How to be free of the past?

[louisak]

Memories from my earlier life have become the greatest obstacle in my spiritual life these days. Emotions of remorse, shame, guilt and even amazement (“How could I have done that?” “Was I really so clueless/immature/selfish” etc.) - these really torment me sometimes and make it difficult for me to focus on prayer and on God.

I attend daily Mass as often as possible, make confession every two weeks, I belong to three or four confraternities and am careful to always recite their required daily prayers. I try to take comfort in frequently praying the prayer of St. Gertrude for the holy souls in Purgatory… knowing that the souls who benefit from my prayers will intercede for me in return. But none of this can keep away the memories and feelings that torment me.

I know that I need to live in the “holy present” (can’t remember who coined that term) and not constantly be kicking myself over my past sins and mistakes… but these thoughts and emotions keep popping up and sometimes I just want to collapse on the floor and cry. Sometimes I feel like the worst monster that ever lived. Objectively speaking I know that I’m not really worse than the average person, but subjectively I just feel overwhelmed with shame and guilt.

Does anyone have any concrete suggestions about dealing with this? Is there a book or pamphlet that helped you in a similar situation? A particular chaplet, novena or other devotion? A particular saint whose intercession helped you?

I don’t have a spiritual director and I am thinking I probably need one, but I don’t know how to find one. If there were any Dominicans or Carmelites nearby I would seek them out, but I live in a somewhat remote area. Most ordinary parish priests aren’t trained to give spiritual direction.

Thanks to all.

 

[pianistclare]

Most ordinary parish priests aren’t trained to give spiritual direction.

I don’t really understand this statement.
Go see your parish priest. If he doesn’t want to direct you for some reason, then he will point you in the right direction. But he DOES know how to direct you, and he HAS been trained.
Also, forgive yourself. You’ve been to confession. It’s don/e It’s not written on your soul anymore. God has forgotten the sins you have confessed.

 

[peter26]

I post this hear a lot but I think you need to hear and reflect on it

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us: but if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 St. John 1.8-9 (KJV)

Think it over. If we confess our sins, he will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

[louisak]

I don’t really understand this statement.
Go see your parish priest. If he doesn’t want to direct you for some reason, then he will point you in the right direction. But he DOES know how to direct you, and he HAS been trained.

I’ve been told that the course of study at most seminaries (the ones that are used by dioceses, not religious orders) don’t go into this kind of thing. I could be wrong, but do you have evidence to the contrary? What is your basis for asserting that all parish priests have training in this area? Thanks.

 

[louisak]

Also, forgive yourself. You’ve been to confession. It’s don/e It’s not written on your soul anymore. God has forgotten the sins you have confessed.

God has forgotten them, but I haven’t. That’s the problem.

I understand all this stuff intellectually. Having the intellectual knowledge doesn’t make the feelings go away. The feelings are almost paralyzing sometimes.

Thanks for your post though.

 

[louisak]

Think it over. If we confess our sins, he will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Like I said to the other person who responded: Intellectually, I know all that. The intellectual knowledge doesn’t change my feelings. The feelings are overwhelming at times. I feel that I need spiritual help to cope with them. That’s why I was wondering if anyone could suggest a particular prayer/devotion or a book or article/pamphlet etc.

Thank you for responding.

 

[tuscany]

**Just my opinion, but you have to go back to basics.

Do you believe that God is all powerful, and can do anything ?
O.K., if you truly believe this, then you must believe that He
has the power to forgive any and all of our sins.
If you confess your sins, and are truly sorry, then you either
have to believe that God has the power to forgive you, or that He
is too weak and puny to do that.

Why are YOU holding onto something that God isn’t ? Do you think
YOU are more powerful than God ? That is pride, and that is sinful.
You have to trust in God so much that you can trust that you have
been forgiven, and let all that past stuff go. Open your hand to all
the past stuff you are holding onto for dear life, it’s over. It was what
it was, and we can’t change the past, but we trust God’s word when
He says we are forgiven, go and sin no more. It’s all things going forward,
not backwards. You have to trust God, and when you can’t forgive yourself,
you aren’t.**

 

[AbideWithMe]

Are the people whom you’ve wronged in the past to whom you could safely apologize?

 

[louisak]

Are the people whom you’ve wronged in the past to whom you could safely apologize?

That’s a really good question. Many of them I don’t know how to contact. There is one person in particular, how ardently I wish that I could go back in time and undo what I did that hurt her… and that was over 20 years ago. I don’t even remember her name.

I do, however, try to remember to pray each day for the people I have hurt in any way. I don’t always remember to do so however.

Thank you for your post.

 

[AbideWithMe]

That’s a really good question. Many of them I don’t know how to contact. There is one person in particular, how ardently I wish that I could go back in time and undo what I did that hurt her… and that was over 20 years ago. I don’t even remember her name.

I do, however, try to remember to pray each day for the people I have hurt in any way. I don’t always remember to do so however.

Thank you for your post.

I’m in a similar situation, where some things I did years ago make my blood run cold when I remember them. I accept God’s forgiveness, for how the sins were against Him. Yet I know I negatively impacted some of my fellow human beings, as well. I wish I could erase those marks I left in their lives.

I’ve decided it would be a bad idea to renew any contact with those of the opposite sex I was a jerk with, but I’ve left them in God’s hands in the hope that for their sake He’s brought better people into their lives.

I’m female, and I do still pray for the females I hurt.

 

[chaplainmom]

I think your spirit maybe seeking deeper healing of memories. Parish priests are not equipped to do this work. I’ve had several priests tell me they could not help me when I began my process of healing memories. Your priest has the capacity to run the business of the parish, refer people to the necessary counseling they need, and perform the rituals associated with the Catholic faith. He cannot and does not have the time to work with individuals on deeper healing issues. Good spiritual directors can listen to you. However, well trained psychologists and counselors who have had a strong Christian faith of their own have been the most helpful to me. The counselors who approach their work from the theory of Alfred Adler’s are going to be trained in offering healing of memories.

I believe that you made these choices in the past for reasons associated with your own experience of being loved imperfectly as a child. Not one of us has perfect parents. There is no magical relief from the discomfort you are experiencing by performing any kind of ritual. Rituals are ways to celebrate our experience of God in a tangible way. However they are not quick fixes to deep inner childhood wounds. If we try to make rituals into our healing mechanisms we will be prone towards even more problems like obsessive compulsive disorders. May God’s peace penetrate your heart.

 

[pianistclare]

I’ve been told that the course of study at most seminaries (the ones that are used by dioceses, not religious orders) don’t go into this kind of thing. I could be wrong, but do you have evidence to the contrary? What is your basis for asserting that all parish priests have training in this area? Thanks.

Spiritual Direction is not all that far from regular counseling of parishioners. In fact, it’s nearly the same thing. Any parish priest can guide you to good spiritual reading, can walk you through Scripture, and can help you with personal problems.
That’s what they learn in Seminary, besides the ancient languages, liturgy, etc.

 

[littlestsouls2]

Read about Sr. Benigna Consolata! You *must *read the ‘Decalogue of Mercy’ that was given to her!

**"My love is fed by consuming miseries; the soul that brings Me the most, if the heart is contrite and humble, is the one that pleases Me the most, because she gives Me an opportunity of exercising more fully My office of Saviour.” **
– Jesus to Sr. Benigna Consolata Ferrero

The past cannot be changed; accept this humbling truth and make use of the present. God’s omnipotent mercy is magnified or glorified by raising up sinners from the depths and transforming them into living images of His mercy.

Our past sins keep us humble; they give us a healthy distrust of self; they ultimately make us reliant upon the goodness of God. Accept the shame you feel in reparation for your past sins, and instead of trying to rid yourself of these feelings, offer them to God. By focusing your thoughts on Him, you will be illuminated by His light, inflamed by His love and strengthened by His grace.

“Never show yourself without courage when in temptation, as your enemy is only waiting for that as the signal to redouble his assaults… Although you do not feel Me in your heart, I am there to fortify you and maintain your courage. [When] troubled by the enemy, do not wear yourself out trying to make acts contrary to the temptation in such a way that you can feel them; make them gently or vocally, for you will never find the feelings you seek to have…”

• Our Lord to Bl. Bernard Francis de Hoyos

Trust in God’s omnipotent love; He can draw a greater good from the evil you have done, or the good you have failed to do.

Some Encouraging Quotes:

“I wish to live more in you. Let Me find you at every moment empty of the past, empty of anxiety for the future, empty of attachment to creatures, so that My Presence may take possession of you and that in every passing moment you may receive all My grace. Remain fixed in Me – like the little magnetized needle of the compass.”

• Jesus to Sr. Mary of the Holy Trinity

“We of ourselves, it is true, could not by the offering of our whole lives make satisfaction to God for even one of the venial sins we think so lightly of when we commit them, but God views our good actions as the fruit of the Passion of His Beloved Son; and thus it is that a good action is more pleasing, necessarily so, to Him than a bad action is displeasing.”

• Ven. Mother Mary Potter

"Moreover, I forgive great punishment for the sake of a good intention and great sin in return for a little reparation.”
– Jesus to St. Bridget of Sweden (Book 4, Ch 89)

"Ah! hasten to My Heart . . . and be without fear for the past; all has been swallowed up in the abyss of My mercy, and My love is preparing new graces for you. The memory of your lapses will be an incentive to humility and a source of merit, and you cannot give Me a greater proof of affection than to count on My full pardon and to believe that your sins will never be as great as My mercy, which is infinite.”

• Our Lord to Sr. Josefa Menendez)

Distrust wounds the most tender Heart of Jesus. “The past O Lord to Thy mercy; the present to Thy love; the future to Thy Providence.”

Pax!

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Memories from my earlier life have become the greatest obstacle in my spiritual life these days. Emotions of remorse, shame, guilt and even amazement (“How could I have done that?” “Was I really so clueless/immature/selfish” etc.) - these really torment me sometimes and make it difficult for me to focus on prayer and on God.

I attend daily Mass as often as possible, make confession every two weeks, I belong to three or four confraternities and am careful to always recite their required daily prayers. I try to take comfort in frequently praying the prayer of St. Gertrude for the holy souls in Purgatory… knowing that the souls who benefit from my prayers will intercede for me in return. But none of this can keep away the memories and feelings that torment me.

I know that I need to live in the “holy present” (can’t remember who coined that term) and not constantly be kicking myself over my past sins and mistakes… but these thoughts and emotions keep popping up and sometimes I just want to collapse on the floor and cry. Sometimes I feel like the worst monster that ever lived. Objectively speaking I know that I’m not really worse than the average person, but subjectively I just feel overwhelmed with shame and guilt.

Does anyone have any concrete suggestions about dealing with this? Is there a book or pamphlet that helped you in a similar situation? A particular chaplet, novena or other devotion? A particular saint whose intercession helped you?

I don’t have a spiritual director and I am thinking I probably need one, but I don’t know how to find one. If there were any Dominicans or Carmelites nearby I would seek them out, but I live in a somewhat remote area. Most ordinary parish priests aren’t trained to give spiritual direction.

Thanks to all.

Do not feel bad. Everybody, literally, everyone has something they have done in the past that is bad. Sure, some may have more regrets and mistakes than others. Keep praying. Do not always think of how you have failed. We have all failed. At least you found the light.

 

[louisak]

I believe that you made these choices in the past for reasons associated with your own experience of being loved imperfectly as a child. Not one of us has perfect parents. There is no magical relief from the discomfort you are experiencing by performing any kind of ritual. Rituals are ways to celebrate our experience of God in a tangible way. However they are not quick fixes to deep inner childhood wounds. If we try to make rituals into our healing mechanisms we will be prone towards even more problems like obsessive compulsive disorders. May God’s peace penetrate your heart.

Those are some wise words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

I need to reflect on whether I am really just seeking a “quick fix” and trying to avoid the slow process of healing and purification.

Thank you again.

 

[louisak]

Read about Sr. Benigna Consolata! You *must *read the ‘Decalogue of Mercy’ that was given to her!

**"My love is fed by consuming miseries; the soul that brings Me the most, if the heart is contrite and humble, is the one that pleases Me the most, because she gives Me an opportunity of exercising more fully My office of Saviour.” **
– Jesus to Sr. Benigna Consolata Ferrero

Thanks for your post. When I first started to read it, my immediate thought was “I am already familiar with her and the revelations given to her”. Then I realized that I was thinking of Sr. Consolata Betrone, a different person. Interesting that the names are similar and the messages they received from our Lord were also similar.

I will ponder on the quotations you have shared. They certainly do give encouragement to those who are struggling. God bless you.

 

[littlestsouls2]

Thanks for your post. When I first started to read it, my immediate thought was “I am already familiar with her and the revelations given to her”. Then I realized that I was thinking of Sr. Consolata Betrone, a different person. Interesting that the names are similar and the messages they received from our Lord were also similar.

I will ponder on the quotations you have shared. They certainly do give encouragement to those who are struggling. God bless you.

No worries.

Their revelations and writings are both very consoling. Sr. Benigna Consolata received a series of profound revelations, which can be found in her ‘Vademecum Proposed to Religious Souls’ - an inspiring book!

 

[378]

I deal with the exact same things that you are dealing with. The past hurts for me, though in many ways it was also good. In addition, I have many bad, sinful habits to deal with that continue to this day.

Do your best to accept God’s mercy and remind yourself that with confession and a contrite heart, you have been forgiven all of your sins. Make amends with those you have hurt if possible; many times this does not always happen with you saying you are sorry but at least showing that you wish to make amends, do good, repair a relationship, show your love and care, etc. Rest assured that He has forgiven you and is always willing to forgive, help, and love you, even when you do mess up, sin, or have these thoughts come to mind. The key here is to try; keep trying and do your best to overcome these thoughts and to live a Godly life. Seek the sacrament of confession/reconciliation and a priest’s counsel as necessary, and do what you can to never despair of the past; accept it and move on, as many passages in the Bible say. As they say, do your best and let God do the rest.

A priest may be able to help you with this, but oftentimes they are not able to help you completely. God sends professionals, psychiatrists, physicians, and many others in our lives, and it would help if you seek their help. I have done so, and they have helped me. Just keep trying. I will pray for you, and if you can, please pray for me.

I would like to thank all of the people who contribute to this thread. You all made my day.

 

[jimcav]

I also suffer from the same issue. (funny how many of us are out here!)

For me, I can’t forgive myself for chasing such frivolous pursuits and wasting all those years.

But looking back, I don’t think I was ready to know then, what I know now. It wasn’t my time. I had people talk to me about my faith, but I was into life and the pursuit of happiness, and I didn’t think happiness could come from faith. I had to get "life and the trivial pursuits out of my system. I had to let that run it’s course, and then I said, “what else is there”? Then I was ready to hear about God and faith.

So, I believe we all have our time, and some of us are later than others.

I just thank God that my time came!

 

[ineeda]

I also suffer from the same issue. (funny how many of us are out here!)

For me, I can’t forgive myself for chasing such frivolous pursuits and wasting all those years.

But looking back, I don’t think I was ready to know then, what I know now. It wasn’t my time. I had people talk to me about my faith, but I was into life and the pursuit of happiness, and I didn’t think happiness could come from faith. I had to get "life and the trivial pursuits out of my system. I had to let that run it’s course, and then I said, “what else is there”? Then I was ready to hear about God and faith.

So, I believe we all have our time, and some of us are later than others.

I just thank God that my time came!

This sounds exactly like me. I know my mother sure prayed for us! And, now I pray for my family, as nobody else is where I am at. I go to church alone. Well, with the exception of when I am able to drag my nine year old grandson with me.

Praying for all of us to free ourselves from the past. God has forgiven our trespasses, and we must, too!