How does one start the vocation of marriage

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gregvalc

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Catholics are supposed to to stay abstinent until marriage, which would mean both individuals of a couple would be virgins when married. Where does one find a virgin when your 27 years old? I can honestly say I don’t know any virgin girls in my age bracket. Does the church have any practical recommendations for young people looking forward to the vocation of marriage?
 
I am not sure if you are getting it right. Just look for a good wife, who will share your faith, whom you can trust and all - well, you know what you want probably. Look maybe in your church. And even if she made mistakes in the past, that is not a reason to cross a person from your list, it is more important to see who the person is now. And well… how do you start? You can start with prayer for a good wife, remembering that Jesus’s promise - seek first the Kingdom of God and the rest shall be given to you freely.
 
Danuska said:
I am not sure if you are getting it right. Just look for a good wife, who will share your faith, whom you can trust and all - well, you know what you want probably. Look maybe in your church. And even if she made mistakes in the past, that is not a reason to cross a person from your list, it is more important to see who the person is now. And well… how do you start? You can start with prayer for a good wife, remembering that Jesus’s promise - seek first the Kingdom of God and the rest shall be given to you freely.
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Good comments! Virginity is not a guarantee that the person is a good person …and plenty of people in life who have made mistakes that are good people…Blessings - Barb:)
 
Both responses above are very good.

I do want to add though, that who is to say that the bride Christ has prepared for you is 27? My relatives married when he was 30 and she was 22. They are the most beautiful Catholic couple I know.

Places to look:
  • Singles group
  • Ave Maria Singles online - I have heard of a number of good Catholic couples who found their spouses there; was even on Fr. Benedict Groeschel’s Sunday Night Live show
  • groups at Church
  • Daily Mass - not that you should go to Mass looking for a bride, but that is where Tarek Saab found his wife 😃
 
gregvalc said:
I can honestly say I don’t know any virgin girls in my age bracket.
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Is this a question that comes up immediately upon meeting someone? I didn’t know that it was common to know that state of virginity or non-virginity of one’s acquaintances.
 
Thank you Danuska and BarbaraTherese. Good response.

I didn’t actually mean to be so strict in age, but these days it’s hard to find anyone pure past 20 years old.

I don’t think that church is a good place to meet people, there aren’t too many single young people there. I don’t think online dating is necessary, how did the church expect us to meet appropriate people before the internet existed?

I’ve never heard about Catholic Singles Cruise. Can you tell me more about it.

JimG: Unless you’ve had my same life experiences, there is no way for you to know that it is completely obvious that certain people aren’t pure.

My priest said that it is God’s will for me to find someone pure to have a life with.
 
gregvalc said:
My priest said that it is God’s will for me to find someone pure to have a life with.
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If a woman has repented and confessed her sins, she’s as pure as any other. We are all sinners.

I’m glad my wife didn’t hold my past sins against me.

God Bless
 
gregvalc said:
Unless you’ve had my same life experiences, there is no way for you to know that it is completely obvious that certain people aren’t pure.
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Are you looking for a date in the right places? Like church and church functions?
I’ll tell ya, I cannot look around at church and figure out who has lead a life of abstinence before marriage.
 
jrabs said:
Don’t we all become clean again after confession?
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Only in the sense that sanctifying grace is restored. But it does not wipe away the temporal consequences. It does not cure an STD, reassemble an aborted baby and raise it from the dead, or make one “un-pregnant”. Nor does it make a non-virgin a virgin again.
 
bilop said:
If a woman has repented and confessed her sins, she’s as pure as any other. We are all sinners.

I’m glad my wife didn’t hold my past sins against me.

God Bless
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No offense, but if you are saying you were not a virgin on your wedding night, and the OP is, are you really in a position to lecture him?
 
gregvalc said:
I don’t think that church is a good place to meet people, there aren’t too many single young people there. I don’t think online dating is necessary, how did the church expect us to meet appropriate people before the internet existed?
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Our diocese has TAP for young adults (that are usually single). Our parish has a wine tasting thing for singles every month. Have you looked at other parishes in your area to see if there are young adult/singles groups?

About the dating online thing: You just get in touch with people online. You can meet them in real life. You might, after signing up, even be able to find someone in your diocese or close by. Personally I don’t think it would be my thing either, but you never know how God works. I know this one couple, he had left seminary and she was still waiting for God to provide for her… and they both signed up at Ave Maria Singles and met one another and they are oh-so happy. Have you read some of the success stories? Most of them thought the same way you did… and then they signed up and met the spouse that they had been praying for. You never know… :o
I’ve never heard about Catholic Singles Cruise. Can you tell me more about it.
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I posted the link above (in my last post) that gives more info on this. There are also Catholic Single pilgrimages too. Check the link out.
My priest said that it is God’s will for me to find someone pure to have a life with.
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If you don’t think church is the right place to look and your not open to God working online… well, I’ll pray it works out for you. That pilgrimage/cruise thing may be for you. Good Luck!
 
gregvalc said:
Catholics are supposed to to stay abstinent until marriage, which would mean both individuals of a couple would be virgins when married. Where does one find a virgin when your 27 years old? I can honestly say I don’t know any virgin girls in my age bracket. Does the church have any practical recommendations for young people looking forward to the vocation of marriage?
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Take a number and get in line…

Serously, a few things.

I presume that you yourself are a virgin. If not, you don’t have any right or claim to a virgin.

However, if you are a virgin yourself, don’t let people fault you for wanting a wife who will give you the same 100% back that you are giving her. After all, “the laborer is worth his wages”.

I would look in more tradiitonal Catholic circles if there are any near you. I do not know in what part of the country you live, but if there are any Opus Dei parishes or parishes with traditional Latin Masses and they have young adult groups, check them out. Also, check out www.nationalcatholicsingles.com (especially if you are near San Diego or Chicago - there is a conference at the end of June in San Diego, and I can vouch that the people I’ve met at the ones in Chicago lean more toward the traditional side).
 
Also, you could volunteer some place. There is a religious community near by that volunteers come and help the good sisters clean up and things. There are some single girls… there are some single guys… there is opprotunity there to meet someone. Maybe a Catholic volunteer position would lead you to the right person.

There is always the chance that when your in a young adults group/singles group that the Catholics in that group may be a bit cafeteria and not be with you on all the issues, such as contraception and things. If you go online you assured those people are there looking for a Catholic spouse who has the same ideas about marriage as you do.
 
gregvalc said:
Where does one find a virgin when your 27 years old? I can honestly say I don’t know any virgin girls in my age bracket.
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Look a little younger, if need be. Surely, you can find some college age or early 20ish virgin women around, who would still be in your general age bracket, if nothing else.
 
Pray for your wife.

Here’s a dumb idea, but it has worked for others in the past. Buy a really pretty handbag and put it in your closet. Every time you feel lonely, write a letter to your future wife and put it into “her” handbag. Then, pray for her to God, that she is having a happy day, and that she is thinking of you, as well.

(Girls, buy a pair of men’s shoes and do the same.)
 
jmcrae said:
Pray for your wife.

Here’s a dumb idea, but it has worked for others in the past. Buy a really pretty handbag and put it in your closet. Every time you feel lonely, write a letter to your future wife and put it into “her” handbag. Then, pray for her to God, that she is having a happy day, and that she is thinking of you, as well.
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Then bring the handbag out with you. It’s sure to garner LOTS of attention and maybe bring you the woman you want.
 
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