How important are wedding rings?

[Cat]

How important are wedding rings?

Not as important as the marriage it self.

How important is Mass?

Not as important as living the faith outside of the Church.

Obviously that statement is a fallacy. But I think that there is an analogy here. If you are unable to bring yourself to wear a wedding band–a simple action and cheap–then how are you going to bring yourself to stick with your spouse through hard times?

A wedding band is a constant reminder to you and EVERYONE ELSE that you are married. It is one of the first acts of yielding to each other that a couple submits to. It’s a very powerful symbol. It’s so simple. But a lot of times, it’s the simple things that become issues of conflict in a marriage, and put a couple on the path to disaster and divorce.

When I see someone without a wedding band, unless it is a health/safety issue (e.g., at the gym using the weight machines), I assume they’re not married. And if they were once married (e.g., I attended the wedding), I assume that they have broken up or that their marriage is in trouble and they are separated. Do you want people thinking that about you? Well, that’s what they’ll think.

 

[mommamia]

How important is Mass?

Not as important as living the faith outside of the Church.

Obviously that statement is a fallacy. But I think that there is an analogy here. If you are unable to bring yourself to wear a wedding band–a simple action and cheap–then how are you going to bring yourself to stick with your spouse through hard times?

A wedding band is a constant reminder to you and EVERYONE ELSE that you are married. It is one of the first acts of yielding to each other that a couple submits to. It’s a very powerful symbol. It’s so simple. But a lot of times, it’s the simple things that become issues of conflict in a marriage, and put a couple on the path to disaster and divorce.

When I see someone without a wedding band, unless it is a health/safety issue (e.g., at the gym using the weight machines), I assume they’re not married. And if they were once married (e.g., I attended the wedding), I assume that they have broken up or that their marriage is in trouble and they are separated. Do you want people thinking that about you? Well, that’s what they’ll think.

No, thats what you will think. You are entitled to think that if you want. I wear my love for my husband in my heart. I usually don’t talk to anyone for long before dh is mentioned, he is just that much a part of my life.

We have 3 kids, due to miscarriages there is quite a spread between the oldest and the younger two (who are only 16 mos apart). Many people assume that the oldest “must” be from an earlier relationship. We have heard some fairly hurtful remarks about that too. But is it my problem that some people are so willing to think the worst of others? I mean do I make him wear a sign that says “These are my real parents”? My own father was killed when I was a few months old, do you know how many people just assumed my mother was some unmarried single mother? Growing up I heard my share of unkind comments on my situation.

I have no patience for people who want to assume the worst about others, and I don’t feel they are someone who’s opinion is worth caring about anyway.

 

[stringbeanduck]

How important is Mass?

Not as important as living the faith outside of the Church.

Obviously that statement is a fallacy. But I think that there is an analogy here. If you are unable to bring yourself to wear a wedding band–a simple action and cheap–then how are you going to bring yourself to stick with your spouse through hard times?

A wedding band is a constant reminder to you and EVERYONE ELSE that you are married. It is one of the first acts of yielding to each other that a couple submits to. It’s a very powerful symbol. It’s so simple. But a lot of times, it’s the simple things that become issues of conflict in a marriage, and put a couple on the path to disaster and divorce.

When I see someone without a wedding band, unless it is a health/safety issue (e.g., at the gym using the weight machines), I assume they’re not married. And if they were once married (e.g., I attended the wedding), I assume that they have broken up or that their marriage is in trouble and they are separated. ** Do you want people thinking that about you**? Well, that’s what they’ll think.

I didn’t say people shouldn’t or don’t have to wear wedding rings, I’m just implying the ring isn’t as important as the sacred bond between them. If the ring gets lost, stolen, or broken, does that mean the marriage is over with? Obviously not. Many times couples argue over the price value over the ring and how nice it must look. If you’ve got the money, buy it, but don’t put the marriage jeopardy over a ring. You can buy a less expensive ring with one diamond and it still is just as important as one with 10. Also ego can be a problem with expensive rings. Not saying there is anything wrong with having a nice, big and beautiful ring. In fact, I would really want my future wife to have nice, big, beautiful ring if finances permit, but I think folks should know that is just a symbol and shouldn’t be place above the sacred bond. That’s all.

 

[whatevergirl]

I lean in agreement with Cat on what she says, and also stringbeanduck. Both make valid points. Is there a right or wrong answer? Not really…TO ME, I think it’s important if you own a ring, to wear it. My husband loves that I wear it…I think he would be saddened to know that I have it tucked away in a jewelry box, when he bought it for me, to wear. I wear mine in the house, not cleaning and so forth, but hanging out too…I don’t view it as mere jewelry. I view it as a sacrifice that my dh made for me, by purchasing something to symbolize our marriage. (he had to do this a few times, since I lost the very first e-ring:blush: )

My dh got his ring caught in the garbage disposal one day, and it was all scratched…did that ruin our marriage? NO…LOL But, I bought him a nice new one, we just love to wear our rings, as it just means more to us than mere jewelry.

Now, when my dd gets engaged someday…will I want the man asking for her hand, to offer her a ring? Yes, I will. I don’t feel I’m shallow for this, it’s tradition in our family, that a man will propose with a ring, (doesn’t have to be a rock, something simple will do) down on his knee. If she was allergic to certain metals it would be one thing, but I can’t imagine a woman telling her bf to return a ring he picked out especially with her in mind, to ask for marriage…and sacrificed to buy for her. I have seen some of my friends rush into marriage, and they are in such a rush, that the guy didn’t have enough money to buy her a ring. That to me, is silly. If you can’t afford $500, (you can find beautiful rings for this price) then, how can you support a family? A wife? So, to me…it shows that a man is responsible when he takes that step to buy a ring for his soon-to-be wife.

Just my thoughts. I understand all the sentiments here, no one is ‘right’ or wrong…I think it’s a matter of preference. I’m just sharing as to why I think the way I do.

 

[Salonika]

I think it is up to the couple themselves to decide whether or not they will wear wedding rings. Unless, of course, they don’t have a choice ie an allergy.

A couple of comments on people making assumptions.

I have never married but I wear my great grand-mother’s first wedding ring on the third finger of my right hand. This has led people to ask me if I am divorced!

I wear a gold ring with two hands entwined on the third finger of my left hand - I bought it in the place where all sides of my family (father and mother’s) came from. Interestingly, no one has ever mistaken it for a wedding ring.

 

[PilgrimSong]

If you are unable to bring yourself to wear a wedding band–a simple action and cheap–then how are you going to bring yourself to stick with your spouse through hard times?

A wedding band is a constant reminder to you and EVERYONE ELSE that you are married. It is one of the first acts of yielding to each other that a couple submits to. It’s a very powerful symbol. It’s so simple. But a lot of times, it’s the simple things that become issues of conflict in a marriage, and put a couple on the path to disaster and divorce.

When I see someone without a wedding band, unless it is a health/safety issue (e.g., at the gym using the weight machines), I assume they’re not married. And if they were once married (e.g., I attended the wedding), I assume that they have broken up or that their marriage is in trouble and they are separated. Do you want people thinking that about you? Well, that’s what they’ll think.

Obviously you feel very, very strongly that married couples should always wear wedding rings unless they have a very good reason not to do so. BUT…you are projecting the way you think and feel about it onto everyone else. Not everyone else thinks the same way you do, so you cannot look at the presence or absence of a ring and read a person’s heart just from that.

Our friends Dave and Joan have been married over 35 years, have 10 children and several grandchildren, and one son who will be ordained a priest next year, God willing. They are faithful and devoted Catholics, and loving and devoted spouses and parents. We have known them for years and have never had any reason to suspect serious marital problems. Quite the opposite. They used to be heavily involved in pro-life work at a statewide level. They teach RCIA and started an adult apologetics group at our parish.

They don’t wear wedding rings. I knew them for quite a while before I even noticed it. Joan was playing a musical instrument, using her hands, and I noticed then. I’ve never asked why, and certainly don’t assume their marriage must be in trouble. Why would I?

I bet–though I have no data on this–that there are plenty of people in troubled marriages who wear their rings all the time.

People can make all kinds of assumptions and judgments about others. I think it’s best to leave that up to God.

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

Not everyone else thinks the same way you do, so you cannot look at the presence or absence of a ring and read a person’s heart just from that.

It’s hypocritical. This forum often tells dating couples that one cannot stay in the house of the other overnight, even in separate bedrooms, because it would cause scandal. Even completely chaste, merely it being too late to drive home, it would cause scandal.

But a married woman with a husband she is sleeping with, looking like a cohabitation couple because of no rings, is just fine? Posters were snickering about a story where the wife didn’t have her ring and it looked like the husband was having an affair. In another thread when a married man pretended to flirt with a co-worker because his friends presumed they were having an affair and it seemed funny, everyone told him off for scandal.

 

[mommamia]

It’s hypocritical. This forum often tells dating couples that one cannot stay in the house of the other overnight, even in separate bedrooms, because it would cause scandal. Even completely chaste, merely it being too late to drive home, it would cause scandal.

But a married woman with a husband she is sleeping with, looking like a cohabitation couple because of no rings, is just fine? Posters were snickering about a story where the wife didn’t have her ring and it looked like the husband was having an affair. In another thread when a married man pretended to flirt with a co-worker because his friends presumed they were having an affair and it seemed funny, everyone told him off for scandal.

I see your point, and I agree. I actually know a couple that is living together chaste. I don’t really have a problem with it, nor would I tell anyone else that it is wrong to do. But then again I mostly figure that it is the gossips who spread malicious rumors that have the problem. I truly believe that we are to always think the best of people until we see otherwise.

When did judging others become so ingrained. Just because you see a woman with children without a husband at Mass doesn’t mean that there is no husband, or that he’s some kind of bad person who never goes to Mass. Just because a mother works, doesn’t mean she is a bad mother who is not putting her children first. Just because someone isn’t wearing a wedding ring doesn’t mean that they are not married, or that their marriage is in trouble. And just because someone stays the night at a friend of the opposite sex, doesn’t mean they are having an illicit affair.

Whatever happened to removing the beam from your own eye first? How many on this board are so free of sin that they can “cast the stone”?

Honestly I’m at a point where its not my kids I have to worry about not wanting to be part of the Church, its me.

 

[Guitar]

Men may not hit on you, but they may be checking you out. When they see no ring and lots of kids, they might assume that you are a very loose woman. There are plenty of women who have children out of wedlock, often by several men.

As far as I am concerned, folks can assume all they like - in all but fairly extreme circumstances, it is not my job to live my life so that others don’t make assumptions about things that are none of their business. I grew up with a parent that lived her life that way and it was not good for her mental health (or ours either).

The only time I ever meet men (or women) I don’t know is when I am about to work with them in professional engineering or in music. (I hardly socialise at all.) In those circumstances, as we are not socialising, my marital status is not relevant. Should anyone try to chat me up, “I’m not interested” is sufficient and final. I actually don’t think I should have to say, “I’m married”. As a free-thinking adult human being, “I am not interested” is enough, and I don’t owe any further explanation. If men won’t back off at, “I’m not interested” but will back off at “I’m married and therefore unavailable” that to me proves they do not fully respect women as self-determining adults.

We don’t wear our rings anymore. We are both involved in many hands-on activities where they are a distraction, a danger or likely to end up trashed. Neither of us hide the fact that we’re married - as for other posters here, talk to us for five minutes and you’ll know just in the course of conversation - nor do we advertise it either because it is not relevant to the interactions we have with other people.

 

[whatevergirl]

I guess I’m one of the few women who wears her wedding rings, on this forum. I never thought this would be such a controversial topic.

To each’s own. I think that whatever suits a couple, that is what they should do. I just am surprised that this subject has gotten so heated…and that I’m one of the few women on here who wears her rings, and sees the rings as more than mere jewelry. And that my dh willingly wears his…even if he is working on his car or whatever, he keeps it on. We never forced one another to do this, just something we love to wear …as a symbol of our marriage.

I don’t think it needs to be a topic that makes people feel bad though, on either side of the subject. Interesting topic, everyone.

 

[AHapka]

Men may not hit on you, but they may be checking you out. When they see no ring and lots of kids, they might assume that you are a very loose woman. There are plenty of women who have children out of wedlock, often by several men.

Actually, when most people I have never met find out I have baby number 5 on the way, the most common reaction is “you must be Catholic.” Same for my wife.

In this day and age most people don’t know what to assume. Even if you have a wedding ring, people might think “hmm…5 kids…I wonder how many are from his/her first marriage.” There are so many convoluted living situations that most of our parents would never have dreamed of that most people ask before presuming anything.

 

[Guitar]

To each’s own. I think that whatever suits a couple, that is what they should do. I just am surprised that this subject has gotten so heated…and that I’m one of the few women on here who wears her rings, and sees the rings as more than mere jewelry.

I didn’t say we’d thrown ours in the bin or taken them to the pawn shop. They aren’t just jewellery but I can’t see the point in wrecking them, and either of us are likely to take great gouges out of them in our normal activities. They come out on occasion and we are conscious that they were blessed at the wedding and all that sort of thing. Something can be treasured as more than mere jewellery without necessarily being worn all the time.

 

[dixieagle]

I guess I’m one of the few women who wears her wedding rings, on this forum. I never thought this would be such a controversial topic.

To each’s own. I think that whatever suits a couple, that is what they should do. I just am surprised that this subject has gotten so heated…and that I’m one of the few women on here who wears her rings, and sees the rings as more than mere jewelry. And that my dh willingly wears his…even if he is working on his car or whatever, he keeps it on. We never forced one another to do this, just something we love to wear …as a symbol of our marriage.

I don’t think it needs to be a topic that makes people feel bad though, on either side of the subject. Interesting topic, everyone.

Well, count me in as another woman who takes her rings off only to clean them, or when required during medical procedures (they wanted me to take my wedding ring off for my recent colonoscopy - I couldn’t imagine why…)

My dear Dad, now almost 89, never wore one during his 59 year marriage to my late mother, and there was never anyone more devotedly married. My father-in-law, married nearly as long, always did. Neither my mother nor MIL ever took hers off; my dear mother’s had to be cut off during her last illness when her fingers swelled, and it bothered her terribly.

I remember as if it were yesterday when my then fiance, now dh of 35 years, gave me my engagement ring. Everyone teased me endlessly because I couldn’t stop staring at it for weeks. I was so thrilled to finally get to wear the matching wedding band with it, and we’ve both had the same rings all these years…the florentine finish is mostly gone, but they are just as special to us. It broke my heart when my engagement ring was stolen when we’d been married just a couple of years; I had been refinishing furniture and forgot to put it back on when we went out that evening…for the first time ever. Burglars broke into our apartment that night and stole it, along with just about everything else of value, not that we had much then. We were finally able to replace it about 30 years later, after we got our girls educated and married.

To each his/her own on this subject. I just like the very visible sign of the sacrament.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I think if a man is that brazen, he’d check you out with or without a ring. End of story.

And if someone assumes me to be a loose woman because of all my kids, that’s their problem. They are obviously very judgmental and gossipy if they dare bring it up. If people need to know, they can ask. But I’d probably make mention of my husband before they had a chance.

I think that as Catholics, we should be more focused on whether we ourselves are living the love of Christ, regardless of the symbols we choose to reflect that. Assuming certain cultural norms (dating, moms staying at home, rings, etc) are fine if that’s your way of doing that. But if it’s not spelled out in the Bible or in the teachings of the Church and someone else chooses differently (because it’s just custom and not mandate), then we have absolutely no business judging them. There’s a difference between being a good role model and caring way too much about what people think of you.

 

[maryjk]

Well, count me in as another woman who takes her rings off only to clean them, or when required during medical procedures** (they wanted me to take my wedding ring off for my recent colonoscopy - I couldn’t imagine why…) **

Because if your heart stops, and they have to use the paddles to get it going again, you will end up with a burn on your finger. At least that is what they told me when I wouldn’t take mine off during my last knee surgery.

I told them, that if my heart stops, I will have worse things to worry about than a burnt finger.

I always wear my band. I used to always wear my engagement ring, but it has gotten to small to wear, until I lose some weight. After 17 years, I had to replace a diamond chip. Not too bad after wearing it everyday.

 

[dixieagle]

Because if your heart stops, and they have to use the paddles to get it going again, you will end up with a burn on your finger. At least that is what they told me when I wouldn’t take mine off during my last knee surgery.

That makes sense. I’m with you about having worse problems than a burnt finger if my heart stops, though!

 

[whatevergirl]

I didn’t say we’d thrown ours in the bin or taken them to the pawn shop. They aren’t just jewellery but I can’t see the point in wrecking them, and either of us are likely to take great gouges out of them in our normal activities. They come out on occasion and we are conscious that they were blessed at the wedding and all that sort of thing. Something can be treasured as more than mere jewellery without necessarily being worn all the time.

LOL–No no no…haha I know. I am just surprised that such a simple tradition for many as a wedding ring is running into 6 pages of heated discussion now.

I agree about not wrecking them…I don’t wear mine if I’m washing dishes, working out, etc…If I worked with my hands in chemicals, etc…no way would I take a chance.

 

[_wifey]

I get that, but what I sometimes wonder is, why are they usually so expensive? From my experience, most people want real diamonds, and an expensive metal like gold or platinum. Why wouldn’t a sterling silver ring with a CZ or another less expensive stone–ruby, sapphire, etc.–be just as much of a sacramental? I mean, it would, but most people think that is being too “cheap”. I think a lot of that is marketing. I really do. I don’t think it is always wrong to own something more expensive, but I think we need to ask “why”?

If I am praying the rosary, I don’t need to have a pure gold one to do so. If I have a blessed crucifix to remind me of Christ’s passion and love for us, it doesn’t have to be a really expensive one. You can’t put a price on love anyway.

My dh thought he “had” to buy me an engagement ring or we wouldn’t really be engaged. I told him I didn’t think that, and didn’t need one. When he insisted, I consented to look at them, and thought we could buy a small diamond. We were both young and poor. No, a small diamond wouldn’t cut it, either. Finally the truth came out…that he didn’t want my family, or anyone else, to think he was a “cheapskate”! I think that is because of all the marketing and hype.

Traditionally e-rings are expensive and you are supposed to spend a “set” amount (2 months pay?) on them because it is supposed to symbolize how the future husband has the means to take care of his new bride and future family.

I had to laugh when I read about your DH thinking you had to have a ring. My husband originally proposed with a wedding magazine. When I went back to work, many of my coworkers were insistent that he didn’t really want to marry me; otherwise there would have been a ring. So being the broke college kids that we were (and sort of still are) we were trying to save as my DH wanted a quality diamond, which I’m sure we’d still be saving for. :yup: Thankfully his mom called him up one day and offered us her original diamond (FIL had bought her a “bigger better” version for their 25th anny.) I almost freaked! I couldn’t believe she like me that much (or maybe just saw how much her son loved me!) as we’d only met a few times. As I mentioned before DH takes his off when it is dangerous, but other wise both of ours are on. And on the days our hands swell (mostly his, poor guy) the ring goes around the chain that our Saint’s medals are on.

But yeah, who knew wedding rings were so controversial?

 

[whatevergirl]

Traditionally e-rings are expensive and you are supposed to spend a “set” amount (2 months pay?) on them because it is supposed to symbolize how the future husband has the means to take care of his new bride and future family.

I had to laugh when I read about your DH thinking you had to have a ring. My husband originally proposed with a wedding magazine. When I went back to work, many of my coworkers were insistent that he didn’t really want to marry me; otherwise there would have been a ring. So being the broke college kids that we were (and sort of still are) we were trying to save as my DH wanted a quality diamond, which I’m sure we’d still be saving for. :yup: Thankfully his mom called him up one day and offered us her original diamond (FIL had bought her a “bigger better” version for their 25th anny.) I almost freaked! I couldn’t believe she like me that much (or maybe just saw how much her son loved me!) as we’d only met a few times. As I mentioned before DH takes his off when it is dangerous, but other wise both of ours are on. And on the days our hands swell (mostly his, poor guy) the ring goes around the chain that our Saint’s medals are on.

But yeah, who knew wedding rings were so controversial?

That is a fabulous story! Wearing around your neck is good, too. I think that is such a beautiful gesture of your MIL’s part!! :yup:

 

[_wifey]

I was so amazed. At first DH turned it down because it wasn’t the cut we had agreed on. When he casually mentioned that his mom had offered I nearly gave myself whiplash turning around to say “WHAT?!?!?!” Even though we aren’t yet parents we’ve already got plans to continue the tradition with the oldest son (God willing we have one.).