How do you make a ex-girlfriend go away?

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Timidity

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There’s this ex-girlfriend who contacts me every 8 weeks (exactly!) to try to get back together. Seeing that we’re both married, that’s out of the question in my mind.

Yet, every eighth week, she pops me an e-mail to see if I’ve changed my mind.

I’ve tried blocking her e-mail address, but she just makes a new one to get around my blocks.

I’ve tried lengthy discussions in which she eventually agrees that it’s not going to happen and promises not to contact me again.

I’ve tried ignoring her.

I’ve tried everything I can think of with the exception of being exceptionally rude. I’m at the point where I feel I need to try that just to make her go away. Would that be morally acceptable?

Does anyone have some practical advice?

(And yes, I got an e-mail from her this afternoon, so I’m wondering how to handle it).
 
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Timidity:
There’s this ex-girlfriend who contacts me every 8 weeks (exactly!) to try to get back together. Seeing that we’re both married, that’s out of the question in my mind.

Yet, every eighth week, she pops me an e-mail to see if I’ve changed my mind.

I’ve tried blocking her e-mail address, but she just makes a new one to get around my blocks.

I’ve tried lengthy discussions in which she eventually agrees that it’s not going to happen and promises not to contact me again.

I’ve tried ignoring her.

I’ve tried everything I can think of with the exception of being exceptionally rude. I’m at the point where I feel I need to try that just to make her go away. Would that be morally acceptable?

Does anyone have some practical advice?

(And yes, I got an e-mail from her this afternoon, so I’m wondering how to handle it).
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Just be firm, there is a time to cut out the Mr. Nice Guy act and this would appear to be it… good luck…
 
Create a new e-mail address, don’t give it to her, and stop using your old e-mail. 😃
 
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JMJ_Pinoy:
Create a new e-mail address, don’t give it to her, and stop using your old e-mail. 😃
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I considered that. Seriously. But it’s an address I’ve had for nearly a decade, and I have many infrequent-contact friends that would use it.

It’s actually better than it used to be. Because of a move in the last year or so she no longer knows any of my phone numbers. She would always call them just to hear my voice on the answering machine.

What was that movie with the pet rabbit?
 
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Timidity:
There’s this ex-girlfriend who contacts me every 8 weeks (exactly!) to try to get back together. Seeing that we’re both married, that’s out of the question in my mind.

Yet, every eighth week, she pops me an e-mail to see if I’ve changed my mind.

I’ve tried blocking her e-mail address, but she just makes a new one to get around my blocks.

I’ve tried lengthy discussions in which she eventually agrees that it’s not going to happen and promises not to contact me again.

I’ve tried ignoring her.

I’ve tried everything I can think of with the exception of being exceptionally rude. I’m at the point where I feel I need to try that just to make her go away. Would that be morally acceptable?

Does anyone have some practical advice?

(And yes, I got an e-mail from her this afternoon, so I’m wondering how to handle it).
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I think that the only two things you could do would be to (a) give up your email address, but I know you have had it a long time and don’t want to do that or (b) delete without reading the emails she sends you. Don’t respond at all, ever. She’ll eventually go away. Maybe your email has a filter that will not block her email but will send it to “junk”. My Hotmail does that-- it doesn’t refuse the mail, but it sends it to junk and I just “delete all” from junk.
 
Oh, or ther is a (c) option. Sic your wife on her and she’ll be sorry.
 
Just delete the e-mail in the same way that you would other spam since, when you think about it, that is what it is.
 
Two words - Restraining Order. It starts with the email then the unexpected visits. Stop her in her tracks.
 
Does her husband know about this? Perhaps you need to tell her that you will forward all of her e-mails to her husband.
 
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StratusRose:
Two words - Restraining Order. It starts with the email then the unexpected visits. Stop her in her tracks.
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This was my first thought too. You are being STALKED - it could get weird! Better to nip it in the bud!
 
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StratusRose:
Two words - Restraining Order. It starts with the email then the unexpected visits. Stop her in her tracks.
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I was thinking the exact same thing. Being a wife, I’d think your wife could persuade her but she does sound whacked and might take it out on your wife. If you know a lawyer, you might just have him fire off a little letter to her. I’m related to one and I can’t tell you how much action that can get. Does your wife know? I’d make sure she does so that she can protect herself if necessary.
 
Call her mother & father. Ask them if they could please talk to their daughter & get her to stop contacting you since you are very happily married.

How embarassing would THAT be for her??!

P.S. Don’t do this if they are very old or not in good health.
 
well, the long discussions were a mistake, I can think of a dozen snappy comebacks, none of which will be very helpful. when I changed email providers and address, there was a service where I could select which contacts should be sent my new address. Good idea to change it regularly to get rid of those who should not have it, including spammers and pirates.
 
Hey PA! Are you kidding? You must be sooo nice. Tell her you love her, but would rather focus on your busy family. "I’m sure you understand, my fan club is my family, how is your’s doing?’ IHS Daryl
 
I had a weirdo ex-boyfriend who tried to pursue me even though I am married and have kids! I had to delete my old email address, change my phone number and keep it unlisted, and delete myself off websites like classmates.com and stuff like that.

Eventually it stopped. The biggest mistake I made was opening, reading and responding to the first email he sent.:banghead: I knew I should never have done that but I guess I felt flattered. Then it got weird and he wanted to by my a plane ticket to come see him and see if I still had “feelings” for him. I told him, “yes, I do have feelings for you, but they are of the creepy variety. Please leave me alone.”
 
This is a multi-reply! 🙂
La Chiara:
Does her husband know about this? Perhaps you need to tell her that you will forward all of her e-mails to her husband.
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Her husband doesn’t know, and I don’t have his e-mail address, so it would be a hallow threat.
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StratusRose:
Two words - Restraining Order. It starts with the email then the unexpected visits. Stop her in her tracks.
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I have no fears of this escalating. She lives several states away, and I’ve moved so she doesn’t know where I live anymore. Depending on her technical skills, she might be able to determine my metropolitan area, but that’s it.
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bear06:
Does your wife know?
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Um, no. And she’s not going to.
carol marie:
Call her mother & father. Ask them if they could please talk to their daughter & get her to stop contacting you since you are very happily married.

How embarassing would THAT be for her??!
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LOL! My desire isn’t to embarass her though. I think I’d be firmly rude to her first before making others uncomfortable.
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puzzleannie:
well, the long discussions were a mistake
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In hindsight, I agree. At the time, I thought it was the rational way to handle things.
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Amber101:
The biggest mistake I made was opening, reading and responding to the first email he sent. I knew I should never have done that but I guess I felt flattered.
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Thanks for sharing your story. Yeah, I made the same mistake, I guess.
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Amber101:
Then it got weird and he wanted to by my a plane ticket to come see him and see if I still had “feelings” for him. I told him, “yes, I do have feelings for you, but they are of the creepy variety. Please leave me alone.”
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And this is where I think I might be. I’ve tried the ration discussions. I think it’s time just to be firm and rude. I think my e-mail to her today will be “You promised to leave me alone. Please keep your promise.”

I’ll wait a while before sending it in case someone here thinks it’s a really bad idea.

Thanks, everyone, for all your help!
 
Even if you don’t know her husband’s e-mail address, you can put her on notice that you will tell her husband. Not a threat, but rather a warning. Surely, you could find out his phone number or mail address, if need be. Doesn’t sound like she is going to leave you alone just because you are asking her to hold to her promise.

I had a similar situation many years ago. Initially, the attention (though unwanted) was a little flattering. Then it made me very uncomfortable. In my case, I was a single woman and this was a very successful (also single) government manager. Though we were both single, it was creepy because he wouldn’t hear “NO” and leave me alone.

I would advise you to be firm, tell her clearly that you are not interested, and then break off contact. Do not respond further. If she does not get any further attention from you, eventually she will seek attention somewhere else.
 
I think it’s a really bad idea to keep responding to her. Don’t even give her that satisfaction.

Less than a year before my husband and I got married, his ex-girlfriend (from a relationship of several years that had ended a few years prior) tried contacting him through email. I guess she figured it had worked in the past (she would call him up after the break-up, they would get back together for a week or so, she would dump him again, etc.). He opened it up in front of me and had me watch him delete it. She’s never bothered him since.

If you’re going to keep responding and not bother to change your email address, she’s going to keep emailing. And even though you don’t think your wife needs to know about this, do you really want to be trying to do damage control when she finds out that you’ve been corresponding with your married ex for a long time behind her (your wife’s) back? Change your email address, send the new address to everyone who needs it (just like you would with a phone number), and STOP RESPONDING!

On second thought, you’ve said that you’ve tried ignoring her. According to my husband’s cousin (who is a police officer), more than two unwanted contacts is harassment, and a complaint can be filed. It would be easy enough to determine her IP address if you wish to file a complaint, just to get her to leave you alone. Maybe the police will let her husband in on her secret, too.
 
Timidity,
Frankly, I don’t necessarily do too good an Ann Landers. But seeing as I’m an old fart with my share of trips to the confessional, and know how things work, I thought I’d extend a hand.

First, prayer and fasting work well for this problem.

Second, thinking things through will convince you that any attempt to reason with this gal will feed into her feeling of ‘hanging on to my man’: she’ll reason with you till hell freezes over and you’re spending all your time on her!

So the solution does not involve direct contact with her.

Third, the ultimate solution is, of course, to contact her spouse directly, explain the situation, and ask him to deal with it.

Last, perhaps considering your timidity together with her obvious marriage problems, it might be both easier for you and her to have a mutual friend contact her, and tell her to find another avenue for dealing with her bad marriage or you’ll go directly to hubby!

If this doesn’t do it, call a cop; you’re being stalked whether you know it or not.

God bless you as you seek to retain monogamy 🙂

DB
 
just consider her email as “JUNK MAIL”"
and STOP RESPONDING…

in the mean time ill pray for you…
 
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