How to come back

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It is a surprise that there are so many kind replies, trying to encourage me. Much appreciated!
Asking a priest for help is the first step, but it costs quite an effort.
Looks like I am a coward.
I fear there will be the advice to sleep on the couch for the time being.
Brother and sister, I´ve had it.
In some scenarios, this may be an appropriate advice for a young couple shacking up,
but I am a grown man with children.

Who can guarantee those children are going to care at all about the faith once they are grown up?
Chances are society will tell them God is dead or he simply does not exist.

I should better stop ranting here. It´s no use.
 
Constantin said:
It is a surprise that there are so many kind replies, trying to encourage me. Much appreciated!
Asking a priest for help is the first step, but it costs quite an effort.
Looks like I am a coward.
I fear there will be the advice to sleep on the couch for the time being.
Brother and sister, I´ve had it.
In some scenarios, this may be an appropriate advice for a young couple shacking up,
but I am a grown man with children.

Who can guarantee those children are going to care at all about the faith once they are grown up?
Chances are society will tell them God is dead or he simply does not exist.

I should better stop ranting here. It´s no use.
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Constantin–you need a good priest if only to help you cope with your extreme feelings of worthlessness of your efforts.

Children DO take on their parents values–free will can affect this–but in general reverence and understanding are vital.

You have seen priests-GREAT! first step. You got to keep walking.
 
Constantin said:
Who can guarantee those children are going to care at all about the faith once they are grown up?

Chances are society will tell them God is dead or he simply does not exist.

I should better stop ranting here. It´s no use.
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You may never know what good it does the children. My wife and I have tried our best to bring up our children in the faith, but the kids are now in the teen years, and society certainly exerts its influence. Hopefully a time will come when the seed that we planted can grow again and flourish. At this point, it’s in God’s hands, and Jesus said all things are possible for God, and so we hope.

Thanks for ranting. We’re here for you, brother.
 
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`Wasn’t Constantine a great general? I mean seriously, where is your fight, man! We all need you and your prayers. And the statistics are running in your favor as far as your influence vs. society’s over your children. Here’s an excellent short video. I hope you watch it: A Call to Battle

 
Thanks for sharing the video. I watched it, quite a lot of Pathos!
Only, this is not me. Catholic, yes, a man, yes,
but not like the superheroes in the video, spiritual head of the family,
taking the children to mass on Sundays, even daily mass,
frequent confession and whatnot.
It´s like asking a man with a heart disease to run for the Marathon world championship.
“You cannot give what you don´t have.”

Why does civil marriage not suffice? It is unfair.
It is not my fault that we could not marry in the church!
St. Paul says (1 Corinthians 7:14):

For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.
Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

He does not make any distinction between sacramental and civil marriage let alone demand that those already married go through some
kind of church ceremony to be “properly” married. Yes, I know, as a Catholic I am bound by canon law.
I think that historically, marriage was sealed just by taking communion together.
 
Constantin said:
In some scenarios, this may be an appropriate advice for a young couple shacking up,

but I am a grown man with children.
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I would recommend Eucharistic Adoration and the Rosary.

God Bless You

Thank you for reading.
 
Constantin said:
I mean the majority of people out there do not really care anymore that much about the faith and seem to be much happier.
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‘seem’ I think is the key word.
Constantin said:
I keep asking myself whether it is really worth it.
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When death is not a possibility, but a certainty, I think there could be nothing more important.

Note: I’m also a little confused with ‘irregular’ union, is it because one of you have already been married before? or is it because your partner does not want to marry?

God Bless

Thank you for reading.
 
Constantin said:
Why does civil marriage not suffice? It is unfair.
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If it sufficed then there would be no point marrying in the Church, and erroneous notions of marriage such as between the same sex or no fault divorce would also suffice if it were up to the state. The state however doesn’t define what a marriage is or isn’t, Christ does, and thus His Church does.

God Bless You

Thank you for reading.
 
No, I am a civilly married cradle Catholic, I do not have previous marriages - neither does my wife.
 
My wife does not agree to a marriage in the Catholic church. No way. As simple as that.
 
I do not know. This seems a very legalistic approach for a problem which is mostly spiritual.
 
I would quit trying to persuade her. You can only inform her as best you can, and then let it go, let grace work within her. Most likely your wife sees the church as a wedge, now. Use silence, service and prayer as your weapons (Account Suspended). The drama is very harmful to the little ones. Remember that communion, grace, sex, and sacraments are gifts. Be thankful and at peace where you are, and take one day at a time, I’d say. You need to stop having sex with her. Bring your love to both her and Christ in selfless ways. God bless you.
 
I am in a very similar situation, a cradle Catholic, returned after 20+ years, in a very happy (non-Catholic) marriage, and struggling to make my way back into communion because my husband does not want to validate our marriage. I was so excited to come back to the church, but now it’s depressing because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to receive communion. I get frustrated with my husband for not being willing to validate for me, but I really can’t blame him. He isn’t Catholic and doesn’t want a Catholic marriage. I get frustrated with the church, because I feel like it’s punishing me for my husband’s feelings. I can’t help it if he isn’t comfortable with the church, and I can’t force it on him. The Catholic Church is foreign and strange to him, and he doesn’t understand it, but is doing his best to support me. Withholding sex is not the answer. We are very close, and have no doubt that our marriage is a true, loving marriage. I see validation as the church confirming what we already know. It wouldn’t change anything in our daily lives. He sees it as an insult, because we are already married, and why is that not good enough, why do we have to have another ceremony? Why are Protestant baptisms accepted, but not marriages? It’s a very touchy situation, and I feel like I’m caught between my husband and the church.

I used to go to daily mass as often as possible, but now instead of patiently waiting until the day I can receive communion again, I just feel rejected. I leave feeling worse than when I got there. I hope that there is hope in the future for our “irregular” situations. It seems like the first thing we should find when coming home to the church should be forgiveness.

Thanks for reading my rant. This situation is very difficult and complicated, and the only advice I’ve had is to wait and pray, because it seems like he might come around eventually. I am praying for you and your family.
 
My friend,
GOD FIRST if you want to find PEACE

John.20 Verses 19 to 23

[19] On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being shut where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you."
[20] When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord.
[21] Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I send you."
[22] And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.
[23] If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”

My FRIEND we simply cannot attempt to GOD how He must save us:

Your living in sin: Get married OR get out of the relationship.

May GOD [who IS TRYING TO] Guide your path.

Pray very much
God Bless you,
Patrick
 
@miriam42: Thanks for sharing your story. I know how it feels. Also thanks for your prayers. Lord, have mercy on Miriam and her family!
We can’t blame the church. After all, it’s our own responsibility, that much is clear. There were several posts about not having sex. This is quite beside the point. It’s not about sex. It’s about marriage and especially the children. Withdrawal of intimacy will not help in the least.
 
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Constantin said:
After all, it’s our own responsibility, that much is clear.
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I don’t really understand how it’s only your responsibility. It seems to me your significant other would need to be compassionate of your feelings and your strongly held beliefs. It’s not as if it’s going to be a ceremony. It’s a blessing from a priest. It’s a very grave matter if the other person will not accept this simple blessing, so much so at the expense of the other person’s constant anguish and heartbreak. I am truly, truly sorry you are both in such a relationship, but you both have a right to stand up for what you believe in, demand some respect, and draw some boundaries within a relationship that you feel is necessary over EVERYTHING else.
 
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