How responsible are we for other people's feelings

[Roseeurekacross]

Pelagia I think one of the best skills we can have is in reading the mood of others. Then responding accordingly.

As they say , it is better to catch flies with honey.

My advice is start reading Proverbs. Lots of great advice in that Bible book.

 

[MargaretofCortona]

Is it vanity or an insecurity? Or just part of being human. People are more or less sensitive than others. I wouldn’t easily label it as vanity. There are people who are too arrogant to care what others say. Every critique about them is easily dismissed. They don’t think what anyone says matters. There are pros and cons of each.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I think it’s fair to say that we have all probably had to be told something we don’t want to hear at some point in our lives. However there are people who think being in the right (whether that’s morals or even just etiquette) gives them the right to treat the receiver harshly.

I agree that there is a normal spectrum of sensitivity but I think part of a healthy growing up process is learning to manage and regulate your emotions so you are not completely dependent on others to do so. You do get emotionally disturbed people who behave in a toxic way but when called out on their behavior, however kindly, get offended and accuse the other person of bullying. I think that’s sad as I imagine even with treatment it’s difficult to solve.

 

[Jamie5]

There is such a fine line here and it’s very hard to differentiate. Take the Westboro baptist Church and their revolting way of “Preaching” by protesting even funerals of those they deem “sinners.” It’s appalling but in their warped mind they are preaching their “truth.” Obviously they are directly responsible for making most rational people feel absolutely angry and horrible. Believe it or not, almost anyone who resorts to the shouting fire and brimstone repent soapbox type preaching illicits the same response, making people feel very bad and not good.

 

[pianistclare]

But there are also people who just LOVE to point out errors.
Don’t be that person.
It changes nothing, but puts you right in there with the wrong

 

[pianistclare]

There’s never any “pro” to being unkind.
Never.
And most of the time saying that it’s “brotherly correction” is just an excuse for telling people off.
One should never delight in the sins of another. And endlessly talking about it does just that.
If people are so problematic, then one should dust off their sandals and walk away.
Does it ever do any good? Depend on the delivery. Mostly, no. People have to discover for themselves their errors. Change comes from within.

 

[jcrichton]

Hi, Jamie!

Sadly, there are people who use Scriptures to bludgeon others into submission; the same for “truth” and “love” and “charity.”

Interestingly enough Scriptures are the least of their sources since Scriptures Teach differently than what they are claiming:

3:5 So is the tongue only a tiny part of the body, but it can proudly claim that it does great things. Think how small a flame can set fire to a huge forest; 3:6 the tongue is a flame like that. Among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a whole wicked world in itself: it infects the whole body; catching fire itself from hell, it sets fire to the whole wheel of creation. 3:7 Wild animals and birds, reptiles and fish can all be tamed by man, and often are; 3:8 but nobody can tame the tongue – it is a pest that will not keep still, full of deadly poison. 3:9 We use it to bless the Lord and Father, but we also use it to curse men who are made in God’s image: (St. James)

In a more concise Teaching:

4:19 We are to love, then, because he loved us first. 4:20 Anyone who says, ‘I love God’, and hates his brother, is a liar, since a man who does not love the brother that he can see cannot love God, whom he has never seen. 4:21 So this is the commandment that he has given us, that anyone who loves God must also love his brother. (1 St. John)

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[ConfusedLucy]

When you go about correcting in a nasty way then you are still in the wrong even if the point is right. I wish people would realize it’s a bad way to evangelize, the recipient is just going to see the person as a big meanie however good and truthful the point they were trying to make.

 

[pianistclare]

Why did you respond to me? I’m not the OP. And I agreed with what you said,

???

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m still getting to grips with the layout

 

[BrunoMaria]

It’s God who is The Word and His word created the world >John 1:1<. See the theread “THE WORD”. It’s words that changed the world. It’s words from the Gospel who must hurt the sinner and words who lead onto the way Jesus Christ is. (I am the way the truth and the life). Such words indeed are meant to hurt and change to the better.

Words though, can become sin and even mortal sin; if they are spoken in the intent to hurt and kill - which words very well are able to! They can eat the soul. (Though not kill the soul, which is immortal).

However; peoples words must have deep impact on us - if spoken in Christ’s way. If they had not, then all Christian teaching would be in vain. Precondition is, that we any time are ready to listen and to change and stop doing wrong habits.

Wrong criticism must never bother us, though we must instead of just ignore, explain why we won’t do as required, even if it means to love our enemy
If somebody’s word intends to offend, we are called to forgive not just seven times, but seventy-seven times! (Mt 18,22). If though ours is offensive, then we just sinned, ’cos we one again disregarded Christ’s doctrine!

In all our talk, even smalltalk, we are called to be any time aware of Christ’s doctrine, which consists of but one commandment= Love (Mark 12,31)

So, yes, to a great extent we are responsible for the people’s feelings who are around us. For if we meet and “handle” them in Christ’s demand and paragon, they will feel relaxed and loved. Bad people only can resist honest and open love! A love we are even called to meet with our enemies. A terrilby important command of Christ!

Yours
Bruno

 

[jcrichton]

So, yes, to a great extent we are responsible for the people’s feelings who are around us. For if we meet and “handle” them in Christ’s demand and paragon, they will feel relaxed and loved. Bad people only can resist honest and open love! A love we are even called to meet with our enemies. A terrilby important command of Christ!

Hi, Bruno!

I fully concur!

That’s why St. James reveals that we are to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slower still to anger.

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[BrunoMaria]

And St. James (Jakobus in German) continues in Jas 1,19 - 24
For human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. So put away all filth and evil excess and humbly welcome the message implanted within you, which is able to save your souls.

How right he is. But that’s not quite as easy as it seems, as we all got emotions, which sometimes are brimming over, and we explode. I mean - if I told someone many times that I hate his/her blaspheming and saucy questions - and that person does it again, (we got that here in CAF too often enough) - it would be a Saint’s job not to explode, and I’m no Saint!

I several times exploded on my regulars tables in certain social gatherings - just said „oh, shut up“ stood up an went! OK - on later occasions I saw these persons again and we where quite friendly. A lady even asked me: Are we friends again? Which I of course agreed (so I secretly NEVER could be friends with her! But I am friendly with her, same s with some other blasphemers, because we are to love our enemies.

They indeed where responsible for my feelings as the OP asked, but we must never never never be responsible for other people’s BAD feelings! That’s terribly important, as it’s Jesus Christ’s doctrine and command.

How come the above mentioned situations.
One guy made a terribly blasphemous „joke“ about the most Holy Mary’s conception of Jesus by the Holy Spirit. I rebuked him. We all know, that jokes about the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven - match Mat 12:31-32.
This guy is unteachable - he’ll never understand, because he doesn’t want to understand! As I see him often, I gave up to tell him, am friendly with him in smalltalk, let him have a nice life, for that’s all he’ll ever have.

The mentioned lady asked me, why on earth do we celebrate “this mad” Christmas - and she added: …just because of that Jesus?!… So I exploded - stood up and leaving I named her an ass-hole!
Same to her now: I see her often, I gave up to tell her as talks before where in vain, am friendly with her in smalltalk, let her have a nice life, for that’s all she’ll ever have.

In both and many similar cases, I am not going to be responsible for these people’s bad feelings continuously, but whatever they did or said am friendly with them again.
OK - they truly ought and deserved to have bad feelings about their disbelief and blaspheming, but they truly are to stupid, stubborn and obstinate to comprehend their doing and deadly beliefs about the alive God, who is as real as you and I.

We sadly enough got similar cases here in CAF.

Yours
Bruno

 

[BrunoMaria]

To an extent we are responsible for our words whether or not they are intended to offend.

Our wordmust never be intended to offend. it we do intend to offend, it’s sin. The truth must be God’s truth - not our opinion about the addresses person. Meaning if he is an Ignorant and stubborn atheist, amere idiot, we are mot allowed to say you are an idiot (EVEN IF THAT WOULD BE TRUE).

Should we censor our selves because our opinion could hurt someone else?
Yes!

Surely the truth does offend others. People should be open to hearing what others say without taking it personally.
Too often we tink our opinion is the truth. But it’s not. The one and only truth is Christ’s Truth - which we are to tell with love and lovingly - never insulting.
We too, as everyone, take what others say always personally. If not, then we despise that person, which again is a sin - widely explained in the Gospel. For then we take his babble like the barking of a dog.

Where is the fine line?

It’s in the Gospel.

Yours
Bruno