How to confess masturbation

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First of all, i apologize if anybody finds it inappropriate to post about this, but this is a genuine question that i don’t want to ask anyone I know in real life, for obvious reasons.

I am in the process of becoming Catholic now and i have been to confession twice before. I know the priest has heard it all, but to be honest i find it more difficult and extremely awkward to say that sin by name, especially since I am a girl

I have said i have “given into lustful thoughts before.” Is that acceptable? Are there other ways to say name the sin without actually saying the word? I do want the priest to know what I’m talking about, since I do want forgiveness for it. But I’m facing a huge hurdle with just saying that word.

Any help on this would be greatly appreciated!

Edit: Also, since I wasn’t very specific in my earlier confessions, does that mean that my earlier confessions would be invalid? I genuinely forgot about it the first time and the second time i said the thing about lustful thoughts
 
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Tbh, when I first started hearing confessions, I was surprised at just how often this particular sin came up in confessions. Some people just come out and say it, while others use euphemisms such as “imure with myself” “touched myself inappropriately” or “sexaul act with myself” - there’s no one phrase which you have to use as long as you give the priest enough to work the rest out for himself! If he’s not sure or if you’re too vague he’ll ask for more detail; if he doesn’t then all good - which answers you other question about your earlier confessions. For the confession where you genuinely forgot, you should bring it up at your next confession and simply tell the priest that you forgot to mention it on an earlier occasion.

Edit: although the precise number of times isn’t all that important, you should also tell the priest if this is a one off, an occasional problem, or a frequently recurring one.
 
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The advice I once heard a priest say was to just spit it out and be done with it.

Whilst we may cringe inwardly and our cheeks flame in embarrassment by admitting we do such and such, to another human being, having to do so can also be the incentive to not commit the same sin again, and also an opportunity to be humble before God.

So be matter-of-fact about it. Masturbation x times since my last confession. Also you do need to state that out of embarrassment at your last confession you confessed this particular sin as “given into lustful thoughts before”.

And if this isn’t the priest who is aware that you are in the process of converting to Catholicism, you should also mention this too and you’ve only made two previous confessions. (Obviously, if the priest is aware of all this part, there is no need to mention it.)

Do you have the option to go behind a curtain or screen to confess?
 
Thank you. And so if I didn’t confess it validly, does that mean that my other sins i confessed weren’t forgiven? Or just that one
I think we normally have the option, but during social distancing they weren’t using the confessional and I had to face the priest
 
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throwaway said:
to be honest i find it more difficult and extremely awkward to say that sin by name, especially since I am a girl
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Girls masturbate too. I’m a woman, I have masturbated and had to confess it.
The easiest way is simply to say “I masturbated X times”. Takes less than 5 seconds to say that.
As someone else said, priests hear this constantly from both genders. They are used to it.

If it’s that embarrassing for you to confess it, then remember next time you’re tempted to do it that you’ll have to say it out loud to the priest. That might be a powerful motivator to stop and go do something else. And then you won’t have to say it to the priest.
 
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throwaway said:
Thank you. And so if I didn’t confess it validly, does that mean that my other sins i confessed weren’t forgiven? Or just that one
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You said the first time you forgot to mention it. So if you genuinely forgot, then your sins were forgiven.

The second time, saying “given in to lustful thoughts” was probably sufficient as God knows your heart and that you were embarrassed to say the word, not that you were trying to hide the sin. But do try to be more direct next time. Like I said, if sins are that embarrassing to you, then don’t sin.
 
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There’s always going out of town to another priest if it’s that much of an issue. If you’ve ever seen the South Park parody of the Protestant Deformation where Eric confesses doing something to the priest’s sandwich…

No doubt there are people on death row for multiple homicides, people who have raped kids, maybe some of the Nuremberg criminals, who confessed some pretty horrible stuff before they received their justice. I have been told by many priests that they don’t really remember specifically who has confessed what, especially with something confessed by a lot of people I’m sure it all runs together. My first confession was when a bunch of out of town priests came to visit and hear confessions in our parish. I’m not a priest but I have dealt with people in all walks of life in all sorts of awkward situations, and believe me what you are confessing is not nearly as crazy as some of the things I’ve seen or caught people doing. Just go in there and get it over with, I promise you’ll feel better afterwards.
 
I generally use the format “On X occasions I committed the sin of Y”. So, for example: “On 3 occasions I committed the sin of masturbation.”

I find it easier to be formal about it like that. And I’d much rather just say the word than use some euphemism and have the priest ask me to clarify - that would be much more embarrassing, to me. Plus, it’s just a word. We should all be mature enough to say a word.
 
Personally, I don’t see any point in using euphemisms and archaisms. There are plenty of them: self abuse, the solitary vice, onanism, an impure act with oneself, touching oneself, pleasuring oneself, etc. I think it’s just more straightforward to say masturbation, since everyone knows that’s what you mean.

I remember being baffled the first time I heard the term “water infection”. Why not just say UTI? I honestly thought a water infection meant a waterborne disease such as cholera or typhoid. It’s kind of the same thing.
 
I find it a lot more cathartic when I face up to it, whatever it is, and just say it straight without euphemisms.

I feel like I haven’t fully taken responsibility If I try to shield it with words and phrases.
 
That’s hard for me to discern, because in part it would depend on how much knowledge you had at that time. Did you know you were not to hide or disguise or lessen the sin in that way before doing so? This is also best answered by the priest.

Sitting opposite Father, can be embarrassing confessing these types of sins for everybody! It may help if you write it on a slip of paper and look at it when confessing the sin and not at Father.

It’s been my experience that a lot of priests will look elsewhere when people are confessing - perhaps down at their hands or the floor, which helps both the priest and confessor.

Don’t hold anything back, ask God for courage and ask the Blessed Virgin Mary & St. Joseph to obtain for you the grace of a good confession (before going in), then take your courage in both hands, and just blurt it out!

Father will be pleased with your honesty and courage. They too have to also go to confession just as we do, so they are familiar with feelings from both perspectives.

You’ll be fine - after all, God is waiting for you.
 
I good way I help myself when I’m nervous or embarrassed about something (not just confession but anything in life) I say to myself “what is the absolute worst thing that will happen?” “Will people laugh at me?” “Will someone think I’m stupid or not like me?” “Will someone think I am a bad person?”

Notice how each of these questions all refer to what others think about us, but the only thing that matters is how God thinks about us. The priest is really Jesus who you are talking to. I always calm myself by thinking about something positive I can’t wait to do and I tell myself no matter how nervous or embarrassed I am, I am not going to die and I will be fine. What others think doesn’t matter, it is what God thinks.

Further - I would like to offer you a helpful suggestion. A great way to fight nerves or embarrassment is to give yourself a reward for afterwards. Like for me, I really enjoy slushees so after I go to confession, I go get a slushee. For me that helps because confession in general makes me anxious and uneasy but I feel better after and the slushee gives me the motivation to go to confession. Find something that will motivate you and make that your reward!

And remember, you can’t die so what is the absolute worst thing that happens? The priest thinks you sin just like every other human on the planet? All that matters is what God thinks, and God loves you more than any human being could possibly imagine. Jesus would die on the cross for you and only you every day, your best day and your absolute worst day. Never forget that 🙂

God Bless,
🐬
 
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Thanks so much, I love that about the slushees! I’m definitely going to try giving myself something to look forward to next time
 
Just a few tips about confession to a priest.
  1. Confessional secret; The priest will never ever reveal your sin to any other person. If a murderer confesses that he has murdered someone and after the confession some police men ask the priest what he has confessed to get the truth the priest will never reveal the sin even at the cost of his own imprisonment
  2. At the confessional it is not the priest who is hearing your confession. It s the Lord Jesus himself and so you don’t need to be embarassed to confess any sort of sin
  3. The Best suggestion given by Our Lady elsewhere ; The moment you committed a sin however small it be go and confess immediately and be pure in the sight of God; Make a firm DECISION then and there itself before leaving the confessional not to commit the sin anymore.
  4. Above all God’s unmeasurable mercy and forgiveness over abounds where sin abounds.
 
throwaway said:
I think we normally have the option, but during social distancing they weren’t using the confessional and I had to face the priest
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I get that it’s awkward, but you need to know that priests hear this all the time. A friend of mine who is a priest told me it’s the single most common sin he hears confessed. Believe me, he’s not going to be shocked or think you’re a freak. This is a totally normal thing to bring up in confession.
 
do_justly_love_mercy said:
Personally, I don’t see any point in using euphemisms and archaisms. There are plenty of them: self abuse, the solitary vice, onanism, an impure act with oneself, touching oneself, pleasuring oneself, etc. I think it’s just more straightforward to say masturbation, since everyone knows that’s what you mean.
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I agree. It’s less awkward to just say it directly in my opinion.
 
The person should begin by saying that they sinned against the 6th Commandment (and probably against the 9th as well).

Never be specific nor tell details…

Furhermore, Confess how many times and the general circumstances…

And the most important of all is to feel very sorry about it and have a strong will of not doing it anymore (even if the person fall once more due to weakness).
 
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