How responsible are we for other people's feelings

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Hi, Margaret!

I think that Jesus Taught the Apostles quite well:
2:3 There must be no competition among you, no conceit; but everybody is to be self-effacing. Always consider the other person to be better than yourself, 2:4 So that nobody thinks of his own interests first but everybody thinks of other s people’s interests instead. 2:5 In your minds you must be the same as Christ Jesus: (Philippians)
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While it is true that the Truth (Jesus) will set us free, how truthful are we to Christ if we serve as a stumbling block rather than a building block to others?:
6:1 Brothers, if one of you misbehaves, the more spiritual of you who set him right should do so in a spirit of gentleness, not forgetting that you may be tempted yourselves. 6:2 You should carry each other’s troubles and fulfil the law of Christ. (Galatians)
9 Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. (1 Corinthians 8)
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We must measure out our interactions… as St. Paul offered–he became one with others so that he could win some to Christ; this means that even when he knew that he held the full knowledge of Christ’s Fellowship, he did not lord this over others.

So yes, answer the Call to Evangelize; yet, do so in patience and love!

Maran atha!

Angel
 
Hi, Margaret!

…you’ve made the connections but kept them separate…

Yes, people have different responses to the various stimuli; yes, people have created “soft” response/coping mechanisms; yes, some are hypersensitive while others are (at least externally) hard as a diamond… but the equation, for the Christian, is not complete until we include Christ.

Here’s what He Commanded:
10:16 Remember, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves; so be cunning as serpents and yet as harmless as doves. (St. Matthew)
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While we are free to exercise our rights and our intelligence, we must act according to Christ’s Command. St. Paul puts it this way:
10:23 ‘For me there are no forbidden things’, but not everything does good. True, there are no forbidden things, but it is not everything that helps the building to grow. 10:24 Nobody should be looking for his own advantage, but everybody for the other man’s. (1 Corinthians)
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So it is not about other people’s sensibilities (real, imagined or constructed); it is about how Christians must engage other Christians and the world at large.

Maran atha!

Angel
 
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It isn’t!

…those who are elitists frown upon those they consider “lowbrow;” while those who are defective can only empower themselves by augmenting the faults/weakness (perceived or real) of others…

Mom used to say, the person who’s running ahead is not at much grater advantage if the one running behind continues to strive (we will all get there–unless we give up the fight).

Consider this from God’s perspective:
20:16 Thus the last will be first, and the first, last.’ (St. Matthew)
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Maran atha!

Angel
 
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Hi, Lucy!

…the latter is their controlling mechanism (like the “politically correctness”); they will turn anything into an “offense” unless it reflects their preconceptions.

While it is true that text is cold and flat; we can tell from the vocabulary the mood/discipline/arrogance/hatred that is being guised–also the screen name plays a good portion of seizing up the character of the poster… though, as in my case, you must be knowledgeable of it’s origin (so a google before I respond with an inclusion of the names).

There are two other tells: circular arguments and steadfast ignorance (rejection or dismissing opposing thought) responses and complete determination to promote self/personal preconception regardless of the claim to be seeking knowledge/understanding or the Truth (Christ Jesus).

Maran atha!

Angel
 
Sadly, what you’ve experienced is hollowood’s love and spirituality: “do you” or “hit it & leave it.”

Feminism has taken the stance that equality means both sexes can become be as deplorable and as manipulative as they want; rather, than empowering females, they have made females more accessible and vulnerable to the “use and discard” mechanism.

The Catholic Church correctly Teaches that both male and female have been endowed by God with human dignity–our worth is not dependent upon to tooling of society.

May the Holy Spirit strengthen your resolve to be a daughter of God and not an insignificant pebble in society’s grand scheme.

Maran atha!

Angel
 
We are very responsible anytime we take the “fire and brimstone/repent” type of tone in my opinion. Was it the movie Bambi or something that stated “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” Well that seems like great advice. True if someone asks you your opinion one should always be true to their beliefs but there is a very very fine line between expressing one’s beliefs and showing bullying, bigotry, discrimination and hate. Golden rule really applies here.
 
Depends, doesn’t it?
If our intent is to hurt and harm with our words, then that’s something altogether separate from our words being meant well but interpreted incorrectly and causing harm.

This is on a post-it note on my desk: “Reflect on what you plan to say before you say it. Why are you speaking? Are you avoiding the extremes of brutal honesty and in-authenticity?”

And then there’s Ben Sira 28:12-26 (excerpts below).

If you blow on a spark, it turns into flame,
if you spit on it, it dies out;
yet both you do with your mouth!

A blow from a whip raises a welt,
but a blow from the tongue will break bones.
Many have fallen by the edge of the sword,
but not as many as by the tongue.
Happy the one who is sheltered from it,
and has not endured its wrath

As you fence in your property with thorns,
so make a door and a bolt for your mouth.
As you lock up your silver and gold,
so make balances and scales for your words.
Take care not to slip by your tongue
and fall victim to one lying in ambush.
 
This is a good question Margaret.

Using unkind directness or unfiltered comments that results in negative feelings for the hearer reflects back negativity to the speaker.

The truth is lost in all of this. What is remembered is the exchange, not message.

And even if someone seems unbothered, perhaps they feel it, yet will never admit it as there are many personality types.

So we,are responsible to share truths, but also responsible how they are conveyed.
We tend to listen to those we like.
 
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Hi, Jamie!

Yet, in today’s culture it is difficult to follow what you’ve expressed since the culture has changed the values of things… Catholicism needs not be demonstrated through arrogance, superiority or boastfulness to be seen or denounced as bullying, bigotry, hate, discrimination…

Further, Catholicism is almost always placed in a bad light in the news and in the movies/programs… there are but few rare instances when any depiction has been positive… when it is anti-Catholic the sky’s the limit to how wonderful and how modern things are.

On the rare occasion that some semblance of Catholicism is not depicted on a totally bad light, it holds more wholes than a piece of swiss cheese (the one with the wholes–not the solid one).

Maran atha!

Angel
 
Hi there pelagia!

Anyways, we are taught to be charitable. We should not be insulting people with our directness. Sometimes we must dial it down, Even against our best judgement
 
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Jamie5 said:
but there is a very very fine line between expressing one’s beliefs and showing bullying, bigotry, discrimination and hate.
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Most all of these have lost their meaning because they are used so loosely.
 
I used to be really against the whole “you offended me” thing because I had the notion that too many people were offended these days. (which is kind of true) but I’m not as against it as I once was. However, the kind of political correctness I see these days is absolutely ridiculous and wouldn’t really apply to what I consider objective morale which I see in the Catholic Church.

The reason I sort of changed my viewpoint is because I saw how some of the more direct people can be on this very forum and realized that the way people word things sometimes can have a way of making it sound harsher than it is. It’s hard to convey tone through a computer. So what comes out is how the person (the receiver) would perceive the message which could be different than another person would perceive that message. This is why an even higher number of people are “offended” these days, because they are reading this information online where a tone cannot really be conveyed in a known way. I also realized, after creating a few of my first threads on here, that I was particularly vulnerable to criticism or harshness which I strongly dislike because that’s just the way I am. I’m pretty sensitive. I now understand why it is smart to try to use a kind manner while addressing someone on here because it can easily be construed as a hostile or argumentative (in a negative light) approach.

Sorry for the rant lol
 
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Some people are responding on cell phones and want to keep messages short, which is the idea, more or less, for this forum.

So a lot of pleasantries are dismissed, and you can argue whether or not that’s good or bad. I know I don’t expect it from people.

As far as being PC goes, most people agree it’s a problem.
 
The truth is like a sword, if you put it in a scabbard and wrap it with a fluffy soft cloth, you can nudge a person with it to try an help the person, or you can uncloth the scabbard and use it with a lil umpf to try and get the message across a bit better, or you can totally unleash the truth and destroy whom ever with it.

Are we responsible for peoples’ feelings, maybe it just depends on intent. If someone didn’t intend to hurt someone elses feelings, and realizes they did, the common curtious thing is usually the person says oh im sorry it wasn’t my intention or please forgive me i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, or get over it I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings.

Or the person did have the intent to hurt someone elses feelings and then in that case yes they are responsible for being a jerk or mean or what ever to the other person.

Not sure on the arrogance part, but as to the extreme, there are not too many people out there who are dead center even keeled about things, maybe some days are better than others, who knows.
  • Disclaimer , this is in response to the original poster, this isn’t an attack on anyone in any way shape or form, if anyone disagrees with me feel free too, i don’t care ,and wont respond or engage in any form of baiting or arguing *
 
Sadly, I have to agree. Perhaps we must acknowledge there are degrees to things. There is genuine bullying out there. People define verbal abuse differently. Some people think anyone who disagrees with them is a bad person. There another extreme some people know very well how to downplay or minimize their poor behavior. It is always the other person’s fault for getting riled, offended, etc.
 
There are manipulative people who never want to take responsibility for how hurtful their words are, after all it is true.
It sucks that some people are too sensitive and others are too brash.
Some people use their sensitivity as an excuse to not listen to the truth. Others callously use the truth to hurt others.

Who is more at fault the sender or the recipient for poor communication?
 
A Dutch man said us Americans expect others to be courteous.
 
Which is worse? Being too sensitive to hear and accept the truth. Or being too harsh to speak the truth in a way that is easier for most people to accept.
Ideally, people should be able to accept harsh criticism, correction and bluntness regardless of whom is delivering it and who it is delivered. Sometimes God uses our enemies to speak truth into our lives. It must be frustrating dealing with someone you can not easily voice your opinion around. Good and bad opinions should be freely aired. Without criticism, no one would improve.

I used to think there is a perfect answer to this. Now I don’t. Some people rarely ever get offended and words don’t hurt them. Others are on the other spectrum. There is a part of me that honestly wishes most people could get over things quicker or weren’t so easily offended. I guess that is their problem. Correct?
 
I try and do what the good Lord wants us to do, and that is to “Love one another, as I have loved you.”

I personally believe and feel that if someone is treated negatively by someone else, they will only start to tune out that kind of response from another person.

Editing to add, if we love ourselves enough, in time we’ll know not to be critical of ourselves and others, and we’ll know how to treat ourselves with respect, and how to treat others with respect, as well.

We are called to treat each other with love, charity, and kindness. That is what the Lord wants from us. 🙂

God bless you! 🙂
 
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I’m one of the few that words don’t hurt. I couldnt care less what people say. Most people worry how they look in other peoples opinions. It’s the sin of vanity.
 
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