How to accept living here long-term

  • Thread starter Thread starter Rosalie
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What I ment is continue to live frugally, then, when your husband has worked the prestige job for a few years he will have a better resume and can move to your dream area with better prospects.
 
Dlee said:
I would say to thank God that you can afford a condo, etc. It’s sad when poor is equated to anything less than an $800k+ home. I’m not trivializing your feelings, I can understand the dream of a house in the country with animals and wanting that for your family. Keep your focus on how you have been blessed. Things can change, maybe your dream is down the road, just not now.
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Dlee—Near NYC, in CT and near Boston an $800K home is NOT a luxurious home. It may be a classic 1930’s qazi-farmhouse, stone foundation, 1500 sqft and a 1/10 acre or less.
 
Has your husband explored what the job picture looks like in the Midwest for his background and skills? Taking the promotion may be worth it if it ups his value to a potential employer in the Midwest.
 
Rosalie said:
He is willing to keep looking for other jobs, but I get the sense that this is a job that would motivate him to stay. He’s reluctant to talk about it until he gets a firm offer, since he’s been promised things before that didn’t work out, so once that happens, we will have a more detailed discussion about it.

I’m a SAHM both out of preference and because decent childcare here is prohibitively expensive ($20k+ a year). Since we rent, I am prohibited by the lease from running a business or anything out of the apartment, which limits my options. I’ve been working on a manuscript, but it’s tough when I get almost no breaks during the day and share the laptop with my husband, who is working on his own things.
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How advanced is your degree? If you are a decent writer you can get HubSpot certified (free) to write SEO content and make $12-$20 an hour on some of the better sites looking for freelancers.
 
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I’ve been told to look into that before, but my husband thinks watching children in our apartment will violate our lease.
 
Yes. Here a $650k townhouse is a 2 or 3 bedroom cramped brick box from the 1940s with a postage stamp yard.
 
I have a bachelor’s in economics and a foreign language (which I am now woefully out of practice in). I never got to use either because I graduated during the recession and was only able to get a job working in a school office.
 
Rosalie said:
Yes. Here a $650k townhouse is a 2 or 3 bedroom cramped brick box from the 1940s with a postage stamp yard.
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Are you a part of/have ever heard of Blessed is She? The northeast is full of people who are dealing with the HCOL and have great ideas.
 
The new job would actually be less related to what he would do in the private sector, sadly!
 
Rosalie said:
I have a bachelor’s in economics and a foreign language (which I am now woefully out of practice in). I never got to use either because I graduated during the recession and was only able to get a job working in a school office.
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I would say then, that if you can write, you should work on getting Hubspot certified (With a business background it makes a whole lot of sense) and writing for places like BKA content.
 
I will check that out, too.

I also have a minor update: One more person has to approve the job offer, so we should find out next week. He agreed that reevaluating after a year at the new job is a good idea.
 
I understand and meant no disrespect by my comment. Just a comment on society at large.
 
I just read through our lease and it specifically prohibits childcare, as well as any business that would have associates or clients physically in the apartment. I’m looking into hubpages and blogging, though.
 
I think there comes a time when we simply have to make a choice to accept our circumstances and work hard to squeeze as much joy out of our circumstances as possible.

We must choose to be happy no matter what.

If we spend our lives wishing we were in different circumstances, we will always be unhappy. That’s no way to live, especially when we are raising children. The children pick up on our unhappiness and constant longing for a different life, and then they are uneasy, wondering if they did something wrong that made Mommy or Daddy sad. When parents are joyful, accepting of their circumstances (although always working to have a better life), children are at ease and happy and braver about trying new things.

I would like to point to the life of the late Charles Krauthammer, who was paralyzed in a diving accident when he was in college. He could have spent his entire life wishing that he was able-bodied, but he didn’t. He became one of the most respected and LIKED (even by those who disagreed with him!) journalists in American history. He died a few days ago, and in his last column expressed his satisfaction with his life.

My mother was a house-bound invalid for the last 20 years of her life, yet whenever we called or visited her, she was quick to point out something fun or lovely in her surroundings. A cheerful bird-song outside, a yummy candy bar, the pretty pictures in a magazine–she never pined for what she couldn’t have.

You want to move to the Midwest. I live here already, in a house with a big lawn, which we pay to have mowed because neither of us has the time to mow it ourselves. I never see neighborhood children playing outside unless I am driving through the “poor” neighborhoods in our city; most of the children in the “comfortable” neighborhoods are in day-care centers because their parents are working to pay for that house and lawn. And even though everything costs less, there are still incredibly high taxes depending on which state you’re in. And just this last week, our city dealt with flooding–thankfully no one died, but it was terrifying. And let’s not talk about the tornadoes.

In spite of all this, I love where I live, but if I chose to dwell on all the bad stuff that I just mentioned, I would be pretty unhappy.

No matter where we are, we should find our happiness inside ourselves. Our happiness should not be dependent on our surroundings.

One more thing–I say all this, but I agree with others on this thread who are suggesting that you and your husband sit down and work out a plan that would move your family to where you want to be. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live in a different part of the world. It’s just that in the meantime, you have to find a way to be happy right where you are.

Hope this is helpful to you and others.
 
We still haven’t heard anything, and it’s been a month since the job was first brought up to him, so my husband is starting to wonder if they are not going to follow through, as has happened several times before with jobs he’s applied to in his department. I feel like we’re back in limbo now.
 
Perhaps you should make a thread for him in the prayer intention sub forum and people can pray along with you. 🙂
 
Thank you for the suggestion! I created a thread earlier after reading your comment.
 
Well, doesn’t that mean you can start the ball rolling on moving to the Midwest? I know your husband would need to find a new job, but I would look at it as an opportunity to go towards your dream!
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