How do you forgive the unrepentant?

[shelby_sun]

I’m afraid that unless you forgive others, you will not be forgiven your own sins. It’s that simple. This comes straight from Jesus’ words in the Scriptures. Please ask our Lady to help you to forgive. If thinking about the past is too painful, then tell our Lady that it is too painful for you and ask her to pray for your enemies and to heal your past memories. She will do this for you – just have confidence in her most powerful intercession and pray perseveringly to her. God bless you.

Wow, you sound like you have first hand knowledge of what God thinks. Not what men wrote in the Bible, but God, who is the only one that truly knows all His plans. You simple cannot say who and who will not be forgiven and it is uncharitable for you to even guess. God has a unique relationship with every individual whether they know it or not. You cannot put a cookie cut “rule” on salvation. We are all children of God and only God knows our limitations and why we have them.

 

[ready]

Well guess I’m doomed to hell then. God’s forgiveness is worth nothing if it demands that I do what I don’t even understand and reach a goal that still no one can even clearly explain where it is or how I can get there in a way that is actually workable.

But I have suggested to you a way that is workable: having recourse to Mary, asking the Blessed Virgin Mary to pray for your enemies *for you *and asking her to heal you of your past memories so you can move on, get past your injuries and forgive your enemies. If you do not forgive them, you cannot be forgiven and you will remain in your miserable state; so you MUST call upon Blessed Mary for help; she is your hope. If you don’t seek her help, then you will have nobody to blame but yourself because Mary WILL help those who have recourse to her with confidence and perseverance, I can assure you of this. I’m reading all about it in *The Glories of Mary *written by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, a book I highly recommend that you read. Please, please seek help in Blessed Mary, save your soul from eternal death by the most powerful intercession of Mary; you and your soul are so precious … don’t give up and refuse to call upon Mary, or you will remain in your misery of extreme pain and suffering, needlessly. God bless you.

 

[ready]

Wow, you sound like you have first hand knowledge of what God thinks. Not what men wrote in the Bible, but God, who is the only one that truly knows all His plans. You simple cannot say who and who will not be forgiven and it is uncharitable for you to even guess. God has a unique relationship with every individual whether they know it or not. You cannot put a cookie cut “rule” on salvation. We are all children of God and only God knows our limitations and why we have them.

It is not I who am saying who will not be forgiven, but Jesus who says it. In Matthew 6:15 Jesus Himself warns us in these words: “But if you will not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive you your offences.” These are** His **words, not mine! If you do not take His words seriously, then this will be to your downfall. God bless you.

 

[DarkLight]

But I have suggested to you a way that is workable: having recourse to Mary, asking the Blessed Virgin Mary to pray for your enemies *for you *and asking her to heal you of your past memories so you can move on, get past your injuries and forgive your enemies. If you do not forgive them, you cannot be forgiven and you will remain in your miserable state; so you MUST call upon Blessed Mary for help; she is your hope. If you don’t seek her help, then you will have nobody to blame but yourself because Mary WILL help those who have recourse to her with confidence and perseverance, I can assure you of this. I’m reading all about it in *The Glories of Mary *written by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, a book I highly recommend that you read. Please, please seek help in Blessed Mary, save your soul from eternal death by the most powerful intercession of Mary; you and your soul are so precious … don’t give up and refuse to call upon Mary, or you will remain in your misery of extreme pain and suffering, needlessly. God bless you.

Most of the symptoms will follow through whatever iterations you want. It’s not just praying for them directly, but making any reference to the past while in prayer, no matter how brief or indirect. Like I said, many days I cannot pray at all without pain so overwhelming that I shut down. You can couch it in whatever asking whoever to pray for me it’s still going to cause the same problems.

 

[DarkLight]

It is not I who am saying who will not be forgiven, but Jesus who says it. In Matthew 6:15 Jesus Himself warns us in these words: “But if you will not forgive men, neither will your Father forgive you your offences.” These are** His **words, not mine! If you do not take His words seriously, then this will be to your downfall. God bless you.

So I’m going to hell unless I somehow magically stop having PTSD? Because that’s all you’re saying here. You provide no guidance or help on how to do that except telling me over and over that I must do what I cannot.

 

[ready]

So I’m going to hell unless I somehow magically stop having PTSD? Because that’s all you’re saying here. You provide no guidance or help on how to do that except telling me over and over that I must do what I cannot.

Okay, one thing you can do is pray your rosary fervently every day to Mary for healing or for her intentions? You can do this with PTSD, can’t you? God bless you.

 

[ready]

So I’m going to hell unless I somehow magically stop having PTSD? Because that’s all you’re saying here. You provide no guidance or help on how to do that except telling me over and over that I must do what I cannot.

You’re going to hell if you give up on trying to get to heaven; this means that you must somehow try to follow all of Christ’s words, even though you have PTSD. Please see my post above. There is no problem that can not be solved by the holy rosary. If you pray to Mary with confidence for your all your spiritual and temporal needs you can conquer this miserable trial you are in (If you can’t get into more specific intentions with her because of your PTSD, then she’ll know this.). God bless you.

 

[Overture]

There is no problem that can not be solved by the holy rosary.

It sounds too simple to be true, but I second this suggestion. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gone through trials – situations where I felt my life was in peril, my very soul was in peril, my sanity was in peril – and reciting the rosary with devotion did wonders. It calms your heart, assures you that you’re cared for and taken care of, even if you don’t feel like you are.

Every hair on your head is accounted for. God is encouraging you to work through this pain, and on the other side of it is incomparable joy. Christ, your mother Mary, the angels, and the saints are in Heaven at this very moment, waiting to burst into applause and cheers of triumph when you make the commitment to work past this despair.

God calls upon the faithful to suffer like Christ suffered. You’re participating in the redemption of humanity, too, you know, as a part of the Body of Christ. When you choose to forgive those who wrong you, just like Christ forgave those who did unthinkable horrors to Him, you are celebrated and cherished. You have a huge team in your corner. Don’t feel like you’re alone. Think of all who stand by your side.

 

[shelby_sun]

So I’m going to hell unless I somehow magically stop having PTSD? Because that’s all you’re saying here. You provide no guidance or help on how to do that except telling me over and over that I must do what I cannot.

Please don’t listen to anyone who tells you you are going to hell. No one had any idea who is going to hell and for what reason. God knows the weight you carry and how much you have been through. I would say to try to at least be open to His love and guidance when you can be. You may only see it here and there but it will bring you hope and peace, if only for a little while.

I have always been a self hating person, never feeling worthy of God’s love or forgiveness, so I don’t ask for it, but I do recognize it in my everyday life and hopefully one day I will truly believe it. Just keep hanging in there and focus on the good in your life, not what anyone else haves or does. I am praying for you.

 

[DarkLight]

Okay, one thing you can do is pray your rosary fervently every day to Mary for healing or for her intentions? You can do this with PTSD, can’t you? God bless you.

Not reliably, no, I can’t. To pray is to remember all the guilt and shame and pain, to live through what caused the PTSD and those around me that called it God’s will and the pain of being told over and over to repent for what I didn’t do.

Do you understand my frustration? If I didn’t care at all I wouldn’t be posting here. But all people come in and say is “if you don’t do this thing you don’t know how to do you’re going to hell.” That doesn’t help. I don’t know how to let this go when even prayer itself is a painful reminder.

I’m trying to forgive, but I’ve been trying for years and it seems the only thing I have to show for it is more pain. I don’t want to keep doing that, I don’t want to keep torturing myself to “forgive” when what I’m doing isn’t taking me a single step closer to that goal. So far the best I’ve managed to do is shove everything that hurts off into a little box where it stays contained so long as I don’t think too closely. And all I’m getting from working on forgiveness is things spilling out of the box and then I shut down from the pain.

 

[MacQ]

How do you forgive someone who did true, deep damage to your life, who so far as you know has neither suffered any consequences for their actions nor any sign of comprehending that what they did is wrong? People who act in truly criminal ways and then simply walk off behaving as though they were perfectly justified in their actions?

You forgive them…for your own sake…and leave the justice you crave to God.
Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.
That is to say, that it will eat at YOU until you forgive.

 

[ready]

Not reliably, no, I can’t. To pray is to remember all the guilt and shame and pain, to live through what caused the PTSD and those around me that called it God’s will and the pain of being told over and over to repent for what I didn’t do.

Do you understand my frustration? If I didn’t care at all I wouldn’t be posting here. But all people come in and say is “if you don’t do this thing you don’t know how to do you’re going to hell.” That doesn’t help. I don’t know how to let this go when even prayer itself is a painful reminder.

I’m trying to forgive, but I’ve been trying for years and it seems the only thing I have to show for it is more pain. I don’t want to keep doing that, I don’t want to keep torturing myself to “forgive” when what I’m doing isn’t taking me a single step closer to that goal. So far the best I’ve managed to do is shove everything that hurts off into a little box where it stays contained so long as I don’t think too closely. And all I’m getting from working on forgiveness is things spilling out of the box and then I shut down from the pain.

Could you pray to the Holy Ghost and to the Blessed Virgin Mary to make you whole again, without rehashing any of your past pain and suffering? If you can’t, then can you try to? God bless you.

 

[Overture]

Not reliably, no, I can’t. To pray is to remember all the guilt and shame and pain, to live through what caused the PTSD and those around me that called it God’s will and the pain of being told over and over to repent for what I didn’t do.

I suppose I can’t really fathom anything that would make me personally have those sorts of feelings about Christ, the Word, sacramentals, etc. God is the last refuge of the downtrodden, the sick, the poor, the outcast…

And to be fair, the vast majority of the responses on this thread have not been, “Forgive or go to Hell.” That is not necessarily the task set before you. As we are all One, we want you to get better, too. But as with anything else, it requires a good faith surrender to get better, as well. Holding onto every reason why forgiveness doesn’t work or isn’t possible or why nothing up to this point has worked or what happened in the past is one way of falling into despair, which it sounds like you’re in the throes of. Nobody can make you let go of the past. God can’t make you let go of the past. As pilgrims, we have to navigate this life for ourselves by the grace of God. With the force of will and the grace of God, I can tell you that you are 100% absolutely completely capable of triumph. But you have to receive grace. You have to receive help. It won’t be shoved into your heart. You have to open it up, and welcome it, and be open to it.

And for the record: If this is a criminal matter, I would also recommend going to the police. There is a difference between personal forgiveness and following through with the criminal justice system.

 

[HelenRose]

How do you forgive someone who did true, deep damage to your life, who so far as you know has neither suffered any consequences for their actions nor any sign of comprehending that what they did is wrong? People who act in truly criminal ways and then simply walk off behaving as though they were perfectly justified in their actions?

To my way of thinking forgiving someone helps me. I figured that out when I realized that: To harbor anger and resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

If you can forgive someone who has hurt you, you are able to let this person go. He or she is no longer holding your soul and mind hostage.

Say goodbye to this person - not in hate, not in anger but in God’s speed.

 

[MacQ]

I don’t want to keep doing that, I don’t want to keep torturing myself to “forgive” when what I’m doing isn’t taking me a single step closer to that goal. So far the best I’ve managed to do is shove everything that hurts off into a little box where it stays contained so long as I don’t think too closely. And all I’m getting from working on forgiveness is things spilling out of the box and then I shut down from the pain.

Then stop. Stop thinking about them. Stop thinking of yourself as a victim…maybe you were, but you don’t have to wear that label forever…and there comes a point where you’re wearing it by choice.
Find new things to think about and apply your energies to.
It may be a hard habit to break, but you can do it.

 

[ready]

Dear DarkLight,

Maybe you’ll have to press charges. Have you ever thought of pressing charges? Maybe you are in your state of not being able to heal because you first need to press charges against the people who have behaved criminally against you.

 

[DarkLight]

Dear DarkLight,

Maybe you’ll have to press charges. Have you ever thought of pressing charges? Maybe you are in your state of not being able to heal because you first need to press charges against the people who have behaved criminally against you.

I’ve got nothing I could go to the police with. The only evidence of any wrongdoing is my own words and memories. And a lot of people involved there’s nothing criminal, or if criminal not very, because of the vagaries of the law around what’s actually qualified as assault.

Short version: taking someone’s mind and heart apart until they’re basically a blank slate for an abuser, teaching them that such things only happens to women who are immodest and immoral, telling them that if something does happen it’s their responsibility to submit - that’s not illegal. It may be poisonous, it may tear apart your future ability to have a devotional life, but it’s not illegal.

And the assault itself…well, in that state law certain things have to happen, so sexualized assaults can happen that don’t meet the legal criterion for being “sex” so they’re not legally anything more than misdemeanors.

 

[ready]

I’ve got nothing I could go to the police with. The only evidence of any wrongdoing is my own words and memories. And a lot of people involved there’s nothing criminal, or if criminal not very, because of the vagaries of the law around what’s actually qualified as assault.

Short version: taking someone’s mind and heart apart until they’re basically a blank slate for an abuser, teaching them that such things only happens to women who are immodest and immoral, telling them that if something does happen it’s their responsibility to submit - that’s not illegal. It may be poisonous, it may tear apart your future ability to have a devotional life, but it’s not illegal.

And the assault itself…well, in that state law certain things have to happen, so sexualized assaults can happen that don’t meet the legal criterion for being “sex” so they’re not legally anything more than misdemeanors.

I am very sorry that you were assaulted. May our Lord bring forth a greater good out of this horrible evil that has injured you so much. I will certainly pray for you to heal and to get past your present predicament. Please, please have an intimate and deep devotion to Mary if you don’t already have one; she is your hope, she will help you and be able to heal you and make you whole again if you turn to her with confidence. I can assure you of this. If you don’t believe me, please read the book *The Glories of Mary *by St. Alphonsus Maria de Liguori. You really should read this excellent book even if you do believe me! God bless you, and Mary keep you.