How old is too old for children to have toys and/or food at Mass?

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It’s amazing how so many of us got through the 50s at Mass without any food or toys. Unless it’s a baby that needs to be fed, or there is a medical reason, no child is going to starve if they don’t have a snack for an hour. There should be no toys except soft ones for very young children. The older ones should be taught to participate in the Mass as soon as they can.
 
Sunbreak said:
It’s amazing how so many of us got through the 50s at Mass without any food or toys. Unless it’s a baby that needs to be fed, or there is a medical reason, no child is going to starve if they don’t have a snack for an hour. There should be no toys except soft ones for very young children. The older ones should be taught to participate in the Mass as soon as they can.
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I can remember when my parents went to two different Masses so one could watch the little ones while the other went to Mass.
 
I voted that age six is maybe getting to be too old to have toys at church. Food, I feel, is terribly inappropriate at any age, even a toddler. You can certainly go an hour without eating. I’ve never been a parent, so I’m probably not much of an authority, so I’m sorry if I sounded harsh. I didn’t mean to. I just meant that snacks aren’t exactly an emergency that you need to have even a very small child take with them for only the endurance of a Mass. I can understand a baby with a bottle, but I’ve never seen that. I don’t see many infants of the bottle-feeding/ nursing age in my church, at least. Mostly just toddlers and older children who are able to sit there. They fuss a little, but that’s just normal, and the parent or parents are usually good about trying to quietly discipline them. Just yesterday night at church, the child in front of me had dropped his Happy Meal toy and it rolled under my seat during the Apostles’ Creed. The little elderly lady next to me nudged me and told me where it was, so I had to reach down and pick it up. The mother apologized with a little smile, but I told her it was okay. It is distracting, but it doesn’t happen very often, and that’s why I usually prefer to sit toward the front, so there aren’t a lot of people in front of me to be a bit distracting. I don’t know if they do it anymore, but there used to be special rooms where children could go to be “babysat” for a time, on Sunday mornings. But their caretakers engaged them in religious activity, of course, so they weren’t missing out on the purpose of being there. Still, I feel, once the children are at least past nursing stage, if it were mine, I would let them sit during Mass with me. They should be a part of it as early as possible…not too young that they don’t know what’s going on (an infant), but at the toddler stage, you’re at the developing point and at the age of having things instilled.
 
I voted other but I’d like to make a distinction between food and toys.

Food - once past infancy (aka they no longer need breast or bottle on demand), then there should be no food. Managed to get all six of my kids through their entire childhood without ever having to provide them any food at all during mass (except the above bottle while small infants).

Never started it, so they never expected it. 🤷 Fed them before we left and they were perfectly capable of living an hour without snack.

So (again, with the exception of bottles/breast for infants - or a medical necessity) my opinion on food is that it’s never appropriate.

Toys, on the other hand, if we define this broadly to include a small soft doll or stuffed animal, and/or a book, are certainly an acceptable way to distract a young child from an event that exceeds their attention span. Those - esp. the “friend” or bible story book - we continued up until they began classes towards their first communion - though, I admit to allowing a toy “friend” to still attend mass on occasion even after that provided the “friend” behaved in a reverent manner and the child’s focus still stayed mainly on the Mass. (Truth being that even for a 7 or 8 yr old, the homilies can be a little too high over their heads and when you add in the presentation on parish finances or archbishop appeal - well, a “friend” can help make the extra sitting it a little easier.)
 
zab said:
I can remember when my parents went to two different Masses so one could watch the little ones while the other went to Mass.
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My parents did that too. Even at Christmas. Mom went to Midnight Mass and Dad took us to the Christmas morning Mass. We started to go to Mass regularly around the age of 4. Until I was in my teens, in the 60s, a baby at Mass was a novelty.

They were surprised when I took mine from my first Sunday home after they were born. It was either that or miss many a Mass since hubby was a shift worker and was often working both Saturday and Sunday.

As to the OP’s question, I don’t remember ever bringing food to Mass. They were fed and watered before we left the house. Baby was given a top up nursing and usually slept through the entire Mass. Toy? They all had a blankie and, until they were old enough to leaf through a children’s prayer book, that’s the only thing that came to Mass with them.
 
zab said:
I can remember when my parents went to two different Masses so one could watch the little ones while the other went to Mass.
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This is pretty much what my husband and I do.

Hubby works nights and cannot make it to the morning Mass (or any Mass at all if he is working all weekend).

My 3 year old is somewhat well-behaved and is pretty good at keeping herself occupied with whatever (she flips through the missiles, plays with the response cards, has fun moving back and forth over the kneelers and will color if given a pad and pen) but even she has moments.

My 18 month old is just impossible. She makes a beeline to escape the pew as soon as she can and will lose it if you try to stop her.

If I brought just my 3 year old to Mass…it would be easy enough and we wouldn’t need to bring much of anything to keep her occupied…maybe a pen and pad and a book to flip through. I could handle her on my own.

But…when you add the 18 month old and the fact that I’m heavily pregnant…Mass just becomes an exercise in survival and I get absolutely nothing out of it except frustration and resentment.
It doesn’t help the fact that both of my kids hate the cry room anyway.

So, I either miss Mass to stay with the kids or hubby and I switch off different times. I have no clue when we’ll be going to Mass as a family every Sunday.

As for food in mass.
We did it once or twice as a distraction…but with 2 kids and 2 bags of cheerios…it got messy and we had to clean up.
I won’t do that again.
 
I picked 4, but I just woke up and didn’t see the option for other. After some trial and error with our older kids, I decided to cut toys out altogether. I have made a few exceptions due to raging tantrums, but 99% of the time we don’t bring toys or books with us.

As for food, my general rule of thumb is to cut it out after age two. Prior to that, we had a spill-resistant plastic container we would fill with Cheerios. I would monitor it closely and clean up anything that spilled. However, we go to the early Mass on Sundays. Sometimes we’re in a real hurry in the morning and don’t have time to feed our youngest anything before we leave. On those mornings I’ll sometimes grab her something as we leave and let her bring it in if she doesn’t finish it in the car. Going 40 minutes without food may not seem like a big deal to an adult, but it can be a major issue for a three year old who hasn’t eaten since dinner the night before.

I will point out that our inhumanely strict rules about food and toys have been challenged repeatedly over the years. We have a nephew who’s rapidly approaching his teen years. On the rare occasions that he’s taken to Mass, he still gets to bring his “church bag” which now includes his smart phone, tablet, snacks, a drink, some toys at a book or two. That influence has led to grandparents (who absolutely, positively know better) insisting on bringing candy and chips for the other grandchildren as well. I caught all sorts of heck a couple years ago when the goodies were being handed out before Mass and I refused to let our kids have them.
 
Gordon_Sims said:
I picked 4, but I just woke up and didn’t see the option for other. After some trial and error with our older kids, I decided to cut toys out altogether. I have made a few exceptions due to raging tantrums, but 99% of the time we don’t bring toys or books with us.

As for food, my general rule of thumb is to cut it out after age two. Prior to that, we had a spill-resistant plastic container we would fill with Cheerios. I would monitor it closely and clean up anything that spilled. However, we go to the early Mass on Sundays. Sometimes we’re in a real hurry in the morning and don’t have time to feed our youngest anything before we leave. On those mornings I’ll sometimes grab her something as we leave and let her bring it in if she doesn’t finish it in the car. Going 40 minutes without food may not seem like a big deal to an adult, but it can be a major issue for a three year old who hasn’t eaten since dinner the night before.

I will point out that our inhumanely strict rules about food and toys have been challenged repeatedly over the years. We have a nephew who’s rapidly approaching his teen years. On the rare occasions that he’s taken to Mass, he still gets to bring his “church bag” which now includes his smart phone, tablet, snacks, a drink, some toys at a book or two. That influence has led to grandparents (who absolutely, positively know better) insisting on bringing candy and chips for the other grandchildren as well. I caught all sorts of heck a couple years ago when the goodies were being handed out before Mass and I refused to let our kids have them.
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My stepmother’s sister is slightly intellectually disabled (not enough that it’s immediately obvious to strangers) and once at a first Holy Communion Mass, she got out a container of Altoids and started offering them to everyone. She kept loud-whispering down the pew, “Hey…HEY ALLEGRA! Do you want a MINT? I’ve got some MINTS! Do ya want one? HERE, I’ll pass it down!” I was so embarrassed. My dad was like, “Just take one and shut her up!” I took one and put it in my pocket. She then began offering them to the people in the pews around us.
 
Allegra said:
My stepmother’s sister is slightly intellectually disabled (not enough that it’s immediately obvious to strangers) and once at a first Holy Communion Mass, she got out a container of Altoids and started offering them to everyone. She kept loud-whispering down the pew, “Hey…HEY ALLEGRA! Do you want a MINT? I’ve got some MINTS! Do ya want one? HERE, I’ll pass it down!” I was so embarrassed. My dad was like, “Just take one and shut her up!” I took one and put it in my pocket. She then began offering them to the people in the pews around us.
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We had a similar incident at a Sunday Mass years ago, although the young lady offering candy (it may have even been Altoids) to everyone was fairly quiet. I had no problem with it but it was a real eye-opener to how cruel and judgmental some others can be.
 
SMHW said:
I get that children may need a quiet toy to distract them but unless this is a baby or there is some medical condition I don’t get the need for food.
My children are well past the age I have to worry about this but I am hoping I might have to take grandchildren to Mass someday.

When I was growing up in the early 1960s was very common for parents to attend separate Masses, at least for Irish-American Catholic families. (I got the sense that the Italian and Hispanic families were more likely to attend Mass as a family.) I got the sense that my parents had been raised the same way that I was.

When we did attend Mass as a family we had soft cover prayer books and children’s missals or bibles with lots of colored pictures. A blanket or stuffed toy was a possibility. Never food, unless it was a baby’s bottle. (This was when nursing was probably at an all time low.)

I think one of the biggest things that was different was that children were expected to observe quiet time at home and other places in a way that was similar to how it would be at Mass. I don’t think children are expected to
I had three very different children so I understand that what works with one child may or may not work with another. Likewise, as the number of family members increases, it may get harder to manage everyone.
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**Just like I don’t get that choir members seem to think they can’t sing an entire Mass without chugging from a water bottle. **
 
First are the rules for the sake of the parish: If you must bring food, bring dry things like Cherrios that won’t leave the pew sticky and bring one of those little dustpan/broom combos to clean up after yourself. It is better to have no food at all, but we all know that there are children who are more challenging. As for toys, it depends on your child, but soft toys that won’t scratch the pews or making noises are the best. Still, if your child can occupy herself with an Etch-a-Sketch and you know she won’t bang it on anything–well, kids like that exist, too. Leave the pew the way you would want to find it, because it will probably be used several more times before it is cleaned again. Above all, avoid leaving it sticky.

So when should the child be able to be “occupied” by Mass alone? I’d think the latest would be 1 1/2 to 2 years before the child makes his or her First Holy Communion. If the child goes that long, the “occupation” ought to be religious books and things of that nature, rather than activities totally unrelated to the Mass. That is not very much practice for your child to be ready to attend to the Mass and the Mass only by the time he or she is a communicant.

Having said that, if your child has a developmental delay or some neurological challenge that makes Mass particularly hard compared to what it is for other children, do not worry about what other people think. Talk to your pastor about your child’s issues, so you will not tempt him towards rash judgment. He may have suggestions for you, such as inviting you to sit in the very front even though it doesn’t always work out. Concern yourself with turning your child’s attention to the Lord as much as possible during Mass and turned as little as possible toward how much he or she absolutely hates going to church. It is the business of no one but you, your family and your pastor. If you talk to your pastor, though, then your pastor can say, “Well, actually, they sit in front because I told them to do it. I’m sorry you don’t like it, but it is my opinion that is the best place for that child to be. If that is too distracting to you, now that you know I think it is warranted, I think you need to work on that. We can talk about how you can handle it better later, if you find you need that.”
 
SMHW said:
I get that children may need a quiet toy to distract them but unless this is a baby or there is some medical condition I don’t get the need for food.

My children are well past the age I have to worry about this but I am hoping I might have to take grandchildren to Mass someday.

When I was growing up in the early 1960s was very common for parents to attend separate Masses, at least for Irish-American Catholic families. (I got the sense that the Italian and Hispanic families were more likely to attend Mass as a family.) I got the sense that my parents had been raised the same way that I was.

When we did attend Mass as a family we had soft cover prayer books and children’s missals or bibles with lots of colored pictures. A blanket or stuffed toy was a possibility. Never food, unless it was a baby’s bottle. (This was when nursing was probably at an all time low.)

I think one of the biggest things that was different was that children were expected to observe quiet time at home and other places in a way that was similar to how it would be at Mass. I don’t think children are expected to
I had three very different children so I understand that what works with one child may or may not work with another. Likewise, as the number of family members increases, it may get harder to manage everyone.
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This is the way it was when I was growing up, too, but for some reason Mass did not take 70+ minutes back then. It was closer to 35 or 40 minutes. Our parish was small, too, so one parent left with five children while her spouse ushered a bad actor to the vestibule was not “on her own.” Had worst come to worst, there were neighbors and relatives who would step in to help out.
 
How old is too old?

Food: Birth.

Toys: only little baby things for the wee baby I would say. Anyone older - none.
 
Bookcat said:
How old is too old?

Food: Birth.

Toys: only little baby things for the wee baby I would say. Anyone older - none.
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Depends on what you mean by “food.”

Some babies (I’d say most, really), may very well have to eat during Mass, especially when figuring in commuting time. That goes for breastfed or bottle-fed babies.

My kids have never been permitted solid food at Mass, but I didn’t put any restrictions on nursing there until they were over a year old, and even then, it was a great way to get them to nap. 😉
 
Sunbreak said:
It’s amazing how so many of us got through the 50s at Mass without any food or toys. Unless it’s a baby that needs to be fed, or there is a medical reason, no child is going to starve if they don’t have a snack for an hour. There should be no toys except soft ones for very young children. The older ones should be taught to participate in the Mass as soon as they can.
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I completely agree. My mother doesn’t recall being allowed to have a toy or food at Mass in the early 1950’s as a youngster. I see very few parents at EF Masses and EC Divine Liturgies bringing half a party store and toy store with them to keep their child(ren) quiet - most may bring 1 soft toy for a toddler or a young preschooler and, I do see SO many of the youngsters imitating parents and siblings to stand, sit and kneel when they do.
 
Toys: I would say 1 or 2 (or perhaps never).
Food: I would say a bottle is ok if the baby is still being breast/bottle fed.

Toddlers older than 2 should not have toys or food in mass. They can easily be taught to do without for an hour. After having a passel of kids, I can say this with confidence.
 
Well…personally, it is better in theory to have them fed when you get there and to attend their attention to Mass the whole time they’re there. You don’t know if your child or children can do this, if you don’t try. By “try,” I mean training them outside not to expect to eat whenever they want to eat or to have something “to do” or the freedom to run around and make noise any time they want. I DO NOT mean trying to enforce boundaries at Mass but ONLY at Mass. I cannot imagine a surer way to make a child hate his or her religious duties than to make the time for religious duties the ONLY time the child isn’t totally free to do whatever whim dictates.

As Yogi Berra once said, “In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.” In practice, there is nothing inherently wrong with distracting a small child and a lot to be said for doing whatever it takes to keep the child from being an undue distraction to anyone else during Mass. You do what you have to do, and you think about the interests of your neighbor week after week after week. As long as the pews aren’t damaged, as long as you leave the building as clean as you found it, and as long as the Mass is not disrupted, you have a lot of leeway up until the child is within two years of making his or her First Holy Communion. Once a child starts closing in on the age of reason, they need to be required to act like a person with reason.
 
Personally, I do my best to trust the decisions of other parents in this area just as I appreciated them doing the same when my kids were little. I’m just happy that the kids are at mass.
 
pianistclare said:
I work in a church.
NO FOOD. Period.
I don’t get why parents will not believe that their kids are not helpless monsters that constantly have to be pacified???

Soft toys only. We have soft play rosaries (spongy) and cloth little missal books available.
There are cry rooms, nurseries, and also children who know what church is and can behave for small bits and maybe walk around outside during the homily, and if they get really antsy as well.
Managing and working with children is a parents’ job.
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AMEN!👍

Food at Mass is a huge peeve of mine. When did that start? I was away from the Church for many years and prior to that nobody wouldve thought to eat in Mass.
 
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