How do you earn someone's respect?

[styrgwillidar]

First- respect and value yourself. Your opinion should be the most important thing, the thing that matters to you. Because that is what will allow you to uphold your values despite an entire world telling you that you’re wrong or out of step. Who cares.

Second- why are the opinions of a bunch of high schoolers getting to you? You do realize these are children, with the perspective of children, who have just somewhere between 14-18 years of experience in this life- much of it limited to a very small area of the planet. Stop worrying about what others think about you. Don’t let their opinions get you to second guess your own opinion of yourself- see number 1.

Third- you can’t force folks to respect you. But you can enforce a code of conduct in your classroom (well, up to whatever level your administration will support). Be consistent. Violations should be treated consistently, not capriciously depending on your mood, the day, or how hard it is to enforce. Don’t get lazy.

Fourth- be enthusiastic about your material. Be prepared. Do not ever, ever apologize for a presentation or lesson. Never understood how a teacher thought kids would pay attention after, “I know this is a bit boring but…” My best teachers always appeared to be enthusiastic about the subject they were teaching. In some ways you are on stage performing when you lecture, you don’t have to be entertaining but it helps if you’re animated.

Fifth- Be proud of yourself. You’ve chosen a very demanding but very rewarding carerr if done correctly. Don’t undercut or underestimate yourself. Don’t measure your worth by the opinions of folks around you. Don’t think your students understand what you’re giving them or will appreciate it right now or in the immediate future. Teens are the least appreciative folks on the planet, they just don’t have the background or understanding to see what they have and what it took to give it to them.

Best of luck, keep praying for the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

 

[EasterJoy]

Sad thing is I’m at the lowest pay scale possible because i’m in a small Catholic school where i’ve been told kids are “better” Of course I was also told by my cooperating teacher that I couldn’t control classes anywhere let a lone my student teaching school where it was a high minority highly transient district. And of course now i’m having trouble in a little podunk catholic school in the middle of nowhere.
My Admins are good but the problem is everyone is so busy since we all teach a full class load. And also don’t think i’m trying to be “cool” by being socially adept. I mean by socially adept that a teacher knows when kids are board and knows how to communicate and make kids learn. No one wants a teacher like Ben stein in Ferris Bueller or like Sheldon from the big bang theory who just keeps talking. A good teacher knows how to communicate and is confident. That isn’t my personality unfortunately. I guess i’m just some wimpy do gooder who thought he could change lives but so much for that

If you can find a better job at a better pay rate, so much the better.

Don’t give up on yourself and your ability to accomplish something positive as a teacher. You did pick a line of work that can be a combat job. You may have to move to students who are older or younger, in order to find a good fit. You are probably going to have to endure this job and find your successes where you can until you can afford to look for anything else. Sometimes, you take the airplane adage: “Any landing you walk away from is a good one.” The most important thing to take home from work is yourself, all in one piece. Your work is what you do. Don’t let it define who you are.

Communicating with confidence is something that can be learned with practice. Yes, it is like making music, which means that most of us will merit a place on the stage at Carnegie Hall, but more of us could perform at a surprisingly high level with the right instruction and correct practice. I would highly encourage you to find out how to get that instruction and practice, so you can gain that confidence. You can do that. You want to do that. You just need help to get there. That’s no more than you’re willing to work to give to others. Give it to yourself, first. Hang in there, and stick with it. You are worth it.

 

[styrgwillidar]

…
A good teacher knows how to communicate and is confident. That isn’t my personality unfortunately. I guess i’m just some wimpy do gooder who thought he could change lives but so much for that

If you have a concept of what a good teacher is- be it. You are not a wimpy do-gooder who thought he change lives…

YOU ARE a professional educator ***who will ***change lives. Your style of teaching will evolve as you gain experience. Again, don’t undermine yourself.

Don’t think you’ll reach all kids the same way. You’ve had the classes on learning theory. Some learn visually, most learn from hands on, some can absorb things from a lecture, others better at reading/re-reading a book. Be flexible, be adaptable, try different approaches- but apply them systematically.

 

[EasterJoy]

…Communicating with confidence is something that can be learned with practice. Yes, it is like making music, which means that most of us will merit a place on the stage at Carnegie Hall…

I meant to say “most of us will never merit a place on the stage at Carnegie Hall…”

Oops. I made a mistake. So shoot me. It is also a mistake to let the perfect become the enemy of the good.

Let your classroom be a safe place to make mistakes, because you allow yourself to feel safe making mistakes there. When you stick up for yourself with the bullies with firmness and without there being a big drama about it, you give permission for others to treat them the same way. Take them less seriously, and the timid souls in your class will feel more free to do it, too. Ask yourself, “How would I want a timid student who feels afraid of these respect-handicapped kids feel free to act when he or she makes a mistake and they laugh at her?” Act like that. Step in and fend them off calmly, as you’d try to do for that poor embarrassed student when it is you who feels embarrassed. You may not impress the respect-handicapped students. Oh, well. if you encourage the shy student, the student who lacks confidence, the student who is intimidated by those bullies, you will have done a very good day’s work. Reward yourself for that.

 

[WildCatholic]

First- respect and value yourself. Your opinion should be the most important thing, the thing that matters to you. Because that is what will allow you to uphold your values despite an entire world telling you that you’re wrong or out of step. Who cares.

Second- why are the opinions of a bunch of high schoolers getting to you? You do realize these are children, with the perspective of children, who have just somewhere between 14-18 years of experience in this life- much of it limited to a very small area of the planet. Stop worrying about what others think about you. Don’t let their opinions get you to second guess your own opinion of yourself- see number 1.

.

Thanks for telling me this. This has been one of the biggest issues in my life because at the end of the day I feel it doesn’t matter what I think of myself. It seems to me that in every area of life, it matters more what others think. Even in terms of faith it doesn’t matter how good or worthy we think we are. If God thinks we aren’t good enough then we aren’t good enough. How many people have thought they were righteous and saved and ended up damned to hell? To me its others opinions that matter. I don’t really know what i’m like and its hard to describe myself. I feel like other people would be able to tell me what i’m really like rather than follow the delusions of my own self because everyone can say “oh i’m the greatest person ever” but other people know if its true or not.

I know this isn’t healthy but this has been the way i’ve thought since I was a child. If other people think your’e weird or strange or dumb or whatever than you probably are. Not that its right to pick on or bully people like that but at the same time a lot of people think grandiose thoughts of themselves and really aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

 

[WildCatholic]

I meant to say “most of us will never merit a place on the stage at Carnegie Hall…”

Oops. I made a mistake. So shoot me. It is also a mistake to let the perfect become the enemy of the good.

Let your classroom be a safe place to make mistakes, because you allow yourself to feel safe making mistakes there. When you stick up for yourself with the bullies with firmness and without there being a big drama about it, you give permission for others to treat them the same way. Take them less seriously, and the timid souls in your class will feel more free to do it, too. Ask yourself, “How would I want a timid student who feels afraid of these respect-handicapped kids feel free to act when he or she makes a mistake and they laugh at her?” Act like that. Step in and fend them off calmly, as you’d try to do for that poor embarrassed student when it is you who feels embarrassed. You may not impress the respect-handicapped students. Oh, well. if you encourage the shy student, the student who lacks confidence, the student who is intimidated by those bullies, you will have done a very good day’s work. Reward yourself for that.

Sadly the bullies are also the cool kids who these kids probably look up to and party with. The students are pretty united but against the teachers.

 

[EasterJoy]

…I know this isn’t healthy but this has been the way i’ve thought since I was a child. If other people think your’e weird or strange or dumb or whatever than you probably are. Not that its right to pick on or bully people like that but at the same time a lot of people think grandiose thoughts of themselves and really aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

It is totally natural to look to other people for validation of your perceptions. Remarkable people, however, tend to have this bit in their story where they were confronted by naysayers. You are now stuck in front of a class of naysayers. They are wrong about you, and they are wrong about the remarkable people in your class that they look down on, too.

*How can I say that?!? *I tell you what. Let’s put bets on the naysayers and the people they denigrate as “weird” or “strange” or “dumb.” You get to put your money on the naysayer pupils, the ones that you are choosing to believe, and I’m going to put my money on their classmates, the ones that they look down on just as much as they look down on you. We’ll wait for, oh, 25 years. That ought to do it. You can compare contentment, bank accounts, marital success, academic attainment, career advancement–you name it. I’ll take my kids in every category, and “my kids” includes you. I’ll give you about ten or fifteen years, and if only I can get you to believe in yourself, you are going to dust the people who said you’d never amount to anything. For every kid that believed them and never tried because they believed the lies, there will be a bunch who wised up and showed them how wrong they were. (Oh, how delicious this can be, when the high school reunions come around!!)

You’d better start saving your money, Bub, because if you take me up on this bet, I am going to clean you out. Why? Because you have to be coming up short in a lot of categories to be a naysayer to your teacher’s face when you’re 15, and those are categories needed for success. The ones who have more going on than to do that are already way ahead. Some of those naysayers won’t start catching up for a long time, and others never will. I have as close to a sure thing as you can get.

Believe that, not them! The people that believe *them *are buying snake oil! There is not a thing in the bottle, nothing except swagger and pretend that takes advantage of honest people who are too quick to believe those who don’t have their best interests at heart. The naysayers are buying attention for their own emptiness at your expense. Don’t buy it!

Do realize that those naysayers do the same thing to some of their classmates. For the sake of their classmates, turn the tables on them. Let them know you aren’t buying their swagger. Let the shy ones know you believe in them, just as you believe in yourself. One day at a time, even one incident at a time. You can change, and when you’ve made a difference in your own life, wow, will you be primed to help a lot of gifted but denigrated people who could use encouragement from someone who has been there! It won’t happen in a day, but you can become a believer, and a maker of believers!