How do women feel about chivalrious men?

[surfinpure]

You sound so pessimistic.
Did the feminists really do that much damage?

If you can, go to your library and check out a copy of What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us, by Danielle Crittenden. Yes, the feminists did that much, and worse.

 

[jmcrae]

Courtesy is always attractive.

Of course, it works both ways. When the man holds the door open for the woman, she doesn’t just sail on through it - she catches it on her hand and lets the man come in behind her, without letting it close on him.

And when the man opens the car door for the woman, she doesn’t just sit there in the car - she leans over and opens his side, so that he can get in easily, as well.

 

[Hilde89]

That they are sweet.
But I only speak for myself.

 

[Pani_Rose]

I didn’t read this whole thread, but I want to say, as a mom of three and grandma. I just love to see my sons do simple things for the women in their lives. Even rushing to open a door for them to walk through or closing the car door after they get in.

My daughter is dating a young man - well she is 25 and he is 28 - who is so polite and does so many things for her. He truly appreciates her feminity, and respects who she is as a person, as she does for him - but it is shown to the world by these unseemingly unimportant actions of his - as the world would view it - but they are just an awesome gift of love to her.

 

[surfinpure]

You know, reading through everyone’s responses, I’m struck by a puzzling thought: How is it that such a grand concept as chivalry has been reduced to the mere act of opening doors? Isn’t this the example people usually give of being chivalrous? Why? There is so much more to the virtue!

Chivalry, so far as I understand it, is not unlike the verse in Ephesians 5 that tells men to give themselves up for their wives as Christ did the Church. It is more than courtesy. It is the sort of profound deference that man shows when he recognizes woman as the gentler sex.

There was a time not so very long ago when a man would not use coarse language in the presence of a woman, when men would stand and remove their hats when a lady entered the room, and when a pregnant woman was treated like a priceless work of art. I believe it was G.K. Chesterton who wrote that without the presence of women in society, men would be uncivilized. Yet today, many men are horribly uncivilized, and the women with them! There is nothing genteel about the language I hear coming from the average college student out with his or her friends, or the manner in which men drop their eyes to a woman’s chest while standing in an elevator. Respect has gone largely by the wayside, for the simple reason that women, while pretending to have gained great respect, in truth no longer require it nearly so much as they did throughout history.

 

[Lexee15]

You know, reading through everyone’s responses, I’m struck by a puzzling thought: How is it that such a grand concept as chivalry has been reduced to the mere act of opening doors? Isn’t this the example people usually give of being chivalrous? Why? There is so much more to the virtue!

Chivalry, so far as I understand it, is not unlike the verse in Ephesians 5 that tells men to give themselves up for their wives as Christ did the Church. It is more than courtesy. It is the sort of profound deference that man shows when he recognizes woman as the gentler sex.

There was a time not so very long ago when a man would not use coarse language in the presence of a woman, when men would stand and remove their hats when a lady entered the room, and when a pregnant woman was treated like a priceless work of art. I believe it was G.K. Chesterton who wrote that without the presence of women in society, men would be uncivilized. Yet today, many men are horribly uncivilized, and the women with them! There is nothing genteel about the language I hear coming from the average college student out with his or her friends, or the manner in which men drop their eyes to a woman’s chest while standing in an elevator. Respect has gone largely by the wayside, for the simple reason that women, while pretending to have gained great respect, in truth no longer require it nearly so much as they did throughout history.

Ditto:thumbsup: , I couldn’t have put it better myself…and to add to that, we women have played a significant role in turning men into what, most of them, are today. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of flack for saying this…but it’s true and I was once one of those women:blush: . Then we want to play the man-bashing game…when the truth of the matter is that this is mostly our fault if not all of it and I am deeply ashamed to have contributed to it. I pray that God gives me the grace to do things right with ds, nothing would make me more proud than to see him grow up to be a God loving, respectful, honest and chivalrous young man.

 

[dove51]

You sound so pessimistic.
Did the feminists really do that much damage?

While I do agree that feminism destroyed a lot of good things about relationships between men and women, I don’t blame them for my past relationship troubles with bad men.

 

[Pani_Rose]

Oh I think chilvary goes far beyond opening doors, it is just an easy way of expressing the actions that take place, in public or not. I think this person has a good defination to it…

Don’t be embarrassed, “chivalry” is a word not often heard today, and a lot of people really don’t know what it means. Let’s define the term before we go any further so nobody feels like the class dunce. Here’s what Webster’s Dictionary has to offer:
Chivalry:

1. 
   *]Gallantry, courtesy and honor.
   *]The noble qualities a knight was supposed to have, such as courage and a readiness to help the weak.The demonstration of any of these qualities.
   chivalrytoday.com/Farrell/What-Is-Chivalry.html

 

[ElizabethPH]

You really misunderstood.

Chivalry
Definition:

1. qualities of ideal knight: the combination of qualities expected of the ideal medieval knight, especially courage, honor, loyalty, and consideration for others, especially women
2. chivalrous behavior: considerate and courteous behavior, especially shown by a man toward women
3. medieval knighthood: the medieval concept of knighthood, and the customs, practices, social system, and religious and personal ideals associated with knights and their way of life
4. group of knights: knights, noblemen, or armed mounted soldiers, collectively or in a group ( archaic )

[13th century. Via Old French chevalerie< medieval Latin caballerius< Latin caballus “horse”]

Why would anyone think that the oposite of chivalry or lack there of would be a good thing?

 

[cecilia97]

I live in Texas (and previously in Oklahoma) where you can tell a man who moved recently from “up North” or sometimes from California because he runs ahead of you and lets the door slam in your face. (This is just our Texas ladies at lunch theory.) The real Texans still run ahead to open the door or hold the elevator. They ask you if they can assist you with your large packages or your car trouble and give a little wave of thank you when you let them merge onto the highway, etc.

Yes, as a native Texan who’s lived up north, has family up north, and has traveled around the country, I think your theory is correct. Door holding, chair holding, seat-offering, suitcase lifting, and "yes ma’am"ing are not dead in Texas…even with younger people. Especially in the smaller towns, you will find great courtesy toward women.

I’m 32 and have dated guys who called me ma’am. Only when I moved up north did I learn that some women think “ma’am” means they’re perceived as old!

 

[Tracy10]

If you’re referring to chivalry as courtesy and respect, I can’t think of a single woman personally, who would feel that such a display would be degrading. Perhaps it’s more in the ways some men might display it that might invite comments of degradation. For example, if you lifted a woman up and carried her over a little pool of water, unless you did it with humour, that certainly might be perceived by mose women to be going a little overboard."

This is a sensitive topic for many, but I just wanted to ask. Some women feel that such men are degrading them. That’s just some of the things I’ve felt that other women believe. So how do you feel about these type of men (if their “chivalry” be sincere)?

 

[Tracy10]

By the way, if a woman says “I can do it myself,” get used to it. Shy men tend to attract more assertive women and vice versa. People often look for qualities in others to augment what they don’t have. If she calls you names or ridicules you though, that might be a good indication to look for a less aggressive woman. Women need to exercise courtesy too you know.

Well I guess I’m kinda shy. I always feel nervous to do such a thing because of fear that a woman might say, “I can do it myself.” Chivalry really does stress respect for women, so I suppose it would be a good thing.

 

[jmcrae]

Yes, as a native Texan who’s lived up north, has family up north, and has traveled around the country, I think your theory is correct. Door holding, chair holding, seat-offering, suitcase lifting, and "yes ma’am"ing are not dead in Texas…even with younger people. Especially in the smaller towns, you will find great courtesy toward women.

I’m 32 and have dated guys who called me ma’am. Only when I moved up north did I learn that some women think “ma’am” means they’re perceived as old!

Around here, “ma’am” is reserved for women who are at least one generation older than yourself. I don’t mind being called “ma’am” by kids, but I’d do a double-take if someone my own age or older called me that!

 

[babydoc]

I adore them – Chivalry, properly understood is like St.Paul’s admonition for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Men may not have much daily opportunity to slay dragons, etc., but protecting us from the dangers of traffic by offering an arm is just good manners. When I was in my late 20’s dating men my age, chivalry or even common manners seemed to be dead – just self-aggrandizing talk and competitiveness. I met a man 15 years older than I who had nice chivalrous manners, without degrading me or looking down on me as a fellow wage earner. We have been married for 16 happy years, have three beautiful children and have gone through better and worse and sickness and health strengthened by our faith in Christ and his church.

As someone recently said on Catholic Answers, there are two kinds of men protectors and predators. Although that seems rather simplistic, certainly chivalrous men are driven by a calling to honor and protect all women.

Babydoc

 

[Dtmccameron]

. Men may not have much daily opportunity to slay dragons, etc

Babydoc

sigh If only you ladies knew how eager we men are to prove ourselves in such a manner…

.
As someone recently said on Catholic Answers, there are two kinds of men protectors and predators. Although that seems rather simplistic, certainly chivalrous men are driven by a calling to honor and protect all women. Babydoc

Aha! And there it is! Yes, indeed! For I have conversed with the bretheren, and have come away terribly discouraged, for they were as the predators! They hunger, they lust! There is no love for womankind, humankind, or even themselves, it is just carnal desire!

I think then, that I’ve been around the worst sort of men, yea, though they call themselves Catholic! I think that this association has bred within me a degree of misanthropy…​

Though I must myself say that when a lady thanks me for holding the door open, or helping her with some heavy object, or what have you, I’m somewhat discombobulated.

It is not some kindness, some gift (though it is) Rather, it is a DUTY(though could such rightness, such pleasure every be considered duty?)! Do you thank the slave that does what he’s told? No, rather, you whip him when he fails you! Ladies ought be harsher on we bretheren, for, as was said in I think “Romance without Regret”, ‘Men will treat women with as much respect as they demand’, or something to that effect.

I often admonish my sisters that they DEMAND to be treated with more respect! It is TERRIBLE the way they allow themselves to be abused! Never in front of me, mind you (Woe to the fool that does), but I can’t be around them at all times, warding off the wicked and vile!

My fantasy is that all women would carry shotguns, that they might gun down the man that even gazes at them with lust in their eyes. Soon we men would be properly trained!

 

[cecilia97]

Around here, “ma’am” is reserved for women who are at least one generation older than yourself. I don’t mind being called “ma’am” by kids, but I’d do a double-take if someone my own age or older called me that!

Yes, outside of Texas, Oklahoma, and “the south”, I think that’s typical. Ma’am here is just more of a respectful salute for any woman. At age 16 I went on a date with another 16 yr-old who said “yes ma’am” throughout (that doesn’t happen everywhere here, either…this was a bona fide ranch-working country boy). It was charming…but because of the way I grew up I would never assume he meant I was old!

 

[Lexee15]

sigh If only you ladies knew how eager we men are to prove ourselves in such a manner…

Aha! And there it is! Yes, indeed! For I have conversed with the bretheren, and have come away terribly discouraged, for they were as the predators! They hunger, they lust! There is no love for womankind, humankind, or even themselves, it is just carnal desire!

I think then, that I’ve been around the worst sort of men, yea, though they call themselves Catholic! I think that this association has bred within me a degree of misanthropy…​

Though I must myself say that when a lady thanks me for holding the door open, or helping her with some heavy object, or what have you, I’m somewhat discombobulated.

It is not some kindness, some gift (though it is) Rather, it is a DUTY(though could such rightness, such pleasure every be considered duty?)! Do you thank the slave that does what he’s told? No, rather, you whip him when he fails you! Ladies ought be harsher on we bretheren, for, as was said in I think “Romance without Regret”, ‘Men will treat women with as much respect as they demand’, or something to that effect.

I often admonish my sisters that they DEMAND to be treated with more respect! It is TERRIBLE the way they allow themselves to be abused! Never in front of me, mind you (Woe to the fool that does), but I can’t be around them at all times, warding off the wicked and vile!

My fantasy is that all women would carry shotguns, that they might gun down the man that even gazes at them with lust in their eyes. Soon we men would be properly trained!

Absolutely love your post:extrahappy: :extrahappy: :clapping: :clapping: !!!

 

[Image_of_God]

By the way, if a woman says “I can do it myself,” get used to it. Shy men tend to attract more assertive women and vice versa. People often look for qualities in others to augment what they don’t have. If she calls you names or ridicules you though, that might be a good indication to look for a less aggressive woman. Women need to exercise courtesy too you know.

I will make sure I don’t “fall in love” with aggressive women. I think in the same way women need to avoid aggressive men, although that can be hard as aggressive men today are praised for being “masculine”.

Aggressive=not good

 

[Image_of_God]

I adore them – Chivalry, properly understood is like St.Paul’s admonition for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Men may not have much daily opportunity to slay dragons, etc., but protecting us from the dangers of traffic by offering an arm is just good manners. When I was in my late 20’s dating men my age, chivalry or even common manners seemed to be dead – just self-aggrandizing talk and competitiveness. I met a man 15 years older than I who had nice chivalrous manners, without degrading me or looking down on me as a fellow wage earner. We have been married for 16 happy years, have three beautiful children and have gone through better and worse and sickness and health strengthened by our faith in Christ and his church.

As someone recently said on Catholic Answers, there are two kinds of men protectors and predators. Although that seems rather simplistic, certainly chivalrous men are driven by a calling to honor and protect all women.

Babydoc

I hope I’m a protector.

I have refrained from saying that men should protect women because others might find it a tad sexist. But to see that women still want to be protected means a lot to me. Of course I need to learn how to protect myself first, but I thought those days were over.

Babydoc, who do you specifically define as a predator? A protector?

 

[Image_of_God]

My fantasy is that all women would carry shotguns, that they might gun down the man that even gazes at them with lust in their eyes. Soon we men would be properly trained!

If every woman did as you desired, there would be no more men to train!!!