How has marriage been different than you thought it would be?

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DisorientingSneeze

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Inspired by a recent thread a lot of us spent some time in.

How has living your vocation of marriage been different than you imagined it would be before you were married?
 
I love my spouse more now than when we were first married, over 30 years ago. Very surprising, considering the sterotypes out there of the old married couple who barely tolerates each other.

It has been a nice surprise.

Great question. Can’t wait to read about everyone else!
 
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I had no idea the depths of selflessness that would be required, and I suspect I still don’t as I’m sure that it continues to increase. I had no idea that selflessness would come this easily, not that there weren’t growing pains but this sacrement continually sanctifies us. It softens the hard parts of our hearts.

I had no idea we would be this fertile! 😮

The ways my spouse has changed for the better have been a surprise, I mean you think you’re madly in love with them at the start, but once you’ve really been through some things together and seen God work in them it just explodes!
 
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I did not suspect my husband would be this good at doing character voices in bedtime stories, or making guacamole.
 
I also love him even more than when we were first married. (I have only been married a few years, so I don’t have as many years of experience as many of you do; but it’s always so nice to hear about people enjoying long and happy marriages.)

I was pleasantly surprised at how much our relationship deepened and improved with each stage but especially with marriage. Dating was good; being engaged was better; and being married is the best!

One thing that was different than I thought it would be is how much more intimately I have come to know my husband than I did prior to marriage, and how I am still discovering new layers to his personality. I thought before marriage that we mostly knew all there was to know about each other and that the only new things we would discover upon marriage would be little things like housekeeping habits (i.e., how the other person deals with dirty dishes and socks, etc.). There is that, but there is far more! (and most of it good).

Infertility has been a sad surprise; we planned to start a family right away, and neither of us had any reason to think we would not be able to have children. So it was a challenge that blind-sided us, but we are getting through it together, and doing a little counseling has helped. (And we are still hoping.)
 
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Ditto, to everything you said, except I’m the dude in the relationship. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
The ways my spouse has changed for the better have been a surprise, I mean you think you’re madly in love with them at the start, but once you’ve really been through some things together and seen God work in them it just explodes!
Husband has really grown in many surprising ways.

I married a skinny fat academic guy, but somewhere along the way, he got very athletic! He’s developed a lot of hands-on hobbies and is able to make a lot of stuff and do a lot of household repairs. He also does a lot of activities with the kids, both athletic and intellectual.
 
I did not suspect my husband would be this good at doing character voices in bedtime stories, or making guacamole.
That’s another thing–my husband’s cooking skills are something like 100x more advanced than when he was a mid-20-something.
 
Ithas been 47years so this is hard. I am as giddy in love as I have ever been even when he does things that drive me crazy.
It has surprised me how nothing can shake that love we have for each other.
 
I always thought that our problems would come from the outside (ie a job loss, a sick kid, bad neighbors).
But the majority of our problems came from unrecognized baggage we both brought into the marriage.
It’s been a humbling, and stumbling and sometimes excruciating experience, but we grew together, despite it all.

Praise Jesus ✝️✝️✝️:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:
 
Married 40 years this year. dated for 6 years before we got married at age 21. (Yes, we believe in young dating and marriage!).

I thought we would have more sex. I had the idea that married people have sex almost every night.

Even when we were first married and still skinny and flexible, we didn’t have sex every night!

Now that we’re old and fat and still working full time, we definitely don’t have sex every night!

So that’s definitely different than I thought it would be. I guess I had watched too many episodes of “Love American Style.”

Yes, we are still very much in love–sometimes we wonder if we’re too “in love,” because we have a hard time making friends and spending time with other people. We both prefer being with each other–other people are sometimes kind of boring to us.

Both of us read lots, talk lots, and have a huge range of interests that most people raise their eyebrows when they hear about; e.g., I love studying anything to do with Germany and WWII, and I also love collecting vaseline glass, while my husband enjoys collecting and repairing typewriters, making jewelry, and collecting a eclectic selection of comic book titles. Both of us like cats, and we love driving around–just driving around in farm country.

So that’s different than we thought marriage would be–we thought we would constantly have friends over and be visiting friends. Hasn’t worked out that way. But when I think about how our parents were (and still are for my husband’s parents)–they were kind of the same way–wrapped up in each other and their own interests. In his last few weeks of life, my dad said that my mother was the smartest woman he ever knew, and he looked forward to being with her again in heaven. In fact, he had a vision of her in his hospital room a few months before he died.
 
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I always thought that our problems would come from the outside (ie a job loss, a sick kid, bad neighbors).
But the majority of our problems came from unrecognized baggage we both brought into the marriage.
Ooh agree! Unpacking so many things.
 
Now that we’re old and fat and still working full time, we definitely don’t have sex every night!

So that’s definitely different than I thought it would be.
That reminds me–

When I was a kid and teen, I think we were under the impression that one can have sex all night long, and that that was a desirable thing to do.

As it turns out, it makes a lot more sense to make love and fall asleep immediately.
 
A glorious rollercoaster of experiences and emotions. I would trade any of it. Let’s see what the next 36 years bring.
 
Or make love during the day (when there are no kids around) when we are both most awake.

It doesn’t help that I am a definite morning person (love getting up early and usually I’m awake by 5 a.m and falling asleep by 9 p.m…), while my husband is a definite night person (loves staying up past midnight and sleeping til 9 a.m.).
 
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I never dreamed we would have so many kids. I wanted 4 we ended up with seven. Best thing we ever did. I thought we would travel more. I found out I hate to travel even now that we are retired.
 
When I was a kid and teen, I think we were under the impression that one can have sex all night long, and that that was a desirable thing to do.

As it turns out, it makes a lot more sense to make love and fall asleep immediately.
Yeah, me too. I was under the impression that you’d have sex as often as possible and that there would never be a time when you wouldn’t want to.

Now I see there are times when one (or both of you) isn’t in the mood, and it poses a challenge when one of you wants to and one of you doesn’t. I didn’t expect that, figuring you’d both want to do it at all times.
 
Or make love during the day (when there are no kids around) when we are both most awake.
I always thought it was strictly a night time thing. Now we make use of the daytime when possible (if the kids are napping or at school) because we’re often tired at the end of the day.
 
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