G
GutsfromBerserk
Guest
Ah, so you’re female. Thanks.
- Status
C
chevalier
Guest
Erm. Not quite. I’m a 6’5’’ dude. Your logic circuitry’s a little off.
G
GutsfromBerserk
Guest
Lol, KIDDING.
C
chevalier
Guest
Learn to use smilies then.Lol, KIDDING.
E
eddy714
Guest
Good Morning,BVM,
OK guys, this is a really emberassing topic for me to talk about but, well, exactly what it says on the tin. How do I talk to girls in order to make friends with them? Note I am not saying that I’m looking for a girlfriend or that I’m interested in dating them although for reasons that are obvious I’m not against dating. Because frankly, I haven’t had much experience talking to girls and I want to make some friends and I don’t want to do soemthing that would make me look awkward/stupid/a jerk.
Thing is, I want to learn some more manners. I do consider myself well mannered at the risk of sounding boastful but I am confused on certain things. For one thing, is it rude to look women in the eye while talking? How do women think if a guy is being polite to them? In fact, one thing that I’m always scared of in part because I am very socially awkward is the fact that I may offend somone. What should I avoid when talking to women? In fact, is my thrwad itself offensive to any ladies here? These may seem like banal questions but I’m so confused I don’t think they are.
Also, I’m a pretty boring guy. I don’t have much of a social life and the only topics that really pique my interest are ones pertaining to morality, works of fiction (specifically anime) Catholic theology. However, what realy bothers me is that in a lot of anime shows, you often see a girl get disinterested in a boy because he only talks about himself. And they’re right, I don’t want to be the kind of guy who only talks about his own interests because it’s so inconsiderate. Rather, I think it’s better to talk about your own interests for a little bit if asked to and then you should ask the girl you’re talking to about her own interests.
What do you guys think? It’d be more helpful if a girl would actually comment though.
I know you suggested a girl but sorry I’m a guy
I didn’t read through all the post do I don’t know if this was advised but, if your parish has a youth group that would be a good place to meet people and girls too.
It’s all about putting your self out there (by that I don’t mean wearing a sign saying I’m Single
) meet up with your friends go watch a movie hang out at the mall. You might bump in into class mates or people you haven’t seen in a while.May God Bless you in your journey.
E
eddy714
Guest
tell a woman something like ‘you’re beautiful’ or ‘you’re hot’ because as is obvious, it’d be an insult to her as she’d think you only like her for her appearance. I do think there are exceptions such as when she’d be dressed up for a special occassion and a guy were to say that she looks nice or lovely as that would be more of a compliment than superficial flirting. What do you guys think?
A women will never reject a compliment but at the same time don’t be saying it all the time you might scare her away.
You have to be attracted to her in some way and that is where the flirting starts, and can lead on to something more serious as in dating.
J
Joe_5859
Guest
You’ve received lots of good advice so far.
To me, the simplest piece of advice is the good ol’ Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Do you like to talk about the things that interest you? Of course, who doesn’t? Then it stands to reason that whoever you are talking to likes to talk about the things that interest them. So make sure and give them that opportunity. Listen to what they have to say (and eye contact is a really good way to show that you are listening). Remember what they talk about. I know my sister was always most impressed by the guys who actually brought up things she had mentioned in previous conversations. It showed that they actually retained what she had shared.
I think there’s something psychological about how people tend to have more positive feelings towards people that let them talk.
Of course, you don’t want a one-sided friendship where you allow the other person to use you as a sounding board while they never express the slightest interest in anything about you. But just starting off, I think it’s better to listen more and speak less.
To me, the simplest piece of advice is the good ol’ Golden Rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Do you like to talk about the things that interest you? Of course, who doesn’t? Then it stands to reason that whoever you are talking to likes to talk about the things that interest them. So make sure and give them that opportunity. Listen to what they have to say (and eye contact is a really good way to show that you are listening). Remember what they talk about. I know my sister was always most impressed by the guys who actually brought up things she had mentioned in previous conversations. It showed that they actually retained what she had shared.
I think there’s something psychological about how people tend to have more positive feelings towards people that let them talk.
Of course, you don’t want a one-sided friendship where you allow the other person to use you as a sounding board while they never express the slightest interest in anything about you. But just starting off, I think it’s better to listen more and speak less.
J
Joe_5859
Guest
Very true. Saying, “You look really nice today,” every once in a while is sweet. Saying it everytime you see her is creepy.
G
GutsfromBerserk
Guest
Thanks everyone! I should build up my confidence a lot then. I’m just glad I’m actually talking to girls and people instead of looking at everyone as a bad person in my ugly sedevacantist days (don’t ask, I’m just glad I dropped all that stupid **** and rejoined the Catholic Church under Pope Benedict XVI).
V
VirtusTransitus
Guest
Genuine interest in the girl, what she’s doing, what she’s thinking. And be funny. Compliments are good, but genuine interest is the biggest compliment and women understand this in their bones.
I shouldn’t be giving you this. I have three daughters. You, sir, are the enemy.
I shouldn’t be giving you this. I have three daughters. You, sir, are the enemy.
J
Joe_5859
Guest
I’m glad you’re making progress.
There’s so much evil in the world and we’re all sinners. Even the best of us can do even good things with ulterior motives. So if you’re looking for the bad in others, it’s often quite easy to find.
But thinking in such ways is a bad place to be. I recall experiencing a similar epiphany in my youth. Even looking at the pure snow, all my mind could see was the dirty road-side slush. Then one day I decided to start giving people the benefit of the doubt rather than the doubt of their benefit. That made a huge difference in my interpersonal relationships and the way I looked at, well, everything.
We are all sinners, but God created us to be good. We struggle, but we are still made in His image and likeness. If you want to be a good friend to someone, treat them like you believe that about them.
G
GutsfromBerserk
Guest
You can’t say that sir/miss. I live thousands of miles away from youGenuine interest in the girl, what she’s doing, what she’s thinking. And be funny. Compliments are good, but genuine interest is the biggest compliment and women understand this in their bones.
I shouldn’t be giving you this. I have three daughters. You, sir, are the enemy.
.OK now, all jokes aside as I said I’m not trying to hit on women I just want to be friends with them. When the time does come for me tog et a girlfriend, I don’t want to be some pathethic casanova wannabe who constantly uses girls for nothing but his sexual pleasure like the real jackass Casanova did. If I have to have a girlfriend, I don’t want it to be casual and I’d try finding someone who you know, I imagine living the rest of my life with. If she isn’t interested I’d move on; I can’t force my feelings on anyone as that is being selfish. If she is, even then I’d be sure that I have a stable job because in my opinion, I shouldn’t marry until I’d be able to support my own wife and future children. I’m not saying that people in poor families are unhappy, not at all as love is supposed to exist even in the biggest or turmoils. It’s just what I think and if I do have something you guys disagree with, please tell me.
G
GutsfromBerserk
Guest
Yeah, thats something the Blessed Virgin taught me and drilled in my mind. It, along with the actions of characters like Kenshin Himura, Guts, Dr. Tenma, Edward Elric, etc… also affected the way I think. I shouldn’t disbelief in my self out of false sense of humility. If I want to do good, I shoud just do it whether I am a good or bad person be damned. I learned something: if I really want the Blessed Virgin to love me I have to beleive that I can and do love her. Cue a huge epiphany when I found that out.I’m glad you’re making progress.
There’s so much evil in the world and we’re all sinners. Even the best of us can do even good things with ulterior motives. So if you’re looking for the bad in others, it’s often quite easy to find.
But thinking in such ways is a bad place to be. I recall experiencing a similar epiphany in my youth. Even looking at the pure snow, all my mind could see was the dirty road-side slush. Then one day I decided to start giving people the benefit of the doubt rather than the doubt of their benefit. That made a huge difference in my interpersonal relationships and the way I looked at, well, everything.
We are all sinners, but God created us to be good. We struggle, but we are still made in His image and likeness. If you want to be a good friend to someone, treat them like you believe that about them.
Those crazy false catholic websites drilled into my minds this self loathing and they had the audacity to say things like ‘if the enemies of God hate Him, we should also hate them’. Screw that, it’'s better to convert people than to wait for a divine punishment on them like a sitting duck. Sorry for the rant it’s just remembering all that wasted time infuriates me.
PS. Do any of you guys know how I can get to sleep? Currently, it’s my biggest problem as lack of sleep and waking up at 12 noon is seriously detrimental to me.
M
MHT32
Guest
Just ignore the fact that they are girls, most girls at my age (16) arent much different than guys. I know its a cliche, but be yourself. If you have a sense of humor, make an impression as a funny guy. Thats what worked with me. Just stay calm, there is nothing to be worried about. Whats the worst that can happen?
G
GutsfromBerserk
Guest
I don’t know, what if the girl turns out to be a yandere?
http://media.animevice.com/uploads/0/270/138646-yandere_large.jpg
KIDDING! Yeah, you’re right, whats the worst that could happen? As long as I’m not being a jerk everything will be fine.
K
Kamaduck
Guest
Awkward teenage girl here, as well as a fellow anime fan. 
Being polite is almost always a positive thing. The only situation I can think of where it would be a bad thing is if you are only polite to certain people and rude to most everyone else, or if your actions are bad, in which case I’d see the polite behavior as deceptive. I would say looking people in the eye is a good thing, but I personally don’t do it because I get nervous.
Don’t worry too much about offending people- as long as you try to be respectful you should be OK for the most part. That said, I wouldn’t talk about gender-specific things until you know someone a little better, at least unless it’s a natural thing to discuss under the circumstances. That may sound weird and certainly isn’t true for everybody, but I don’t really like it when guys talk about how “all women are like this” or even if they talk/joke about hair/clothes/girly stuff. I tolerate it in some guys, but it never helps my opinion of them. I guess it causes me to think they have unrealistic expectations of me. I’d much rather talk about someone’s interests (theirs or mine, I suppose I prefer mine), non-personal stuff (classes, activities), or some specific topic one of us is thinking of. For most purposes, treat women like people and not “women”. To start a conversation, “hi” and “how are you/what did you think of [event]” is generally all you need. If they don’t tell you how they are other than “fine”, you can always tell them how you are or what you’ve been doing recently.
I would have to agree that complimenting a girl’s appearance is sort of weird sometimes, but it’s really weird if you don’t know her and aren’t interested in dating her.
And also? Nobody who likes theology, watches anime, and practices kendo is “pretty boring”, so I’m sure lots of people would like to talk to you.
Being polite is almost always a positive thing. The only situation I can think of where it would be a bad thing is if you are only polite to certain people and rude to most everyone else, or if your actions are bad, in which case I’d see the polite behavior as deceptive. I would say looking people in the eye is a good thing, but I personally don’t do it because I get nervous.
Don’t worry too much about offending people- as long as you try to be respectful you should be OK for the most part. That said, I wouldn’t talk about gender-specific things until you know someone a little better, at least unless it’s a natural thing to discuss under the circumstances. That may sound weird and certainly isn’t true for everybody, but I don’t really like it when guys talk about how “all women are like this” or even if they talk/joke about hair/clothes/girly stuff. I tolerate it in some guys, but it never helps my opinion of them. I guess it causes me to think they have unrealistic expectations of me. I’d much rather talk about someone’s interests (theirs or mine, I suppose I prefer mine), non-personal stuff (classes, activities), or some specific topic one of us is thinking of. For most purposes, treat women like people and not “women”. To start a conversation, “hi” and “how are you/what did you think of [event]” is generally all you need. If they don’t tell you how they are other than “fine”, you can always tell them how you are or what you’ve been doing recently.
I would have to agree that complimenting a girl’s appearance is sort of weird sometimes, but it’s really weird if you don’t know her and aren’t interested in dating her.
And also? Nobody who likes theology, watches anime, and practices kendo is “pretty boring”, so I’m sure lots of people would like to talk to you.
T
TheWarriorMonk
Guest
The same as talking to guys and making friends with them. Just to talk to them. You’ll never be friends with 99% of the guys you talk to, and you’ll never be friends with 99% of the women you talk to.
If you want to meet woman with similar hobbies, you need to connect with them somehow. Clubs, conventions, etc. would be a good way to start.
G
GutsfromBerserk
Guest
Thanks kamaduck. It’s the first time anyone outside of my parents has taken me seriouslyAwkward teenage girl here, as well as a fellow anime fan.
And also? Nobody who likes theology, watches anime, and practices kendo is “pretty boring”, so I’m sure lots of people would like to talk to you.
. Everyone always said that I shouldn’t treat women specifically as women; from now on, I will treat them as men
. Kidding! That would be disrespectful. Also, regarding kendo, I joined it because I love anime and it’s messages, especially Rurouni Kenshin which is my most favorite anime/manga ever. Can’t wait for my bokken to arrive though as I don’t have one…I’m glad you’re an anime fan. I post regularly on a thread called Who loves anime here? so if you’re interested, you can post in it. It’s even one of the most popular thread on this site and it’s been almost a year since it was implemented.
Unrealistic expectations? You’re right. Something I learned is that I shouldn’t change people’s personalities. They themselves must learn by themselves. At most, I think I can make them think through discussion, just not to change them forcefully. I know talking to people on this forum before completely turned my thinking around for the better
.One thing I have difficulty with is being patient with people who are very mean spirited. I’m tired of comments from atheists insulting me with all sorts of words. One of them even told me I shouldn’t have kids
, At that moment, I told her that any pretense of debate that we had was gone and that I’m blocking her because I was tired of her insults. I did all this without saying one bad word BTW and honestly, I don’t think I did bad because I stopped someone from making me unnecessarilly depressed. In fact, I spent some time debating a ton of atheists and I actully did get a lot of experience coming up with answers and knowing what to say, seeing through their strategies and arguments and exposing them for what they were.At the same time, all these arguments and thinking made me extremely depressed but I think I matured a lot from them with Mary’s help. I avoid debates with atheists as much as possible though; I just can’t stand fanatics of any kind. What do you think Kamaduck and everyone?
G
GutsfromBerserk
Guest
Also, do girls love men who can cook?! I mean, I know they tend to but personally, I don’t think they’d like me much since I’ve been called one of the worst cooks in history by my sister. One time, while my parants were away at work, I offered to make dinner so I decided to make some pasta. I:
Well, what do you guys and girls think?
- Put the pasta in a kettle.
- The sauce consisted of orange pepeprs, tomato sauce and corned beef 7 straight form the pan. When I saw it, I deliberately put as much parmesean as I could on it and even then, it tasted so horrible I happily went the whole evening not eating.
Well, what do you guys and girls think?
A
abort73catholic
Guest
Yes!
(Even if a guy isn’t that great at cooking, it’s pretty cool (IMHO) if he tries)
I’m not the only one!!
- Status