How many of you are married to a non-Catholic spouse?

[anp1215]

Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse? Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage? What religion is your spouse?Does your spouse attend Mass with you? Do you pray with your spouse? Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic? Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent? Does your spouse attend a separate church?

I married my husband when we were both evangelical/non-denominational. We went through RCIA together planning to join the Church at Easter Vigil 2011, but at the last minute I backed out, one of the reasons was difficulty in our marriage. Thank God, the difficulties have been resolved and we have a happy marriage now. I converted in the fall of 2011 but my husband did not. I think when we went through RCIA he was doing a lot of it for me. I asked him now what is holding him back from the Church and he says the main thing is transubstantiation. He just can’t bring himself to believe in it. He is very “scientific” in his thinking. He attends Mass with me usually and we do pray together sometimes (working on doing it every night). He identifies as a Christian but is somewhat indifferent I think to his faith. It looks as though I will have to be the spiritual leader of my home for the foreseeable future. If you can, please pray that this changes. I desperately long to be spiritually led by my husband. I love him so much, but have much sorrow over this. I do thank the Lord that he is at least not antagonistic to the my Faith.

Anyway, I just wondered what your experiences were in being married to a non-Catholic.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse?

Yes.

Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage?

Not really. I do pray for his converstion daily, but his lack of faith does not drive a wedge between us.

What religion is your spouse?

agnostic

Does your spouse attend Mass with you?

When he is home, yes.

Do you pray with your spouse?

Outside of Mass, no.

Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic?

Yes

Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent?

He has no religion.

Does your spouse attend a separate church?

No

 

[dailey]

My husband is not Catholic. He is a “non-practicing Christian”. He goes to church with me and our children but never talks about God. I would not be surprised if he didn’t even believe in HIM. I am raising our children Catholic…I would have it NO OTHER WAY. I pray for him and have even given him a green scapular. I feel like he will see the errors of his ways one day…just hoping its sooner than later. It causes a lot of stress in the marriage because he hates the fact that we are not to used ABC. I wish I had a strong Catholic man that I could lean on, talk to, etc…But like my priest said, “You married him!”

 

[fbl9]

Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse? Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage? What religion is your spouse?Does your spouse attend Mass with you? Do you pray with your spouse? Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic? Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent? Does your spouse attend a separate church?

Anyway, I just wondered what your experiences were in being married to a non-Catholic.

We disobeyed in marriage, i semi practiced as it was the only way i could have stayed sane. Main reason to go to church was the dd wanted to go. She goes once in awhile now.
My spouse’s conversion from non practicing Methodist, to Catholic helped bring me back to the only truth i sorta knew the Eucharist. Her job at the present time keeps dw away from Mass, Sunday shift.

 

[ChrisRedfield47]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=623152

 

[odile53]

**Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse? **

Yes

Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage? We’ve had a couple of unbelievable fights over the late night service at his church versus Midnight Mass at my church. One year we split the difference and attended the midnight service at an Anglican parish, but I did not receive communion there (relax, I went to an early morning Mass on Christmas day.) We stopped out at an all-night Denny’s afterward and got into a discussion about valid orders and transsubstantiation which then degenerated into an argument about the Spanish Inquisition! The night manager came over and told us to either quiet down or leave! We’ve since agreed to go to an early dinner at a high-end restaurant on Christmas Eve together, and then separately go to our own churches for late Christmas Eve services. Christmas religious celebrations seem to get the most emotionally charged, as does anything having to do with Christmas, in our family. I figure that as long as no police, fire, or emergency medical responders are involved, it’s probably a good Christmas.

We’ve dispensed with the dinner table and barroom theological discussions: Neither of us is going to change our beliefs. He grew up in a home that was very “practicing Lutheran,” and, although I went to Catholic school through my second year of high school and my grandparents were very devout Catholics, my parents were the sort that sent us to Mass with the family envelope. So a large part of this is cultural and social for him. Basically, we’ve agreed to celebrate what is common to both our faith traditions, and live and let live when it comes to the difference. That seems to work: At least, we don’t approach getting kicked out of the restaurant nowadays!

The funny thing is, when we discuss scripture, we’re usually pretty much on the same page.

What religion is your spouse? Lutheran

Does your spouse attend Mass with you? On rare occasions, usually a wedding or a funeral. He was, however, very impressed by a Tridentine Mass that I dragged him to (and I do mean “nearly dragged,”) because there was a very good professional schola. However, again, afterwards he decided to try to dissect Catholic doctrine. He tends to be a bit of a know-it-all, something which can be annoying, and believes he is an authority on catechesis based on his one undergraduate comparative religions coursework in the 1970’s.

Fortunately, he is not offended by not being able to receive communion in a Catholic church: God has been gracious enough to spare me that battle!

Do you pray with your spouse? Yes, and we’ve even attended both Marriage Encounter and Retrouvaille together. We stick to generic prayers.

Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic? We married later in life, and do not have children.

Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent? I can’t read his heart and mind as God can. He attends services, but not weekly. He seems to hold some of the specific tenets of his faith dearly. What matters most to me is that yes, he is a follower of Christ, and yes, he tries to live his life that way.

I’m not religiously indifferent, but even though salvation comes through the Catholic Church, it is my understanding from reading the catechism that salvation is attainable by non-members who live by their faith in God and try to do His holy will.

Does your spouse attend a separate church? Yes, a Lutheran church that he attended while growing up.

For the sake of our marriage, it seems that we have similar like-minded values, and that does much to cover the differences in doctrine. I have invited him to Mass, and occasionally, he has responded to this invitation positively, but discerns no need to convert to the Catholic Church.

Mixed cult marriages can work, but it takes two people to want to make it work. And it also takes an attitude of presuming good will in the other party, and clarifying thoughts and expectations. You have to know what you’re signing on for. It isn’t easy.

 

[CallMeCatholic]

I am borderline looking into dating a Lutheran girl, and this is all very insightful. I’m not really sure where our friendship/relationship would go from here, so please do keep responding! All of your responses are very intriguing.

 

[Saint_Castulus]

I am married to a non practicing Baptist, I love her so much! my daughter is being raised as a Catholic, my wife is her stepmother and loves her let God forgive me.

 

[_Jenn]

Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse? Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage? What religion is your spouse?Does your spouse attend Mass with you? Do you pray with your spouse? Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic? Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent? Does your spouse attend a separate church?

Anyway, I just wondered what your experiences were in being married to a non-Catholic.

Yes, I am married to a non-Catholic man.

There have been no tensions/frustrations/sorrow related to this. I knew who he was prior to marriage, he knew who I was, we knew/understood/respected each other’s positions. He does come to Mass with us. We don’t pray together often, we are both very private in our prayer time, so this is no reflection on him not being Catholic.

We have one child, and he is being raised Catholic.

My dh was baptized Lutheran, but for a multitude of reasons, his family stopped attending church when he was still fairly young. So he doesn’t consider himself Lutheran. He is, however, a very strong Christian; his faith sometimes seems stronger than mine. He doesn’t attend church elsewhere, and asks me often about different things regarding Catholicism. I have no wishes/hopes/etc. that he will convert; I didn’t marry him to change him. He is wonderful the way he is; after all, he, like the rest of us, was made in God’s image!

 

[Kit15]

Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse? **
Indeed I am.
**
Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage? **
A little loneliness and maybe some occasional tension but to be honest it’s hardly awful. We’ve got so many other things going for us like great communication and mutual encouragement in the NFP dept. that if I could do it all over again I’d still choose him in a heartbeat.
**
What religion is your spouse?
He was baptized Episcopalian. Now he’s really just…nothing.

**Does your spouse attend Mass with you? **
We went to Catholic high school together so he’s pretty comfortable sitting at at a Catholic Mass. He’s always happy to go when I ask him to (if we travel out of town, my birthday, our anniversary, Christmas etc). I try not to abuse that.

**Do you pray with your spouse? **
No…but outside of Mass family prayer was not part of my life and I didn’t see my parents pray together either. It’s not something I miss because I never really had it to begin with. You might think it’s sad but they still did *something *right because 5 out of 5 are making it through college with their faith intact.

**Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic? **
Yes

Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent?
Indifferent. He is not an atheist and thinks that religions should be “organized”. But yeah…indifferent.
**
Does your spouse attend a separate church?
No

 

[maryjk]

**Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse?
**Yes, I am. Although the Catholic church claims him, he doesn’t claim them. He was Baptized Catholic, but his parents never attended Mass.
Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage? Not really. He is very respectful of my faith.

What religion is your spouse? He isn’t. He is an atheist.

Does your spouse attend Mass with you? ** Special events, Christmas Eve and Easter Vigil.
**
Do you pray with your spouse? No, but he is sometimes there when I pray.

**Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic? ** Of course. My husband will even make sure our son gets to Mass when I can’t be there.

Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent? Does your spouse attend a separate church? No, he is not a believer.

Anyway, I just wondered what your experiences were in being married to a non-Catholic.

I was not a practicing Catholic when we met. In fact, we lived together then were married by a judge.
I feel sorry for my husband. I am not the woman he married way back then. Since then I reverted, big time. I even work for our parish.

 

[BettyBoop416]

Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse?

Yes.

Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage?

None.

What religion is your spouse?

None.

Does your spouse attend Mass with you?

Yes.

Do you pray with your spouse?

No.

Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic?

Yes.

Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent?

Totally indifferent.

Does your spouse attend a separate church?

No.

Many on this forum speak of how hard it is to be married to a non-Catholic. Maybe I’m just lucky, but it has a non-issue for us.

 

[AthenaC]

Heya -

Glad to see that for many people here, the difference is a non-issue. For the most part, the same is true for me.

My husband is agnostic, does not attend Mass, does not pray with me, and in fact we are not even married in the Church yet. Need to fix that. (When we decided to get married, we decided to do the civil side literally 3 days after we made the decision - why wait? But he agreed to get married in the Church because he knows how important it is to me.)

I am raising the kids Catholic. When they ask him, he tells them honestly what he believes, but he doesn’t undermine anything I am teaching them. I had already had the kids by the time we met, and honestly one of the advantages of already having kids and being in the dating scene, is that its understood I call 100% of the important shots with the kids, because they are mine. Raising the kids Catholic wasn’t even a discussion - it was a “This is what I’m doing; take it (i.e. fully understand and accept it) or leave it.”

And honestly, I would have it no other way. Occasionally I wish I could bond with him over common faith, and I am reminded of this when I meet a new Catholic friend. But invariably (so far anyway) upon further investigation, they turn out to be Catholic in name only and not really Catholic. As an example, one guy tried to tell me he didn’t believe in the Real Presence but he vigorously disagreed with me when I told him that if that was the case, then: 1) he wasn’t Catholic; and 2) he shouldn’t be going to Communion. Anyway, given my apparent choices between Catholics in name only and my intellectually honest, respectful agnostic husband, I’ll take my agnostic husband. In fact, I told my husband about this particular gentleman, and my husband agreed with me. Even though he is an agnostic, he respects Catholicism (and other religions) such that he agrees you either take it 100% or leave it 100%; don’t try to find some intellectually lazy middle ground. (I love my husband, can you tell? )

I still pray and hope that someday he will open his mind and heart to the Church. I am hoping that at the very least a seed will be planted when we go through marriage prep. But if not, I plan to drag him to First Communions, Confirmations, and Baptisms (for any furture children that come along). Speaking of future children, we are also open to them indefinitely, so ABC isn’t a battle I have to fight right now.

Anyway - good questions.

 

[LovePatience]

Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse? Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage? What religion is your spouse?Does your spouse attend Mass with you? Do you pray with your spouse? Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic? Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent? Does your spouse attend a separate church?

I married my husband when we were both evangelical/non-denominational. We went through RCIA together planning to join the Church at Easter Vigil 2011, but at the last minute I backed out, one of the reasons was difficulty in our marriage. Thank God, the difficulties have been resolved and we have a happy marriage now. I converted in the fall of 2011 but my husband did not. I think when we went through RCIA he was doing a lot of it for me. I asked him now what is holding him back from the Church and he says the main thing is transubstantiation. He just can’t bring himself to believe in it. He is very “scientific” in his thinking. He attends Mass with me usually and we do pray together sometimes (working on doing it every night). He identifies as a Christian but is somewhat indifferent I think to his faith. It looks as though I will have to be the spiritual leader of my home for the foreseeable future. If you can, please pray that this changes. I desperately long to be spiritually led by my husband. I love him so much, but have much sorrow over this. I do thank the Lord that he is at least not antagonistic to the my Faith.

Anyway, I just wondered what your experiences were in being married to a non-Catholic.

Perhaps learning about the Lanciano Eucharistic miracle would help! The monk doubted as well so Christ performed a miracle for him.

The Eucharistic Miracle of Lanciano surviving to this day, and studied in a journal recognized by the US National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health. Quad Sclavo Diagn. 1971 Sep;7(3):661-74.
[Histological, immunological and biochemiccal studies on the flesh and blood of the eucharistic miracle of Lanciano (8th century)]. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/4950729

 

[Castello]

Catholics-are you married to a non-Catholic spouse?

When we married, I was a practicing non-denom Christian, he was a practicing scientific atheist. I converted 7 years into our marriage. He became Catholic 10+ years later.

Does it cause any tension/frustration/sorrow in your marriage?

Before he converted, there were a couple of years when I really “worked on him” that backfired and we separated because of it!

What religion is your spouse?

Raised by a Methodist mother and atheist father, he was a scientific atheist then he had a bit of a conversion experience in a non-denom Praize-n-Worship kind of congregation.

Does your spouse attend Mass with you?

He only attended for special events.

Do you pray with your spouse?

Not before he became Catholic

Are you raising your children (if any) Catholic?

Yes. Our son was baptized when I converted and was raised Catholic.

Is your spouse practicing/devout in his/her religion or somewhat indifferent?

Does your spouse attend a separate church?

No.

The greatest day of my life was the Easter Vigil when my husband made his profession of Faith and came into the Catholic Church.

 

[BettyBoop416]

… he was a practicing scientific atheist.

Please forgive my ignorance, but how does a scientific atheist “practice?”

 

[Castello]

Please forgive my ignorance, but how does a scientific atheist “practice?”

That was a teeny bit of (I guess not working) humour.

 

[Absolution]

Please forgive my ignorance, but how does a scientific atheist “practice?”

ffrf.org/

conservapedia.com/Evangelical_atheist

 

[BettyBoop416]

That was a teeny bit of (I guess not working) humour.

Gotcha. I guess my humor antenna wasn’t receiving when I read that.

 

[anp1215]

Thanks everyone for your responses, if I have time later I will go back and answer some personally. I think this is a very interesting topic.