A typical Friday in TOM’s 2018 Lent (abridged):
Thursday 8 pm. Are there scrumptuous yummies in the pantry or do I go shopping?
9 pm. Eat yum-yums.
10 pm. How good is the TV tonight?
11 pm. Gotta hurry if I want dessert
11:30 pm. Good going, genius. Did you really want to wash dishes now?
11:45 pm. Last call because clocks can be wrong.
Midnight Thurs/Fri. The first TV station that says it’s midnight is right.
12:15 am. Go to bed, genius.
12:30 am. Sleep, genius.
12:31 am. Anything good on TV?
12:32 am. Cooking shows.
2:30 am. Awake? I’m hungry.
2:31 am. You are so not. Go to sleep.
2:35 am. That cola was a mistake.
3:32 am. Don’t have to write anything this Lent, do you?
3:33 am. Nope. Thank you, by the way.
3:44 am. Besides, I spent weeks on that last write-up and all anyone clicks on is
who shot J.R.
5:01 am. It’s not time to get up yet.
7:30 am. Mouthwash. Please.
8:35 am. No breakfast?
9:45 am. Feeling light and strong.
11:12 am. Mouthwash.
11:13 am. It’s only x hours to midnight.
11:14 am. I will not count.
1 pm. Your lunch smells good. Something Italian. Not pizza, though.
2:50 pm. Last chance for mouthwash. You’re doing something at 3.
2:51 pm. I will not count.
4:30 pm. Drink more water, already.
5 pm. Mouthwash. Thought I refilled this bottle last week.
6 pm. Driving by marquee advert of “we have perch and cod.”
6:01 pm. Thinking of the CC with the same batter recipe for decades. The grandparents bought their fish fry there. Want.
6:02 pm. Pigging out on the best fish fry ever does not count.
6:03 pm. How does anyone who eats anything determine if it’s Fasting or Dieting? Do they have a chart or a referee or something?
6:04 pm. Which is why anything TOM eats would be just Dieting.
6:15 pm. Turn on TV, lie down.
9:37 pm. What the – it’s still Friday?
9:38 pm. How many times have you thought about Jesus today?
9:39 pm. I will not count – 2 hours, 21 minutes to midnight.
9:40 am. Please tell me there’s something good on TV.
10 pm. Two hours to midnight.
11 pm. One hour to midnight.
11:35 pm. That monologue was mean rather than funny. Also, 25 minutes to midnight.
11:55 pm. Is it okay to at least microwave the meal?
Midnight Fri/Sat 12:01 am. Jesus fasted for 40 days, and that was with a heckler. Never heard of a saint with a hot meal waiting at 12:01 am. Bless this food.
2:30 am. I’m hungry.
2:31 am. You are so not. Go to sleep.
You pray for me and I’ll pray for you.
