How do you feel about annulments?

[Galnextdoor]

Great responses, these. Ignore the “confused” (I’m trying to be kind here) among us and remember that faithful Catholics accept the authority of the Church. If you have a declaration of nullity, then you were never married. Period. If it is good enough for Holy Mother Church to say a marriage is invalid, as a Catholic, it is good enough for me and I accept it as Truth.

Thanks

 

[LaLucia]

When I was in my thirties and divorced… I used to hang out with the Singles dance social clubs from all religions.

I noticed that if I said I was only married once and divorced it was considered to be in my favor because I had only been married once. But at the same time I was considered a Loser because my marriage didn’t work out.

So I believe those Catholic men who reject you are looking more at the fact that you are divorced because they are men who have never married. The men who also have been divorced may be more understanding.
I also didn’t like the idea of dating divoced men because I also thought the men were losers too.

I did notice that widowed men and women had a better chance of getting married again.
It wasn’t there fault that there spouse died on them. Those people didn’t stay single long.

I think that annulments also must have the same stigma as divorce.

I chose to stay single all my life after my divorce because I notice I choose the same type of men that I was married too. I just don’t want to make a second marriage mistake.

Some day you will meet someone who will love you so much that they will not care if you were divorced and had an annulment. They will just love you for who you are.

 

[puzzleannie]

I So I just wondered how the rest of the Catholic community viewed people who have marriages that have been annulled. Do any of you feel like annulments are shady?

there seems to be two types of Catholic in the world today, those who accept the magesterial teaching and governing office of the Church, including rulings on canon law matters like marriage annulments, and those who dissent from anything the
Church teaches or rules when it conflicts with their own personal agenda. You have run into a few of the latter type, unfortunately.

 

[Dorothy]

mjs1987;6484017:

I have two points on this:

first, these guys might have been trying to say they werent interested or something along those lines.

Second, some might feel that annulments are just a technicality because of the way some bishops allow for annulments on very weak grounds. Sometimes annulments DO happen because of a canon law technicality. These days some annulments are given under questionable circumstances which will contribute to a feel of it being still married. Annulments now are far more common in the church than ever before. For older people, this may be difficult to come to terms with.

/quote]

I’m older and have no difficulty in coming to terms with annulments. I have encouraged a number of people to look into the possibility of getting one. I believe the difficulties some may have with this is a lack of understanding.

Annulments are, as you said, far more common in the Church than ever before, but this is mainly because, in the last 30 - 40 years, along with so much secularity and poor catechesis, many people are getting married without properly understanding what the sacrament means. I know a very solid priest who spent years on the Marriage Tribunal in my diocese who made it clear to me and others that this was the case. Perhaps with more intense marriage preparation this will decline in the future.

One man, shortly after I said to him (in a friendly and polite manner) that I would not be able to congratulate him on his up-coming wedding, since I knew he had been married before and I was under the impression that he had not received a declaration of nullity, sent me a message that he was applying for one. I do not know whether he got it or not. I was happy that he was looking into it. The person through whom he sent me the message ended up looking into one for herself.

I totally agree with you about the poor catechesis. It takes many years to educate and then ordain a priest, and marriage is a vocation also! Much more instruction needs to be given. I know that pre-cana takes place, but it needs to be more in depth.

Also, there is a lot of cohabiting before marriage. When these couples present themselves to the priest to make wedding plans, that is one of the questions he needs to ask them. If they say yes, he needs to tell them that in marriage preparation they need to confess and immediately stop cohabiting, as they should be desiring a blessed, sacramental, and grace-filled marriage.

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

I came here tonight specifically to read about annulment.

My husband of 17 years decided he no longer wanted to be married. At the time we were married up until 6 months ago he believed that marriage vows were binding forever. I do not want a divorce but live in a no fault state.

I have had people at the church try to talk me into getting an annulment. It is like they are fishing for loop holes to justify it. In my heart I know that we both went into the marriage with the intent to be together forever. Along comes mid-life crisis…need I say more?

For better or worse…this is the worst. I really don’t think it could get any worse at this point. I feel a duty to God to keep my marriage vows. If that means going to bed alone every night for the rest of my life, then so be it.

I don’t believe that people who won’t date others who have had annulments are being judgemental. If they don’t feel it is morally right then they must follow their hearts. I would respect their opinion.

 

[Janechantal53]

I came here tonight specifically to read about annulment.

My husband of 17 years decided he no longer wanted to be married. At the time we were married up until 6 months ago he believed that marriage vows were binding forever. I do not want a divorce but live in a no fault state.

I have had people at the church try to talk me into getting an annulment. It is like they are fishing for loop holes to justify it. In my heart I know that we both went into the marriage with the intent to be together forever. Along comes mid-life crisis…need I say more?

For better or worse…this is the worst. I really don’t think it could get any worse at this point. I feel a duty to God to keep my marriage vows. If that means going to bed alone every night for the rest of my life, then so be it.

I don’t believe that people who won’t date others who have had annulments are being judgemental. If they don’t feel it is morally right then they must follow their hearts. I would respect their opinion.

I am sorry for your situation and understand your feelings. Anullments are not meant for people who have been married in the eyes of God and then change their minds later. Anullments are for those who at the time they said their vows would not have been considered married in the eyes of God for a number of reasons. It is a harsh reality to think that you may have to spend the rest of your life “alone” but you will be in communion with the church and entitled to receive the sacraments. May God heal your marriage.

 

[LionTamer]

I’ve been doing quite a bit of research on the Church’s teachings regarding marriage and her processes of annulment in preparation to apply for one personally.

My story will follow later, but generally it is not up to the Church to “decide” whether a marriage was valid or not. What is the Church’s job is to determine whether, regardless of outward appearance to the contrary, an actual, sacramental marriage in fact took place. To that end, most annulment cases require many months of information gathering, witness statements, possible involvement of experts in various fields (most notably psychology), and a full hearing at which a ‘Defender of the Bond’ argues as strongly as possible in favor of the validity of the marriage. Even if after all of that the Tribunal decides in favor of an annulment, the case is automatically appealed to a neighboring diocese for review. It is only after a second affirmative decision by that panel of judges that an annulment is actually granted. Consider the spiritual consequences of either nullifying a valid marriage, or of failing to nullify an invalid marriage, and you can appreciate why this process is as extensive as it is. There are some cases, however, when by very definition under Canon Law a marriage is invalid. These cases are documentary only and require no such protracted investigation or procedures. Probably the most common example of this type is for the cause of lack or defect of canonical form.

In my case, the breakdown of my ‘attempted marriage’ was due to my ex’s psychological problems. However, the wedding ceremony itself was not conducted according to the proper canonical form as required by Church law. In my specific circumstances it will be far less time consuming and expensive to pursue a decree of nullity based on lack of canonical form. Even if proper canonical form had been observed, a compelling case could still be made for the absence of a genuine sacramental union.

I would like to share a brief statement from a pamphlet I just received today from my Diocese’s Office of Canonical Services. I’m not sure how best to cite the source, but it appears to be from a periodical titled “Catholic Update / Today’s Faith In Focus” with an article titled “Why the Church Is Granting More Annulments.” The author is Rev. Jeffrey Keefe, O.F.M. Conv., a clinical psychologist and an instructor of pastoral psychology. On the last page of the pamphlet he writes: “Marriage to someone with a severe personality disorder is at best cohabitation, at worst a living hell. A relationship of constant discord, tension and debilitating stress is hardly a community of life and love.” Even secular psychology resources make similar statements. While we did have the outward appearance of a marriage insofar as a wedding ceremony was concerned, such a relationship could not possibly have been a sacramental marriage.

 

[LaLucia]

Hello Lion, You are doing great in doing your research. Please keep us informed on any new information you find about annulments. I am still waiting to hear if my annulment has been approved. I always like to read new information. LaLucia

Georgia Peach, forget about processing for an annulment presently. I feel really sorry for your lose of your spouse. He didn’t die but it must feel like he died because your hopes and dreams of a long life together have been shattered. You are now going throught the process of your loss of your marriage. It doesn’t feel good at all. I went through that process many years ago when I got divorced.

It will take years to feel better since you were married for so long. But little by little you will recover.
It really helps to get a small pet to keep you company. It could be a bird, fishes, cat, dog, etc.
Get active in the church so you have some activities to attend. Join a bible class.
Go for grief counseling too. It really helps.
It is better to be alone than to be in an unhappy marriage. You need to take good care of yourself now and start your single life. It is a wonderful life to be single again.
I have been single now for 40yrs. and I truly like being single. I am an old lady now and I am enjoying a peaceful life. I have grand-children who bring joy in my life.

I applied for an annulment because I want to be totally free from my ex-spouse. Plus, I want him to be free to return to the church because he got married in a civil court and he can now return to the church when we get the annulment hopefully.

Georga Peach, I pray that you will recover soon from your divorce. LaLucia