How do you believe God's goodness or providence?

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I can’t get myself to believe. Maybe superficially. All I can perceive is that God is angry with me and is punishing me with various trials and bubbles of false expectations and hopes that burst in the end.

It’s a cycle. Something negative happens → I’m being punished and God is obviously angry → God is angry with me for not being patient and humble → There will be more negative events in my life and there’s no way out of it.

How do I get out of it? I tried praying. But I just can’t believe that God could even care for someone like me and that He would actually listen and answer my prayers.

Because frankly, all I’m hearing is silence (or my anxious thoughts and scruples).

I went to confession on Saturday to get over scruples. Two minutes after confession, scruples returned, and I couldn’t offer First Saturday devotions.

Even when I try to be good, it’s just a total mess. Maybe God has given up on me?
 
Thank you for sharing. I always try to give heartfelt advice because when I was once depressed I didnt want to hear the canned answers, really, I wanted to know if anyone really cared. Continually go to adoration chapel (I assume you have access to one as you wish). Sit there in silence. I believe at least some of those answers will come to you and you may be moved to go to confession as often as needed. Nothing but a merciful encounter with Jesus. These have to be done consistently. Start a written journal, this really helped me. Not everyday was a great one and I continued to goof up but the more you stay in the fight the less you will find yourself “goofing up”. You will be able to see your progress thru your writing. GOD never gives up on us, we just tend to lose hope. Im no professional writer or therapist or such, but I care. Peace be with you
 
Rayne2Step said:
Continually go to adoration chapel (I assume you have access to one as you wish). Sit there in silence
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There’s a hospital chapel with a tabernacle. But I don’t sit there in silence. I vent in anger. And I forced myself to pray the Angelus at around noon today. Didn’t pray well but it’s a daily habit that I didn’t want to break.

I know the “Catholic answer” - deal with it patiently, offer to God, pray and don’t worry, trust God, etc etc etc. But I’m tired of waiting in silence and being dealt negative strikes. Does God think I’m a saint or something? I can only handle so much.

It seems my mind would rather stop caring about religion than deal with the reality that God is silent.

If God is silent, then I won’t care either - seems fair.

It’s probably some sort of temptation - trickery of the mind - or snare of the devil.
 
Once in adoration I was tired, tired of falling, tired of failing, tired of running…so with the intent on submitting I say “Father do with me what You will”, well I went to sleep. So Im saying it sounds like you need rest. Allow GOD to love you. Please dont give up, realize you are still purging and growing its just not as fast as you would like. There is a spiritual lesson to be learned in every situation. Your prayers are heard and Our Father will give us opportunity to grow. Dont lose hope. Peace be with you
 
Soak yourself constantly in God’s love and mercy. You are living in the stage of fear, which often begins the spiritual life but is by no means the heart of it. “Perfect love casts away fear.” Use the means given by the Church to get closer to Jesus, and ask Him daily to show you how to love Him better. Believe me He will answer that prayer, but it is usually little by little.
Prayer, Bible reading and meditation, Mass and Eucharist, Adoration, frequent Confession, and especially a spirit of humility and listening. You might read St. Therese of Lisieux as a help to see a model of how to love God like a little child.
 
Here is something I read just recently in “Divine Intimacy”. i had to put it to use almost immediately - and more than once. I now love just thinking about it even when I am not having problems praying.
“Even when we are in a state of aridity, when our heart is cold and our mind in darkness, the Holy Spirit is praying within us, and we can always offer His prayer to God – …”
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So beautiful the helps Our Lord provides, and His timing was so perfect for me.
 
I just can’t believe that God would personally care about me. I want to believe. But I’m just too tired to invest emotional energy into this when what I thought was hope and God’s help just fizzles at the end.

Is He playing a game with me? Is He just not there in the first place and I’m perceiving random events to be spiritual events?

What even is the point of my existence if I want to believe what I’m supposed to believe but I can’t? Isn’t God supposed to give grace so that it happens?
 
God isn’t angry.
Try seeing the bad things that happen to you as NOT coming from God, but rather being things “of this world”. Sometimes they happen through man’s sins (like if you have a nasty boss who is always unfair to you, the boss has a human weakness or failing) but sometimes they just happen (like if you get some disease out of the blue).
Where God is, there are no bad or painful things.
 
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As I see it, your problem is with yourself and your concept of self. You are looking from the inside to the inside. Rather, consider how the God Who created you out of infinite love, sees you. He desires that you be at peace with Him, but also at peace with yourself. Your post seems to indicate that internal lack of peace is blocking both conditions.

You mention scruples. Scruples are doubts. Doubts are not from God. They are either from our own being, have their origin in the spiritual realm, or both. Your scruples are the brick wall that must be deconstructed before spiritual advancement may be made.

Please speak with Father about your situation, taking into account that both spiritual direction and some form of therapy or other treatment may be necessary. Will it be a struggle? Of course! But, you are already struggling!
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Try seeing the bad things that happen to you as NOT coming from God, but rather being things “of this world”.
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I’m trying to sort out God’s permissive will and His other direct will.

Technically, everything is part of God’s providence and will…it just makes me sad when some things are…completely unexpected and contrary to my expectation of a Fatherly God Who’s supposed to take care of His children.

Maybe I should just stop thinking. But the downside of that is I tend to become apathetic. Balance is hard.
 
Hi. I think I kind of understand the feeling.

For 4 years I’ve battled a horrible situation at work. HR knows about it and has done nothing. I’m still spending 8 hours with someone whose behavior sent me to the doctor (long story but theres no way I can leave that job). A few days ago I had to hand my disability letter to my manager and she angrily stated she couldn’t help me and I had to give it to HR.

At this point after 4 years of prayer, novena’s, tears, anguish, etc…I felt numb.

When I got home i said (literally) (by the way I try to be a daily communicant and confess often) “OK God what’s going on?, You are pressing REALLY hard right now”. The weird thing is when I felt numb, it was automatic, it was as if, my boss and my coworkers were not ‘real life’, it was as if they were only ‘distractions and tools of the enemy to move me away from God’ and so my spirit (without thinking) said rebelliously "these people don’t care about me, I’m just gonna show up, do my job, wear headphoneS, ignore the gossipers and WAIT ON THE LORD’. I can only pray (again) that when I am disgusted by someone I work with because of their consistent rude behavior that God will help me focus on the temporary nature of this season in my life.

I know this is not very helpful since I’m still in pain and still in the process but I will say that when I decided to put more care into how I looked for work it was rebellious, usually I wear whatever plain clothes so that the other women will not dislike me (yup i know that sounds crazy, but hopefully you’ll see how sane you are after reading my post!).

My scattered point is that I finally told God that if the situation at work finally ends with me being moved to a different location (which would be HEAVEN FOR ME) than I don’t want it IF He is not the cause of that move. Otherwise it’s just luck. I want to know that Jesus’s hand is in my life, I ask everyday that he give me more faith and I believe that just by me meaning that I would stay in that horrible situation at work as long as it means He sees me as waiting on Him that I will stay.

But I’ve asked him when that day comes if He’ll grant me a small sign that it was because of Him. (Yes, I know signs are for an evil generation (I think) but He knows my weak mind and I trust His mercy).

I don’t know if I’ll get the sign or not, somehow I too sense that we just have to keep enduring, keep enduring, keep enduring with Mass, confession etc…Please surround yourself with a good God fearing encouragers (my husband keeps me going) and I am finally talkiing to a priest this week.

Somehow I think I waited way too long, speak to a priest or 2 friend. Just call the parish like I did. God bless.
 
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Every good thing you experience this day – from your first conscious breath waking up, to the beautiful weather, to your tasty lunch, to your favorite song on the radio – is a gift from God. The fact that you exist is a gift from God. God LOVED creation, all of it, into existence. You are NOT being punished by God. Jesus told us in the Gospels that our trials are not always due to sin. In fact, they usually are not!

Think about the horrific sufferings endured by the Apostles, the earliest Christians, and the martyrs. Think of Saint Paul. Do you think these horrible struggles were the result of a careless or cruel God? Of course not: These Christians had met the living God, the one who loved them so much so as to die for them. Suffering is indeed mysterious to us, but it need not be exhausting. If anything, your faith should comfort you during suffering – not add to it. Please keep praying, but while you pray, do not think for one moment that you are being punished by God. All the great saints suffered, sometimes even tremendously so.
 
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