How do you make a ex-girlfriend go away?

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I like the idea of being blunt by telling her to never contact you again. Time to be blunt and firm. Imagine if your wife did find out? Stop this insanity before it goes to far.

Good luck! I had a similar situation and I did threaten to call the police because he was starting to frighten me. This very blunt approach seems to have worked so far - but we are only going on 3 months of no contact.
 
I don’t really understand how prayer and fasting will solve this problem, but my advice is buy caller ID, and use it. Email people you want to have your email address with a new address and stick to it. Save any emails from this woman to a disk, so you have evidence to prove this behavior was going on for a long time.

Call your Service provider and see if they can block the emails from the ISP #, ask them to make a note in your customer file about this.

Call the police and start a paper trail. You may not be able to get a restraining order because of the relationship status.

Tell your wife, not telling her is sneaky and she’ll be angry if she finds out some way other than you.
 
I agree to just stop responding. Do not open the emai, delete it unopened. When you respond, you tell her that it is a live address and that you care enough to open her email.

And - TELL YOUR WIFE. Regardless of your noble intentions, should she stumble across this, it could APPEAR that you are hiding something from her. Honesty - it is the only policy.
 
Okay—it is done.

After reading jrabs post, I drafted a terse reply, but in the end I didn’t send it. Instead I deleted her e-mail with no reply. I’ll try ignoring again.

Thanks to you all for your advice and prayers.

This is the second time y’all have come through for me. I’m starting to worry I’m taking advantage of you!
 
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Timidity:
There’s this ex-girlfriend who contacts me every 8 weeks (exactly!) to try to get back together. Seeing that we’re both married, that’s out of the question in my mind.

Yet, every eighth week, she pops me an e-mail to see if I’ve changed my mind.

I’ve tried blocking her e-mail address, but she just makes a new one to get around my blocks.

I’ve tried lengthy discussions in which she eventually agrees that it’s not going to happen and promises not to contact me again.

I’ve tried ignoring her.

I’ve tried everything I can think of with the exception of being exceptionally rude. I’m at the point where I feel I need to try that just to make her go away. Would that be morally acceptable?

Does anyone have some practical advice?

(And yes, I got an e-mail from her this afternoon, so I’m wondering how to handle it).
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how do you go from ignoring her emails (one every eight months) to having lengthy discussions with her?
 
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Timidity:
Thanks to you all for your advice and prayers.

This is the second time y’all have come through for me. I’m starting to worry I’m taking advantage of you!
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well - then cast your worries!
 
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Calbreese:
Hey PA! Are you kidding? You must be sooo nice. Tell her you love her, but would rather focus on your busy family. "I’m sure you understand, my fan club is my family, how is your’s doing?’ IHS Daryl
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Tell her you love her? Yikes! :bigyikes: Don’t do that!

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
OK. Maybe I’m way off on this, but maybe the reason you’ve been letting this go on so long and refuse to get firm with her is because part of you is flattered by the attention??? Maybe???

In Christ,
Nancy
 
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martino:
how do you go from ignoring her emails (one every eight months) to having lengthy discussions with her?
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That’s every 8 weeks, btw. Every other month.

Anyway, after 6-8 months of just ignoring her e-mails, I got a strange e-mail one day from someone I didn’t know. It was a short message that just said “Who is John Doe?”. I figured someone must have typed the wrong address and sent me the message instead. So I wrote back reply saying “I don’t know any John Doe, I think you mistyped the e-mail address.”

Well, it turned out to be her. (And John Doe, it turns out, was the guy who got my phone number after I left my old job. She was calling there to get my voice mail “just to hear your voice.”])

So, my cover having been blown, I figured it would be a good time to try to reason with her.
 
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Timidity:
So, my cover having been blown, I figured it would be a good time to try to reason with her.
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No need for reason - you need to preserve your family. In the long run - this woman has little to no importance and your family is everything.

She does sound a bit stalkerish.
 
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Catholic4aReasn:
OK. Maybe I’m way off on this, but maybe the reason you’ve been letting this go on so long and refuse to get firm with her is because part of you is flattered by the attention??? Maybe???
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Of course my ego loves the attention! I have self-esteem issues to begin with! 🙂

But that’s not why I don’t get “rude.” I’m just not a rude type guy. I figure people are more apt to do what I want/need them to if they’re happy with me rather than if they’re mad at me. Even when the pizza place messes up my order, I’m very kind and polite with them.

Maybe you could say that I don’t like confrontation, though that might make my wife laugh!
 
TELL YOUR WIFE. Tonight.

Tell the loony woman that she needs to stop and that you’re not going to respond any further. Don’t respond to anything further. If she visits you or drops in at weird hours, then get a lawyer and a restraining order. Never speak or respond to her again. Stop thinking about her.

Nobody needs this.
 
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Timidity:
Of course my ego loves the attention! I have self-esteem issues to begin with! 🙂

But that’s not why I don’t get “rude.” I’m just not a rude type guy. I figure people are more apt to do what I want/need them to if they’re happy with me rather than if they’re mad at me. Even when the pizza place messes up my order, I’m very kind and polite with them.

Maybe you could say that I don’t like confrontation, though that might make my wife laugh!
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I didn’t say anything about being rude, but being firm (see #28).

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
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Timidity:
Maybe I don’t know how to be firm yet polite?
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It’s both polite and firm to warn someone that you will be passing their ISP# on to the local police and filing a harassment complaint if they do not stop harassing you. It’s also polite and firm to calmly inform her that you will be telling your wife about this now, and will be contacting her husband in future if she does not stop.
 
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Timidity:
I considered that. Seriously. But it’s an address I’ve had for nearly a decade, and I have many infrequent-contact friends that would use it.
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Next time you get an email from her, make a reply with a message that looks like a standard “bounced mail” reply. She may not fall for it, but it could be worth a try.

I sent a bad email to my domain, and got this response word for word. Maybe something like this:From: xxx@xxx.com

To: yyy@yyy.com
Date: 16 Oct 2004 22:05:48 -0000
Subject: Mail Not Delivered

<xxx@xxx.com>:
64.136.28.83 does not like recipient.
Remote host said: 550 xxx@xxx.com Account Inactive
Giving up on 64.136.28.83.

— Below this line is a copy of the message.

Worst that could happen is she doesn’t fall for it.

Then again, maybe you could threated to print all the emails and mail them to her husband.

Good luck.
 
Frankly, I’m not sure she deserves the courtesy of being warned her husband is going to be told. I’d try downloading the emails to disk, to use as evidence as necessary. Using Outlook Express, I can slide emails, unopened, into new folders, not just the deleted items bin. Since you might need these as proof, I wouldn’t just delete them.

And don’t you know it’s a bad idea to open emails from senders you don’t recognize?

Finally, I hope you haven’t said anything in response to hers that you would not want your wife to read, because I can just about guarantee you that your wife will be told if you make the ex-gf mad enough.

Really and truly, notify your occasional friends that you’re going to be changing your email address… then do it. And if by some weird coincidence she gets the new one… start saving hers like crazy… while not responding. Eventually she’s going to get the hang of it.

Oh – if your long-time email address is a freebie, you won’t have to close it, it can just become the collecting pot for all those unwanted emails…
 
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