How often should my wife call my parents

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Conjaman

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I am.a newly we’d and come from a close knight family. My parents call me every week and other day if they find need to. My parents wants my wife to do same by calling them as often as possible to say hello. Same way they encourage me to call hers.
My wife seems it’s petty and not important and this may cause arguments which I don’t want. How do I go about this?
 
How about having a set weekly call (for example, Sunday evening), and your parents can talk to your wife at the end of your call? Once a week talking to one’s in-laws is a lot.

That’s roughly the schedule my husband calls his parents. He also sends photos and emails them news.

I only talk to my MIL on the phone for special occasions like birthdays, Christmas, and maybe Easter, although we usually also do a trip together with some of the kids.

Try to come up with a schedule that works for your wife.
 
Uh…no. I would never feel comfortable talking to my in laws that often…especially if I was a newlywed. Go with your wife on this one…if she’s not comfortable, respect her wishes.

We had a huge issue in my marriage with relatives of my husband stopping by my house with zero notice. It was ridiculous and my husband sided with me and put a stop to it. I don’t mind I someone wants to come say hi…but give me the option to say not now.
 
My husband calls his parents weekly and if I’m available he puts his phone on speaker so we can both talk to them. Would that be a reasonable compromise? When it comes to remembering birthdays and other “family admin” we are responsible for our own sides.
 
The standards you set now will become the norm for your new family, so be careful both of you are in the same boat. If this is uncomfortable for your parents, well, then they will need to live with it. Better have this now than in a few months when they react like “why our DIL stopped speaking to us? She always did”.
In our case, we are calling every 1-2 weeks our sides of the family, when there´s an event like a birthday, we will make the call together. Honestly, I don´t see myself calling every inlaw every week, my weekends are short enough.
 
Let your wife make this decision, not your parents. It is so obnoxious to a wife when her husband’s parents make decisions for him and can lead to a lot of resentment towards all three - the husband and the parents.
 
Only as often as she wants. Your parents do not run your marriage, you and your wife do.
 
I’m astounded that there is any one in the world with enough free time to fight over something like this. If your wife says she doesn’t want to call your parents, then leave her alone. If your parents want to talk to your wife, then it is their prerogative to call her. If they just want to say “hello”, why don’t they ask if they can talk to her once you have finished with your conversation? I can’t understand the micromanaging here. I call people when I want to talk to them. Unless I’m in prison and on a specific phone privilege schedule, why should I call someone when I’ve nothing to say to them? Is your wife in prison? Are your parents? Then why a required weekly call? I don’t get it.
 
There is nothing more awkward than someone calling you when they have nothing to say
 
We can’t force friendship.

I’ve been married for decades, I have never called my mother in law “just to say hi”. I call when we need to make plans or when my husband is in hospital (he has a chronic health problem). My husband and his mom text every day, talk most days. If I am in the room I will say “tell her HI for me!”

As time goes on, your wife and mother may grow closer. They may find they have something in common other than loving you 🙂 Maybe they share a hobby or an interest and can build a friendship.

This is something that I’d have hoped had come up before marriage, it does seem a strange demand to pop after the vows.

Stand by your wife, but, never make it a us vs them thing. Lower your mom’s expectations. Maybe if you text your mom every day she will feel more included?
 
How would you have addressed this issue if it had popped up before wedding vows… shoukd the man have said tgis is our tradition… something like that?
 
Conjaman said:
How would you have addressed this issue if it had popped up before wedding vows… shoukd the man have said tgis is our tradition… something like that?
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It isn’t tradition though. It’s what your parents have arbitrarily decided a good idea. Your wife doesn’t have to comply, and if she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to.
 
You should stick up for your wife. She has a healthy attitude concerning calling your parents. If your parents see this, they will back off.
 
Conjaman said:
How would you have addressed this issue if it had popped up before wedding vows… shoukd the man have said tgis is our tradition… something like that?
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Is it actually a long-standing tradition, though?

Was your grandma calling her MIL multiple times a week? Unlikely.
 
“My parents expect you to call them daily” would have been the best thing. Roll it on the table and let your bride to be address the expectation then, or (honestly) to decide if it is a deal killer. I think I would have re-considered marriage if that was an expectation!
 
Yeah, I don’t call my inlaws for the heck of it. I call them to let them know important information. My husband does most of the planning with them. I do have them as friends on facebook, so they get to see photos and videos of the kids.
 
Conjaman said:
I am.a newly we’d and come from a close knight family. My parents call me every week and other day if they find need to. My parents wants my wife to do same by calling them as often as possible to say hello. Same way they encourage me to call hers.
My wife seems it’s petty and not important and this may cause arguments which I don’t want. How do I go about this?
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Not a good way to start a marriage by putting pressure on your wife.
There is absolutely no need for your parents to tell her what to do. I agree with your wife. I also think its petty and further it is a way of your parents exerting control over your marriage.
 
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