How do you make the gift insanity stop?

[yellowbicycle]

I have two children.
They are 14 months old.
My husband and I just spent a grueling HOUR unpacking our mini-van, with presents from well-meaning family members. There was hardly any room left for the children themselves.
Oh yeah, and THIS was the year that people weren’t supposed to buy gifts, and we were supposed to give money to Gleaners food bank. We gave to Gleaners food bank and STILL everyone (grandmas, I’m talking to you) LOST THEIR FREAKING MINDS and bought WAY too much stuff.
Seriously, me, hubby and two kids live in a 700 square foot house, one third of which isn’t heated. What we DON’T need is the entire Little People collection. What we don’t need are SIX new dolls per child and ALL of the Seasame Street characters. MAKE THEM STOP!!
We’ve tried saying no gifts to my husband’s mom. She just signed the cat’s name to everything and claimed she had nothing to do with the purchases. We tried saying ONE gift per child. My mom just put everything in one ENORMOUS bag and wrapped that and said it was only one gift. Sneaky, sneaky.
They just don’t listen.
And now my house is TRASHED, after I spent all week cleaning it. Yeah, yeah, I know, I can (and trust me I will) donate the toys. But this whole process will start again next year - and I DO feel terrible giving away the stuff. The grandmas meant well and wanted to see their grandchildren play with the toys. I understand that. But, it’s just TOO MUCH STUFF.
Ideas? Help?

 

[BamaRider]

I don’t have any ideas, they seem to take pleasure in giving them stuff, might be kinda sad to deprive them of that. You’ve asked them to cut back, so I dunno what else you can do.

I don’t think this is worth a controversey. When they get tired of playing with the stuff in couple days (they always do) just pack the stuff up and take it to kids that don’t have as much.

 

[gelsbern]

You do realize, that the most joyful think in Christmas is giving. It would be uncharitable to take that away and almost borders on selfishness as you are only thinking about yourselves in this matter.

If you don’t need the toys and don’t have room for them give them to other charities. Problem solved. The relatives get the joy of giving, you get the joy of giving, and some poor child who’s parents can’t afford a Christmas, or some children who lost their home in a fire will have the joy of new toys to play with.

 

[puzzleannie]

do you have duelling grandmas, each trying to outdo the other to buy children’s love? does your mom turn off her hearing aid when you tell her: no large plastic toys, no guns, nothing that requires batteries? does your mom insist on enlarging the collection of designer dolls that have never been open by your sports-minded daughter? does your dad continue to give your teenage son wooden trains because he loved Thomas Tank Engine when he was 3? Do you have to force your daughter to wear the loud plaid bellbottoms just once while grandma is here before she buries them in the back yard?

The grandparents need an interest in life. Help them move to assisted living or a reitrement park in Texas so they get involved with others people their own age and other activities so they get off your back. then you can call and complain how they don’t take any part in their grandkids’ lives.

 

[cheeto1]

Don’t you think child movie and tv stars have this problem?
I bet they don’t feel bad at all donating the toys. You could
even give them to friends, that’s fun too.

 

[GemmaRose]

First, let me just say that I speak from the ***other * ** side – I am the Auntie who used to do exactly what your family has done. (The kids are all grown up now.) I can tell you that it is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE ***not * ** to go overboard on the darling children we love so much. (Plus, Grammas and Aunties ***can * ** spoil the kids because we aren’t the parents! )

Second… as to what to do with all the *stuff… * here’s a suggestion: Divide everything up into the number of “offending” gift-givers (assuming they live in nearby, easily and frequently visited locations), plus 5. Example - 2 sets of grandparents and 3 sets of aunts and uncles, plus 5, would equal 10 piles of gifts.

Using this number of gift piles as an example:

• Pile #1 - let your children keep.
• Pile #2 - give to charity.
• Pile #3 - these should be the toys that make the least noise which can become special “going-to-church toys” to occupy the children in church when they are still too young to focus their full attention on the altar.
• Pile #4 - these should be some toys that can’t possibly cause any injury to another child; take these toys along with you to occupy the children on visits to the supermarket, doctors’ waiting rooms, etc.
• Pile #5 - Stuff a few unopened toys in a closet or under a bed as quick and handy birthday presents when your children are invited to a party given by another child in their playgroup or nursery school, or next door neighbor children.
• Pile #6 - The remaining toys can be divided evenly amongst the relatives (without returning a particular gift to the gift-giver). When you visit grandparent set #1, you tell them: “We really appreciate all the toys you bought the kids, but we just don’t have room to keep everything at our small house, so we would like you to keep these things at your house so little Bobby and Annie have something to play with when we visit, and then we won’t have to load the car up with toys to keep them amused while they’re at your house.”

If there is also an overabundance of clothing gifts, you might even include an outfit or two, “… just in case either of the children gets sick while they’re visiting.”

• Piles #7-10 - Repeat from #6 with the other set of grandparents and sets of aunts and uncles.

This should appease everyone, lessen the burden on you of transporting the contents of the playroom everytime you visit family, church, etc., give you one less chore when you need a quick gift, and ease any burden of guilt since you will have also donated some things to charity.

I don’t suggest telling the relatives that you donated anything to charity. It can hurt our feelings. :bighanky:

Finally, relax. Children are little for such a very short time. Before you know it, you’ll need to ask them what they want for Christmas… and when you get to that point, they’ll only want one thing – a pony!

May you and your family have a very Blessed Christmas Season.

http://bestsmileys.com/christmas1/10.gif

 

[puzzleannie]

I am remembering the time BIL and his family came for Christmas and somebody gave his toddler a plastic lawn-mower with a realistic sounding “engine” which drove everybody crazy all week. He deliberately tried to leave it at Grandma’s “for when we visit” but somebody stuck it back in the carry-on luggage. I think he said the stewardess opened the airplane door’s and threw it out somewhere over Kansas.

 

[Red_Meg]

If any family members are open to being “steered” a bit next year, a few thoughts on gifts that will be enjoyed by the family and not clutter up the house–

• Membership to the local zoo, children’s museum or science museum (we have a cool one about an hour away, but visiting is out of our budget. A membership would be aweseome.)
• Movie certificates so everybody can go take in the next big kid movie, maybe even the ones that also allow you to get overpriced popcorn and soda as part of the deal
• Gift card to a family-friendly restaurant
• Gift card to Build-a-Bear (my kids adore that place, but again it’s $$$)

I dunno-- these all look slightly lame written down, but I can honestly say these are all things my husband and kids and I would all appreciate as being a very special treat, and as previously mentioned, would not clutter up the place in the meantime.

If it’s just about them wanting to blow lots of cash on the kids, this would be part of the solution. If, unfortunately, it’s about buying the kids STUFF STUFF STUFF in GIGANTIC PILES, then you have a bit of a deeper problem…

Margaret

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

The grandparents need an interest in life. Help them move to assisted living or a reitrement park in Texas so they get involved with others people their own age and other activities so they get off your back. then you can call and complain how they don’t take any part in their grandkids’ lives.

annie- How do you know the grandparents are old enough to go to assisted living? Remember, some of us become grandparents when we are in our late 30s, early 40s. Some of us are still working 40 hour + weeks, and still manage to find time to hit the stores with our disposable income. I know up here assisted living is only for those who are well over 60 and need assistance.

However, yellowbird- What you need to do is first clean out all the old toys and give them to kids who need them, eithr privately or through a charity. If you still have too much stuff, prioritize the new stuff and either give away what you can’t use, or put it in a box and stuff it somewhere until the grandparents in question come to visit. When you’re given a present, it’s yours, or inthis case, the kids of whom you are in charge.

I like GemmaRose’s idea the best, esp. the infliction of toys on extended family.

 

[pamnbam]

We sometimes have the same problem, though not nearly as bad. We have a small townhouse with a postage-stamp yard, and we’ve been inundated with so many things, people would be crazy to give them to us. A trampoline? Come on!

So any toys that we get and don’t have room for stay at the grandparents’ houses. The grandparents who have large yards and basements to store extra toys for when the kid comes by. And charity is always a good idea. It helps to do that a few times a year anyway. Good luck!

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

take all big items and anything that isn’t a top 3 or 4 hit with the kids back to the stores and exchange for what they do need/want

---

this is what we did and would still do if after a few years the grandparents hadn’t caught on to how not listening to us was simply wasting their money. I don’t think they really comprehend the limited space and patience for such junk.

---

so we were pretty harsh that anything that wouldn’t fit in their closet/toy box would be back at the store. then the grandparents started making the kids open everything at the house so we couldn’t take it back. And after a week, we’d just throw it in the trash. (OUCH!) Same goes for battery junk. When the battery goes dead, we do not put new batteries in it. I call those things the gifts that keep costing.

---

this year was great for us! the only thing the kids got that we disliked was a teradactle that makes this horrid scretching noise and an easy bake oven. yep, you guessed it - he’ll play with it until the batteries go dead and then it’ll find it’s way to the trash. A easy bake oven it just about the dumbest idea ever as far as I can tell. Why can’t they just make stuff in the regular oven? I all but begged her to get those cute kid kits for real baking instead, but she didn’t. Target even has a bunch of pink kitchen stuff that my girl would have loved using all on her own. The easy bake oven is another gift that keeps costing and I’m not going to bother with buying more of the easy bake mix stuff or hunting up recipes on how to make one muffin with a light bulb. So when she’s done with all the mixes that she got with it, that’ll probably be the last time she ever uses it. I’ve already told her she can have a huge easy bake oven tea party next wednesday and I doubt there’ll be any left when she’s done.

---

the irony? my girl actually hates cooking. the older boys are very jealous of her easy bake oven!!

 

[KCT]

If you’re into re-gifting, you now have all the birthday party gifts you need for the upcoming year

 

[iluvmybabies]

I don’t have any ideas, they seem to take pleasure in giving them stuff, might be kinda sad to deprive them of that. You’ve asked them to cut back, so I dunno what else you can do.

I don’t think this is worth a controversey. When they get tired of playing with the stuff in couple days (they always do) just pack the stuff up and take it to kids that don’t have as much.

Good advise Bama…

 

[iluvmybabies]

I have two children.
They are 14 months old.
My husband and I just spent a grueling HOUR unpacking our mini-van, with presents from well-meaning family members. There was hardly any room left for the children themselves.
Oh yeah, and THIS was the year that people weren’t supposed to buy gifts, and we were supposed to give money to Gleaners food bank. We gave to Gleaners food bank and STILL everyone (grandmas, I’m talking to you) LOST THEIR FREAKING MINDS and bought WAY too much stuff.
Seriously, me, hubby and two kids live in a 700 square foot house, one third of which isn’t heated. What we DON’T need is the entire Little People collection. What we don’t need are SIX new dolls per child and ALL of the Seasame Street characters. MAKE THEM STOP!!
We’ve tried saying no gifts to my husband’s mom. She just signed the cat’s name to everything and claimed she had nothing to do with the purchases. We tried saying ONE gift per child. My mom just put everything in one ENORMOUS bag and wrapped that and said it was only one gift. Sneaky, sneaky.
They just don’t listen.
And now my house is TRASHED, after I spent all week cleaning it. Yeah, yeah, I know, I can (and trust me I will) donate the toys. But this whole process will start again next year - and I DO feel terrible giving away the stuff. The grandmas meant well and wanted to see their grandchildren play with the toys. I understand that. But, it’s just TOO MUCH STUFF.
Ideas? Help?

You could do what I used to do when all the families would go psycho over their first grandbaby, my daughter… And just tell them whatever is not age appropriate, that you rather give it to the children who’s ages it should go to… Like when she was 12 months old some of the things were for 24 months old, of course tiny tot of 12 months didn’t really need it so I would give them to others and tell my family and my ex’s family that there were others that needed it and she was too little for it… Some would get upset and be like whatever but they would understand eventually, but others would be like “oops sorry I forgot she’s still a tiny one!!” So maybe that would work…

 

[Jennifer_G]

My dad’s side of the family is large (compared to the average family now), and this is what we do -

Children under the age of 7 or 8 get 1 gift from each aunt/uncle. (3 gifts, plus 2 from the grandparents - the later of which doesn’t occur anymore as my grandfather passed away last year, and it’s getting harder for my grandmother to move around, but her daughter will buy a present to give from her.)
Each family (some of my cousins have kids of their own now) gives 1 gift to another family.
Gift cards and money in envelopes are ok (and encouraged).
There’s no gift exchange between cousins (10 cousins including me, 7 1st cousins once removed).

 

[happymommy]

We still get a lot from the family, but they really do enjoy picking out gifts for our kids. I’d never tell them not too. What we do, is before Christmas the kids start cleaning out the “old” toys. Things they don’t play with go to the Salvation Army, stuff that’s broken gets thrown out. They clean out the old to make room for the new. I also give my MIL a list. If she’s going to buy, it might as well be the things they want and need. They all needed new sheets, so it was on the list. Clothes too. She does buy them some toys, but asks what they would like instead of just buying. She gets to have fun buying for them and I don’t have to worry about them getting a bunch of stuff they don’t need. It’s also nice because then “santa” doesn’t have to spend so much because they get lots of gifts from Grammie and Pappy. I would never throw out a new toy. That’s being wasteful. There are so many children who could use them. When the batteries die, if you don’t want it anymore, give it to the Salvation Army. There are a lot of people that have to shop there for their children. They like to get nice things too. Or give it to another family that maybe can’t get as much for their children.

 

[Lucania]

Good idea, Bama.

 

[puzzleannie]

annie- How do you know the grandparents are old enough to go to assisted living? Remember, some of us become grandparents when we are in our late 30s, early 40s. Some of us are still working 40 hour + weeks, and still manage to find time to hit the stores with our disposable income. I know up here assisted living is only for those who are well over 60 and need assistance.
.

well we came down here 15 years before Medicare age, partly (or mostly depending on who’s telling the story) to get out of our kids hair. SIL sent e-mail NO large plastic toys, grandma! (we used to live next to a Little Tykes warehouse). Now they know if we come we will only get what can be taken on a plane, and furthermore, we hate to pay shipping costs to mail gifts. DD took me firmly by the ears (figuratively) and laid down the law, so what they actually do get is cards for each grandchild with a bit of cash, and family gift which is renewal of membership to local science centers in each of their towns, which are good at zoos and similar venues around the country.

then having disciplined 2 sets of grandparents re: gift giving, DD#1 turns around and brings all the large plastic toys down to DD#2 for her little ones, triggering another raging battle (described very much as OP has done). Bottom line DD#2 volunteers at Ronald McDonald house, who now has a new fully furnished playroom.

 

[iluvmybabies]

First, let me just say that I speak from the ***other *** side – I am the Auntie who used to do exactly what your family has done. (The kids are all grown up now.) I can tell you that it is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE ***not *** to go overboard on the darling children we love so much. (Plus, Grammas and Aunties ***can *** spoil the kids because we aren’t the parents! )

Second… as to what to do with all the *stuff… * here’s a suggestion: Divide everything up into the number of “offending” gift-givers (assuming they live in nearby, easily and frequently visited locations), plus 5. Example - 2 sets of grandparents and 3 sets of aunts and uncles, plus 5, would equal 10 piles of gifts.

Using this number of gift piles as an example:

• Pile #1 - let your children keep.
• Pile #2 - give to charity.
• Pile #3 - these should be the toys that make the least noise which can become special “going-to-church toys” to occupy the children in church when they are still too young to focus their full attention on the altar.
• Pile #4 - these should be some toys that can’t possibly cause any injury to another child; take these toys along with you to occupy the children on visits to the supermarket, doctors’ waiting rooms, etc.
• Pile #5 - Stuff a few unopened toys in a closet or under a bed as quick and handy birthday presents when your children are invited to a party given by another child in their playgroup or nursery school, or next door neighbor children.
• Pile #6 - The remaining toys can be divided evenly amongst the relatives (without returning a particular gift to the gift-giver). When you visit grandparent set #1, you tell them: “We really appreciate all the toys you bought the kids, but we just don’t have room to keep everything at our small house, so we would like you to keep these things at your house so little Bobby and Annie have something to play with when we visit, and then we won’t have to load the car up with toys to keep them amused while they’re at your house.”

If there is also an overabundance of clothing gifts, you might even include an outfit or two, “… just in case either of the children gets sick while they’re visiting.”

• Piles #7-10 - Repeat from #6 with the other set of grandparents and sets of aunts and uncles.

This should appease everyone, lessen the burden on you of transporting the contents of the playroom everytime you visit family, church, etc., give you one less chore when you need a quick gift, and ease any burden of guilt since you will have also donated some things to charity.

I don’t suggest telling the relatives that you donated anything to charity. It can hurt our feelings. :bighanky:

Finally, relax. Children are little for such a very short time. Before you know it, you’ll need to ask them what they want for Christmas… and when you get to that point, they’ll only want one thing – a pony!

May you and your family have a very Blessed Christmas Season.

http://bestsmileys.com/christmas1/10.gif

WOW really great suggestions!!

 

[iluvmybabies]

I am remembering the time BIL and his family came for Christmas and somebody gave his toddler a plastic lawn-mower with a realistic sounding “engine” which drove everybody crazy all week. He deliberately tried to leave it at Grandma’s “for when we visit” but somebody stuck it back in the carry-on luggage. I think he said the stewardess opened the airplane door’s and threw it out somewhere over Kansas.

LOL…Oh man I remember those toys…they were great!! Lol… Hopefully it didn’t land in anyone’s yard… jkjkjk