How specific do we really have to be in confession?

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RainDust

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Yes, it’s that question again. For some reasons, it seems there’s no single answer to it. Some people say you don’t have to be too specific, others think you have to disclose more details.

I must say this question is bringing me immense (and I really mean it, it’s causing me a lot of stress) sorrow. I am terrified of dying and ending up in hell, but I’m also terrified of confessing my sins. I haven’t confessed in a long time, and have been wondering if, for instance, it suffices to say “I’ve watched pornography” instead of saying “I’ve watched pornography involving X or Y” (that is, disclosing the type of pornography) and other stuff. It’s even worse since I cannot find any parish that hears anonymous confessions, all confessions available seem to be face to face. I’ve confessed face to face before, stating my sins in general terms, and the experience hasn’t been good. I think it’d be a lot worse if I were to be specific.

I have no doubt that if I confess to the priest I’ll go on feeling terrible for days and days, weeks and weeks, and the image will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. The embarrassment and fear are too much. However, I fear that if I don’t confess I’ll just go on thinking that I’m condemned to hell.

Right now I am terrified of hell. I do not want to be separated from God, and I do not want to suffer forever. But I also am terrified of confession. I’d like to hear some opinions.

I hate my life and (I hope this isn’t blasphemy!) I hate my faith. I’m a Catholic because I believe it is true, and I love God, but I really dislike living with my faith. I’m afraid and embarrassed. I’m afraid of confessing and having to deal with shame and terror from a horrible experience everyday. And I’m afraid of dying and going to hell.
 
If you are having problems with a specific aspect of a sin, mention it during the confession.

The priest may also ask for more details on any sins to try to understand it better.

If it is a recurring problem, more detail may help the priest better help you overcome the sin in the future.
 
T.A.Stobie_SFO said:
If you are having problems with a specific aspect of a sin, mention it during the confession.

The priest may also ask for more details on any sins to try to understand it better.

If it is a recurring problem, more detail may help the priest better help you overcome the sin in the future.
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Should I ask if the priest wants to know more details, and if he says yes then I disclose them, and if he says “no” then I do not disclose them?
 
My rule of thumb is based on having an official confessor. He and his weekend assistant are the two I confess to regularly, and my confessor said either of them is fine and I don’t need to just confess to him. So that’s where I’m coming from.

Generally speaking I just confess to having done this or that more than once as the two priests repeatedly told me not to obsess over exact detail. They both know I’m scrupulous and worked with me for months so that is one reason they dissuaded me from being exact. I know some may argue I should be exact, but my confessor has a JCL license and is very conservative.

So basically, I leave it up to the priest. If they want more exact detail I think they would ask. And if they don’t ask, you can trust it is because its not necessary.

As for feeling ashamed, a priest teaching an RCIA class on confession said it best when I was a sponsor. (Quoting from memory.) “Within one month of being ordained a priest I heard everything you could imagine in confession. You can’t surprise me.”

I also know what you mean about face to face confession. When I was still in RCIA, I went for my second confession to the weekend assistant mentioned above. This was the height of my scrupulosity. I sat behind the screen and didn’t know how to start so I mentioned I was in RCIA, so he said “Oh. Well come over here.” I was so worried I couldn’t even look him in the face despite his repeated requests for me to do so. When it came to my penance he said “I think coming here today was penance enough.” 😃

You have nothing to worry about. If you viewed pornography, just say you viewed pornography. Same with other sins. If they want more detail they’ll ask. If they don’t you’re fine and absolved anyway.
 
if you have a problem with porn, say “I have a problem with porn”.
The priest is not likely anxious to hear the gorey details. He may say something that may cause you to be mildly specific, but trust me, they get it. They hear it all the time.
 
My priest spoke about this recently in a homily. He said it is not necessary to give the circumstances of a particular sin. Basically name and number if possible. He said if he wanted more detail he will ask.

The reason he talked about this is that my parish typically has very long confession lines.
 
What the others said.
If you don’t know how to proceed, just tell the priest that it’s been a long time and you’re not sure how to proceed. Also, you are not going to shock them, believe me. If you can go to a retreat center, or somewhere that offers lots of confession times, you are especially likely to find a priest with lots of experience in bringing people gently back into the life of the Church.
 
RainDust said:
Should I ask if the priest wants to know more details, and if he says yes then I disclose them, and if he says “no” then I do not disclose them?
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Exactly. If the priest needs you to be more specific, he will ask; if he doesn’t ask, then just move on. I do not like face to face confession either, but most churches have a “reconciliation room” that has a screen as well a comfy chair for face to face, it might just be a matter of you finding one that is a good fit. The crushing anxiety you feel about going to confession will ease up if you go more often, hopefully to the same priest you feel comfortable with.
 
pianistclare said:
if you have a problem with porn, say “I have a problem with porn”.
The priest is not likely anxious to hear the gorey details. He may say something that may cause you to be mildly specific, but trust me, they get it. They hear it all the time.
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This.

Just say that you have a problem with porn. I really doubt the priest will ask you any questions on the specifics. If he asks you anything, it will probably be questions to better advise about how to give up the habit.
 
once you confess you are forgiven of the sin, pure and simple, your soul is cleansed

father pacwa says i wish the penitants had half the shame when sinning than they do when confessing

confess your sin in earnestness accept your penance and DON"T DO IT AGAIN
 
Dear RainDust,

First of all, when you go into a confessional, the priest is merely a veil between you and Jesus. When you go to confession, remember you are really admitting your sins openly and honestly to Jesus. Jesus is with us every moment of our life, so he already knows what we have done that we maybe should not have done, he just wants you to openly admit it to him, and the priest needs to be there to give us absolution, and tell us what we need to do for penance. If you keep this in mind, confession should be very simple and uncomplicated.

We can spare ourselves embarrassment and spare our priests from too vivid a picture by just stating we viewed a pornographic movie, read pornographic books, or pleasuring ourselves, and leave it at that. No details are necessary, they get the idea, they have heard it before from many others, probably even worse!

Go to a distant church where you will not be seen at mass if you will feel more comfortable.
You don’t really hate your faith, or confession, that is the enemy within you trying to brainwash you, and once you have received confession, you will feel so much better! You are human, not a saint…yet. We are all in the “process” of becoming holy, don’t beat yourself up so much, and the worst thing you can do is convince yourself you are going to hell because that bruises our Lord’s heart, as He loves us and is merciful, and already knows ours sins.

Go to confession, you will feel better!
 
Number and specific kind for any mortal sin, then just naming whatever venial sins you can recall. As others have said, the priest will ask you for more information if he deems it necessary.
 
RainDust said:
I have no doubt that if I confess to the priest I’ll go on feeling terrible for days and days, weeks and weeks, and the image will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. The embarrassment and fear are too much. However, I fear that if I don’t confess I’ll just go on thinking that I’m condemned to hell.
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Actually, you should find the *opposite *happens. By that I mean you should leave feeling great, relieved, and cleansed; a great weight should be lifted from your soul after confession. I had some of the same concerns before my first confession but that all changed after I actually went! Hang in there. It will be OK.
 
What if it’s kissing? How specific? Boy/girl passionate/peck

Kinda like with porn… Do you really need to say what kind?
 
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