How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk

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wifeandmomoftwo said:
Sorry maybe it is as simple as he is better looking then you.
I know that when I was single I would not date a man that I did not have some sort of physical attraction to.
Also have you looked to see what it is that is turning woman off of you? Perhaps there is “something” that you do that scares them or that they dont like.
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Thank you for proving my point. You made the assumption that women are turned off by me. Thus you assume, “If a man is single, it is NOT because he has standards, but because women are rejecting him.” Then, if you were still single, you would conclude, “if other women are rejecting him, then I must, too, because women are such great authorities on whether a man is worth it or not.” The problem with that logic(or lack thereof) is that if we were to accept your faulty premise that women are the ones who get to dictate who dates who, then the divorce rate would be factual evidence that women DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING, when it comes to chosing a man. So, why should women trust the opinions of other women? Women, as a collective group may be intelligent in many things, but they are utterly clueless when it comes to chosing a good man, and why, because they base their decisions on those of other women. To throw Scripture into my argument, see Matthew 15:14.
 
ChangingHeart said:
Thank you for proving my point. You made the assumption that women are turned off by me. Thus you assume, “If a man is single, it is NOT because he has standards, but because women are rejecting him.” Then, if you were still single, you would conclude, “if other women are rejecting him, then I must, too, because women are such great authorities on whether a man is worth it or not.” The problem with that logic(or lack thereof) is that if we were to accept your faulty premise that women are the ones who get to dictate who dates who, then the divorce rate would be factual evidence that women DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING, when it comes to chosing a man. So, why should women trust the opinions of other women? Women, as a collective group may be intelligent in many things, but they are utterly clueless when it comes to chosing a good man, and why, because they base their decisions on those of other women. To throw Scripture into my argument, see Matthew 15:14.
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“some” woman, definitely not all. I know it may seem like all women are like this, but thats not true. I have never dated a man just because other women liked him. In fact, the guys woman fall all over and gush over are the guys I avoid. The worthwhile guys are the ones not surrounded by a crowd.

Also, this works both ways. Men can be the very same. Girls who are “easy” get much more dates than the girls with standards and morals. This isn’t something limited to females.
 
"wifeandmomoftwo:
I am sure it does but it may not be the only reason he cant get a date
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I suppose. To be more accurate, maybe dates can’t get him. Seems like an upstanding fellow, you know?
homewardbound said:
“some” woman, definitely not all. I know it may seem like all women are like this, but thats not true. I have never dated a man just because other women liked him. In fact, the guys woman fall all over and gush over are the guys I avoid. The worthwhile guys are the ones not surrounded by a crowd.

Also, this works both ways. Men can be the very same. Girls who are “easy” get much more dates than the girls with standards and morals. This isn’t something limited to females.
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I agree. Besides, generalizing too much on this topic is insulting.

Is the second part true? I always just assumed that guys who go with the easy ones are just settling. Sluttiness is not a desirable trait for most guys I know.
 
whatevergirl said:
I disagree. I’m a woman, and I would never think that a man is popular or desirable because he was cheating on me with several other women. Typically, the woman who is allowing this to go on, has insecurities of her own, not because she wants to be with a “desirable” (cheating) guy. Sure, there might be some women, but trust me…women, by and large, are not attracted to men who are cheaters. They make excuses for ‘their’ men, because they have things to work out within themselves, and therefore they *tolerate *the cheating.
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I’d say, maybe other than junior high or high school as a possible exception, I think I’d agree with you. Granted there are so many variables that it’s really hard to make any certain generalizations. I don’t think most women would initially start the process if they knew the guy was cheating.

For a guy, and even a woman, your starting from a place of security if you all ready have a relationship. You can flirt, or just otherwise be nice, without having to have any insecurities about if any type of relationship will spin off of it. Then your at an advantage. In any relationship, the one who cares less about it, has the control. You’ve got a person that wants a relationship, he or she is more likely going to sabotage the whole thing. If you got a person that is going to cheat, it doesn’t really matter if things fail, thus can really get in there in manipulate the situation to his or her favor.

It’s like they are both going into the situation, with one being in a buyers market and the other in a sellers market. The person on the side with more advantage is more than likely going to get the deal and at a better price. On the other hand, if your handling it with fraud, on way or another, you’ll probably get what’s coming to you. How that comes is another story. So I say in the end your better off being in a disadvantage but getting the deal the right way. In the end, the intention is that it should be a one time deal, so your better off being patient and doing it the right way.

In the mean time, work on yourself err work on caring and loving others. Once you take the focus off of yourself, and be there for others, chances are you’ll be a bit more magnetic to others. If you can make other feel good about themselves, chances are people will be attracted to you. Chances are a handful of those people may just be a person you’d like to date.
 
strngrnrth said:
Single women in my crowd are in agreement: we don’t like jerks. We like cute men who care for their appearance (and the goal isn’t to look just like Data, in that respect), and who are obviously interested. However, nicer kinds of men tend to think that keeping fit, keeping groomed, knowing how to dance and telling a woman you are interested in her are bad things. We then have to vet lots of men who meet the initial qualifications before finding any who are also OK people. It’s hard. Why do men make it so hard?
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If he doesn’t regard your body as a sex object, he’s hardly going to have that attitude to his own.
 
As I’ve scene some talk on vain glory, remember it can take many forms. One form may be the person who thinks he can conquer anyone. Another form may be the person who thinks he is too pitiful to attract anyone.

What to do, what to do! Maybe start your day off with a run. You’ve maybe not gotten that girl you want, but you did conquer a few miles to start off your day. Get a hair cut, and wear some nice close. When you look good, you often feel good. Maybe try to learn something new, like some dance moves. I guess you’ll need to find yourself a partner. You may have to forwarn, that you aren’t really are that good, but you want to get better. And you’ll need someone who may need lots of time. One day you’ll have to go out on an occasion, where you’ll both need to dress up. And my how the ladies look so nice when they dress up. Oh and maybe pass on that you really enjoy the time with her, and are interested in her. I mean you’ve actually been rather interested and not just merely interested in her for awhile. You wanted to get to know her better first. And if that doesn’t work out, the world is filled with many ladies who might want to help you learn to dance. 👍
 
ChangingHeart said:
Thank you for proving my point. You made the assumption that women are turned off by me. Thus you assume, “If a man is single, it is NOT because he has standards, but because women are rejecting him.” Then, if you were still single, you would conclude, “if other women are rejecting him, then I must, too, because women are such great authorities on whether a man is worth it or not.” The problem with that logic(or lack thereof) is that if we were to accept your faulty premise that women are the ones who get to dictate who dates who, then the divorce rate would be factual evidence that women DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING, when it comes to chosing a man. So, why should women trust the opinions of other women? Women, as a collective group may be intelligent in many things, but they are utterly clueless when it comes to chosing a good man, and why, because they base their decisions on those of other women. To throw Scripture into my argument, see Matthew 15:14.
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Actually I did not assume anything…I just gave a possible reason, something other than what you presented;)

I have never trusted someone else’s opinion on whom to date. That has always been my choice 👍
 
chevalier said:
Yes and I’ve heard many a time a woman admitting to liking this or that behaviour which falls under “jerk” in my book. Apparently, not keeping promises, keeping the woman uncertain, playing, “now I like you, now I don’t,” games and always being on guard in order not to show too much care, apparently that kind of thing works the best. I’ve refused to step so low, though from the limited attempts (such as getting someone to reply) I’ve actually made, I can tell you cool and not too caring tactics work.
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This works on men also. Sadly, I experimented also in this type of behavior. I am not really proud of that. The worst part was that I found that I couldn’t respect the guys that were interested in me when I played games with them.😦 And I disliked myself too. Thank goodness such behavior on my part didn’t last long.
 
strngrnrth said:
Single women in my crowd are in agreement: we don’t like jerks. We like cute men who care for their appearance (and the goal isn’t to look just like Data, in that respect), and who are obviously interested. However, nicer kinds of men tend to think that keeping fit, keeping groomed, knowing how to dance and telling a woman you are interested in her are bad things. We then have to vet lots of men who meet the initial qualifications before finding any who are also OK people. It’s hard. Why do men make it so hard?
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Girl, don’t you know that wives dress their husbands? 😛 Yes, I know every man here is saying that I am sexist, but come on its true. A well dressed hubby often has a wife whose taste he listens to because he respects her.

The wife simply begins to buy the clothing that the man needs to replace his worn items. Little by little she sneaks in what she thinks looks best on him. Compliments and kisses don’t hurt either. “You look so good in that shirt that I bought you. Kiss. Kiss”😃
 
ChangingHeart–

It strikes me that you don’t merely want to play the field, as they say–and maybe women sense that. Women can sense when a man wants something serious, or something more than to just date around. Maybe that is the vibe you are sending, and that is a good thing, my friend. The women who might not be interested in you, and in your friend, let’s say–might just want to play around with your friend, they know he won’t do for a serious relationship. Is that the type of women you want? Doesn’t sound like it…

Finding the right person, is like friendships…they are hard to find (true ones) as we get older. I think that it would be a healthier outlook for you if you didn’t look at what your friend(s) is/are doing, and just concern yourself with you, your wants…what you are hoping to find…and giving that to God. I think there is nothing more unhealthy, than when we compare our lives and what we don’t have with others. Not that you do this, but you have made some sweeping generlizations about women, based on the minds of a few. Very few compared to the rest of the world. Women who are interested in dating a man who is a playa, as my 15 yr old son would say–are not the types of women you would want anyways.

Hold out. Be true to you. Don’t care what your friend(s) is/are doing. Pray about it, and God will align you with the right person…if that is what He wants for you. But, above all…please be wary of making sweeping generalized statements about us women. You wouldn’t like it if we women did that about men…And you may just pass up a great woman, because of what your internal (cynical :o ) voice is telling you.😉

There are good women out there, and they don’t follow the crowd…trust me. God bless you!🙂
 
deb1 said:
Girl, don’t you know that wives dress their husbands? 😛 Yes, I know every man here is saying that I am sexist, but come on its true. A well dressed hubby often has a wife whose taste he listens to because he respects her.

The wife simply begins to buy the clothing that the man needs to replace his worn items. Little by little she sneaks in what she thinks looks best on him. Compliments and kisses don’t hurt either. “You look so good in that shirt that I bought you. Kiss. Kiss”😃
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Hilarious! And yes it is true. And some wives even match outfits for their husbands every morning. 😉
 
Man B has had a steady girlfriend for the past year, but cheated on her with SEVEN different girls.
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Now, which of the aformentioned two men are women going to be more drawn to? Keep in mind, women are after popularity, as opposed to true love. So, the answer is Man B. Yes, they know that he cheated on his girfriend with seven other girls, but rather than thinking, “What a jerk,” the female mindset will say, “Wow, eight other women desired this guy within the last year. I want to experience whatever it is that is so great about him.”
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Changingheart, I can sense that you are extremely frustrated with the dating scene right now; otherwise you wouldn’t make such generalizations about women. I do the same thing, in fact I did it last night; I said: “I’m done with men, men are jerks” but I always say that, and I know I don’t mean it. This is my definition of jerk:

I have a few “suitors” right now who are very orthodox with regards the faith but I have very high standards and so I get frustrated with them: one likes to spend money frivously, one seems to forget that I exist when he is around his guy friends (I always include him), self absorbed and lacking in charity, I hardly see him as a father; one is immature and obviously not ready for marriage, one lies for the littlest things and treats one of his good friends like a complete jerk…and I think, will he treat me this way in marriage? I don’t want to compromise where these are concerned. These persons already have the two criteria, they are faithful practicing Catholics, and are interested in me…but they are lacking with regards to the preparation for the vocation of marriage (I think) and what it entails. There’s a lot of sacrifice in marriage and I want nothing to do with jerks. These guys who like me, it may be that they are not fully disposed for the vocation of marriage which is why I’m so frustrated. So changingheart, I hope you’re changing your heart because anyone who goes for a jerk is not necessarily prepared for marriage and the type of women you’re looking for do exist. Perhaps when you do find her you will realize what a gem she is because of all that you’re going through right now. That’s how I see it.

unworthy
 
homewardbound said:
Also, this works both ways. Men can be the very same. Girls who are “easy” get much more dates than the girls with standards and morals. This isn’t something limited to females.
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More dates, yes, but more men willing to marry them or take them seriously, not by a long shot, and that is where the difference lies. Men are NOT drawn to popularity. I know that many(not all) women seem to be under the illusion that we are, since they are, which is why they go out on dates and all they can talk about is, "my exboyfriend…my exboyfriend…this guy I dated…etc.) failing to realize that every time they say that, they make themselves less and less attractive, even though they erroneously THINK that they are doing the opposite.

Yes, I realize that there are some decent women out there. They tend to have husbands, though, because men know that if we ever meet one, we can’t ever let her go, because they are so rare.
 
unworthy said:
Changingheart, I can sense that you are extremely frustrated with the dating scene right now; otherwise you wouldn’t make such generalizations about women. I do the same thing, in fact I did it last night; I said: “I’m done with men, men are jerks” but I always say that, and I know I don’t mean it. This is my definition of jerk:

I have a few “suitors” right now who are very orthodox with regards the faith but I have very high standards and so I get frustrated with them: one likes to spend money frivously, one seems to forget that I exist when he is around his guy friends (I always include him), self absorbed and lacking in charity, I hardly see him as a father; one is immature and obviously not ready for marriage, one lies for the littlest things and treats one of his good friends like a complete jerk…and I think, will he treat me this way in marriage? I don’t want to compromise where these are concerned. These persons already have the two criteria, they are faithful practicing Catholics, and are interested in me…but they are lacking with regards to the preparation for the vocation of marriage (I think) and what it entails. There’s a lot of sacrifice in marriage and I want nothing to do with jerks. These guys who like me, it may be that they are not fully disposed for the vocation of marriage which is why I’m so frustrated. So changingheart, I hope you’re changing your heart because anyone who goes for a jerk is not necessarily prepared for marriage and the type of women you’re looking for do exist. Perhaps when you do find her you will realize what a gem she is because of all that you’re going through right now. That’s how I see it.

unworthy
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Could you and Changing heart maybe get together? I am serious. Maybe we could have a Catholic Answers romance bloom.👍

If you two do end up together, does that mean that I played match maker? You’ll have to name your first child after me-let’s hope that it is a girl! Deb for a boy would be awkward.😛
 
ChangingHeart said:
More dates, yes, but more men willing to marry them or take them seriously, not by a long shot, and that is where the difference lies. Men are NOT drawn to popularity. I know that many(not all) women seem to be under the illusion that we are, since they are, which is why they go out on dates and all they can talk about is, "my exboyfriend…my exboyfriend…this guy I dated…etc.) failing to realize that every time they say that, they make themselves less and less attractive, even though they erroneously THINK that they are doing the opposite.

Yes, I realize that there are some decent women out there. They tend to have husbands, though, because men know that if we ever meet one, we can’t ever let her go, because they are so rare.
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Doesn’t poverbs say that a good wife’s worth is above rubies?
 
unworthy said:
Perhaps when you do find her you will realize what a gem she is because of all that you’re going through right now. That’s how I see it.
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Yes, that is Romans 8:28, and I agree totally.

I’m not really going through anything, “right now,” though, as I have been single for quite some time.

I do find it very disturbing, though, that whenever I happen to see ANY single(unaccompanied by anyone) attractive woman of appropriate age at Mass(which may happen at an average of maybe 6 times a year, if even), she tends to leave after receiving Communion, yet before “the Mass has ended.” This seems to be an epidemic behavior among attractive women who attend Mass alone. Thus, that takes away my opportunity to start a conversation, unless I was to follow her out, like a psycho stalker. Also, I do believe that it may be a VENIAL sin to leave Mass early like that, and I am not going to let some woman lead me into sin.
 
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