How have you navigated paying on a first date?

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GospelOfMatthew

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So I’m 20YO and I have never entered this realm of dating before or for that matter anything even close to that lol. I met this girl when I was 16YO at a Catholic retreat and we didn’t talk much there but afterwards she friended me on FB and I noticed she posted about a hobby she enjoys which just so happened to be a hobby I very much enjoy.

Long story short, four years later we text regularly as well as video chat occasionally. Lots of similar interests and beliefs and all that. We have talked about dating before but since we live a few hours away and we hadn’t seen each other in 4 years, it didn’t seem logical. But now on break, I decided to ask her if she wanted to go to mass with me and then go to a restaurant afterwards which she excited said yes to (it’s a church she goes to while at college that’s equidistant for us distance wise).

So my question is, at the restaurant do I pay for her as well and if so am I suppose to ask her if she is fine with that or how is this done? What would be the polite and appropriate thing to do as like I said I’ve never done anything like this before but since we have been in frequent communication for 4 years we are pretty close. Any advice on this and how did you navigate it? Any tips as well? Thanks
 
When the bill comes, just take it and say “nah, I got it” with a smile. You don’t get the bill cos you’re the man. You get the bill cos you wanna do something nice for someone you care about.

But if she gets it first and wants to do the nice thing, there’s no shame in that, either.
 
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Well right now, you’re just friends right? I mean it’ll get to the point where I think you should pay all of it, but do what we call going dutch, pay for half. That being said, if you have the money to do it I bet she would appreciate you paying for it all. You got to be careful though because not all women are like that. I remember the second time that I got engaged, I was told not to get her a ring. I’m not making this up, she told me she would break up with me if I did. Obviously, you got a while before that though. I think it would be best to ask her if she would be okay with you paying for it all.
 
If you want to impress the girl, you have to pay.

If you want her to think you’re a cheapskate, then you don’t.

Get a haircut, shave, wash your car, put on a nice jacket and tie, shine your shoes. You’ll impress her as well as her parents.
 
It all depends on the precedent you want to set. If you feel it is a man’s job to be the main financial provider so that the wife has more of the domestic responsibilites, then pay. If you feel all things should be split equally let her pay her way. (however, if you marry, you will need to do half of the house work to HER standards)

IMO just take the bill and pay it. If she is offended she will

a-) speak up and say she wants to pay her way (up to you if you want to insis on paying or let her pay. NOTE if you do get serious, don’t expect to keep paying her way without being resentful of you)

b-) She will say nothing and secretly resent you in which case you are better off wihtout her
 
Since you invited her, you should expect to pay. If she insists on sharing the bill, let her, but as said above, offer to treat her the next time. Hey! You’ll have a second date!
Be yourself, be kind and cheerful. Enjoy yourself! Think of other activities that are free or not to expensive for future outings.
Be sure to come back and let us know how it went!
 
I don’t understand this. I’ve asked girls to church/dinner/movies and they never thought it was a date.

Make sure it’s a date.

Bokbok
 
Chicken_Pigeon said:
I don’t understand this. I’ve asked girls to church/dinner/movies and they never thought it was a date.

Make sure it’s a date.
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When you make the appointment, simply end by saying, “OK, it’s a date! See you tomorrow at 8 then.”

Then it is quite clear it’s a date.

(I honestly don’t know how one guy can ask one girl out somewhere and have her not think he is asking for a date, but that’s just me, I guess.)
 
I’ve always had a hard time saying okay it’s a date. Try not being an attractive guy and the girls will ALWAYS think it’s not a date. Or if you say okay it’s a date they’ll just reject me right there.

I can say “hey let’s go get dinner or go to church” to a girl and my friend can say the same thing and she’ll think he asked her out but that I just wanna be friends.

Bokbok
 
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I really do not want this to sound like an insult to the OP: the existence of the question is extremely distressing. Have we done such a poor job of educating our young men that they have to ask who should pay for a meal when taking a girl out to eat? Is there no chivalry left at all? Perhaps one of the most depressing threads ever on the forum. Ok, I exaggerate, but it is an exaggeration that seems appropriate.

GospelOfMathew,. make sure you open the car door for her, and hold the door of the church and restaurant for her, lower and raise the kneeler in church, tell her she looks pretty, etc.
 
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Yes you pay. No you don’t ask her if she’s “ok with that”.

And if she brings it up and says she wants to go Dutch, tell her that you invited her out on a date and are delighted to pay.

Make it clear you are asking her on a date, not to hang out as friends.
 
You asked her out, so you should pay. If she offers to pay, you can say “Nah, I got it. You can get it next time.”
But please, don’t ask her out again and expect her to pay. If she brings it up and insists on paying next time, let her. If she says nothing, you can pay.
 
You asked, so you pay.

She will likely offer to pay her half. Smile and say she doesn’t need to.

If she insists, let her pay half. This time, but not next time.

That works for almost anything. A guest in someone’s home? Offer to help with the dishes. They will likely decline, offer again insisting you don’t mind. Usually they will accept, if they don’t they don’t really want your help.

Girls often pay Dutch on the first date but many will write off a guy who doesn’t even attempt to pay the bill first.
 
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