How involved in your upbringing were your godparents?

[7_Sorrows]

Thank you all for your replies. Very interesting to read the individual stories.

 

[DaisymaeD]

Well, let’s see–they turned agnostic, godmother then turned radical feminist and abandoned her family, godfather became embittered against the world and has heaps of emotional problems.

I’m still catholic, however.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I have an aunt and uncle who are my Godparents. Although they weren’t really involved in my faith formation, they treated me different than the rest of my siblings and cousins. They’d have me over more often, buy me slightly better gifts, etc. They saw nothing wrong with it; others took issue with it. I was close to them into my adult life at which point they divorced. It wasn’t a contentious divorce and my uncle tried to remain, if not a part of, then at least close to the family. He was driven away for a variety of reasons, most of which I now believe were not true. The family members who disagreed with this were bullied and threatened into cutting ties with him as well. My aunt apparently got fed up with the whole family dynamic, abuse and politics and left town. Her grown kids followed soon after. I haven’t seen or talked to my aunt in 5-6 years. It’s been at least 8-9 years since I last saw my uncle. As far as I know, they don’t even know about our youngest daughters. I’ve tried reaching out to my aunt without any success. For a while I was trying to get back in touch with my uncle but gave up on it. There are a couple people who still keep in touch with him but they are so afraid of being booted out of the family that they won’t admit to it or give me his address or phone number.

A couple of my wife’s cousins are our son’s Godparents. They’ve seen him once since his Baptism and wouldn’t know him if he passed them on the street. For our daughters we went with our siblings. They don’t take any real role in their faith formation but at least they’re a part of their lives.

 

[oneofmany]

I always thought the Godparents job was to take over the child’s religious education if the parents died. Most people may feel they are interfering if the parents are doing a bad job of it so it’s only if the parents die.

 

[Memaw]

I always thought the Godparents job was to take over the child’s religious education if the parents died. Most people may feel they are interfering if the parents are doing a bad job of it so it’s only if the parents die.

God Parents cannot go against the parents but we can PRAY for them and maybe buy them books to read etc. Drop suggestions when possible etc. I even did transportation to CCD for years etc. and even paid the CCD fees. And even if the parents both die, it not always possible for the Godparents to “take over”. We just do the best we can. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Irishmom2]

My godmother was around since I was born because my godmother is my sister! She is 11 years older than me. Yes, that was allowed back in the 50s…so she has always been a part of my life and we are very close still. Sometimes I send her a card on Mother’s day. One of my uncles was my godfather, but he was way older than my sister and died many years ago.

 

[run_for_fun]

My Godmother was a cousin of my dad’s and I saw her often growing up. She was a practicing Catholic all her life but she didn’t talk to me about my faith. Now that she’s deceased and I have her rosary, I do appreciate that she probably prayed for me often.

That said, the whole Godparent obligation has been a stress to my husband and me for each of our kids. We really have no Catholic family except our fathers, and I didn’t know until recently grandparents could be Godparents. For our first two children, we had my husband’s close friend as Godfather and I chose two different friends of mine each time as Christian witnesses. The Godfather now lives far away so my kids don’t see him or know him but he sends birthday gifts and attended their First Communions. One Christian witness has never taken any interest after the baptism and doesn’t speak to us anymore (I gave up after getting tired of making all the effort). The other Christian witness is the most involved on a personal/close friend level, not necessarily religious as she’s Protestant but always says how proud she is of my son for all of his accomplishments at church (sacraments, altar serving).

With our third, we asked casual friends from our parish to be Godparents and they accepted. We are not that close with them but it’s hard when you don’t have close Catholic friends and your family has left the Church. That’s why I struggle with the Godparent obligation as well. It’s my husband and me who are busting our butts to raise our kids Catholic and forming them in the faith. We aren’t fortunate to come from big Catholic families where everyone is practicing and there are Godparents and confirmation sponsors readily available. Sometimes I think the Church doesn’t realize this is a real struggle for some of us.

 

[Ms_Manners]

My godmother is a woman who was my mother’s best friend and very close to her at the time.
However, my mother moved and they drifted apart.
I didn’t really see her that much. I knew who she was and what she was supposed to be to me, but she was never really a part of my life.
She didn’t come to my First Communion or Confirmation, or even my wedding. I don’t plan to invite her for my own baby’s baptism or any later celebration.

For our baby, we’re picking my aunt, who was also my witness at the wedding. (We don’t have bridesmaids, but a witness for the civil part of the wedding ceremony.)
She is a little older, but not old (50), and I Skype with her often, although we live far away, she is great at giving advice without being too passionate or too distant. She is a practising Catholic and really wants the role of godmother. I know she’ll do her best, and since she’s family, she’s less likely to disappear.

 

[Memaw]

My Godmother was a cousin of my dad’s and I saw her often growing up. She was a practicing Catholic all her life but she didn’t talk to me about my faith. Now that she’s deceased and I have her rosary, I do appreciate that she probably prayed for me often.

That said, the whole Godparent obligation has been a stress to my husband and me for each of our kids. We really have no Catholic family except our fathers, and I didn’t know until recently grandparents could be Godparents. For our first two children, we had my husband’s close friend as Godfather and I chose two different friends of mine each time as Christian witnesses. The Godfather now lives far away so my kids don’t see him or know him but he sends birthday gifts and attended their First Communions. One Christian witness has never taken any interest after the baptism and doesn’t speak to us anymore (I gave up after getting tired of making all the effort). The other Christian witness is the most involved on a personal/close friend level, not necessarily religious as she’s Protestant but always says how proud she is of my son for all of his accomplishments at church (sacraments, altar serving).

With our third, we asked casual friends from our parish to be Godparents and they accepted. We are not that close with them but it’s hard when you don’t have close Catholic friends and your family has left the Church. That’s why I struggle with the Godparent obligation as well. It’s my husband and me who are busting our butts to raise our kids Catholic and forming them in the faith. We aren’t fortunate to come from big Catholic families where everyone is practicing and there are Godparents and confirmation sponsors readily available. Sometimes I think the Church doesn’t realize this is a real struggle for some of us.

It’s the parents responsibility to raise their children ,(whither they have 3 or 10), in the Catholic faith and to expect the Godparents to take a major role in that is a bit of a stretch. People move around so much, have their own lives to live and their own children to raise. I am Godmother to 14 in my family, mainly because I am about the only one of 10 siblings that has practiced my faith consistently over the years. (and raised 7 kids of my own.) I pray everyday at every Mass for all of them and talk to them as much as I can about their faith. Some couldn’t care less, partly because their parents don’t care etc. and they never attended Church etc, growing up. They are caught up in today’s lifestyles. So I continue to pray and trust the Mercy of God in all our lives. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Diamantina]

My godparents were an uncle and aunt (father’s brother and wife). This uncle was the most devout of my father’s siblings, but he and his wife lived 3000 miles away. I would receive birthday or Christmas presents that they had mailed to me while I was growing up, but that was about as much involvement that I could perceive at the time. My parents were not churchgoers and I only began to attend Mass on my own when I was 10 years old. I suspect that the prayers of my pious paternal grandmother helped me to attach myself to the Church, and it is likely that the prayers of my godparents were also useful in that regard.

 

[7_Sorrows]

During a conversation with a friend last night we were discussing a particular doctor and my friend mentioned he was not Catholic. I said he has to be because I saw him at an Easter Vigil as a Godparent to a baby being baptized. I said I thought Godparents had to be Catholic because they are to assure the baby is brought up Catholic. My friend said that is not true. She is not right is she?

 

[Allegra]

How involved Godparents are really has to do with their relationship to the parents. When I was born, my mom was fairly close to her cousin. She chose her and her husband as my Godparents because she was the “most Catholic” person she knew. Unfortunately, my mom’s definition of “Catholic” was something along the lines of “opinionated, bigoted, and exclusive.”

They stopped communicating regularly after my mom asked her how her new teaching job was going and she told her that she couldn’t wait for a job in a Catholic school opened up because she was sick of teaching “stupid, little (insert racist term)”. I haven’t seen nor heard from her except at a funeral since I was in the second grade. Her husband left her and moved to Kansas City. She is now the principal of a local Catholic grade school. I don’t feel like I missed out on much by not having her as a Catholic role model.

 

[Allegra]

During a conversation with a friend last night we were discussing a particular doctor and my friend mentioned he was not Catholic. I said he has to be because I saw him at an Easter Vigil as a Godparent to a baby being baptized. I said I thought Godparents had to be Catholic because they are to assure the baby is brought up Catholic. My friend said that is not true. She is not right is she?

As I understand it, only one of the Godparents has to be Catholic. The other can be what’s called a “Christian witness”. I don’t judge though, because there is literally no one in our immediate circle that meets all the qualifications of an ideal Catholic Godparent. For our first child, we had to settle for my husband’s sister and my brother, who were Baptised in the Church but appear for all purposes to be non-practicing. His sister hadn’t even Baptised her own child! But that’s literally the best we could do. Our prospective Catholic Godparent barrel is bone dry. I don’t know what we’re going to do for our next child.

 

[7_Sorrows]

As I understand it, only one of the Godparents has to be Catholic. The other can be what’s called a “Christian witness”. I don’t judge though, because there is literally no one in our immediate circle that meets all the qualifications of an ideal Catholic Godparent. For our first child, we had to settle for my husband’s sister and my brother, who were Baptised in the Church but appear for all purposes to be non-practicing. His sister hadn’t even Baptised her own child! But that’s literally the best we could do. Our prospective Catholic Godparent barrel is bone dry. I don’t know what we’re going to do for our next child.

From what I am reading many people seem to be having the same problem. Kind of sad.

 

[Memaw]

As I understand it, only one of the Godparents has to be Catholic. The other can be what’s called a “Christian witness”. I don’t judge though, because there is literally no one in our immediate circle that meets all the qualifications of an ideal Catholic Godparent. For our first child, we had to settle for my husband’s sister and my brother, who were Baptised in the Church but appear for all purposes to be non-practicing. His sister hadn’t even Baptised her own child! But that’s literally the best we could do. Our prospective Catholic Godparent barrel is bone dry. I don’t know what we’re going to do for our next child.

I understood that Godparents had to be Confirmed, practicing Catholics, at least 16 years old !!! God Bless, Memaw

 

[7_Sorrows]

I understood that Godparents had to be Confirmed, practicing Catholics, at least 16 years old !!! God Bless, Memaw

That is what I believed also.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Ideally, Godparents are either a strong part of the moral formation of the child, or a strong support to the parents in that formation, but in my experience, it rarely works that way. This, like many aspects of living and learning the faith, has been a mess in the last 50 years. I grew up believing that I had no real Godparents, because I was told that when I was baptized, everyone present at the baptism were my Godparents. Yes this was a Catholic Baptism. Of course, it was obvious to me as a child, that that was a bad idea, since the result was that no one actually felt responsible for cultivating any special relationship with me, and in fact, by the time I was a teen, I probably only still knew one of the families that was present at my baptism. It wasn’t until years later, that I noticed that my baptismal certificate listed my Grandmother as Godmother - apparently, the priest actually did require my parents to follow the rule and put a specific name down - but she was already dead by the time I discovered this (I was in my 30’s), and my parents had explicitly told me many times that I didn’t have any specific Godparents. Welcome to the fallout from the hippie-liberal 60’s Church movement. Now in fairness, both of my siblings had specific Godparents, and those people never had an influence on or special relationship with my siblings, so it’s not like they had it much better.

We chose close, faithful friends to be our kids Godparents. So far, we still have a fair amount of contact with them, and they recognize their Godchildren in some way each year. And because they are faithful family who we are in contact with (there aren’t that many of those out there), I believe our kids do receive faith support from them in the form of prayers and example, but it isn’t like they have a unique closeness or instruction. Then again, we instruct our kids in the faith pretty intensely, and have busy lives that don’t involve seeing those families all that often, so it isn’t very realistic to expect them to swoop in and “fill a void” that isn’t really there. We will probably encourage our kids to consider their Godparents when it comes time to choose confirmation sponsors, so it could be that the influence will increase a little at that point.

 

[Ms_Manners]

I understood that Godparents had to be Confirmed, practicing Catholics, at least 16 years old !!! God Bless, Memaw

That’s what they told us recently.
But they don’t really check further than the paperwork, at least here. As long as the godparent has a document saying he/she has been confirmed, they don’t really go into the “practicing Catholic” part.

 

[run_for_fun]

As I understand it, only one of the Godparents has to be Catholic. The other can be what’s called a “Christian witness”. I don’t judge though, because there is literally no one in our immediate circle that meets all the qualifications of an ideal Catholic Godparent. For our first child, we had to settle for my husband’s sister and my brother, who were Baptised in the Church but appear for all purposes to be non-practicing. His sister hadn’t even Baptised her own child! But that’s literally the best we could do. Our prospective Catholic Godparent barrel is bone dry. I don’t know what we’re going to do for our next child.

I understand. We would be in the same boat if we had another child, and we are going to be in a similar situation soon with my son choosing a confirmation sponsor. It causes me anxiety and stress.

 

[Memaw]

I understand. We would be in the same boat if we had another child, and we are going to be in a similar situation soon with my son choosing a confirmation sponsor. It causes me anxiety and stress.

I never knew either of my Godparents growing up. but did meet my Godmother at age 50. Read my post # 8. My siblings teased me a lot because my Godfather was an “undertaker”.
I am soooo happy with both my Godparents as I know they prayed for me all those years and still are from Heaven. And I pray for them and their families. I have met my Godfathers son and he still runs the “family business.” God Bless, Memaw