How old is too old for children to have toys and/or food at Mass?

[NSFrame]

Food - never except for a baby bottle.

As for other toys, I tend to think that it’s better to get DD (3) used to the idea of paying attention in Mass, so she doesn’t get toys. And she is an active, sometimes stubborn kid, but she gets it. I didn’t even start really bringing her until a few months ago when I knew I could enforce behavior consequences.

I actually get a little offended when I see a kid 5-6+ with their nose in a book or ipad at Mass. Jesus is right there and it’s pretty disrespectful.

 

[Brendan_64]

Jesus is right there and it’s pretty disrespectful.

But that’s the core of the issue though, how many adults behave as if Jesus is there in front of us in the tabernacle, and there in the Holy Sacrifice of the altar? If adults (and I don’t mean parents in particular, but adults in general) in our parish churches on Sunday don’t behave as if Jesus is actually present in front of us.then what example are we setting for children.

Children don’t separate beliefs and behaviour. Whereas an adult can say that they believe this, but act like they don’t, children can’t. I think children can teach us a lesson in that regard. If we truly believed something, then would our behaviour not reflect that?

 

[NSFrame]

But that’s the core of the issue though, how many adults behave as if Jesus is there in front of us in the tabernacle, and there in the Holy Sacrifice of the altar? If adults (and I don’t mean parents in particular, but adults in general) in our parish churches on Sunday don’t behave as if Jesus is actually present in front of us.then what example are we setting for children.

Children don’t separate beliefs and behaviour. Whereas an adult can say that they believe this, but act like they don’t, children can’t. I think children can teach us a lesson in that regard. If we truly believed something, then would our behaviour not reflect that?

Almost all adults at church are at the very least facing forward quietly. This is because if they have made an effort to be in the pew then that usually means they have some form of respect for the Mass or at least for those around them. I’m not sure where you are going?

 

[Brendan_64]

Almost all adults at church are at the very least facing forward quietly. This is because if they have made an effort to be in the pew then that usually means they have some form of respect for the Mass or at least for those around them. I’m not sure where you are going?

Really? The noise before Mass is dreadful in many places. I’ve even had someone shout over the top of me to attract someone else’s attention before Mass. Adults may quieten down once Mass begins, but Jesus doesn’t suddenly appear in our church at the beginning of Mass and leave as soon as the Mass is over. Jesus is there, in the tabernacle all the time. In many parish churches the atmosphere before and after Mass resembles some sort of busy social club.

That’s where I’m going with this, if adults before and after Mass don’t behave as if Jesus is truly present in the tabernacle, then what example are we setting for children?.

 

[Kelfa28]

Geez, this thread is really harsh.

I’m a mother of an almost 3.5 year old, a 19 month old and I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant.

I have a husband who works bizarre hours…weekends and overnights so 9 times out of 10 I’m at Mass by myself with the kids.

It’s hard. Plain and simple.

Both of my girls aren’t easy to handle. They are opinionated and strong-willed and very active.

Asking them to sit quietly in Mass every week is just not possible.

My oldest is very chatty and outspoken. My middle is a runner and does everything she can to escape the pew when she doesn’t want to be there anymore.

Imagine my nearly 9 month pregnant self having to chase after a toddler down the aisle and then round up my kids to go to the cry room without making a scene.
Then imagine me having to do that with a nursing infant on board.

So guess what?
I bring snacks, crayons, picture books and cars so they can fiddle around. Anything to help me just get to that Eucharist without having to exert myself too much when dealing with my lively kids.

I don’t make any apologies for it and if I’m a lazy mom…then that is your own ill-informed decision.

I made a huge leap of trust in faith this past week…trying to find the courage to start going back to Mass again by myself with the kids because I know I need the Eucharist more the anything.

It’s too bad that people in the pews are thinking that I’m not up to par as a mother because I can’t control my kids since they seem to be better behaved with a small bag of cheerios or some stickers to play with.

It’s either that…or I just stay home every single Sunday until all three of my girls are 5 and older (and that is if we don’t have a fourth) or my husband quits working to help me out on Sundays.

Glad to see I’m so “welcomed” at Church every Sunday.

Didin’t realize it was such as crime to bring things to help me cope with Mass and several kids under preschool age.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Really? The noise before Mass is dreadful in many places. I’ve even had someone shout over the top of me to attract someone else’s attention before Mass. Adults may quieten down once Mass begins, but Jesus doesn’t suddenly appear in our church at the beginning of Mass and leave as soon as the Mass is over. Jesus is there, in the tabernacle all the time. In many parish churches the atmosphere before and after Mass resembles some sort of busy social club.

That’s where I’m going with this, if adults before and after Mass don’t behave as if Jesus is truly present in the tabernacle, then what example are we setting for children?.

One of the very rare times that someone actually said something to me about how one of our kids was behaving at Mass, it came from a lady who, along with her friend, was so loud before Mass started that you couldn’t hear the choir warming up. Their conversation went on after Mass had started and picked back up again at several points, including during the offertory procession and the Eucharistic prayer. She was one of the main things that convinced me that a baby or toddler crying or throwing a fit at Mass isn’t nearly the calamity some make it out to be.

 

[NSFrame]

Really? The noise before Mass is dreadful in many places. I’ve even had someone shout over the top of me to attract someone else’s attention before Mass. Adults may quieten down once Mass begins, but Jesus doesn’t suddenly appear in our church at the beginning of Mass and leave as soon as the Mass is over. Jesus is there, in the tabernacle all the time. In many parish churches the atmosphere before and after Mass resembles some sort of busy social club.

That’s where I’m going with this, if adults before and after Mass don’t behave as if Jesus is truly present in the tabernacle, then what example are we setting for children?.

Got it, I wasn’t thinking about before and after Mass. I still think that the way the parents behave in church, whether it be during or outside of Mass, is the primary influence over kids. You’re right that parents should show reverence, especially before Mass when people are praying, but I don’t think chatting after Mass is in any way amiss. The priest himself is greeting people on the way out.

 

[NSFrame]

Geez, this thread is really harsh.

I’m a mother of an almost 3.5 year old, a 19 month old and I’m currently 36 weeks pregnant.

I have a husband who works bizarre hours…weekends and overnights so 9 times out of 10 I’m at Mass by myself with the kids.

It’s hard. Plain and simple.

Both of my girls aren’t easy to handle. They are opinionated and strong-willed and very active.

Asking them to sit quietly in Mass every week is just not possible.

My oldest is very chatty and outspoken. My middle is a runner and does everything she can to escape the pew when she doesn’t want to be there anymore.

Imagine my nearly 9 month pregnant self having to chase after a toddler down the aisle and then round up my kids to go to the cry room without making a scene.
Then imagine me having to do that with a nursing infant on board.

So guess what?
I bring snacks, crayons, picture books and cars so they can fiddle around. Anything to help me just get to that Eucharist without having to exert myself too much when dealing with my lively kids.

I don’t make any apologies for it and if I’m a lazy mom…then that is your own ill-informed decision.

I made a huge leap of trust in faith this past week…trying to find the courage to start going back to Mass again by myself with the kids because I know I need the Eucharist more the anything.

It’s too bad that people in the pews are thinking that I’m not up to par as a mother because I can’t control my kids since they seem to be better behaved with a small bag of cheerios or some stickers to play with.

It’s either that…or I just stay home every single Sunday until all three of my girls are 5 and older (and that is if we don’t have a fourth) or my husband quits working to help me out on Sundays.

Glad to see I’m so “welcomed” at Church every Sunday.

Didin’t realize it was such as crime to bring things to help me cope with Mass and several kids under preschool age.

I have had trouble wrangling just one at Mass, so I have tons of sympathy for you. You deserve a medal every time you make it through the homily .

I do get using a quiet book or toy for a little one (under 5) but I think snacks or loud toys (usually matchbox cars) at Mass are not appropriate. Because I only have one (pout) I am able to discipline a little more intensively than if I were dealing with two or three, so I don’t use toys.

 

[Kelfa28]

The thing is…despite the fact that I bring “aids” to help me get through Mass…my kids get it.

My 3.5 year old knows exactly where Jesus is and is, usually, extremely respectful when we go up for communion.

She is as still as a statue when we go to daily Mass and they expose the Host for Adoration.
She enjoys visiting the prayer room to say some prayers to the Sacred Heart and Our Lady.

She genuflects, likes using the Holy Water and can sit and occupy herself with the Missile during the homily…or some crayons.

Her sister just isn’t there yet. She is too young and rambunctious but she recognizes prayers like the Our Father and Hail Mary and will fold her hands quietly without prompting.

Unfortunately she gets the wiggles pretty quickly and wants to escape the pews as fast as she can.
She’ll break her sister’s concentration and distract her.

If i just had my oldest…I’d probably never bring anything with me but I don’t have that luxury and I won’t for quite a few years…at minimum.

I’ve tried going to Mass without “aids” and it’s just a disaster…a total disaster.

I have a good friend who has 3 kids under 6 and is pregnant with her fourth.
She never brings things to Mass for the kids.

The thing is…she has her husband to help and for awhile she and her husband sat in seperate pews to keep the first and second kids apart from each other. They would play and fight in the pews sometimes and would get way too loud.

I can’t even do that because I’m at Mass by myself and I am out numbered…soon I’ll be outnumbered 3:1.

It just irks me that people assume I don’t care and I’m not even trying…I’m just tossing my kids some toys or an IPad and not teaching them anything.

That is so far from the truth.
I’m just surviving at this point…I usually read the readings in advance and could almost never tell you what the Homily was about.

To be honest…quiet kids with a couple of match box cars to mess around with is a whole lot quieter then those same two kids getting bored, melting down, screaming, crying and giving me a hard time while I try to get them both out of the pew and into the cry room.

I wish more people would recognize that instead of turning their noses up to Goldfish in a plastic bag or some matchbox cars.

 

[Brendan_64]

Got it, I wasn’t thinking about before and after Mass. I still think that the way the parents behave in church, whether it be during or outside of Mass, is the primary influence over kids. You’re right that parents should show reverence, especially before Mass when people are praying, but I don’t think chatting after Mass is in any way amiss. The priest himself is greeting people on the way out.

Why is chatting in the church after Mass any different than chatting in the church before Mass? Christ is still in the tabernacle, He doesn’t leave when Mass ends. The need for reverence after Mass is the same as before Mass. Chatting should really be kept for outside the church, which is where the priest usually stands after Mass.

And it isn’t simply the parents of the children who influence their behaviour. Children see how the rest of us behave and will form their view on how to behave during Mass based on how the adults in the church behave before and after Mass. If the atmosphere in the church resembles a social club, either before or after Mass, then children will misbehave during Mass. Why is behaviour generally much better at EF parishes? Probably because the whole atmosphere in the church, before and after Mass, is of reverence and prayer, with socialising done outside of the church. Children then realise that this is a place where people sit quietly and pray.

 

[MissRose73]

I so agree there. The kids pick up on what the adults do or not do.

Why is chatting in the church after Mass any different than chatting in the church before Mass? Christ is still in the tabernacle, He doesn’t leave when Mass ends. The need for reverence after Mass is the same as before Mass. Chatting should really be kept for outside the church, which is where the priest usually stands after Mass.

And it isn’t simply the parents of the children who influence their behaviour. Children see how the rest of us behave and will form their view on how to behave during Mass based on how the adults in the church behave before and after Mass. If the atmosphere in the church resembles a social club, either before or after Mass, then children will misbehave during Mass. Why is behaviour generally much better at EF parishes? Probably because the whole atmosphere in the church, before and after Mass, is of reverence and prayer, with socialising done outside of the church. Children then realise that this is a place where people sit quietly and pray.