How do you prevent someone from lusting over you?

[Mannyfit75]

I have a question, I have a female friend, who admits to lust over me. I have show her a picture of me in my Army uniform (Class A). I mean she really gets arouse just by looking at it.

When she admit this, I can’t help but to say that I feel guilty. How is it possible to lust on a person, even when the clothing the person is wearing is not immodest like the Class A uniform?

I really need help here. I recall Padre Pio was given a revelation about two girls who are beautiful were in hell for dressing immodestly by having men lust over them…

 

[Nechasin]

You can only control what you can do. You can dress modestly. If your modest dress causes problems for other people, that is not your problem. If you are dressing immodestly for the purpose of inciting lust, then you do have a problem.

 

[Mannyfit75]

You can only control what you can do. You can dress modestly. If your modest dress causes problems for other people, that is not your problem. If you are dressing immodestly for the purpose of inciting lust, then you do have a problem.

So it’s her problem rather than mine. Why do I feel guilty though.

 

[mschrank]

I have a question, I have a female friend, who admits to lust over me. I have show her a picture of me in my Army uniform (Class A). I mean she really gets arouse just by looking at it.

When she admit this, I can’t help but to say that I feel guilty. How is it possible to lust on a person, even when the clothing the person is wearing is not immodest like the Class A uniform?

I really need help here. I recall Padre Pio was given a revelation about two girls who are beautiful were in hell for dressing immodestly by having men lust over them…

Um, a class A is not erotic in the least its like a business suit. Please don’t be scrupulous. She just has a thing for a guy in uniforms. You’re not at fault.

Those girls probably dressed like sluts on purpose and didn’t care who they hurt. For most women, dressing like that is about power, and power comes from the desire to manipulate. It’s the female equivalent of rape. That’s why its wrong.

You, on the other hand, are doing nothing wrong. I wish the AF would change their formals. Your guy’s Class A’s look pretty sharp compared to the AF’s “cheap waiter outfits”. My bro is in the Army (I’m going into the Air Force in April).

You probably feel guilty because you love her (as a friend) and don’t want to cause her to sin.

 

[Mannyfit75]

Um, a class A is not erotic in the least its like a business suit. Please don’t be scrupulous. She just has a thing for a guy in uniforms. You’re not at fault.

Those girls probably dressed like sluts on purpose and didn’t care who they hurt. For most women, dressing like that is about power, and power comes from the desire to manipulate. It’s the female equivalent of rape. That’s why its wrong.

You, on the other hand, are doing nothing wrong. I wish the AF would change their formals. Your guy’s Class A’s look pretty sharp compared to the AF’s “cheap waiter outfits”. My bro is in the Army (I’m going into the Air Force in April).

You probably feel guilty because you love her (as a friend) and don’t want to cause her to sin.

I use to thought lust was a man’s problem than a woman. Lately, I think lust crosses both gender…

 

[FLCathMom]

I really need help here. I recall Padre Pio was given a revelation about two girls who are beautiful were in hell for dressing immodestly by having men lust over them…

The sin is in dressing immodestly, in intending to provoke lust. If one is doing his or her best to dress modestly and otherwise avoid eliciting the lust of others, then there is no sin.

There is culpability on both sides. You have done your part, your friend has an obligation to keep herself from sin.

A modestly dressed beautiful person is still beautiful. The point of dressing modestly is to help others draw the line between physical attraction and lust. It is not the initial thought that is sinful, it in the dwelling. When someone comes across a person who is already half-undressed, there is not much “mental undressing” left to do. Immodest dress is a catalyst into sinful thoughts.

Keep in mind this may also be a case of poor wording on your friend’s part. She may have meant to say that she found you attractive, not necessarily that she was aroused. I think it is a symptom of the fallen standards for morality that many people can’t seem to differentiate between physical attraction and lust.

 

[Mannyfit75]

The sin is in dressing immodestly, in intending to provoke lust. If one is doing his or her best to dress modestly and otherwise avoid eliciting the lust of others, then there is no sin.

There is culpability on both sides. You have done your part, your friend has an obligation to keep herself from sin.

A modestly dressed beautiful person is still beautiful. The point of dressing modestly is to help others draw the line between physical attraction and lust. It is not the initial thought that is sinful, it in the dwelling. When someone comes across a person who is already half-undressed, there is not much “mental undressing” left to do. Immodest dress is a catalyst into sinful thoughts.

Keep in mind this may also be a case of poor wording on your friend’s part. She may have meant to say that she found you attractive, not necessarily that she was aroused. I think it is a symptom of the fallen standards for morality that many people can’t seem to differentiate between physical attraction and lust.

It’s lust. She openly admits it.

 

[FLCathMom]

I agree with Mschrank, you probably feel bad because she is your friend and you don’t want to see her sin.

What can you do? You could tell her that such talk makes you uncomfortable- it may make her curious and open the door for you to share your views on faith and morality.

 

[armywife]

Manny,

You’ve been in Iraq for a while now. Most people are feeling some sort of sexual frusteration simply by being in close quarters with the opposite sex for a long periond of time. I personally think a soldier (especially my husband ) can look very attractive in his Class A, but that is really not the point.

This is part of the problem of having men and women live together for a long time in a somewhat isolated environment. It’s a good that you are a strong person because her comments could easily lead to an immoral relationship downrange. You can’t let her feelings control yours and make you feel guilty.

 

[whatevergirl]

So it’s her problem rather than mine. Why do I feel guilty though.

Because she is projecting it at you. I have always believed lustful thoughts to be more about the person who is having them, that the outward things that may or may not ignite such thoughts and behaviors. If a person for example, struggles with porn, it would be best if he/she avoided porn. But, it’s also possible, that such a person could have lustful thoughts, without the stimulus of porn in front of him/her. It’s possible, that this female friend likes ‘men in uniform,’ and you fit an image that she ‘lusts after,’ or that she has an interest in you, personally, and this is how she conveyed it.

But, either way, please don’t feel guilty. May I ask what your reply to your friend was?

 

[Mannyfit75]

Because she is projecting it at you. I have always believed lustful thoughts to be more about the person who is having them, that the outward things that may or may not ignite such thoughts and behaviors. If a person for example, struggles with porn, it would be best if he/she avoided porn. But, it’s also possible, that such a person could have lustful thoughts, without the stimulus of porn in front of him/her. It’s possible, that this female friend likes ‘men in uniform,’ and you fit an image that she ‘lusts after,’ or that she has an interest in you, personally, and this is how she conveyed it.

But, either way, please don’t feel guilty. May I ask what your reply to your friend was?

I have not told her I feel guilty. She did say she feels guilty because she knows I try to be a pious Catholic Christian. She is a good friend. I know her for about 3-4 yrs.

 

[Mannyfit75]

Manny,

You’ve been in Iraq for a while now. Most people are feeling some sort of sexual frusteration simply by being in close quarters with the opposite sex for a long periond of time. I personally think a soldier (especially my husband ) can look very attractive in his Class A, but that is really not the point.

I have been here for a while. I meet a lot of good Catholic Soldiers, especially another female, a Soldier who is a very devout Catholic. Oddly, enough I find myself completely attracted for her love of God and His Church, but that is another topic.

This is part of the problem of having men and women live together for a long time in a somewhat isolated environment. It’s a good that you are a strong person because her comments could easily lead to an immoral relationship downrange. You can’t let her feelings control yours and make you feel guilty.

She’s a friend online who I chat over MSN IM. I forgot which Chat Room I meet her, but I think she is just a friend.

 

[armywife]

Man, that totally ruins my thesis . Well, if it’s from an IMing friend, even more the reason to not feel guilty. She’s just being too forward, IMHO.

And I’m so happy you’ve found some good friends, it can make the deployment much easier. My husband decided to convert while he’s deployed. Hopefully he’ll start RCIA when he get’s back.

 

[Mannyfit75]

Man, that totally ruins my thesis . Well, if it’s from an IMing friend, even more the reason to not feel guilty. She’s just being too forward, IMHO.

She admits its lust not love. I can’t do anything about her problem of lust, but pray. I could tell her about it being a problem to me since indirectly, my photo is making her lust over me.

And I’m so happy you’ve found some good friends, it can make the deployment much easier. My husband decided to convert while he’s deployed. Hopefully he’ll start RCIA when he get’s back.

Unfortunately, my Army friend, she just got here in Oct 07 and will be stuck here until next January 09. I will miss her dearly, I did promise her that I will write to her a letter.

 

[kage_ar]

My advice, tell this friend that you feel her comments are inappropriate. If she continues after you tell her that, it would be wise to limit your interaction, be polite and kind, but do not get too “friendly”.

 

[Mannyfit75]

My advice, tell this friend that you feel her comments are inappropriate. If she continues after you tell her that, it would be wise to limit your interaction, be polite and kind, but do not get too “friendly”.

I think telling her the truth would be the best but I must do so with charity and love

 

[deb1]

I have not told her I feel guilty. She did say she feels guilty because she knows I try to be a pious Catholic Christian. She is a good friend. I know her for about 3-4 yrs.

I hate to tell you Manny but she isn’t being a good friend by putting this on you. She knows that you are trying to be pious and she could have kept her ‘lust’ to herself.

Modern society encourages young women to relate to guys in a sexual way. Perhaps she thinks that being so forward will attract you.

 

[Fidelis]

Sorry, I’m no help. Can’t say I’ve ever had this particular problem.

 

[wcknight]

Most people have the opposite problem, how do get folks to lust after you… or at least not be repulsed by you.

Since you are dressing modestly, it is not your sin.

Too much attention by your ‘friend’ might be considered sexual harassment and can be cause for disciplinary action by your managers.

IF she is really a true friend, you may just want to let her know that her advances make you feel uncomfortable and you would really like her to stop and control herself.

 

[Mannyfit75]

Most people have the opposite problem, how do get folks to lust after you… or at least not be repulsed by you.

Since you are dressing modestly, it is not your sin.

Too much attention by your ‘friend’ might be considered sexual harassment and can be cause for disciplinary action by your managers.

IF she is really a true friend, you may just want to let her know that her advances make you feel uncomfortable and you would really like her to stop and control herself.

She is an online friend. Not a fellow co-worker. She had known me for years. The odd thing is she wasn’t like this before until I show her my photo of me in my Class A.