How do you "admonish a sinner" without sounding judgmental?

[ebonykawai]

I am a believer that you admonish those you are very close to, like your children…not other friends and associates.

I agree, that’s as far as I’ll go! God works in all people’s lives, it’s not my place to try and guess what the best path is for anyone. Only God knows that. We all have our own journey, and sometimes the hot stove is the best teacher. I sure know it was for me.

 

[livingwordunity]

A friend of mine is “Catholic”, but she is not in a sacramental marriage (they were married in a civil ceremony) and she told me that she is on “the pill” to prevent from getting pregnant right now. She and her husband go to mass and both receive communion each week. How do I let her know that she shouldn’t be taking communion without coming across as “holier than thou” or ruining our friendship? Or do I even bring it up?

When someone is proud of their sins they will always be offended no matter how softly one tells them of their error. But it’s also possible that she could be poorly catechized and not realize that she’s doing anything wrong. Maybe you can start with a general question like has she read the Catechism of the Catholic Church. And you can then tell her about how much you like reading that book and then leave the rest up to her. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

 

[EvelynEVF]

I would be very, very careful about admonishing anyone who was not a very close friend. I have been admonished by people who thought they knew what was going on in my life, but they were dead wrong. It was an extremely painful experience, and when I tried to tell them the true situation, they accused me of making excuses. Friendship over.

My rule is that I would only bring up someone’s sin to them if a) I loved them, really loved them, and b) was willing to put a shoulder under their cross. People generally have a reason why they choose sin, and they aren’t just going to drop it cold turkey. Sin is often a wrong response to a real problem, and they might need significant help finding an appropriate solution.

I really believe we have to be in it for the long haul if we’re going to address issues of sin with other people.

 

[Brendan]

You admonish the action, not the person.

 

[Thomas_Doubter]

I am sorry Brendan You cannot Admonish a sin you might despise a sin and speak against it lust or greed are pretty good candidates, but you can only admonish the sinner…I would like an explanation of how to do it without being pejorative in the judgement necessary before the action.Most people are mostly ashamed when they sin without being shamed. We are complicit in so much.If I were to tell someone how good a christian they were they would think that it was just me stroking their vanity.I can remember when people would half jokingly say that’s very christian of you.and you could think passingly,even unconsciously I hope so…But it is much harder now to compliment a virtue when good people are so powerless before the world.

Admonish Verb:
Warn or reprimand someone firmly.
Advise or urge (someone) earnestly.

Thomas

 

[Bookcat]

““Being concerned for each other” also entails being concerned for their spiritual well-being. Here I would like to mention an aspect of the Christian life, which I believe has been quite forgotten:* fraternal correction* in view of eternal salvation. Today, in general, we are very sensitive to the idea of charity and caring about the physical and material well-being of others, but almost completely silent about our spiritual responsibility towards our brothers and sisters. This was not the case in the early Church or in those communities that are truly mature in faith, those which are concerned not only for the physical health of their brothers and sisters, but also for their spiritual health and ultimate destiny. The Scriptures tell us: “Rebuke the wise and he will love you for it. Be open with the wise, he grows wiser still, teach the upright, he will gain yet more” (Prov 9:8ff). Christ himself commands us to admonish a brother who is committing a sin (cf. Mt 18:15). The verb used to express fraternal correction - elenchein – is the same used to indicate the prophetic mission of Christians to speak out against a generation indulging in evil (cf. Eph 5:11). The Church’s tradition has included “admonishing sinners” among the spiritual works of mercy. It is important to recover this dimension of Christian charity. We must not remain silent before evil. I am thinking of all those Christians who, out of human regard or purely personal convenience, adapt to the prevailing mentality, rather than warning their brothers and sisters against ways of thinking and acting that are contrary to the truth and that do not follow the path of goodness. Christian admonishment, for its part, is never motivated by a spirit of accusation or recrimination. It is always moved by love and mercy, and springs from genuine concern for the good of the other. As the Apostle Paul says: “If one of you is caught doing something wrong, those of you who are spiritual should set that person right in a spirit of gentleness; and watch yourselves that you are not put to the test in the same way” (Gal 6:1). In a world pervaded by individualism, it is essential to rediscover the importance of fraternal correction, so that together we may journey towards holiness. Scripture tells us that even “the upright falls seven times” (Prov 24:16); all of us are weak and imperfect (cf. 1 Jn 1:8). It is a great service, then, to help others and allow them to help us, so that we can be open to the whole truth about ourselves, improve our lives and walk more uprightly in the Lord’s ways. There will always be a need for a gaze which loves and admonishes, which knows and understands, which discerns and forgives (cf. Lk 22:61), as God has done and continues to do with each of us.”

–Pope Benedict XVI from message for Lent 2012

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/lent/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20111103_lent-2012_en.html

also see this:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showpost.php?p=9267045&postcount=3

But I see this is an old thread… --not May 2012.

 

[Catholic80]

A friend of mine is “Catholic”, but she is not in a sacramental marriage (they were married in a civil ceremony) and she told me that she is on “the pill” to prevent from getting pregnant right now. She and her husband go to mass and both receive communion each week. How do I let her know that she shouldn’t be taking communion without coming across as “holier than thou” or ruining our friendship? Or do I even bring it up?

The only reason you might bring it up is if she doesn’t know what she is doing is wrong. Most people, however, know that it is wrong and against Church teaching. In this case, if she is in full knowledge, then what really, does it serve by bringing it up? If she knows what she is doing is wrong, then she is responsible. If she doesn’t know what she is doing is wrong, then you do (I believe) have an obligation to inform her.

You might want to talk to a priest about this. He would be the more appropriate person to have a discussion with them.

 

[Zosimus41]

A friend of mine is “Catholic”, but she is not in a sacramental marriage (they were married in a civil ceremony) and she told me that she is on “the pill” to prevent from getting pregnant right now. She and her husband go to mass and both receive communion each week. How do I let her know that she shouldn’t be taking communion without coming across as “holier than thou” or ruining our friendship? Or do I even bring it up?

Sadley you have just discribed more than a half of the catholic population.

Ever wonder why the WHOLE congregation gets up and goes to communion? Are you to believe noone is with mortal sins in this day and age? or perhaps a lot of folks have lost the truth about the Eucharist and cherry pick the rules they want to follow as long as it doesnt get in the way of the lifestyle they choose to live.

A lot of folks will have a rude awakening one day when they find out Jesus is a judge and for that justice must prevail…Not everyone who says to Me,‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day,‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ "And then I will declare to them,'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’[Matt. 7:21-23].

You see Jesus is the judge of mankind. He is not politically correct, He is not democratic,and
He did not pay for our sins so we can sin

Heres a partial article taken from the Washington Post

Catholics caught between bishops, Obama’s birth control mandate

even though 82 percent of American Catholics believe that birth control is morally acceptable, Cardinal Timothy Dolan, who is president of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, called the lawsuits “a compelling display of the unity of the church in defense of religious liberty.” (The USCCB is not a party to the suits.)

By Lisa Miller, Published: May 24

 

[Zosimus41]

A friend of mine is “Catholic”, but she is not in a sacramental marriage (they were married in a civil ceremony) and she told me that she is on “the pill” to prevent from getting pregnant right now. She and her husband go to mass and both receive communion each week. How do I let her know that she shouldn’t be taking communion without coming across as “holier than thou” or ruining our friendship? Or do I even bring it up?

I also add people would rather hear something beautiful and not the truth.
Youll find the truth is most unwelcome.

O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity. Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say’st,
“Beauty is truth, truth beauty”—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

Keates

 

[Thomas_Doubter]

:shrug:This is to be taught. One might presume to children so I see this as important issue.pulling up others for sinning is maybe ten years to pulling up parents in those rebellious years.So this seems like a reasonable Question if you don’t want the fancy dancing done Ad Hoc.

 

[OraLabora]

Just tell them to come to CAF Moral Theo…they will be admonished!



I am a believer that you admonish those you are very close to, like your children…not other friends and associates…

We are all on a spiritual journey…we are all not in the same place in that journey…some are at the beginning, and some are ideal Catholics…

Best bet is to pray that they learn the truth.

I tried that admonish the sinner thing with my own wife, who was on birth control. I nearly lost my marriage. I should have just prayed for her instead. I would NOT reccomend this.

I agree. I would add that some who appear to be ideal Catholics are often using strict observance of the rules to hide a very deep problem, wound or disordered temptation. At some point they have a meltdown because they can no longer keep the lid on the boiling pot. It takes that meltdown to finally face the issue and start down the path of true transformation and healing.

We are all sinners, and all greatly in need of His mercy. Unless we’re clergy or correcting our children I think it behooves us to work on our own sins before correcting others, especially on what are intimate and deeply personal issues.

We should also keep in mind that if we handle it in a ham-fisted manner and drive the couple further away from Christ then it is WE who will held to account on judgement day.

 

[Thomas_Doubter]

I’n sorry but this is not and either or this this is now the law within the Church…You will admonish sinners.Its an edict, done deal… I am asking how to do with some grace.: :I also would like to understand what the point exactly is.I was initially astonished But .I was distinctly Pope’d in this conversation.and i had thought it a bit early to play the infallibility card.especially when asking about the condition or implication and,or the condition of its application. rather than questioning it’s actually legitimacy

““Being concerned for each other” also entails being concerned for their spiritual well-being. Here I would like to mention an aspect of the Christian life, which I believe has been quite forgotten: fraternal correction in view of eternal salvation. Today, in general, we are very sensitive to the idea of charity and caring about the physical and material well-being of others, but almost completely silent about our spiritual responsibility towards our brothers and sisters. This was not the case in the early Church or in those communities that are truly mature in faith, those which are concerned not only for the physical health of their brothers and sisters, but also for their spiritual health and ultimate destiny. The Scriptures tell us: “Rebuke the wise and he will love you for it. Be open with the wise, he grows wiser still, teach the upright, he will gain yet more” (Prov 9:8ff). Christ himself commands us to admonish a brother who is committing a sin (cf. Mt 18:15). The verb used to express fraternal correction - elenchein – is the same used to indicate the prophetic mission of Christians to speak out against a generation indulging in evil (cf. Eph 5:11). The Church’s tradition has included “admonishing sinners” among the spiritual works of mercy. It is important to recover this dimension of Christian charity. We must not remain silent before evil. I am thinking of all those Christians who, out of human regard or purely personal convenience, adapt to the prevailing mentality, rather than warning their brothers and sisters against ways of thinking and acting that are contrary to the truth and that do not follow the path of goodness. Christian admonishment, for its part, is never motivated by a spirit of accusation or recrimination. It is always moved by love and mercy, and springs from genuine concern for the good of the other. As the Apostle Paul says: “If one of you is caught doing something wrong, those of you who are spiritual should set that person right in a spirit of gentleness; and watch yourselves that you are not put to the test in the same way” (Gal 6:1). In a world pervaded by individualism, it is essential to rediscover the importance of fraternal correction, so that together we may journey towards holiness. Scripture tells us that even “the upright falls seven times” (Prov 24:16); all of us are weak and imperfect (cf. 1 Jn 1:8). It is a great service, then, to help others and allow them to help us, so that we can be open to the whole truth about ourselves, improve our lives and walk more uprightly in the Lord’s ways. There will always be a need for a gaze which loves and admonishes, which knows and understands, which discerns and forgives (cf. Lk 22:61), as God has done and continues to do with each of us.”

–Pope Benedict XVI from message for Lent 2012

 

[mgoforth]

I agree. I would add that some who appear to be ideal Catholics are often using strict observance of the rules to hide a very deep problem, wound or disordered temptation.

Umm…I’m sure that’s true of some, but what does that really prove. What about the saints? Are you saying they were all psychopathic liars who were faking their dedication to “the rules”?

We are all sinners, and all greatly in need of His mercy. Unless we’re clergy or correcting our children I think it behooves us to work on our own sins before correcting others, especially on what are intimate and deeply personal issues.

But at what point have we corrected our own sins enough that we can begin to help others? Obviously this is not a straightforward answer, but I get the feeling that many modern Catholics would say “never”. Yes, of course we’re all sinners. So are the priests and all parents. If we can point out that our brothers and sisters are making a mistake with charity, then we should do so…it’s an obligation.

We should also keep in mind that if we handle it in a ham-fisted manner and drive the couple further away from Christ then it is WE who will held to account on judgement day.

Possibly, but that depends on a lot of things. We have no guarantee that we won’t handle it in a “ham-fisted manner” even if we’ve prepared the most elegant and charitable speech in the world. Doesn’t mean we need a guarantee of success before we try.

The key word is love. Love your brothers and sisters enough to warn them of the spiritual cliff they’re about to walk over.

 

[Thomas_Doubter]

To warn someone is common sense to admonish someone is to criticise them morally.This new instruction from Pope Benedict is the Law not a want to but a must admonish.
The devil is in the detail as the usual bromides ( eg:“judge not lest ye be judged”) do not work…This is question of Papal authority and not conscience…But if How cannot be answered with an instruction or instructions how will this informed message of the Holy spirit be implemented…Or maybe one should not appeal to reason,. but Motive.

 

[pigzig]

Here’s a tip I suggest everyone use, attack the item rather than the person and avoid direct commands. For example instead of
“You’re bad for masturbating, you shouldn’t do it” say “masturbating is bad, do you really want to do it?”

 

[Thomas_Doubter]

This is a tautology and not a real answer,

 

[BobCatholic]

Who says that being judgmental is a bad thing?

If someone tells you “Being judgmental is wrong”, ask them “I’m confused. How do you know if someone is judgmental.” The answer, of course, is they are judging them as such.
Therefore they are being judgmental, and doing something “wrong”

 

[Thomas_Doubter]

On an ordinary basis its inevitable it just means your wrong, or your right but to judge a person as a sinner is to say I know you spiritual mistake why you as a proof of Gods love is not evident in your life.An unforgiven sinner- It is the total thing that concerns a criticism of another to the condition of a soul that the Lord said “Judge not lest ye be Judged” Besides I don’t care much about the judgement. Damn yourself if you will.Tthat is your choice Bob. But traditionally that is usually the province of a a priest presumably cut out to do this Job. That’s why this It:'s important- when the laity is asked to judge spirituality.

On a different note Bob I may think your a bit of a troglodyte and hope you are not a lay teacher at a Catholic school but that is my opinion of you based on your reply not any serious judgement that might have me admonish you.

 

[Non_sum_dignus]

I would recommend phrasing everything in terms of spiritual damage to your friend.

 

[EvelynEVF]

I know you spiritual mistake why you as a proof of Gods love is not evident in your life.

I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole, and I sincerely hope I am misunderstanding you! One of the people who admonished me told me that I was handicapping God in my life by not remaining with an abusive husband. He didn’t know diddly squat about God’s love in my life, only what he chose to see.

I still believe that even if you know there is sin, you still don’t get to admonish anybody about it unless you’re willing to put a shoulder under their cross.