How to convince my wife

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If I had just had a kid three months ago and my husband was trying to convince me to start on another, I would want him to experience child birth and THEN see how he feels. 'nough said.
 
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amcalabrese:
Mostly because we are both 38, and I would like to have at least one more child while I still have enough energy to keep up with them!
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My dad was 45 when my youngest brother was born and kept up with him just fine. If your wife can find the energy for another pregnancy over the age of 35, you’ll find the energy to keep up with the kids until they fly the nest.

Recovering from a pregnancy after the age of 35 is far harder than doing the same when you’re in your twenties. Do not pressure her in any way, or she’ll know you are clueless. As for your energy level, if it worries you, take care of yourself and get some exercise. You’ll do fine.

Also, be aware that the older she gets, the more likely she is to have twins. Twins, and two other little ones to chase. Your openness to life is wonderful, but trust me, you don’t want to get into a rush. Love her first, and let the procreation follow after. If she hits 40 with four kids aged 4 and under, it had better not have been under the slightest bit of duress!
 
How about just asking her? If she looks at you like you have two heads, wait another few months.😉

Seriously though, although I recognize that you as the father have a responsibility in the parenting. The PHYSICAL burden rests on the mom. While reading your posts, my instinct was to smack you in the head!! 😃

I maybe wrong, but if you approach your wife with your current me me me attitude, you’re not going to get very far!! Ayiyiyi!! MEN!!:banghead:

Deep breath … okay try this … Wait for one of those Kodak moments, newborn asleep at momma’s breast, two year old head in your lap. Peace and love is filling the air and say to your wife something like this … " Honey, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, how happy I am with this beautiful family God has blessed us with. With these beautiful children, I have had the opportunity to see you, me, our love, well … everything in a new way. With each child I feel as if my heart has grown bigger, and now contains more happiness than ever. I just want you to know how thankful I am that I am married to you, how thankful I am for our two children, and how thankful I am in advance for the children God, through you, will bless me with. I just want you to know, Dear, I am ready when you are. Just give me the word.(Follow with kiss or two).

It wouldn’t hurt to help her ALOT with the kids. The sooner she feels rested and like her plate isn’t too full, the sooner the desire for more children will return.

Sheesh!! MEN!!
 
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amcalabrese:
After child number 1, my wife and I were clear we wanted more. Alex was a pleasure, not screaming much, sleeping well, generally low maintainance.

Now comes child number 2. For two months, Christian did nothing but scream. Add to that, Alex becomes an active, precocious toddler, and he is not two yet.

So my wife is physically and mentally exhausted, despite my best efforts to help.

Is now a bad time to bring up to her that in a few months we should start working on number 3?
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Take a deep breath. Enjoy what you got. Your quote is “So my wife is physically and mentally exhausted.” Do you think that maybe if she is completely exhausted that you should have another baby? Honey, breath and take care of those children you already have and let her rest a little before you even consider having another.
 
I’ll tell you what…you send your wife away for a week or so. And you take care of the kids…all by yourself…then decide if you are ready for another.

Goodness…give the poor woman a break. She isn’t a machine.:whistle:
~ Kathy ~
 
What’s up with this?

I just gave birth 2 months ago…I couldn’t imagine my DH saying…“Let’s try again”…I just might slap him in the face :eek:

Why the heck would you even want to put you wife through another decision, etc when you said yourself she’s “physcially and mentally exhausted”?

Yeah, take a breather! Drink a glass of wine and do something to help your wife become LESS exhausted physcially and mentally…
 
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amcalabrese:
Mostly because we are both 38, and I would like to have at least one more child while I still have enough energy to keep up with them!
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My husband is 38 and his father was 42 when he was born…you got time!
 
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Ana:
How about just asking her? If she looks at you like you have two heads, wait another few months.😉

Seriously though, although I recognize that you as the father have a responsibility in the parenting. The PHYSICAL burden rests on the mom. While reading your posts, my instinct was to smack you in the head!! 😃

I maybe wrong, but if you approach your wife with your current me me me attitude, you’re not going to get very far!! Ayiyiyi!! MEN!!:banghead:

Deep breath … okay try this … Wait for one of those Kodak moments, newborn asleep at momma’s breast, two year old head in your lap. Peace and love is filling the air and say to your wife something like this … " Honey, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you, how happy I am with this beautiful family God has blessed us with. With these beautiful children, I have had the opportunity to see you, me, our love, well … everything in a new way. With each child I feel as if my heart has grown bigger, and now contains more happiness than ever. I just want you to know how thankful I am that I am married to you, how thankful I am for our two children, and how thankful I am in advance for the children God, through you, will bless me with. I just want you to know, Dear, I am ready when you are. Just give me the word.(Follow with kiss or two).

It wouldn’t hurt to help her ALOT with the kids. The sooner she feels rested and like her plate isn’t too full, the sooner the desire for more children will return.

Sheesh!! MEN!!
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In my opinion, this is absolutely the best advice. Even though your wife is tired, she may want more soon also. But she may not want to bring it up yet either. Letting her know how you feel is important, but leaving the ball in her court is the way to go.

God Bless,
Maria

ps. my friend just had her 7th at age 43. 38 is not that bad. And a few years in between is easier than 3 (or 4) all preschool age. Mine are 16, 12, and 4. We both just turned 40 and I am getting ready to start praying for another.
 
Well for all that want to slap you for saying what your saying, I’ll give you a pat on the back for actually wanting to be a father, for wanting another child, and being with their mother. Sad, but thats becoming far too uncommon.

I have no position to give advice, but I’d say just give her compliments on her asa mother and wife. Next, I’d just say that I know its probably not a good time, so even if it isn’t sometime soon, you just wanted to let her know you think the family has room for a little more. Even if its way too soon, to make any desicions especially for her who carries a lot of the burden, especially physically, you just want to look out to the future. You just want your intentions known, but the Lord will let you both know in due time if its right.

Ahh you might get slapped but so what, par for the course. In order to protect the family its good to have a plan (of course be understanding, but hey you want to be understood too).
 
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amcalabrese:
After child number 1, my wife and I were clear we wanted more. Alex was a pleasure, not screaming much, sleeping well, generally low maintainance.

Now comes child number 2. For two months, Christian did nothing but scream. Add to that, Alex becomes an active, precocious toddler, and he is not two yet.

So my wife is physically and mentally exhausted, despite my best efforts to help.

Is now a bad time to bring up to her that in a few months we should start working on number 3?
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Yes it’s a bad time. You can practice NFP to space out the next pregnancy for a few years. The way I looked at it was, if I got pregnant earlier, great, May God’s Will be done, otherwise I would continue using NFP to avoid pregnancy until I felt emotionally and physically ready to switch it to be used to help with conception. Put yourself in her place and you can imagine how much a woman goes through. If you can put off a pregnancy so that she has a little time to breast feed your infant and allow Alex time to potty train. The older the first two are the better for your wfe and them.

My mom had four kids in five years and she was so exhausted and overwhelmed emotionally and physically that she almost lost my little sister in pregnancy. I suffered the consequences of her emotional instability because of it. All 4 were conceived by using NFP *for *procreation. She was so upset after the 4th baby was born, that she made the emotional decision to have a tubiligation, rather than try NFP to space out the next pregnancy, which she very much regretted later.

My point is that we, as Catholic families are blessed to have NFP in order to make it possible to space out pregnancies if it is in the best interest of the family, or to help with easier conception. Give your wife’s body more time to get back to normal and time to adjust to the emotional, hormonal and hard work of two young babies before you start actually trying for # 3. Let her make the decison when to stop using NFP to prevent pregnancy, and in the meantime enjoy your two blessings! Don’t put too much pressure on her. It is very hard work and takes alot out of a woman to have babies, give her time. She may be ready to try again in 6 months or it may take a few years. Right After birthing each of my three babies, the last thing I wanted to think about was doing it any time soon! Now that my youngest turned three I am pining away for a baby, but we may need to adopt for that to happen, as I had serious complications after the 3rd’s labor.

Kudos on your desire to follow Church teaching, you are and will be, very blessed!
 
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amcalabrese:
Mostly because we are both 38, and I would like to have at least one more child while I still have enough energy to keep up with them!
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God bless you for loving babies and being open to life. I adore babies 🙂

From what I hear, having kids a year apart is pretty tough. Maybe this sounds sexist, but I’d wait until your wife is ready and brings it up. She knows how she feels physically and emotionally. Women usually have a natural desire for children (not all women, I know), so she’ll probably have a desire for more when the little one is a bit older. You might just have to be patient for a while.
—KCT
 
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Katie1723:
I’ll tell you what…you send your wife away for a week or so. And you take care of the kids…all by yourself…then decide if you are ready for another.

~ Kathy ~
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… and that’s WITHOUT his body having been wore down by the “work” of pregnancy for eighteen months of the last two or three years. Not to mention the hours of labor and subsequent recovery. And going on two or three years of inadequate sleep, instead of only a week.

SHEESH!! MEN!!:banghead:

😉 It’s only cause I like men so much that they frustrate me so…
 
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amcalabrese:
So my wife is physically and mentally exhausted, despite my best efforts to help.

Is now a bad time to bring up to her that in a few months we should start working on number 3?
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This sounds like the set up and a punch line to a (bad) joke. Tell me you are** not** serious!
 
I did get that this was tongue in cheek and I think you are cute…very cute. I also think it is wonderful that you and your wife are open to life…and you should look into the NFP sites…they really have a LOT of information out there!

Congratulations -
 
Poor guy – getting all lambasted and all…LOL! I understand your wants and I also understand her needs at this point – right now, if she’s anything like me, she’s wondering how in the world she got into this mess – yes they’re wonderful little gifts from Heaven, but MY they’re exhausting!!! Give her some time, lots of support and many many compliments on what beautiful little humans she is helping mold and shape – how her approaches to parenting are so intuitive, and what a good job she is doing, etc…these small comments can keep me on a high for an entire day when he mentions them…don’t butter her up (we can smell that), don’t make stuff up, just recognize the efforts (everythign from burping baby just right to dealing with hitting the new baby) that are sooooo neverending – the stress of wondering if we’re doing it right or not is immesurable – and magnified in the early months when hormone levels are all wacked out. For your own safety, I’d say go with the flow, support her, encourage her to take some time for herself out window shopping or lunch with a friend on the weekend, or a haircut (you’d be amazed how long we’ll put those off when there’s babies around!) – and when she’s ready, she’ll let you know too. You sound like a good guy and a good dad too – just love her, and your love together will lead you to a mutually agreed upon decision in it’s own time
 
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amcalabrese:
After child number 1, my wife and I were clear we wanted more. Alex was a pleasure, not screaming much, sleeping well, generally low maintainance.

Now comes child number 2. For two months, Christian did nothing but scream. Add to that, Alex becomes an active, precocious toddler, and he is not two yet.

So my wife is physically and mentally exhausted, despite my best efforts to help.

Is now a bad time to bring up to her that in a few months we should start working on number 3?
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Maybe this is meant as a joke… but if your wife is physically and mentally exhausted, why aren’t you sensitive to that?

And whatever happened to making those decisions together?

Sure am glad I am not married to you!
 
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amcalabrese:
After child number 1, my wife and I were clear we wanted more. Alex was a pleasure, not screaming much, sleeping well, generally low maintainance.

Now comes child number 2. For two months, Christian did nothing but scream. Add to that, Alex becomes an active, precocious toddler, and he is not two yet.

So my wife is physically and mentally exhausted, despite my best efforts to help.

Is now a bad time to bring up to her that in a few months we should start working on number 3?
Click to expand...
I know we,as Catholics are to be open to life, but try NFP for at least a few months, at least to #2 sleeps through the night, then when BOTH of you are ready then by all means. Her body needs to heal, the baby needs her time as does your toddler. From your post and you had to ask us here and not her, it tells me she's not ready.
 
It is outrageous how insensitive you are… I still can’t believe it.
 
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