almost immediately on finding out I am single - usually in crushingly un-subtle ways or when they bring their wives and girlfriends to evening functions or open days and their behaviour towards me changes. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is hurtful.

Sometimes I feel you can’t win - if you dress down and act like ‘one of the lads’ you are not ‘making an effort’ - you are ‘un-feminine’ or at worst, a suspected lesbian. You are treated either with pity or something approaching revulsion because you must be so clueless and desperate that you might misconstrue anything approaching a smile as an invitation to pounce:eek! (I need to carry a card in my purse that says ‘Not a marriage-wrecker - Not a lesbian: I am a Catholic, so adultery and homosexual acts are not on my to-do list! Now that’s established, can we move on?’)

On the other hand, if you dare smile too much, or wear something a bit femninie and floaty (not that I could get away with too much at work) or even take the banter a bit too far - you are seen as ‘asking for it’ or ‘up for it’. The problem is that because we are all different - what some men and women percieve as flirty behaviour is what others think of as friendly banter.

 

[mmyers]

Sometimes I wish I could be so blunt with my single friends because I would love to hook them up. I fear asking, because I don’t want to offend…maybe your friend asks because she wants to set you up if you are interested.

 

[Kimothy80]

I find it interesting to read that some married men admit to feeling uncomfortable around single women. On one hand, I admire their honesty in actually admitting to this. On the other, I find it really sad.

As a single woman - actually, single has nothing to do with it - or being a woman…so I’ll start again…As a Catholic human being, I believe I have a responsibility to respect the institution of marriage; to act sensibly (as in behave and dress in a non-provocative manner) around married associates and to definitely, definitely not try to seduce married men, or to undermine the sacremenmt of marriage by making derogatory comments like refering to it as being ‘trapped’ or similar, as a way of retaliating to silly, insensitive comments about my being single.

However, I am not responsible for the insecurities of anyone else, married or single. I trust myself; my married male friends and colleagues trust and respect me too, which is why we get on so well. I like meeting people, so when I meet wives and girfriends I make every effort to be interested and polite too. Generally, this approach works fine.

I find it incredibly insulting when married or otherwise attached men feel the need to make it clear they are married / not interested almost immediately on finding out I am single - usually in crushingly un-subtle ways or when they bring their wives and girlfriends to evening functions or open days and their behaviour towards me changes. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is hurtful.

Sometimes I feel you can’t win - if you dress down and act like ‘one of the lads’ you are not ‘making an effort’ - you are ‘un-feminine’ or at worst, a suspected lesbian. You are treated either with pity or something approaching revulsion because you must be so clueless and desperate that you might misconstrue anything approaching a smile as an invitation to pounce:eek! (I need to carry a card in my purse that says ‘Not a marriage-wrecker - Not a lesbian: I am a Catholic, so adultery and homosexual acts are not on my to-do list! Now that’s established, can we move on?’)

On the other hand, if you dare smile too much, or wear something a bit femninie and floaty (not that I could get away with too much at work) or even take the banter a bit too far - you are seen as ‘asking for it’ or ‘up for it’. The problem is that because we are all different - what some men and women percieve as flirty behaviour is what others think of as friendly banter.

I can relate. I’ve lost long-time male friends (one in particular) due to their wives/girlfriends inscurities. I can’t help the gender I was born under and just because I met him before you does not mean I’m a home wrecker!
I admit it, I’m a bit defensive.

The next guy I date, I’m going to make an effort to be polite (not snobby) and try to become friends with his female friends because I know how much it hurts being on the other side.

 

[CountrySinger]

I can relate. I’ve lost long-time male friends (one in particular) due to their wives/girlfriends inscurities. I can’t help the gender I was born under and just because I met him before you does not mean I’m a home wrecker!
I admit it, I’m a bit defensive.

The next guy I date, I’m going to make an effort to be polite (not snobby) and try to become friends with his female friends because I know how much it hurts being on the other side.

Try being big chested, and people assuming you are a husband stealing harlot. Even if I wore a turtleneck (shudder), you can’t hide them (and they are the only thing good looking about me, so I’m showing them off). I want to say to those women, “if your husband likes 'em big, go get surgery!” for the record, mine are 100% real
And coupled with the fact that I have wit and like to joke, people always think I am flirting.

 

[Kimothy80]

Try being big chested, and people assuming you are a husband stealing harlot. Even if I wore a turtleneck (shudder), you can’t hide them (and they are the only thing good looking about me, so I’m showing them off). I want to say to those women, “if your husband likes 'em big, go get surgery!” for the record, mine are 100% real
And coupled with the fact that I have wit and like to joke, people always think I am flirting.

My girls aren’t small either.

And I can’t flirt for the life of me. Sometimes I just feel chatty with guys!

 

[choy]

i love being married! nothing in life is easy, it was difficult when i was single, and whatever challenges i go through in marraige i know God will be always there with me

now, how do i view single people? depends really. if the single person is happy with their state, then i’m happy for them. why should i feel sorry for them? i only feel sorry for those who are single and can’t commit, have children outside of marriage but still can’t decide if they want to marry or not. because you can see they want some things in a marriage, but not all of it. its hard to be caught in between the married life and the single life. you want to be free from the commitments, but you want children and maybe constant companionship. but if you’re happy in one state, why should i interfere with your happiness?

 

[jmcrae]

The truth is, being 40 and never married is starting to get humiliating. People have often gave me the impression they wondered what was wrong with me. Men have often made it very clear straigth off the bat they were married (what made them think I was interested?) And I have to wonder if women are scared I will move in on their man.

I try hard to accept God’s will and if He does not see fit to send me a good husband I want to accept it. Why can’t society be more supportive? Do people feel sorry for me?

For myself, I just tend to assume that single people have been spending their lives working hard to help other people. There are people who are called to the single life - teachers, office workers, etc., who simply never met anyone they wanted to settle down with, or didn’t want to give up their work for marriage and children. I just think that they made that choice because at the time it seemed like the sensible thing to do. Not everyone is cut out for marriage.

 

[eucharisteo]

I find it interesting to read that some married men admit to feeling uncomfortable around single women. On one hand, I admire their honesty in actually admitting to this. On the other, I find it really sad.

You have to remember that many of us were probably this uncomfortable around women before they were married as well. I was. It’s an anxiety disorder I guess.

edited to add: When I was in the military I opened a door for a woman who jumped down my throat for doing it. I’ve never been reduced to scum before for being a gentleman. I was a “boot”, new recruit, and she was an NCO, Staff Sergeant. So after the world of women changed I didn’t really know how to treat women because I received such a variety of responses to my southern gentleman behavior. Now I just be myself and if they don’t like it they can jump in a lake without me bailing them out. My new unease around women is rooted in the jealous responses I’ve received from my wife in the past that “protects her man”, seems to be rooted into the faith and/or family she grew up in.

 

[dakotagirl]

And coupled with the fact that I have wit and like to joke, people always think I am flirting.

Ugh I could write a book on how obnoxious people who assume this are. But gaaaaa I have to run, so I will fill you in another time.

Seriously. Best way to lost my friendship, fast.

 

[Shaken]

I am 60 and never married. There are few married people among my friends. And no one seems too concerned with my single status.

From a very early age, I actively sought to remain unmarried.

You probably still get unpleasant comments and attitudes from marrieds. From the outside it is not apparent whether one is single or unmarried.

I never married but never chose blessed singlehood either and am too old to marry now, so the bad attitudes I pick up from some marrieds are more painful than maybe they are for you.

Unfortunately, that small suffering probably falls under the category of a cross in life that one bears in hopes that it will benefit the soul in eternity.