How to come back

  • Thread starter Thread starter Constantin
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
It is my responsibility. After all, I knew in advance this would not going to be easy. Nobody forced me to marry, it was my free decision. There is an additional aspect:
The fact that she is a Christian, even practicing, makes it even worse: I mean, we believe in the same god, even theology is similar to quite some extent and still it is not enough! It could be an ideal situation with us both being Christians and wanting to pass on the faith to the children - at least in theory. But in practice, chances are our children will not be able to remain strong in the faith due to our infighting whenever it comes to religious questions.
 
Last edited:
Earlier someone suggested The Rosary and attending Adoration. Of course in addition to a good preist’s consult.

Confession, Adoration, the Rosary

But the Rosary is portable, I would say make a commitment to just that. A Daily Rosary. Ask Our Lady for help, ask St Joseph to guide you as a father and to open doors to the right people and help.

Ask St. Rita to help your wife. Maybe St Catherine…

I am confident that if you lead by example in your own faith, as head of the house, not as a tyrant, your children will watch you live your faith in your life, the ‘World’ will have less influence. You might just be amazed.

God Bless you and give you Courage.
 
I will do you one better in sharing my story. I am a cradle Roman Catholic, received FHC but never confirmed. I sought out a believing (protestant) husband and married in his church because my parents insisted I marry in a church. After 30+ years of marriage I attempted to go back to the Catholic church AND my husband wanted to convert. Easy peasy. No. There wasn’t one priest, deacon or Catholic laity that gave us a straight answer. I was only admonished that what I did was not allowed, I married a non-Catholic, I wasn’t comfirmed, yada-yada. No help.

Then my husband found that ‘priest’, who saw the simple solution. It was an Eastern Catholic priest who simply convalidated/blessed our marriage, accepted my husband as a convert and I was finally confirmed. We opted for NO ceremony, a few friends and our oldest daughter just reiterating our vows privately with the priest.

Funny, the protestant pastor who initially married us was a Catholic up until Vatican II. On that note, as my husband was now an Eastern Catholic, I transferred out of Roman Catholicism.

So, go find that priest.
 
Last edited:
@Casilda: Thanks for sharing your story!
Each situation is different, unfortunately you cannot just take the solution from
one and apply it to another. The priest that helped you just does not exist for us.
There is so much talk about ecumenism today and the pope and the bishops all stress
how much progress there has been. Only, from my perspective, nothing changed:
There is still so much division, distrust, even hatred among different denominations.

Probably I should just convert for the sake of peace within the family.
I must admit I thought about it, because it seems it would make all problems go away at once.
Also, it is beneficial for the children if the parents share the same faith.
Now, you will tell me that it is a sin even to consider leaving the church, but what am I to do?
 
Last edited:
Agreed that the solution is not ideal, but it would allow you to come home. It’s either that, persuade your wife to convalidate or leave, if you really do want to set things right with the Church.
 
I worked up all my courage and wrote an email to the local FSSP parish priest here, where I go to mass sometimes.
Hopefully, he can help me or at least point me to somebody who can.
 
I met with the FSSP priest. He was very kind and provided a new idea how I could move things forward.
It remains to be seen whether anything develops from that.
He also told me some uncomfortable truths I did not like at all.
I guess he thinks I am a complete fool. 😟
To summarize: It was a good thing to talk to a priest (again), but it is not going to solve any of my issues.
This is something I need to do myself - with HIS help.
 
I’m sure he doesn’t think you are a fool.
Your issues are going to take time to solve and of course it would be you that solves them. It could not be any other way. But his help is a good thing, guidance always is.
God bless you in this, don’t forget to pray for His help too.
 
Constantin said:
I met with the FSSP priest. He was very kind and provided a new idea how I could move things forward.
Click to expand...
I have met and talked to many priests, oddly, ‘kind’ is not a word I would ever describe them by. Consider yourself blessed.
 
Casilda said:
I have met and talked to many priests, oddly, ‘kind’ is not a word I would ever describe them by. Consider yourself blessed.
Click to expand...
I am sorry you have had bad experiences with priests; however, the vast majority of the ones I have met were kind men.
That does not mean they always give the answer one wants to hear.
 
So, your wife is Christian, but not Catholic,and you married outside the Catholic church, is that right?

Was she very against a Catholic marriage, or you just didn’t bring it up at the time?

My husband is not Catholic, and we married outside the church. Eventually I felt led to come back. I made sure he understood that the purpose of the consolidation was NOT that our marriage was never a viable marriage. It was a civil marriage and the Catholic church acknowledges that. Our kids were not bastards or whatever. But that the Catholic church considers some marriage ceremonies to be a Sacrament, like communion. Your wife’s protestant church does not. The convalidation just adds the Sacramental nature to the marriage, that is all. Maybe she’d be more inclined if she understood that? Since she doesn’t think marriage is a Sacrament anyway, she shouldn’t care that your previous marriage wasn’t one.

Also, have you explained that the biggest issue is your disobedience to the Church, and you want to make that right? (had you both been protestant there would be no need for a consolidation…maybe explain that? That the issue isn’t that you married in a Protestant church, it is that as a Catholic you went agains Church law when doing it.)

Is she anti-Catholicism in general?

Does she have a particular reason for holding up the Convalidation? Is she unwilling to allow the children to be raised Catholic? Or is she just being obstinate?

Perhaps you don’t need a Priest, but a marriage counselor?

In the meantime, attend and don’t recieve communion. I did that for 2 years while regularizing my marriage situation. It was hard, but given the sacrifices others make for their faith, I can’t complain.
 
Also would your wife be willing to talk to a Priest about this? Does she know they will in NO WAY attempt to convert her? Is she fearful of that?

Also, if you are arguing religion with her, stop. Don’t try to convert her. Pray, instead, and live by example.
 
My wife is Orthodox (mind the capital “O”).
Therefore, we did not marry in her Protestant church 😁
and it is not about different interpretations what (sacramental) marriage is supposed to mean.
It´s all about the Great Schism, which is better in some ways and worse in others …
We are only legally married.
 
Last edited:
I see. Can I ask, which church are your children baptized in?

A little known fact is that the Roman Catholic church views a Catholic marrying in an Orthodox Church as valid (although illicit). So if you agreed to a crowning/wedding in an Orthodox church you would also be regularizing your marriage in the eyes of the Catholic church. HOWEVER…the Orthodox Church would require you to agree to raise the children Orthodox.

Honestly, as much as I feel the RC church is right on things in places the EO is wrong, I would think God would be better served by you attending Divine Liturgy at the EO each week, and raising your children there, and regularizing your marriage, than to not be attending any services, and not raising your children in any faith at all.

I’m wondering…is the real sticking point here the issue of which faith to raise the children in, rather than which church to convalidate the marriage in?
 
I know that I could marry her in the Orthodox church with a dispensation (is this the correct English term?) from my bishop. Only, she wants none of it. She wants me to convert to EO and only THEN marry me in her church. Obviously, I can’t do that. Attending Divine Liturgy with her as a family is out of scope: After all, there is Sunday obligation which I can’t fulfill in an EO liturgy. Besides, I am tired of the whole affair.
 
It sounds like you need a marriage counselor, not a clergy person! What on earth are her reasons for refusing to marry in HER church?? She was willing to marry you civilly, but not in her own church?

Does she attend Divine Liturgy? As it is, she can’t partake in communion there, right? Are your children attending services anywhere? Have they been baptized?
 
The children are baptized. They are too small to understand services. I don’t feel like playing unity where there is none. I can’t change anything and should see to it that I return to the sacraments rather than worrying about the children. Orthodox or Catholic, it doesn’t matter, chances are they will reject the faith anyway once they are grown up.
 
Wow. Ok, your problems are not religious in nature. Counseling seems important. My question about the children was that if you married in the Orthodox faith they would require you to agree to let the children be Orthodox. Seems like you don’t care, so that shouldn’t be a problem.
I guess the best advice then is to talk to an Orthodox pries with your wife. Perhaps she will listen to him, and see the importance of having the marriage regularized. I mean, if the orthodox faith is important enough to her to want to convert you, I’d think she’d be willing to listen to a priest.

If not, and if she is just being spiteful, I’d certainly have no interest in having marital relations anyway…anyone that spiteful would not be arousing those feelings in me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top