F
Footprints
Guest
As a high schooler who as rather recently (February) started actually caring about their faith and the state of their soul, I’m struggling. I feel like every time I’m trying to do something right, I mess up or I find out something that I didn’t know before that worries me. I sort of still have scruples although I think it’s gotten better which is awesome. But, intrusive thoughts have replaced it.
I ask for saint’s intercessions, ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, I thank Jesus (I find myself speaking to Him more than God the Father) and ask for forgiveness and help, I pray for souls in Purgatory, and I always ask for Mary’s prayers every night and I’m trying to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy either at 3pm if I have time or remember or stop being lazy (trying to work on that) or at night. Besides the intrusive thoughts bothering me during those times, I also just feel like I’m saying the words sometimes with no feeling for what I’m praying.
I try and put in feeling, sometimes I’m praying because I’m so frustrated and really need help but I don’t think I see progress.
At Mass, I try very hard to focus, to ask for mercy, to praise God, to ask for His help in my upcoming week, and to keep my mind off of those intrusive thoughts. I KNOW that Jesus is there, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Eucharist but I feel nothing. If anything, I feel fear for the fact that I wonder if I’m supposed to feel something deep down inside me and if I don’t, then I must not believe and I must be on the wrong track.
I read about saints who knew Christ and Mary and other saints because of voices, or visions and if they didn’t have those, somehow they all believed. They had true, deep, belief and I want that so badly but I just don’t know if I have it yet. Or how I’m supposed to know if I do. I really want to be aware of God in my life and in the Church and Mass. I want that and yet somehow I don’t know if there’s some other level that I need to feel that want on?
I ask for saint’s intercessions, ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, I thank Jesus (I find myself speaking to Him more than God the Father) and ask for forgiveness and help, I pray for souls in Purgatory, and I always ask for Mary’s prayers every night and I’m trying to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy either at 3pm if I have time or remember or stop being lazy (trying to work on that) or at night. Besides the intrusive thoughts bothering me during those times, I also just feel like I’m saying the words sometimes with no feeling for what I’m praying.
I try and put in feeling, sometimes I’m praying because I’m so frustrated and really need help but I don’t think I see progress.
At Mass, I try very hard to focus, to ask for mercy, to praise God, to ask for His help in my upcoming week, and to keep my mind off of those intrusive thoughts. I KNOW that Jesus is there, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Eucharist but I feel nothing. If anything, I feel fear for the fact that I wonder if I’m supposed to feel something deep down inside me and if I don’t, then I must not believe and I must be on the wrong track.
I read about saints who knew Christ and Mary and other saints because of voices, or visions and if they didn’t have those, somehow they all believed. They had true, deep, belief and I want that so badly but I just don’t know if I have it yet. Or how I’m supposed to know if I do. I really want to be aware of God in my life and in the Church and Mass. I want that and yet somehow I don’t know if there’s some other level that I need to feel that want on?