How to convince my wife

[Reena]

jman507:

Actually I think there are by far worse men that you could be married too.

That is true. But just because I am not being tortured in the Gulag doesn’t mean I should be content being abused in North America.

Not suggesting that he is abusing her, although maybe he is… she could be physically and mentally vulnerable… who knows. Women can have things like postpartum depression, can be physically ill after pregnancies. And her quality of life doesn’t seem to be great if she is exhausted physically and mentally, 38 (some would say it is dangerous for women to get pregnant at this age), and is about to be pressured by her husband to get pregnant again. I am glad I am not his wife.

If he wants children that bad, why not adopt? So many children need homes, and his wife does not need to be pregnant again at her age and so soon after giving birth, and when she is physically and mentally exhausted.

 

[aurora77]

Katie1723:

I’ll tell you what…you send your wife away for a week or so. And you take care of the kids…all by yourself…then decide if you are ready for another.

That’s what I was thinking. I’m sure the OP is very well intentioned, but if he’s at work all day and not the main caregiver, he may want to try that out for a bit before he starts clamoring for #3.

If you’re meant to have more children, you will. God has a way of sorting these things out.

 

[Catholic2003]

All this discussion reminded me of this joke going around on the Internet:

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?”

“Yes”, he replied reluctantly.

She answered, “We’ll, today I didn’t do it!!”

 

[Princess_Abby]

Catholic2003:

All this discussion reminded me of this joke going around on the Internet:

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?”

“Yes”, he replied reluctantly.

She answered, “We’ll, today I didn’t do it!!”

Ha! How funny!

 

[jman507]

Reena:

That is true. But just because I am not being tortured in the Gulag doesn’t mean I should be content being abused in North America.

Not suggesting that he is abusing her, although maybe he is… she could be physically and mentally vulnerable… who knows. Women can have things like postpartum depression, can be physically ill after pregnancies. And her quality of life doesn’t seem to be great if she is exhausted physically and mentally, 38 (some would say it is dangerous for women to get pregnant at this age), and is about to be pressured by her husband to get pregnant again. I am glad I am not his wife.

If he wants children that bad, why not adopt? So many children need homes, and his wife does not need to be pregnant again at her age and so soon after giving birth, and when she is physically and mentally exhausted.

Come on, do you have any charity. Now its one thing to say giving the point of view of his wife, but then you have person after person saying that he should be slapped? Did it ever occure to you he may have not worded his post the best? Then you apply that maybe he is abusing his wife? Come on!!

Did it ever occur to you he needs a bit of understanding himself, or is that only a one-way street? Look it might do him a little good to have his views understood, even if she says no, not yet. It looks like they may have had agreed before to have a large family. He might be jumping the gun here, but why shouldn’t he through out the idea. If its really weighing on his mind, for him just to shut up about it, might just make him frustrated at his wife.

But the other thing that irrates me is how everyone jumped on him. I’ll tell you the ones who you should jump on, the ones that say “oh your pregnant, why didn’t you take your birth control pills? Why don’t you get an abortion.?” And also the ones who do not pay their child support, or who could care less about caring for their kids.

 

[luvztotravel]

Maybe instead of planning number #3 already you should give your wife a mom’s day off every now and then and spend some quality time enjoying the kids you do have. While I’m all for big families it’s awfully stressfull on the body and mind to carry and give birth to children in quick succession .

One point that hasn’t been made yet either is that kids are a gift from GOD to be cherished. They are not a right. They are a gift. So bond with the ones you have now…believe me they will grow up on you faster then you think.

 

[Cupofkindness]

amcalabrese:

I simply don’t understand why a man would raise this issue in a public forum. This is between you and your wife, not you and the internet. Spend as much time as you need in prayer and in loving service of your bride. The answer should be clear as you begin to focus on what them, not the opinions of a forum (even a great forum like Catholic Answers). Get off the computer and go help your wife even more than you are already doing, and thank God you have the family that you have.

 

[Ana]

jman507:

Did it ever occur to you he needs a bit of understanding himself, or is that only a one-way street? Look it might do him a little good to have his views understood, even if she says no, not yet. It looks like they may have had agreed before to have a large family. He might be jumping the gun here, but why shouldn’t he through out the idea. If its really weighing on his mind, for him just to shut up about it, might just make him frustrated at his wife.

But the other thing that irrates me is how everyone jumped on him. I’ll tell you the ones who you should jump on, the ones that say “oh your pregnant, why didn’t you take your birth control pills? Why don’t you get an abortion.?” And also the ones who do not pay their child support, or who could care less about caring for their kids.

The thing about these forums, is that a lot of perspectives and viewpoints are expressed.

I actually thought this thread was kind of funny. So, I responded with a humerous TONE. That was why after the slapping in the head comment, there was that was big green circle with the big grin inside it. (That one meant sarcastic) Most people understand that to mean, extreme happiness OR HUMOR. I played on the age old debate between men and women (who works harder) as did some other posters.

There was one, who actually did sound serious about slapping him, but if you read her post you would see that she just had a baby two months ago, is probably herself emotionally and mentally exhausted, and failed to see the humor in his post. I think anyone can excuse her in charity, and try to understand where she is coming from.

He asked opinions, that’s what he got. Personally, I think large families are beautiful. But it should be a mutual decision between husband and wife before God.

Too often I have seen the scenario played out where one spouse refuses to use NFP at the request of the spouse and extreme marital discord has resulted.( I am not implying this of OP). Desiring a large family does not negate the need for prayerful discernment,communication, and respect for the needs and desires of the spouse.

God bless!

 

[WICatholic]

amcalabrese:

After child number 1, my wife and I were clear we wanted more. Alex was a pleasure, not screaming much, sleeping well, generally low maintainance.

Now comes child number 2. For two months, Christian did nothing but scream. Add to that, Alex becomes an active, precocious toddler, and he is not two yet.

So my wife is physically and mentally exhausted, despite my best efforts to help.
**
Is now a bad time to bring up to her that in a few months we should start working on number 3?**

Yes.

 

[WICatholic]

Princess_Abby:

Whoa. Whoa…

I’m sure you mean very well, but as a professional who has worked extensively with children who are diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, I find it highly assumptive and somewhat dangerous to tell the father of a eight-week-old screamer that his son is possibly autistic!!!

Have you seen the thread about babies who scream? It’s simply a reality. There are a number of reasons why his child could be a screamer, but suddenly jumping to conclusions about autism as even a possibility is not helpful for the OP. I’m very confused how you would come to this conclusion based on the extremely limited information the OP provided in the first place.

RIGHT ON!!

Many reasons, including GAS, including just needing to be held, cuddled. Including sensing tension and reacting… I absolutely agree with your post, and your confusion. (Nurse speaking, after years of working with tiny children and new moms…)

 

[WICatholic]

amcalabrese:

Mostly because we are both 38, and I would like to have at least one more child while I still have enough energy to keep up with them!

My uncle did not even marry until he was your age, and his wife was 28. They had five, spaced. When she gets the urge to hold other’s babies…she will be open. Until then, have patience. Also, my mom was 44 when my youngest was born, as was my father, and they did quite well keeping up with all ten.

38 is young. You have time.

When you are 58… you still have time to enjoy, believe me. Then it will be grandkids.