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Sierrah
Guest
I’m not into playing games either. I guess that’s why I want to tread carefully with this. 
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chevalier
Guest
Give-aways include being protective (a bit more than normal with women), selfless (a bit more than normal with people), attentive (more than you could reasonably expect). Some guys will be unglued, others will be energised, but these here symptoms will be there with the gentlemanly ones.
Unmistakenly but gently. You don’t need to wonder if you’re in love or not really, or where it will lead, you can just tell him how things are now with your feelings. You don’t need big words for that and certainly you don’t need to build up too much atmosphere. It’s probably wiser to leave the asking out to him. Sometimes you can be blunt without crossing the actual line. “If you asked me out, I would go with you,” is a live example (the relationship didn’t work out, but that was what endeared that girl to that guy since it was pretty honest without being too much). Some things can be said in joke and you can see where it leads. If a girl asked me jokingly something like, “so when are you going to ask me out?” or, “is that supposed to be a date?” or “was that a clumsy come-on or am I mistaken?”, I’d know what to say in return.
Naturally, these are the situations where you want him to get the hint here and now. If you have more time on your hands, do what 1ke said. That’s generally all that it takes. It doesn’t make a guy sure you like him that way, but it makes him sure you won’t think bad of him if he has some feelings you don’t return.
Depends really. There might be as many answers as there are men. Initiative is fine, assuming the leader-of-the-pack role works with some guys, doesn’t with some others, isn’t very natural anyway. It’s similar with being direct. Too direct is always too direct, but how far you can go depends on a concrete case. Communication has to work anyway, so if you don’t share a view of how direct a lady should be, then he probably isn’t the man for you anyway.
Live example: “So… see you next term. … I guess.” The answer was: “Nope, definitely sooner,” and the guy blatantly asked her phone number.
Same. Every woman is different and so is every man.
That’s common. Who falls for us is rather natural (supposing we don’t put effort in targeted seduction), whereas who we fall for depends largely on our own impressions, choices, imaginations - delusions sometimes as well. What we think is good for us isn’t always.
Once you realise the challenge factor, it’s easier to get over it. If you realise that what you go for isn’t always what you like, it’s easier to adjust the former to the latter. Speaking from experience here.
They aren’t that hard but one can always be surprised. People have many different levels of liking, loving or desiring someone and it’s often hard to make out between each of them.
It does get boring after some 30 times.I’m not into chasing guys and won’t make the first move anymore. I’m tired of the brush off.
Cannot. Even if he shows signs of interest, that may be a drive he doesn’t want to follow, exactly as with women. Probably the best way is what I said in the beginning - to see how protective, selfless and attentive he is, considering how he treats other people or what you could reasonably expect from him. Those are the giveaways of the guys who won’t tell. They aren’t unfailing but they work pretty well.
Yeah, sooner or later he will. If he won’t, then the “enough” part is missing.
Gentle but firm brush-off will do. “Sorry, guys, I see you’re making moves and I don’t want you to be disappointed. I have no interest in you of that kind.”No one is making a move except a few guys I’m not interested in and they don’t seem to be taking the hint.
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rpp
Guest
I have been reading this thread and giving it some thought.
I find that a really nice smile, or a brightening of your face when “your guy” walks in the room really helps.
On another note, I have noticed that some women really like jewelry and often wear one or more rings. Do not get me wrong, this is all well and fine, as well as women who are minimalists when it comes to jewelry. This comment is simply directed to those who like rings.
Please do not confuse the guy. Keep those rings off the left hand! Often times the left ring finger is the second thing a guy will look at (after a lady’s face). Letting a man see your empty ring is an important first step!
And married ladies, please wear your wedding rings!
(Sorry, a recent experience reminded me of this.)
I find that a really nice smile, or a brightening of your face when “your guy” walks in the room really helps.
On another note, I have noticed that some women really like jewelry and often wear one or more rings. Do not get me wrong, this is all well and fine, as well as women who are minimalists when it comes to jewelry. This comment is simply directed to those who like rings.
Please do not confuse the guy. Keep those rings off the left hand! Often times the left ring finger is the second thing a guy will look at (after a lady’s face). Letting a man see your empty ring is an important first step!
And married ladies, please wear your wedding rings!
(Sorry, a recent experience reminded me of this.)
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Belgarion
Guest
You could be ANYONE and wear ANY ring on ANY finger…People will still get confused
Sad, I know.
I wear a silver ring on my RIGHT ring finger and I get people thinking I’m engaged or married…at 19…Even though I look younger
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rpp
Guest
Umm… I resemble that remark!
Actually, I always thought a wedding right on the right ring finger was the sign of a widow/widower.
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rpp
Guest
No. I did not perceive any insult. Just a sad recognition of one of my many limitations. (Life it so tough when you only have three functioning brain cells. Especially in my case when one is lost and the other two are out looking for it.)
I was pretty sure you were not. I was just making an observation and hoping someone would come along and confirm/debunk it. Additionally, such traditions do change over time. Especially in the Pacific northwest which seems to be ring crazy. I mean I see women with one, or more, rings on every finger, including their thumbs. And when they wear open toes shoes, they have rings there too. Seems a lady would get a good deal stretching excercise twice a day just putting on and taking off her rings!
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Belgarion
Guest
I was pretty sure you were not. I was just making an observation and hoping someone would come along and confirm/debunk it. Additionally, such traditions do change over time. Especially in the Pacific northwest which seems to be ring crazy. I mean I see women with one, or more, rings on every finger, including their thumbs. And when they wear open toes shoes, they have rings there too. Seems a lady would get a good deal stretching excercise twice a day just putting on and taking off her rings!
Most defintely…Women around here get really weird…I stay away from most of them…
But yes, traditions do change. Even in the Church. (not doctrinal traditions mind you) mantillas (sp?) mean different things with different colors. I have a girl I am interested in…And she wears a black one. Our parish priest keeps saying “You’re not a widow!”
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Just_wondering
Guest
Boy, I wish people would respect the ring thing! (Sorry, taking this thread further off-topic!) I have a fake engagement ring (silver and cubic zirconium) that I wear when I’m going out to a bar with female friends. I find if I’m in a mixed group, nobody will approach me, so I don’t have to worry about unwanted attempts to pick me up. However, when I’m out with just the ladies, men will approach me, look at the ring on my finger, and still try to buy me drinks. I guess they figure that if I’m in a bar without the man who gave me the ring, I must not be that faithful anyway. Another reason I don’t like the bar scene.
Seriously, if I wanted to be picked up, I wouldn’t wear a ring on my left ring finger!
Another reason I don’t like the bar scene.Seriously, if I wanted to be picked up, I wouldn’t wear a ring on my left ring finger!
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catholic101
Guest
HI, this is my advice as a guy who has only had one date in his life so far but nevertheless I am male. There are several signs that one can look for that might be a signal that a guy is interested in you:
-If he frequently starts conversations with you
-if he smiles often at you and/or attempts to make you laugh
-if he spends alot of time with you that he could spend elsewhere
-if he looks(stares are a surer sign) at you often
-if he talks to your friends about you
-if he trys to be courteous and goes out of his way for you.
-if he touches you
-if he spends money for your benefit
Of course none of these signs or signals are a for sure indicator but they are strong ones. Some of the posters on this thread have advised staying away from the less confident guys. I think this is not very good advice… because more of the guys who have alot of confidence are players. The less confident guys are less likely to sweep you of your feet so to speak, but they are more likely to treat you well. However not being friendly should not be mistaken for a lack of confidence. For most guys the biggest problem is “first contact” also known as breaking the ice. A way to solve this problem is for you to start the conversations with guys you don’t know, this simultaneousley sends a signal that you are interested to the guy. I personaley think it would be awesome if a girl asked me out for a date. This approach works well with all sorts of guys(especialey with the less confident ones). However there are some who will think that you are desperate if you do this. These are the sort of people who probabley like to play games. Again there seem to be two sorts of people when it comes to developing relationships those who like to pretend nothing is happening and those who like to be straightforward about their interest(you will have to use your intuition when it comes to determining what kind of person the person you’re interested in is like). However there are I realise many women who like a man to take the lead(and regard the men who don’t as less manly-an error in my opinion). This gives guys a problem…because it seems that most women while wanting a man to take the lead, also usualy belong to the type that likes the man to not be direct while still taking the lead! This leads to a tricky balancing act for many guys that takes some skill. If you are direct this problem is solved. I hope my advice has been helpful please realise that the signals I told you about whether the guys is interested are fairly reliable but my advice in the above paragraph is less likely to be right and is mainly my own fallible observations and less time proven than the earlier advice.
pax
-If he frequently starts conversations with you
-if he smiles often at you and/or attempts to make you laugh
-if he spends alot of time with you that he could spend elsewhere
-if he looks(stares are a surer sign) at you often
-if he talks to your friends about you
-if he trys to be courteous and goes out of his way for you.
-if he touches you
-if he spends money for your benefit
Of course none of these signs or signals are a for sure indicator but they are strong ones. Some of the posters on this thread have advised staying away from the less confident guys. I think this is not very good advice… because more of the guys who have alot of confidence are players. The less confident guys are less likely to sweep you of your feet so to speak, but they are more likely to treat you well. However not being friendly should not be mistaken for a lack of confidence. For most guys the biggest problem is “first contact” also known as breaking the ice. A way to solve this problem is for you to start the conversations with guys you don’t know, this simultaneousley sends a signal that you are interested to the guy. I personaley think it would be awesome if a girl asked me out for a date. This approach works well with all sorts of guys(especialey with the less confident ones). However there are some who will think that you are desperate if you do this. These are the sort of people who probabley like to play games. Again there seem to be two sorts of people when it comes to developing relationships those who like to pretend nothing is happening and those who like to be straightforward about their interest(you will have to use your intuition when it comes to determining what kind of person the person you’re interested in is like). However there are I realise many women who like a man to take the lead(and regard the men who don’t as less manly-an error in my opinion). This gives guys a problem…because it seems that most women while wanting a man to take the lead, also usualy belong to the type that likes the man to not be direct while still taking the lead! This leads to a tricky balancing act for many guys that takes some skill. If you are direct this problem is solved. I hope my advice has been helpful please realise that the signals I told you about whether the guys is interested are fairly reliable but my advice in the above paragraph is less likely to be right and is mainly my own fallible observations and less time proven than the earlier advice.
pax
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Sierrah
Guest
Update. I had my answer apparently nothing more then friendship will ever happen. Can’t say I’m surprised that’s how my luck runs. If I’m even remotely interested in a guy they could care less for me. So it goes. Sorry I’m just feeling a bit down. Another guy I’ve known for several years that I thought was divorced (wasn’t interested in him really because of that) turns out to be married (he been making passes at me for several years… See the pattern here. Everybody’s pairing up and I’m out in the cold as usual. I’m going to go get some ice cream.
I’m going to go get some ice cream.
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whatevergirl
Guest
Ice cream sounds good!Update. I had my answer apparently nothing more then friendship will ever happen. Can’t say I’m surprised that’s how my luck runs. If I’m even remotely interested in a guy they could care less for me. So it goes. Sorry I’m just feeling a bit down. Another guy I’ve known for several years that I thought was divorced (wasn’t interested in him really because of that) turns out to be married (he been making passes at me for several years… See the pattern here. Everybody’s pairing up and I’m out in the cold as usual.
I’m sorry you’re feeling down about all this…God is preparing the right person for you, Sierrah, and you for him. That could be why none of these ‘relationships’ are working out right now. Don’t view it as out in the cold…view it as waiting for God to bring the right person, right situation, right relationship to you–at the right time. You might not be ready…the other guy might not be ready. Let God work things out for you, and don’t fret it. I know, easier said than done…but, also …become the person you’d like to have as a spouse…take this time to figure out why you are attracted to men, who don’t seem to be feeling the same for you. We’re all works in progress…just keep the faith, and know that God is working on something always, for our best interest.
But for now…a big hug!
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Larowyn
Guest
"Sierrah:
The more I read threads like these, the more amused I am at the luck some of us Catholics have in meeting potential spouses. It’s like all the nice Catholic boys are in some states and the nice Catholic girls are in the other states.Ice cream sounds good!
I’m sorry you’re feeling down about all this…God is preparing the right person for you, Sierrah, and you for him. That could be why none of these ‘relationships’ are working out right now. Don’t view it as out in the cold…view it as waiting for God to bring the right person, right situation, right relationship to you–at the right time. You might not be ready…the other guy might not be ready. Let God work things out for you, and don’t fret it. I know, easier said than done…but, also …become the person you’d like to have as a spouse…take this time to figure out why you are attracted to men, who don’t seem to be feeling the same for you. We’re all works in progress…just keep the faith, and know that God is working on something always, for our best interest.
But for now…a big hug!
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whatevergirl
Guest
lol–yep–you might have to get used to traveling, Larowyn.
What’s that old saying (I never liked it when I was single)…‘you’ll meet the right guy when you least expect it.’
I was never expecting it. lol
But, people have to say something I guess, when single people are feeling down.
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Larowyn
Guest
I’d be worried if I somehow met the right guy.
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whatevergirl
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Sierrah
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Oh Sorry about the luck thing I was just feeling down. He’s actually found someone else. I’m glad for him really as he’s a great guy.
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chevalier
Guest
Hah. Actually, I’m in a country where 90% people are baptised Catholic (church attendance circa 40%) and I’m single not by personal choice.
The only personal choice I make is not to have a relationship just for the sake of having one, and to settle not with anything but with something great. Rather ambitious perhaps, but having some faith in people, I can’t say unattainable.
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rpp
Guest
Wow! Where do you live, Luxembourg?Hah. Actually, I’m in a country where 90% people are baptised Catholic (church attendance circa 40%) and I’m single not by personal choice.
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