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Beautiful
Guest
long time and still waiting?
I have the disc on my desk. Could someone enlighten me before I spend the time on viewing ‘How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk or Jerkette’?
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I have the disc on my desk. Could someone enlighten me before I spend the time on viewing ‘How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk or Jerkette’?
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strngrnrth
Guest
I don’t know what people like about “Dr. Laura” or “Dr. Phil” for that matter either. They strike me as mean and with little compassion. I can’t watch Phil for long without having to go somewhere alone and growl or punch something. I tried to read Laura’s “Husbands” and it made me physically ill for days.
I guess we all read things differently.
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chevalier
Guest
Oh do I second that.
However, genetic programming is perfectly able to be overcome by intense concentration of willpower and general mental effort. There’s a lot to deal with for a man with all the brainwash that’s served to us, but some of us actually end up quite normal in the end. Same can be achieved by women. I generally pray a lot and look around and reassure myself that good ones exist and who knows, maybe one day I’ll actually meet one and she’ll actually not already be with someone else and something will actually click. Then I move on and I reassure myself that stuff men tend naturally to be attracted to isn’t really worth the chase.
A girl going to a party. A girl going to church. Pick one. Sort of like this.
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strngrnrth
Guest
Single women in my crowd are in agreement: we don’t like jerks. We like cute men who care for their appearance (and the goal isn’t to look just like Data, in that respect), and who are obviously interested. However, nicer kinds of men tend to think that keeping fit, keeping groomed, knowing how to dance and telling a woman you are interested in her are bad things. We then have to vet lots of men who meet the initial qualifications before finding any who are also OK people. It’s hard. Why do men make it so hard?
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jmcrae
Guest
Based on my experience, I think it is related to poor self-esteem - some girls just want to get everyone off their backs about “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” but they don’t really know how to get into a relationship, so they hook up with the first person who shows any kind of interest at all, including the wrong kind - just so that they can tell Aunt Milly that they’re “normal.”
Personally, I think the Aunt Millies of the world need to bug off and mind their own business. But my saying so won’t make it so - so, young women need to be told that it’s their life - not Aunt Milly’s. If she wants a boyfriend, she should get one. Meanwhile, take all the time you need to learn the skills of making a relationship work, and gain the confidence you need to make it work with a man who is your equal in every way, and worthy of your attention.
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Markstorm
Guest
jmcrae - Maybe partially, but it’s deeper than that. People have done studies to discover how to attract females through projecting “jerk”-like behaviors.
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chevalier
Guest
Bless you all.
Perhaps you ladies look for a traditional man who’s also a traditional gentleman. He’ll indeed try to keep reasonably fit, well-groomed, perhaps learn to dance and have some expertise in polite conversation. However, I doubt he’d take well to being spoken of as cute (I know you mean it in a good way, but it’s just not seen as manly among men - we may be tough or we may be laid back but we’re not two weeks old kitten kind of cute), I doubt he’d go to the gym for any other purpose than actually enjoying it and so on. As for telling a girl he’s interested, that’ll be tricky too, I guess. Being responsible, one has to mind the feelings of a girl, so not being careful enough with such declarations is out of question for a man.
Now that you say, I fail to see too many girls who have a good style in grooming, picking the clothes and the haircut or hairdo, many could use some help in developing a nice step. Obviously, occasionally you will find one who is Catholic, keeps herself together, knows how to be elegant rather than merely fashionable, is intelligent without being arrogant, genuinely cares for people and conducts herself in a manner which is both endearing and honourable. It’s just she’ll most likely already be taken and it’s not like there are so many left.
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chevalier
Guest
Yes and I’ve heard many a time a woman admitting to liking this or that behaviour which falls under “jerk” in my book. Apparently, not keeping promises, keeping the woman uncertain, playing, “now I like you, now I don’t,” games and always being on guard in order not to show too much care, apparently that kind of thing works the best. I’ve refused to step so low, though from the limited attempts (such as getting someone to reply) I’ve actually made, I can tell you cool and not too caring tactics work.
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Markstorm
Guest
I agree, they work. Before I converted, I experimented with them. It’s all empty because manipulation does not a loving relationship make.
I just assume that good Catholic girls will have/acquire the sense to steer clear of this kind of thing, but I am optimistic by nature.
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Norseman82
Guest
Be careful when you look for Data that you don’t accidentally choose Lore…
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chevalier
Guest
Exactly. It’s simply a vain victory. You win the prize, but there’s no content. There are many things I could pull off to secure victory, but I’d rather lose the battle than use any of them. Make sense?
You are. “Acquire” is more likely of the two. Still, you aren’t likely out of luck, statistically speaking (aka in human terms), and there’s always praying and Providence.
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jmcrae
Guest
Should be easy to spot - Lore talks through his nose.
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whatevergirl
Guest
In addition to these great replies, I think one should date someone for a good period of time–at least 2 years (includes engagement) before marrying. I am not saying that there are not instances where a person could date for less time, and not be a match made in heaven, but a lot of ‘jerks’ will show their true colors after a few months of dating…they can’t hold out forever. If you date someone for more than one year, most likely, that person’s true personality will show, in order to give you a glimpse into what your future might look like with that person. I recall a few of my friends marrying way too quickly, only to find out that they married a very abusive person, or someone who was a liar and cheater. Time can usually bring out the worst or best in a person.
Just my thoughts.
Just my thoughts.
H
homewardbound
Guest
Definitely great advice! I’ve known my boyfriend for 8 years, been dating a year and 9 months and will probably get engaged soon…get married in another year or two.In addition to these great replies, I think one should date someone for a good period of time–at least 2 years (includes engagement) before marrying. I am not saying that there are not instances where a person could date for less time, and not be a match made in heaven, but a lot of ‘jerks’ will show their true colors after a few months of dating…they can’t hold out forever. If you date someone for more than one year, most likely, that person’s true personality will show, in order to give you a glimpse into what your future might look like with that person. I recall a few of my friends marrying way too quickly, only to find out that they married a very abusive person, or someone who was a liar and cheater. Time can usually bring out the worst or best in a person.
Just my thoughts.
I learned about jerks young. I dated an abusive jerk at ages 16-18 and after that decided I deserved better and refused to date anyone who even remotely treated me poorly. Sure, I walked away from a relatively nice guy who wanted to marry me, but not sharing goals and dreams can make someone seem like a jerk even if they aren’t…and I wasn’t willing to chance it.
Not sure about the program mentioned in the OP, but things like that can’t hurt I’m sure.
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whatevergirl
Guest
I also think that one needs to love him/herself, first, for if we do not love ourselves, the way God loves us–we will seek it out from very likely the wrong person, and jerks love vulnerable and insecure people. If we don’t know how to love ourselves, then we will not be able to see true love, when it comes.
There are plenty of female jerks out there too…they just display their ‘jerkdom’ differently than men. I used to be a jerk a while back…in college days. I wasn’t mean or anything, but I always managed to sabotage good relationships because I didn’t know how to love myself back then.
Just another measly 2 cents.
There are plenty of female jerks out there too…they just display their ‘jerkdom’ differently than men. I used to be a jerk a while back…in college days. I wasn’t mean or anything, but I always managed to sabotage good relationships because I didn’t know how to love myself back then.
Just another measly 2 cents.
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ChangingHeart
Guest
I don’t care how politically incorrect what I’m about to say may be, I’m going to say it like it is.
While men, by nature, are drawn to the act of sex, women by nature, are drawn to the desire for popularity. Men will try to be popular, if they feel it will get them sex; while women will have sex, if they feel it will make them popular.
Now, that being said, the American media glamourizes sexually promiscuous MEN (which women view as popular, and dating them as a key to popularity.) This is why women are drawn to jerks. The media glamourizes jerks, and women, like jobs, require references before they will even talk to a man. In other words, women generally won’t have anything to do with any man who they don’t know that other women desired, too.
Thus, we take Man A and Man B
Man A has been totally single for the past year, waiting and praying for a worthwhile woman to come along, and unwilling to compromise what are honest and genuine Godly standards.
Man B has had a steady girlfriend for the past year, but cheated on her with SEVEN different girls.
Now, which of the aformentioned two men are women going to be more drawn to? Keep in mind, women are after popularity, as opposed to true love. So, the answer is Man B. Yes, they know that he cheated on his girfriend with seven other girls, but rather than thinking, “What a jerk,” the female mindset will say, “Wow, eight other women desired this guy within the last year. I want to experience whatever it is that is so great about him.”
Or perhaps women pridefully think that there is something so great about them that a man who has never been faithful to anyone else is suddenly going to be faithful to them. After all, isn’t that the message that famous musicals and movies have been sending for decades? Does it happen in real life, no way.
Well, that’s my theory. I may be wrong, but if I am, the only way I will be convinced that I’m wrong is for a woman to fall in love with ME. Women can talk talk talk and tell me I’m wrong wrong wrong, but actions speak louder than words. So, yes, I’m Man A(Although it’s been much longer than a year).) I will not accept any arguments that disagree with what I’ve said, so don’t waste your fingers typing them out. I’ll only accept the one action of dating me, to prove me wrong.
While men, by nature, are drawn to the act of sex, women by nature, are drawn to the desire for popularity. Men will try to be popular, if they feel it will get them sex; while women will have sex, if they feel it will make them popular.
Now, that being said, the American media glamourizes sexually promiscuous MEN (which women view as popular, and dating them as a key to popularity.) This is why women are drawn to jerks. The media glamourizes jerks, and women, like jobs, require references before they will even talk to a man. In other words, women generally won’t have anything to do with any man who they don’t know that other women desired, too.
Thus, we take Man A and Man B
Man A has been totally single for the past year, waiting and praying for a worthwhile woman to come along, and unwilling to compromise what are honest and genuine Godly standards.
Man B has had a steady girlfriend for the past year, but cheated on her with SEVEN different girls.
Now, which of the aformentioned two men are women going to be more drawn to? Keep in mind, women are after popularity, as opposed to true love. So, the answer is Man B. Yes, they know that he cheated on his girfriend with seven other girls, but rather than thinking, “What a jerk,” the female mindset will say, “Wow, eight other women desired this guy within the last year. I want to experience whatever it is that is so great about him.”
Or perhaps women pridefully think that there is something so great about them that a man who has never been faithful to anyone else is suddenly going to be faithful to them. After all, isn’t that the message that famous musicals and movies have been sending for decades? Does it happen in real life, no way.
Well, that’s my theory. I may be wrong, but if I am, the only way I will be convinced that I’m wrong is for a woman to fall in love with ME. Women can talk talk talk and tell me I’m wrong wrong wrong, but actions speak louder than words. So, yes, I’m Man A(Although it’s been much longer than a year).) I will not accept any arguments that disagree with what I’ve said, so don’t waste your fingers typing them out. I’ll only accept the one action of dating me, to prove me wrong.
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homewardbound
Guest
I agree with you 100%. Don’t despair though. Not ALL women are after popularity. My boyfriend was Man A, all through high school and two years of college. He was not happy thats for sure. I had secretly loved him since we were 16, but never thought he’d ever want to date me because he had standards!(and I’m not exactly a saint) But, one day, I believe it was the Holy Spirit guiding me…I took a chance and told him my feelings. Almost two years later, here we are.
Keep praying and I will too. So what if “most” women won’t date you. Good! You deserve better then them! They are all the jerkettes. All that matters is that “the” woman will…and she’ll let you know when the time it right.
God Bless
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whatevergirl
Guest
I disagree. I’m a woman, and I would never think that a man is popular or desireable because he was cheating on me with several other women. Typically, the woman who is allowing this to go on, has insecurities of her own, not because she wants to be with a “desirable” (cheating) guy. Sure, there might be some women, but trust me…women, by and large, are not attracted to men who are cheaters. They make excuses for ‘their’ men, because they have things to work out within themselves, and therefore they *tolerate *the cheating.
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wifeandmomoftwo
Guest
Sorry maybe it is as simple as he is better looking then you.
I know that when I was single I would not date a man that I did not have some sort of physical attraction to.
Also have you looked to see what it is that is turning woman off of you? Perhaps there is “something” that you do that scares them or that they dont like.
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Markstorm
Guest
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