How to choose a parish? Or does the parish choose you?

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CarmenRose

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Hi all, I’m new to the faith, went through RCIA through the parish that was closest to my home, and I’m curious if most people stay at the parish they join, or move on to other parishes. It seems there’s not really a wrong answer, but I’ve heard a lot of members of the one I’ve attended mention that they shopped around for a parish.

So really, I guess this isn’t necessarily just a question for people who joined through RCIA, you could also kidna shop around if you move to an area that has many parishes, as it seems larger cities do. If you shopped around and didn’t just go to the parish down the street from you, what did you look for in a new Catholic home?

Yes, I have loads more questions about the faith in general, ha ha, this isn’t the most important probably, but it what’s on my mind today. Thank you in advance!
 
You are a member of the parish in whose geographical boundaries you live. You can attend mass or get involved in ministry at any parish you want, but your parish is based on geography.
 
Hmm, I’m not sure it is in my area there are so many. No one mentioned geography in my class, they seem to recommend finding a parish that is comfortable to you, which is where I’m coming from with my question.
 
Most people remain where they took classes, as it is such a personal and emotional event.
We hardly ever have them leave after entering the church. 🤷
 
Our diocesan Judicial Vicar says that territorial boundaries aren’t enforced in our diocese and aren’t really enforced in most of the US. You will find that while the letter of the law indicates you are a member of your territorial parish, most parishes rely on the legal fiction of registration to track your membership, and some, like mine, will require you to use donation envelopes to indicate you are a member actively attending Masses there, for purposes of sacramental preparation and other needs, such as a recommendation to be a sponsor/godparent.
 
When I was growing up in Tulsa we were members of a few different parishes even though we lived in the same house.

Mostly it was based on need. As we go older our geographical parish was quite small and had limited CCD instruction, so we joined a different parish with a better curriculum. Then when I was in highschool we joined another as I wanted to go to confirmation classes with friends from high school.

But all were within a 15 minute drive.

Now the I live in a town with only one Catholic Church and if I wanted to join another it would be almost an hours drive.
 
Where I live, I had the choice of two parishes, and I chose the one that has a Perpetual Adoration Chapel.
 
We chose the parish that was closest to our home…and it turned out to be a wonderful parish with a wonderful priest. Couldn’t be happier!!!
 
Yes, I shopped around but I started at my jurisdictional parish. I was looking for Orthodox teaching and a priest who was available. After several tries, I ended up at an Eastern Catholic parish in complete different diocese traveling about an hour. My jurisdictional parish had no priest for about 18 months, so that started the search.
 
Elizium23 said:
Our diocesan Judicial Vicar says that territorial boundaries aren’t enforced in our diocese and aren’t really enforced in most of the US. You will find that while the letter of the law indicates you are a member of your territorial parish, most parishes rely on the legal fiction of registration to track your membership, and some, like mine, will require you to use donation envelopes to indicate you are a member actively attending Masses there, for purposes of sacramental preparation and other needs, such as a recommendation to be a sponsor/godparent.
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“Legal fiction?”

There are other churches want their parishioners to use envelopes, not just the CC. When I attended TEC, the church supplied each parishioner with envelopes, too.
 
CarmenRose said:
Hmm, I’m not sure it is in my area there are so many. No one mentioned geography in my class, they seem to recommend finding a parish that is comfortable to you, which is where I’m coming from with my question.
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It’s not about what “people say” or don’t say.

A parish is a geographical territory.

A Catholic becomes a member of a parish by living within the parish territory.

The question is no different than asking “what state do I pick?” or “what county do I pick?” or “what city do I pick?”

You can certainly choose one, but the only way to change is to move.

Catholics have certain rights that depend on the parish and the pastor. The parish/pastor have corresponding responsibilities toward the people who live within that parish.
 
Parish should be geographic.

That said, there a reasons to be active in a different local parish.

But, “I don’t like the music,” or “The homilies stink,” or “They hold hands during the Our Father,” or similar objections are not valid reasons.

My wife and my best friends suggested we should attend a parish with extraordinary form mass with them regularly. And we have attended with them before on occasion for special reasons. It was tempting, because of our friendship but I refused.

That said, my infirm mother in law lives with us, and often my wife attends our parish, and I attend another later Mass. We prefer to go to Mass together at our small parish, but it takes special arrangements.

But don’t shop around. That’s poison.
 
I moved into my “new” parish by happenstance in 2006, fell in love and will never leave.

I have since moved back out of the parish boundaries and into my old parish, because there is no suitable housing available in my parish. There is no way I would go back to my old parish. Not only am I in love with my current one, but it is actually harder to commute to my old parish because I ride the bus.

Thankfully since my diocese is typical of those in the US, parish registration is the only thing that counts, and my territorial pastor doesn’t have to know I’m alive for any purpose, including my untimely demise.
 
After we became unhappy with our local parish, we searched for other parishes around the area that had traditional Masses (Traditional Latin Mass in particular) and had orthodox, traditional priests that provided solid catechesis. After we found one that we liked, we enrolled as parishioners there. It’s in another city, but it’s worth it.
 
And then you have overlapping jurisdictions. As a Byzantine Catholic, my geographic parish is 17 miles away, even though I have approximately 20 parishes that are geographically closer to me. I almost always go the Byzantine parish on Sundays, but when I can’t make it there for some reason, or often for daily Mass during the week, I choose one of the three parishes closest to me. I make my decision based mostly on the Mass schedule, although I do have a preference for the homilies and music at one of them, and an aversion to the music at one. The one with the music I don’t care for typically has the Mass schedule that works best if I’m unable to go to my own parish, though, so that’s where I go.

My commute is minor, but there are only a handful of Byzantine parishes in my rather large state. In many places in my state, it would not be practical for me to attend my geographic parish, so I would just choose from among the Latin-rite parishes available to me.
 
I am hearing things like: " unhappy with …" I feel this is dangerous.

If in your parish’s body (c.f. 1 Cor 12, last Sunday’s reading) all the arms go away to where arms like to be, you leave your parish armless and your adopted parish becomes an octopus, with perhaps more arms than it needs.

Physical geography vs. parish boundries is a separate issue, where I would fault no-one.

Actually I’d fault no-one regardless. But it’s something to think about.
 
Tell you what, I’ll start strictly observing Canon 518 as soon as bishops in the US begin strictly observing Canon 915.
 
speters33w said:
I am hearing things like: " unhappy with …" I feel this is dangerous.

If in your parish’s body (c.f. 1 Cor 12, last Sunday’s reading) all the arms go away to where arms like to be, you leave your parish armless and your adopted parish becomes an octopus, with perhaps more arms than it needs.

Physical geography vs. parish boundries is a separate issue, where I would fault no-one.

Actually I’d fault no-one regardless. But it’s something to think about.
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There are plenty of other people that remain at a parish, so there won’t be a shortage of body parts. As far as I know, most people don’t even do anything in a parish besides donate money and receive the Sacraments, so it would be of little consequence if a few families left.
 
Confiteor_Deo said:
There are plenty of other people that remain at a parish, so there won’t be a shortage of body parts. As far as I know, most people don’t even do anything in a parish besides donate money and receive the Sacraments, so it would be of little consequence if a few families left.
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I think every member of a parish is important, even if they are just sitting in the pew each Sunday, even if they don’t contribute financially. We need diversity in life, as well as in our parishes.

What if all the people who wanted to be involved in social justice ministries left because there were none at their parish? What would be the chances of that parish every developing such an outreach?

If most of the regular confession-goers left a parish because the priest did not seem to preach on and value the sacrament, what do you think would happen to the confession schedule at that parish?

What if the families left because the parish is not perceived as being family-friendly? They miss out on the example and experience of the older members of the body of Christ.

What if all the old people moved to a different parish because of the unruly children? They miss the vitality of a more diverse parish and they can watch their quiet, “adults only” parish slowly shrink for lack of new life.

What if all the “liberals” left for a “liberal” parish? What if all the “conservatives” left to be among like-minded people? Would the resulting parishes be more likely to do the work of Christ in this world? Would they be more or less likely to be welcoming to newcomers of any stripe, or would it increase the chances that someone new to the church or the parish wouldn’t feel they fit in?

I’ve done my share of parish-hopping for some of the above reasons, and I’m grateful for the ability to choose, but I strongly disagree with your assumption that just because somebody isn’t involved beyond attending Mass and donating money that they are not an important part of a parish.
 
Elizium23 said:
…

Thankfully since my diocese is typical of those in the US, parish registration is the only thing that counts, and my territorial pastor doesn’t have to know I’m alive for any purpose, including my untimely demise.
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That is not true.

You are making false assumption about how diocese in the US treat canon law, and without any basis for your assumptions.

How many bishops have you interviewed? How many have you asked “do you ignore canon law with regard to parish boundaries?” Do you have any facts, any actual evidence that supports what you claim? How many vicars judicial have you interviewed? How many vicars general have you interviewed?

Your claim is that it is typical for diocese in the US to disregard canon law. If you are going to make that claim, it is your responsibility to be able to support that claim with facts.

Where are your facts?
 
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