How far should I go to get pregnant?

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Kera

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Hello All,
I have written to you all several times in regards to my husband’s unwillingness to have a baby and about NFP. I come to you this time with another quandry…
My husband has decided that he is ready for a baby and we have been trying for over a year. It’s not working. I am using an ovulation preidctor and we have been to the doctor. I know that the church teaches that we should not get pregnant by unnatural means (ie: in vitro) but I am wondering how far I am supposed to go before giving up. My understanding is that according to church teaching I am allowed to take medicine to help get me pregnant.
The issue I guess I am struggling with (after a long drawn out post…sorry) is… how do I know God’s will for me? I have been asking Him in prayer what He wants me to do, but He hasn’t seemed to answer except by me NOT becoming pregnant. Is that an answer? How do I know when to stop wishing for a baby and accept God’s will? Thanks so much…sorry this was so long.
 
Is your catholic faith important to you?
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My answer is may be too simple or may be right on target… Pray about it…

Wait and trust in Jesus…

Remember Sarah was in her 90s before she conceived Isaac.

If you live in the USA, waiting is a difficult thing, we expect things to happen “Now” …

Just love you husband… Relax and enjoy what God has already given you, the remainder will follow. If God wants to bless you with children, He will in his time…
 
You might consider the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha. They have a program called Naprotechnology, which helps to get to the bottom of a couple’s fertility issues without going against Church teaching. They can also help you with more specifics on what you can and can’t do.

If you can’t physically get to Omaha, there are doctors through the country trained in this model. You might get a referral through them.

There might be a wacky hormonal issue that can be resolved with medication or surgery. It could be that for you, the signs you’re using to chart ovulation aren’t quite right. Or it could be something more serious.
 
Kera said:
How do I know when to stop wishing for a baby and accept God’s will?
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Wow, someone who writes in bigger blue font than me, lol. Hi:wave:

Anyways, to answer your question…

In my opinion, you can keep wishing for a baby AND accept God’s will at the same time. It is ok to wish for, pray for, hope for things. But if you are always willing to accept God’s will for your life *despite ***your own desires then I think that is the best any of us can hope to do.

In your situation I would proceed with any moral means available to me and that both me and my husband were comfortable with. Always keeping in mind that it is not a guarantee and to be open to God’s will. I would not do anything immoral or something that hubby and I didn’t agree on. I would also start exploring adoption as I hear it can be a very long and expensive process.
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Also, make sure that you aren’t letting it become an obsession. Keep the balance in your life and in your marriage. If it happens it happens. Have fun trying, don’t let it become a chore. And do all of the fun things with your hubby that you always planned to do…if and when baby comes your life will change, lol. Cliche, but true. God might be giving you some extra time here…take advantage of it:thumbsup:**
 
Hi there dear Kera 🙂
have you ever received a gift on a day you did not expect to receive it? Wrapped up nicely with a bow and colourful wrapping. A gift so beautiful and precious that you valued so much because you never expected to get it because you realize it is a gift?
The point is, it was a gift. You did not expect it, nor did you have the right to it. Your receiving of the gift depended solely on the person giving it, on when, how and what circumstance that person chose to give it. You had no control over it. This is somewhat like your situation as a couple.

I know it is hard. Just keep very firmly in your mind and heart that every child comes from God, and that each child is a gift that depends solely on the God giving it to you. His timing is when he chooses to gift that child to you. All you need to do is try and not expect to receive a child as though it were a right (not saying you do) but the temptation to In vitro arises when the couple stops thinking of their child as a gift to which no one has a right. Don’t expect anything but keep trying. You will have much peace in this.
 
Kera said:
Hello All,
I have written to you all several times in regards to my husband’s unwillingness to have a baby and about NFP. I come to you this time with another quandry…
My husband has decided that he is ready for a baby and we have been trying for over a year. It’s not working. I am using an ovulation preidctor and we have been to the doctor. I know that the church teaches that we should not get pregnant by unnatural means (ie: in vitro) but I am wondering how far I am supposed to go before giving up. My understanding is that according to church teaching I am allowed to take medicine to help get me pregnant.
The issue I guess I am struggling with (after a long drawn out post…sorry) is… how do I know God’s will for me? I have been asking Him in prayer what He wants me to do, but He hasn’t seemed to answer except by me NOT becoming pregnant. Is that an answer? How do I know when to stop wishing for a baby and accept God’s will? Thanks so much…sorry this was so long.
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My wife and I are in a similar situation. We have been trying for over 2 years.

You should find an NFP instructor in your area and begin charting. This can help improve your chance of conception through timing. Try the Couple to Couple League

ccli.org/

or the Pope Paul VI Institute as someone mentioned. If they don’t have someone, try asking your diocese.

You NFP teacher can probably direct you to a doctor who will abide by Catholic teaching. There are a number of tests that can be done to determine your and your husband’s fertility. There are some easily corrected things that may hinder fertility (blocked fallopian tubes, pituitary problems, low progesterone, etc.).

Good luck and God Bless!
 
Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility?

It is a great book about FEM which is just like NFP except she promotes the use of contraceptives during your most fertile times; however, the author does explain how to use the book for NFP users.

I highly recommend it!
 
thenewmrssears said:
Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility?

It is a great book about FEM which is just like NFP except she promotes the use of contraceptives during your most fertile times; however, the author does explain how to use the book for NFP users.

I highly recommend it!
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You beat me to it…it’s a very informative, good book if you ignore the part about using condoms. She gives lots of tips and hints for improving your odds for conception if you are TTC. Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition by Marilyn Shannon also gives advice for improving your diet to aid conception.
 
Kera said:
My husband has decided that he is ready for a baby and we have been trying for over a year. It’s not working. I am using an ovulation preidctor and we have been to the doctor. I know that the church teaches that we should not get pregnant by unnatural means (ie: in vitro) but I am wondering how far I am supposed to go before giving up. My understanding is that according to church teaching I am allowed to take medicine to help get me pregnant.
The issue I guess I am struggling with (after a long drawn out post…sorry) is… how do I know God’s will for me? I have been asking Him in prayer what He wants me to do, but He hasn’t seemed to answer except by me NOT becoming pregnant. Is that an answer? How do I know when to stop wishing for a baby and accept God’s will? Thanks so much…sorry this was so long.
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To respond to a very small part of your post (because everyone else is doing a real good job with the rest), I must say don’t give up! To truly “give up” would be to stop engaging in marital relations with your DH. Keep praying, keep hoping, and keep relating!
God bless
 
God’s ways are mysterious. We gave up on ever having a second after years of no babies and one miscarriage. I had stopped working when I had the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. A few years later, I went back to work, “gave up” on the whole idea, and decided that our daughter would be an only child. I got pregnant literally days after I got a job and officially “gave up”!

Then we thought #3 would again take years to come, if ever. I got pregnant again when #2 was only 9 months old.

I recommend truly giving it up to God. You can keep doing whatever the Church allows to increase your chances. But also pray for God’s will.
 
Hello All!!!

You have NO IDEA how much reading this post meant to me…even to the point if you read another post, I complete note that I started an issue with DH regarding this matter - he keeps trying to get me to focus on our Lord first and then accept his will with regard to children…I, on the other hand, have a hard time when it has been something I have wanted desperately.

Thank you, thank you, thank you…whomever it was that gave the analogy of the beautiful present wrapped up - one that was unexpected…somehow in my spirit, I relaxed and really felt like I could offer it up to our Lord…THANK YOU THANK YOU

Also, read “The Fertility Diet”. It was recommended by my very catholic OBGYN…

Love and blessings,
Holly
 
Are you checking your basal body temperature to know for sure when you ovulated? Your temperature changes when you ovulate. It has been a while, so I can’t remember if it goes up or down.

Also, do you use ovulation predictor kits? It will tell you when you are the most fertile b/c it detects the ovulation harmone (estrogen peaks right before ovulation).

Do you also check for fertile mucus? This is also an indication that you are fertile.

You may ovulate irregularly, you may have a short luteal phase, etc. You may want to investigate further if you are not sure.
 
I suggest talking about your doctor about a few things. I have been there and done that - in fact, I am scheduled to have a laparoscopy this Friday (the 19th of September) to have a uterine septum removed. PLEASE talk to your doctor and consider seeing a specialist. Sometimes, something as easy as a HSG (dye test of the tubes) can make a huge difference in your fertility!

DO keep praying and loving your husband. I realize how quickly your life can become consumed with TTC.

Let me know if you have any questions. I have been on this road for 5 years (with one miracle son).🙂
 
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Also, make sure that you aren’t letting it become an obsession. Keep the balance in your life and in your marriage. If it happens it happens. Have fun trying, don’t let it become a chore. And do all of the fun things with your hubby that you always planned to do…if and when baby comes your life will change, lol. Cliche, but true. God might be giving you some extra time here…take advantage of it:thumbsup:**

This is exactly what I think! “Have fun trying” I love it!:hug1:
 
A good way to find out fast (since it might take a good while to really learn NFP) when you ovulate is by using ovulation-tests. You can get really cheap ones on the internet and then you are sure to hit the right time.
I hope everything works out for you
Amber
 
Kera,
My opinion based on my experiences & experiences of others close to me, is that you should only go as far as you & your husband are both comfortable. The quest for fertility can quickly overshadow the rest of your marriage and create stress on your relationship. Also, some assisted reproduction techniques have side-effects that can be detrimental to your long-term health. When researching your options, make sure you get clear information on possible side-effects so you & your husband can decide what is acceptable & what isn’t.

Whatever you choose to do, assisted fertility, adoption, or NFP techniques to calculate your best time, try to keep everything in perspective and be open to whatever comes your way.

SarahN
 
You will never know perfectly God’s will for you, but obviously prayer is a good place to start.

I have been dealing with infertility on & off for 8 years now, currently waiting 3+ years for God to answer our prayers. And not to discount any of the advice given on this forum, but if you haven’t gone through infertility, it is easy for you to say be patient & wait for God. But in reality, infertility is very wearing physically, spiritually and emotionally. And I believe that sometimes, God is waiting on us! I think it’s important for us to use the gifts of medical knowledge to help make ourselves as healthy as we can so that we can be able to conceive.

I will give you my example: I suffer from PCOS. I took a medication called Metformin to help my body better recognize and regulate my insulin levels, while also losing weight and exercising regularly. But Metformin wasn’t enough to help my body ovulate. So I added clomid, which is a fertility drug normally used to help women ovulate. Because I had been taking the metformin and getting my body healthy, the clomid was able to help me ovulate. And then God took it from there and we became pregnant. I do not doubt that Our Lord could have helped me to overcome my insanely high insulin and very poor ovulations to help me ovulate and conceive, but I feel like in seeking medical help, I did my part to get myself as healthy and open to conception as I could, then let God do the rest.

If you have been trying for over a year & have been having sex regularly during your fertile time, then I think it is time for you to be seen by a doctor for some easy, non-invasive tests. Just because there are illicit procedures like IVF for helping infertile couples doesn’t mean that there aren’t plenty of medical procedures that can be very helpful and are not illicit. It will be important to have your husband tested as well, because half of infertility cases are male factors or a combination of male/female factors. Your husband can licitly have a semen analysis by collecting semen in a perforated condom during sexual relations.

I can’t tell you how long to wait until you “give up” because I don’t know the answer. I don’t know how long God wants me to wait for another child. I do know that I have been involved in an online infertility ministry for Catholic women all these 8 years, the past 4 as the group moderator, and that the longing for a child very rarely goes away. So I would guide you, instead of asking if it’s time to “give up”, try to discern where God is leading you. I think a medical evaluation is going to be an important part of that discernment. You may find that children will not be possible and that may turn your discernment towards adoption. Once you know what you are up against, then you can see what paths are still in front of you. Information can only help your decision making. I don’t know your age, but you have to consider as well that facing infertility head-on and treating it is much easier when you are young then when you are older. So if medical intervention is going to be necessary, it’s better to find out now.

If you would like to talk to other Catholic women who are facing the same questions and discernment as you are, please consider joining our email group of wonderful women. They will overwhelm you with their support and information. Our group site is: [health.groups.yahoo.com/group/catholic-fertility

](http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/catholic-fertility)

There are some women in our group who conceived after pursuing medical treatment; there are some women who were told they would “never conceive” outside of invitro who went on to have one or more babies thanks be to God! So it’s a very interesting mix of success stories. God bless you on your journey!
 
Kera said:
Hello All,
I have written to you all several times in regards to my husband’s unwillingness to have a baby and about NFP. I come to you this time with another quandry…
My husband has decided that he is ready for a baby and we have been trying for over a year. It’s not working. I am using an ovulation preidctor and we have been to the doctor. I know that the church teaches that we should not get pregnant by unnatural means (ie: in vitro) but I am wondering how far I am supposed to go before giving up. My understanding is that according to church teaching I am allowed to take medicine to help get me pregnant.
The issue I guess I am struggling with (after a long drawn out post…sorry) is… how do I know God’s will for me? I have been asking Him in prayer what He wants me to do, but He hasn’t seemed to answer except by me NOT becoming pregnant. Is that an answer? How do I know when to stop wishing for a baby and accept God’s will? Thanks so much…sorry this was so long.
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Seriously…so many women get pregnant when they are not trying too! There really is some truth to stop trying so hard and it’ll happen ;). Seriously, put away all the charts and the tests. “Try” daily, every 2 days, or whatever and just let it go. It’ll happen. My doctor told me I was a very fertile person, but then it took me a year to get pregnant with our son. I was starting to freak out.

I had a short Luteal Phase (days after ovulation to period) which I thought may be contributing to it, so if you’ve noticed it (LP under 12 days), then vitamin B12 can help - at least that’s what I read (read about it on google) and as you can guess…the first month of me using 1/2 tablet of B12 a day - I got pregnant. Also, I believe Metformin (prescription) can help you ovulate more regularly. I don’t think you’re ready yet for medications though. If you want, read about B12 and if nothing is happening in another 6 months, ask your doctor what options there are for you. And good luck!
 
I totally agree with Jen731. I too have PCOS but my diet was not the reason. I also was placed on Clomid and I received all 3 of my beautiful children that way. I believe that GOD is waiting on us sometimes and we need to be strong enough to listen to him. The patience to hear him and know he will take over. I wish I knew there were Catholic fertility websites when I was trying. Hang in there!
 
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