How should women act so as not to draw undue attention?

[phoage]

Maybe I have the wrong slant on things?

I have a problem with the concept, “The way you dress will cause me to lust after you and that is your sin.”

There is a solution to this, Purdah. It works but for some reason most women are not popular advocates of it. I think it is also against the law in this country.

Almost any women over the age of 16 knows how to be provacative. Clothing can be provacative and so can actions. Togeather they can be decisive. If a woman dreses reasonably modestly, and acts like an adult who is not on the hunt, it seems to me that a man who gets a “near occasion of sin” needs to grow up. If she is on the hunt, she should not complain about any attention she gets.

If you are a guy and a women dresses/acts like a tramp, ignore her, POINTEDLY.

If you are a women, the same thing works.

What ever happened to individual responsability?

Patrick

 

[Eddie_Mac]

If you don’t want to draw undue attention to yourself, ignore all of the advice in those magazines stacked up by the grocery store checkout.

Eddie Mac

 

[whatevergirl]

If you don’t want to draw undue attention to yourself, ignore all of the advice in those magazines stacked up by the grocery store checkout.

Eddie Mac

*Amen to this comment. It says it all.

aren’t those the most insulting, degrading, repulsive things? I can’t believe it when I glance over, and read what women ‘should’ be doing to ‘get men?’ What kind of men, is the question? Bleck! *

 

[RedSoxWife]

If you don’t want to draw undue attention to yourself, ignore all of the advice in those magazines stacked up by the grocery store checkout.

Eddie Mac

This really is true. My friends and I read those things like they were the Bible during college (which is incredibly embarrassing now). My husband was shocked when I mentioned that a few months ago. Thankfully that seems like a long time ago now!

 

[Palm_Tree]

This following was taking from the thread “It’s summer now. How would you show off your body”, but it sparked a related topic:

What would be considered acceptable mannerisms, methods of walking, sitting, standing, posture, etc that women should maintain in order to keep from drawing undue attention from men in regards to modesty? It seems that many women maintain that clothing doesn’t much matter so much as the actions of the wearer behind them. The claim was made that a fully dressed nun in habit could be more scandalous than a naked women who presents herself modestly. What actions would be considered unacceptable or immodest or even sinful for any woman to perform? making “come hither” glances, running, or exercising for example, stretching in public, lifting ones arms past a certain height, certain motions, etc…? What other actions come to mind that are unbecoming of a dignified woman who wishes to preserve the virtue of modesty and not lead others to sin? Or possibly a better question is, rather than ask what actions are sinful, what mannerisms should women use in order not to tempt others?
I believe there is a lot of good ideas which can be picked up from old Victorian sensibilities as to how women should act. Thoughts?

For the women, they should dress as the Muslim women in Saudi Arabia do… covering every inch of their bodies except for their eyes in loose-fitting black garments.

Another thing women should do as not to draw undue attention is to quit making themselves look attactive. They should shave their heads, refuse to wear make-up (and if they do, do something revolving like wearing a clown face or something). Better yet, they should cover their faces with an ugly halloween mask or something. As for their bodies, they should make sure to get really fat and to dress in male clothes. All of those are thing women should do as not to draw undue attention.

However, reality is that’s not going to happen. Women in our culture want to look beautiful, want to be attractive, like they are taught by our Western society, Disney movies, Hollywood, etc (even some children cartoons on Saturday morning).

So the men need to step up and learn to completely ignore the presence of the beautiful women in their eyesight, even when those beautiful women are dressed modestly and even when those beautiful women aren’t engaging in any kind of immodest behavior.

Or the men need to step up and learn to look at those beautitful women no different than they would look at the Virgin Mary if she appeared to them as a beautiful woman.

 

[budgie2]

I’ve said this on another thread but I wouldn’t personally consider a bikini (I presume that’s a two piece) modest and is basically just a bra and knicker set for the beach. Wear a one piece and a sarong if you want to go swimming or shorts and t-shirt. Sometimes people just want a sun tan.

 

[SophieG]

I wouldn’t personally consider a bikini (I presume that’s a two piece)

There’s a difference between a bikini and a tankini (which is also a two piece). These are tankinis: shoppingguide.hypermart.net/swimsuits/plussize.html Now, obviously they aren’t all this modest, but it’s fairly easy to find ones that are. Mine actually shows less cleavage than most of those. And they do come in sizes other than plus sizes.

 

[Serap]

I wear a two piece bikini and it’s very modest. It shows my entire belly, but it doesn’t show any cleavage or butt cheeks. It’s all within reason. I think it’s silly to say all bikinis are immodest.

Also, on the dressing…what if you’re a very pretty girl? Men will lust after you no matter what you’re wearing. I used to get a lot of attention no matter what I wore (when I was in my 20’s ).

Now I’m a mom and approaching 40, it’s a lot easier walking down the road, but I still get comments about being an attractive mother from strange men and I’m definitely not dressed immodestly at my age.

Pretty women often get a bad deal in the modesty department b/c they always look sexy.

 

[graceandglory]

Don’t draw undue attention to oneself by wearing shorts while serving Communion.

Couldn’t believe the woman would do such a thing, but she did.

Nope…It’s not the shorts. An old fat lady can wear pink shorts to her knees and nylons to serve Communion, and it’s not gonna cause someone to sin. A young hottie in a mini skirt might. Even then, the sin resides in the heart of the people who look at her. I do believe strongly in standards for EMHCs, though.

 

[whatevergirl]

*I think sometimes we make it too complicated. I don’t see anything wrong with someone finding me attractive, I’m a happily married mom of two kids, and I carry myself as such. I don’t flirt, I dress in a way to not hide myself, but in a way that isn’t flirtatious or immodest.

It’s pretty simple really…would Christ approve of your behavior? Of your dress? Would He suggest changing if He stood before you? Is your behavior glorifying to Him?

In everything we do, we should ask ourselves these things. When we seek Jesus in all things, including how we carry ourselves as men and women around others, we will make the right choices. *

 

[aicirt]

Nope…It’s not the shorts. An old fat lady can wear pink shorts to her knees and nylons to serve Communion, and it’s not gonna cause someone to sin. A young hottie in a mini skirt might. Even then, the sin resides in the heart of the people who look at her. I do believe strongly in standards for EMHCs, though.

I believe in standards too. The woman was attractive, the shorts were mid thigh. It was not appropriate for church much less to serve Communion…my opinion. Ditto for the teenage boy dressed with a t-shirt with a skull and crossbones ushering. Not appropriate.

There was a wit who once said I can’t give a definition of pornography but I know it when I see it. Guess the same could be said for immodesty.

 

[Luke_K]

Ya know, I learned from the leader of a study abroad class at my college that women in Mali regularly go topless, but they never shorts- always pants. Over there, wearing short-shorts is akin to a woman walking around topless in America. He said it’s because they have so many kids over there and so much public breast-feeding goes on in the villages, that men just view breasts for the function that they have- feeding babies, not arousal.

However, here in America it can be hard for guys not to view any skin as something to get aroused by, because it is glamourized EVERYWHERE as sexy!

I mean for crying out loud, I’m a guy and I can’t watch 2 minutes of commercials, walk through the checkout line, listen to pop-songs, watch 90% of movies, or go to 99.9% of sites on the internet without be bombarded by sexual messages meant to arouse me! And it’s been this way since I was born!

So I think women need to understand the perception of their bodies that men have been nearly force-fed by our culture. In Mali, it might be okay for a woman to go topless, but I think the ladies in America have the duty to act and dress as modestly as possible.

And the guys of course have the duty to live chaste lives so that women don’t need to wear burkas and cover their entire bodies, in order to prevent lustful thoughts in the guy’s mind.

 

[RedSoxWife]

I wear a two piece bikini and it’s very modest. It shows my entire belly, but it doesn’t show any cleavage or butt cheeks. It’s all within reason. I think it’s silly to say all bikinis are immodest.

Also, on the dressing…what if you’re a very pretty girl? Men will lust after you no matter what you’re wearing. I used to get a lot of attention no matter what I wore (when I was in my 20’s ).

Now I’m a mom and approaching 40, it’s a lot easier walking down the road, but I still get comments about being an attractive mother from strange men and I’m definitely not dressed immodestly at my age.

Pretty women often get a bad deal in the modesty department b/c they always look sexy.

A pretty woman is always going to get attention, but there are different types of attention. I think my standards on modesty are pretty moderate (i.e. I try to make sure my dresses at least skim the tops of my knees and my shoulders are covered with a sweater, I try to cover up cleavage, although with nursing access tops it can be tough. The sweater helps with that too).

Before I converted I wore short shorts, mid drift bearing tops and halter tops. And I got lots of attention. The attention I get now, in a knee length dress with a baby on my hip, is totally different. Men are much more respectful. They smile and open the door for me, but it’s totally different. Even when the baby’s with her grandma (although this is very very rare).

Yes, pretty woman are always going to get attention, but they can do a great deal to make sure it’s the right kind of attention.

 

[graceandglory]

There was a wit who once said I can’t give a definition of pornography but I know it when I see it. Guess the same could be said for immodesty.

There’s a lot of truth in that statement. Pope John Paul addresses it in Love and Responsibility.

For example: Why is it okay for your doctor to see you naked, but not your teacher?

Since it’s not the naked or visible body, it must be something else.

 

[Serap]

A pretty woman is always going to get attention, but there are different types of attention. I think my standards on modesty are pretty moderate (i.e. I try to make sure my dresses at least skim the tops of my knees and my shoulders are covered with a sweater, I try to cover up cleavage, although with nursing access tops it can be tough. The sweater helps with that too).

Before I converted I wore short shorts, mid drift bearing tops and halter tops. And I got lots of attention. The attention I get now, in a knee length dress with a baby on my hip, is totally different. Men are much more respectful. They smile and open the door for me, but it’s totally different. Even when the baby’s with her grandma (although this is very very rare).

Yes, pretty woman are always going to get attention, but they can do a great deal to make sure it’s the right kind of attention.

I never wore short shorts or cleavage bearing tops because I’ve always been very shy. I’ve never really felt comfortable with the attention that I have received from men. They were sometimes outright vulgar when I was 18 - 24! It was just because I was young and pretty. I live in a big city and it was mostly men of Muslim descent that were the worst and perhaps it’s because they have different cultural standards on modesty.

I got lots of unwanted attention and I hated HATED it. I don’t believe I was immodestly dressed either. I like tight fitting clothes, but I like them to cover the right places too. I do show my figure, but I don’t show the “goods”.

 

[Sarabande]

I never wore short shorts or cleavage bearing tops because I’ve always been very shy. I’ve never really felt comfortable with the attention that I have received from men. They were sometimes outright vulgar when I was 18 - 24! It was just because I was young and pretty. I live in a big city and it was mostly men of Muslim descent that were the worst and perhaps it’s because they have different cultural standards on modesty.

I got lots of unwanted attention and I hated HATED it. I don’t believe I was immodestly dressed either. I like tight fitting clothes, but I like them to cover the right places too. I do show my figure, but I don’t show the “goods”.

I totally agree with this. I pretty much look the same since I was 13, mainly because I looked like a grown woman then. I’ve had to deal with and learn how to handle unwanted attention for years and it’s only because I’m fairly young (I’m no longer in my early or mid 20s, but I still often get mistaken to be 23/24) and attractive. I dress modestly and do not act provocatively. I do have a sizable bust and have what my husband calls a “healthy bounce”, so I do my best to wear modest clothing up there. Even in baggy clothes and very supportive bras, they bounce. I’d have to walk like a crippled old lady for them not to bounce at all, which I won’t do. I’m also in between two big cities, so you get all kinds of people on the streets. Now that I’m pregnant, I’m hoping the attention starts to go away for a while. But at the moment my breasts have become even larger and I’m only just starting to show a little, not enough to scare away the men yet.

I remember when I was in college, the boys (especially fraternity brothers) would go around campus inviting the girls to their parties. They assumed that if you were pretty and especially if you had a huge “rack”, you were also pretty hot to trot. My brother was in a fraternity, so I learned these from him. Needless-to-say, I’m not a fan of fraternities or sororities. It didn’t matter how modest you dressed or acted. The other thing I discovered as a young woman in college, was when certain boys found out what you were like, it became their mission to get you. They pretend to be respectful when all the while they just wanted to get up your skirt. The pursuit of an attractive, modest, virginal young woman was a real turn on for them.

That said, as RedSoxWife mentioned, you also do get more respectful attention from mature men if you dress modestly and act modestly. Men seemingly mean well for you or appreciate your beauty for what it is. When they say how beautiful my smile is and to keep smiling because it just made their day after having a bad one, (I smile a lot. Some of my co-workers used to call me “Smiles” back in college) or when they shyly approach you on the subway platform or on the street and tell you that all they wanted to say was that they thought you were beautiful and glowing and then walk away, that’s fine. I honestly believe that those men aren’t looking at me lustfully because I get those same compliments from both men and women. Who knows, maybe one or two are, but I know it has nothing to do with how I dressed or acted.

 

[Serap]

I totally agree with this. I pretty much look the same since I was 13, mainly because I looked like a grown woman then. I’ve had to deal with and learn how to handle unwanted attention for years and it’s only because I’m fairly young (I’m no longer in my early or mid 20s, but I still often get mistaken to be 23/24) and attractive. I dress modestly and do not act provocatively. I do have a sizable bust and have what my husband calls a “healthy bounce”, so I do my best to wear modest clothing up there. Even in baggy clothes and very supportive bras, they bounce. I’d have to walk like a crippled old lady for them not to bounce at all, which I won’t do. I’m also in between two big cities, so you get all kinds of people on the streets. Now that I’m pregnant, I’m hoping the attention starts to go away for a while. But at the moment my breasts have become even larger and I’m only just starting to show a little, not enough to scare away the men yet.

I remember when I was in college, the boys (especially fraternity brothers) would go around campus inviting the girls to their parties. They assumed that if you were pretty and especially if you had a huge “rack”, you were also pretty hot to trot. My brother was in a fraternity, so I learned these from him. Needless-to-say, I’m not a fan of fraternities or sororities. It didn’t matter how modest you dressed or acted. The other thing I discovered as a young woman in college, was when certain boys found out what you were like, it became their mission to get you. They pretend to be respectful when all the while they just wanted to get up your skirt. The pursuit of an attractive, modest, virginal young woman was a real turn on for them.

That said, as RedSoxWife mentioned, you also do get more respectful attention from mature men if you dress modestly and act modestly. Men seemingly mean well for you or appreciate your beauty for what it is. When they say how beautiful my smile is and to keep smiling because it just made their day after having a bad one, (I smile a lot. Some of my co-workers used to call me “Smiles” back in college) or when they shyly approach you on the subway platform or on the street and tell you that all they wanted to say was that they thought you were beautiful and glowing and then walk away, that’s fine. I honestly believe that those men aren’t looking at me lustfully because I get those same compliments from both men and women. Who knows, maybe one or two are, but I know it has nothing to do with how I dressed or acted.

great post from a woman’s perspective.

I too used to get men trying to conquer me. I remember that all too well. It was so frustrating!

Boy am I glad I’m pushing 40

 

[RedSoxWife]

Hi Serap and Sarabande,

I definitely agree that if you’re dressed modestly and guys are still acting like than it’s their problem! There’s only so much you can do!

When I lived in South Africa I would walk to the gym wearing shorts that went to my knees and were loose and a loose t-shirt and men would hang out the windows and yell and honk. It was insane because I couldn’t imagine a less flattering outfit.

 

[whatevergirl]

great post from a woman’s perspective.

I too used to get men trying to conquer me. I remember that all too well. It was so frustrating!

Boy am I glad I’m pushing 40

Doesn’t change much when you’re 40… and I’m married, and it’s very obvious I am. I wear a wedding ring, and over the years, despite that, some men would still flirt, and try to pursue. We live in a fallen world. I have been told I am attractive and look younger, but I’m clearly married, and it’s sad that many men these days simply don’t care. Many men do care, but many men don’t. So, age has nothing to do with it. It happened not too long ago from a coworker of mine, and I was taken aback. I’m not a flirty woman, and I dress modestly. So, if a man finds a woman to be attractive, if he lacks class, it won’t matter that she is married, even.

 

[Serap]

Doesn’t change much when you’re 40… and I’m married, and it’s very obvious I am. I wear a wedding ring, and over the years, despite that, some men would still flirt, and try to pursue. We live in a fallen world. I have been told I am attractive and look younger, but I’m clearly married, and it’s sad that many men these days simply don’t care. Many men do care, but many men don’t. So, age has nothing to do with it. It happened not too long ago from a coworker of mine, and I was taken aback. I’m not a flirty woman, and I dress modestly. So, if a man finds a woman to be attractive, if he lacks class, it won’t matter that she is married, even.

I still get it too a bit, so I can relate. It’s not as bad as when I was younger, so it’s nice to only get harrassed every now and then instead of everyday

I’m pregnant now and I find this REALLY crazy. Men are even more attracted to me when I’m pregnant for some reason. It’s crazy!!! Who knows what makes them tick