How important is physical attraction when thinking of marrying someone?

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If you can’t recline and have a beer or two at a barbecue because your other half won’t let you, you really need to think about that relationship.
 
chevalier said:
If you can’t recline and have a beer or two at a barbecue because your other half won’t let you, you really need to think about that relationship.
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Shouldn’t the man be cooking if it’s a bbq? No time to recline!! hahahaha

Your posts just beg for these types of responses. :rotfl:*
 
iluvmybabies…what is a “bffl?” haha Sorry–what is this language? 😃
 
Hello there,
I think there are different kinds of attraction besides physical. Sometimes the mind can be stimulated by conversation and that can be something that can really get your motor humming. But this isn’t for everyone. I guess it just depends on how much value is put on the physical attractiveness for each individual person.
 
whatevergirl said:
*Shouldn’t the man be cooking if it’s a bbq? No time to recline!! hahahaha *

Your posts just beg for these types of responses. :rotfl:
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I can and will recline with a beer no matter what the Feminist Forces of Evil have to say about it! ¡Cerveza o muerte! ¡Hasta la victoria siempre!
 
jonfan said:
Hello there,
I think there are different kinds of attraction besides physical. Sometimes the mind can be stimulated by conversation and that can be something that can really get your motor humming. But this isn’t for everyone. I guess it just depends on how much value is put on the physical attractiveness for each individual person.
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You’re driving at whether it’s physically felt or physically caused. I would say the word “physically” is generally misplaced here because the processes are biochemical of nature and the only real application of “physicality” here is the fact of certain physical appearance causing attraction. But physical appearance also works in many ways. One knows the difference between strikingly hot and strikingly beautiful.
 
chevalier said:
You’re driving at whether it’s physically felt or physically caused. I would say the word “physically” is generally misplaced here because the processes are biochemical of nature and the only real application of “physicality” here is the fact of certain physical appearance causing attraction. But physical appearance also works in many ways. One knows the difference between strikingly hot and strikingly beautiful.
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Good points!
 
It definitely varies by individual. For some people it’s very important and others not so much. There’s also different opinions on what is attractive. For me, it’s important, but I know guys that have married women that I probably wouldn’t have given a second glance at. Maybe it’s my loss.
 
Another angle to consider… what if the ‘spark’ isn’t there on a regular basis (e.g. you look at the person and get tingly) , but the sex life is anywhere from adequate to great?

I break it out into separate things - I’m not, and never have been, a very sparky person, but I’ve found that it has little to do with the end result, so to speak.

Maybe I’m just wired differently.
 
Maybe I’m a bit greedy, but I think it would be tough IF either side is missing. I need someone I can talk to, AND I need someone that puts a spark in my life (if only on a few occasions). The sparks may fly a lot less often now that we are approaching 35 years of marriage, but they are still there when we do both get around to being personable.

I can’t imagine getting married or being married to someone where the sparks never fly. Isn’t that one of the primary reasons why folks get married. How can folks create children, if there is no attraction there ???

I need the intellectual stimulation and companionship BUT I also need the romps in the hay too. A relationship missing either half would be very difficult to sustain, and probably asking for trouble. Just imagine what would happen IF down the road, someone else came along who had that missing something that was not in the marriage to begin with. It’s best not to give anyone a built in excuse that the marriage was missing the sparks from the very beginning OR that was built only around sex.
 
Sheeniac said:
Another angle to consider… what if the ‘spark’ isn’t there on a regular basis (e.g. you look at the person and get tingly) , but the sex life is anywhere from adequate to great?

I break it out into separate things - I’m not, and never have been, a very sparky person, but I’ve found that it has little to do with the end result, so to speak.

Maybe I’m just wired differently.
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Adequate to great should be acceptable to anyone. 😃 Is there anything beyond that ??? IF there is I sure would like to experience it !!! LOL

I’m sure my DW would be more than happy with that… I would.
 
They don’t have to be the hottest person ever, but I think attraction should be important.

One of my best friends is known for saying, “Without attraction, you just have a bunch of really good friends.” At the same time, “stuff is physical and has nothing to do with love.”

So you shouldn’t put so much stock in it that you forget about the other things but I agree with Cat that you should be “comfortable” with each other and while you shouldn’t lust over each other, the thought of intimacy shouldn’t repulse you either.

Me, there has to be a definite spark. At the same time, sparks can grow over time and they can’t always be present. But I would have to classify as a “sparky” person.

I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always had male friends, so they’ve always been brothers, best friends, etc. To me, a spark is a way of knowing if they’re a friend or maybe a bit more. At the same time, once it brings you together and you start falling in true, deep love that is not dependent on emotions, it comes but once in awhile and of course, couples have to do their part in keeping it alive.
 
Nah, not really just physical. It’s not true there’s only agape and sex. There’s real true love between a man and a woman. Don’t know if it happens to women, but men sometimes see a woman who makes their breath stop, but at the same time this isn’t an experience of venereal “hotness”. The kind of first love thing. Or an eight years old boy seeing the picture of a beautiful princess in a fairy tale book. Happens once a long while in adult man’s life too, at least sometimes I can feel something like that. You can’t call it just physical, you probably can call it attraction, it definitely would be enough to make for a relationship bond if returned.
 
*I will have to consult you Counselor, the next time I pick a thread title. haha :rotfl:

:cool:

Physical meaning…chemistry. Maybe I should have posted it like that*.
 
hey guys,

I know I’m resurrecting an old threat, so I apologize. Just wanted to ask some stuff. I notice that most people, as usual on CAF, suggest that unless absolutely everything in a marriage or relationship is perfect, then jump boat immediately. That’s the typical (and lazy response) here usually.

my question is this. just say there’s a couple who at first can’t take their hands off each other, are constantly kissing, and hugging, and doing things which are probably going a little further than they should. anyway, after some time, that sort of decreases, or they say they cannot have sex so they wait, but then they get to the point where they don’t kiss much, besides peck or whatever. do you think they should get married? also, they are good in all other ways. they just decided to wait for sex and they don’t make out as much anymore. you thoughts.
 
I’ve dated nice guys where there was no fire they liked me and I wasn’t into them…doesn’t work. I’ve dated guys where there was lots of fire there but they were only interested in the physical side of a relationship…doesn’t work for me. I guess if I can’t have it all I can’t get interested. I’m not asking for someone perfect just someone I feel attracted to in the physical, mental and spiritual sense. Without all three I don’t feel any relationship could work for me…but dang is it miserable to not have that and want it. I’m resigned to no children but am still working on the alone factor so bare with me for awhile.
 
phil8888 said:
I know I’m resurrecting an old threat, so I apologize. Just wanted to ask some stuff. I notice that most people, as usual on CAF, suggest that unless absolutely everything in a marriage or relationship is perfect, then jump boat immediately. That’s the typical (and lazy response) here usually.
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I think I’ve seen you make this accusation/statement before, and I just don’t see that what you’re saying is true. When I have seen that advice given, it’s typically in a very serious situation. Most people don’t ask for advice about ‘imperfections’ in their marriages. For most people who post problems - they are pretty serious.
 
Sierrah said:
I’ve dated nice guys where there was no fire they liked me and I wasn’t into them…doesn’t work. I’ve dated guys where there was lots of fire there but they were only interested in the physical side of a relationship…doesn’t work for me. I guess if I can’t have it all I can’t get interested. I’m not asking for someone perfect just someone I feel attracted to in the physical, mental and spiritual sense. Without all three I don’t feel any relationship could work for me…but dang is it miserable to not have that and want it. I’m resigned to no children but am still working on the alone factor so bare with me for awhile.
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how old are you
 
This thread reminds me of the filme “Marty”. Marty and Clara are walking along a bustling street in the Bronx. Clara had just been dumped by her blind date, because he considered her a “dog” 😦

Marty, trying to comfort her talks about his father, who although was kind, gentle and good, was a “very ugly man” . Yet he and Marty’s mother were very much in love.

(if you haven’t seen it…see it, very sweet nice film)
 
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