How to cope with extremely religous husband

[Mtnmama]

I am a happily married woman of twenty years whose husband has been blessed with a veerrrryyy strong conversion experience and re commitment to his Catholic faith. We are both cradle Catholics who, like many, set our faith on the back burner through our twenties and returned to an active faith during the raising of our children. My husband experienced a strong conversion about three years ago and is consumed with praying, bible study, voracious theological studies, and now a postulancy (sp.?) with the Lay Dominicans. I have what I would say is a strong, steady, Catholic faith. I however, feel overwhelmed with his 24/7 thought, discussions, praying, studying, preaching…etc. How do we blend our different ways of sharing and practicing our faith? I feel like he’s in the seminary and I’m being drowned with religion at every turn and it’s beginning to cause tension. I feel replaced by his over-Catholicism. Help.

 

[Thomas63116]

Hi! Welcome to the forums! I would say the most important thing is for you to communicate your feelings to him honestly, clearly and charitably. Let him know that you want to support him as he grows in his faith, but that you are starting to feel neglected or shut out. Talk to him about how the two of you can better balance your respective interests.

 

[sarahraegraham]

I agree with the above poster. I would also, perhaps, ask your husband for a short sabbatical of discussion between the two of you about religious material, say a week where you make it a point to discuss other things instead. And then as a rule maybe, that you set up a time for those discussions, and then leave them there. If it’s that important, it can wait 'til then.

 

[whatevergirl]

***You know, he might be feeling…some guilt, for putting the faith on the backburner for a while…and he feels deep down inside, that he is trying to ‘make up’ for lost time. I can understand though, how it could cause tension. Perhaps, just ask him that…if he feels like he needs to make up for the time he was ‘away’ from the Church. The beauty of having a loving relationship with Jesus, is that He forgives, and takes you right where you are. He doesn’t expect us to make up for lost time. He meets us right where we are.

We need to be careful that in our piety, we don’t lose track of everyday life, and the people in it who are our family, and those who are in need. Your husband’s piety is a good thing…but we have to find balance. ***

 

[Joannm]

I know exactly where you are coming from. The same thing happened to my husband. I was the steady practicing Catholic and after his conversion he became “super Catholic.” There were times when I just could not stand it anymore. After awhile he began to “cool down.” He and I have different spiritual journeys. I am more academic and inwardly spiritual. He is more of a doer. I am more conservative and he, while not a flaming liberal, sees the Church a lot different than I do. So, we have to be careful with what we talk about less it turn into an argument. It is difficult, but keep focused on the Lord and He will guide you.

 

[HeWillProvide]

I would try to have a discussion about what your vocations are and if you are fulfilling them to the best of each of your abilities. Meaning, his vocation is husband and father (and not priest) - so is he devoting enough time and energy into this role?

 

[Dori1]

I agree with the wise words of HeWillProvide. I would add, though, that you may want to try to see your husband’s zeal for the Lord as a blessing. The Lord should be first in all of our lives. His vocation is to be husband and father, true. But part of that duty is to be the spiritual leader of the home. There are many women who have to take over this duty because their husbands are lukewarm at best. I know it can be difficult, give it time and communication. It will settle out as he finds his new equilibrium.

 

[Mark77]

I am a happily married woman of twenty years whose husband has been blessed with a veerrrryyy strong conversion experience and re commitment to his Catholic faith. We are both cradle Catholics who, like many, set our faith on the back burner through our twenties and returned to an active faith during the raising of our children. My husband experienced a strong conversion about three years ago and is consumed with praying, bible study, voracious theological studies, and now a postulancy (sp.?) with the Lay Dominicans. I have what I would say is a strong, steady, Catholic faith. I however, feel overwhelmed with his 24/7 thought, discussions, praying, studying, preaching…etc. How do we blend our different ways of sharing and practicing our faith? I feel like he’s in the seminary and I’m being drowned with religion at every turn and it’s beginning to cause tension. I feel replaced by his over-Catholicism. Help.

Don’t be worried, pray for courage; "And he said to all, “If any man would come after me,** let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me**.” (Lk 9:23)

Being obsessed with Jesus is a good thing, he could be obsessed with pornography or drugs…

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

Mark

 

[holyrosary11]

I am a happily married woman of twenty years whose husband has been blessed with a veerrrryyy strong conversion experience and re commitment to his Catholic faith. We are both cradle Catholics who, like many, set our faith on the back burner through our twenties and returned to an active faith during the raising of our children. My husband experienced a strong conversion about three years ago and is consumed with praying, bible study, voracious theological studies, and now a postulancy (sp.?) with the Lay Dominicans. I have what I would say is a strong, steady, Catholic faith. I however, feel overwhelmed with his 24/7 thought, discussions, praying, studying, preaching…etc. How do we blend our different ways of sharing and practicing our faith? I feel like he’s in the seminary and I’m being drowned with religion at every turn and it’s beginning to cause tension. I feel replaced by his over-Catholicism. Help.

I am the wrong one to comment because I would do just about anything to have this problem!!

 

[allhers]

I’m thinking that would be awesome too but …I do know people like that and it does tend to drive their spouses right up a wall. One lady I know said, “I often wonder why he didn’t just become a Priest already”!!
I said, "Because then he couldn’t have you as a wife already…that calmed her down, for a second…

Maybe he could become a teacher of Religious Education or a Deacon. Just a thought…
But you probably do have to tell him that you do need some balance and that he can’t be greedy about the things of God either. Maybe if you just keep encouraging him, he could devote some time out of his day to other interest too.

(I do wish I had your problem though.) I’ll say a prayer for you.

 

[PrayHarder]

I bet your husband doesn’t even realize that his 24/7 religious talk is bothering you. I’ve become one of those over-enthusiastic Catholics in the last few years where I’ve found religious study, conversation, and prayer are fascinating. And I can’t wait to share my latest revelation with others around me.

Then I got an email from my sister telling me that the 24/7 religious thing was getting old. While her email wasn’t the most tactful, I did get the point that not everyone shares my enthusiasm of the Catholic faith and we all celebrate our faith differently. So be honest and tactful that you appreciate his new-found faith, but you just don’t move at that same pace.

 

[allhers]

I’ll say a prayer for you.

errr, LOL, I just realized how this part of my post might have sent you right over the edge, sorry.

 

[apromisemade]

I have a Catholic friend who is the same way. Honestly, I feel like I can’t even IM her on Facebook without geting a sermon.

Talk to him about it sooner rather than later. If you wait you’ll just start to get more and more irritated and by the time it does come out you will be more inclined to snap at him.

A another poster pointed out, he may not even realize what he’s doing is bothering you so much, it would be good to approach it tactfully. But at the same time, don’t be afraid to be firm and tell him he has a responsibility to you as his wife, a responsiblility given by God.

 

[TLM08]

I am a happily married woman of twenty years whose husband has been blessed with a veerrrryyy strong conversion experience and re commitment to his Catholic faith. We are both cradle Catholics who, like many, set our faith on the back burner through our twenties and returned to an active faith during the raising of our children. My husband experienced a strong conversion about three years ago and is consumed with praying, bible study, voracious theological studies, and now a postulancy (sp.?) with the Lay Dominicans. I have what I would say is a strong, steady, Catholic faith. I however, feel overwhelmed with his 24/7 thought, discussions, praying, studying, preaching…etc. How do we blend our different ways of sharing and practicing our faith? I feel like he’s in the seminary and I’m being drowned with religion at every turn and it’s beginning to cause tension. I feel replaced by his over-Catholicism. Help.

Has he had any addiction or compulsive behavioral issues in his past? If so, this could be a manifestation of compulsivity. I myself have experienced the same thing, but to a lesser degree.

Religious addiction is rarely talked about but it is a very real and destructive phenomenon.

 

[jwashu]

I would try to have a discussion about what your vocations are and if you are fulfilling them to the best of each of your abilities. Meaning, his vocation is husband and father (and not priest) - so is he devoting enough time and energy into this role?

As a Protestant Convert with a strong conversion I think this is a great post. Sometimes we can get a little overzealous. Make sure you tell him that you understand he is trying to go God’s will and that he should continue that. But that part of God’s will for him is the vocation of marriage

Joe

 

[monicatholic]

will he make a vow of celibacy to the lay Dominicans? some tertiaties practice celibacy, married or not.

as his wife, joined by God in the sacramental vocation of marriage, you have the right to oppose any such vow.

 

[Boxcar]

I am a happily married woman of twenty years whose husband has been blessed with a veerrrryyy strong conversion experience and re commitment to his Catholic faith. We are both cradle Catholics who, like many, set our faith on the back burner through our twenties and returned to an active faith during the raising of our children. My husband experienced a strong conversion about three years ago and is consumed with praying, bible study, voracious theological studies, and now a postulancy (sp.?) with the Lay Dominicans. I have what I would say is a strong, steady, Catholic faith. I however, feel overwhelmed with his 24/7 thought, discussions, praying, studying, preaching…etc. How do we blend our different ways of sharing and practicing our faith? I feel like he’s in the seminary and I’m being drowned with religion at every turn and it’s beginning to cause tension. I feel replaced by his over-Catholicism. Help.

Think positve, theology is progressive, it was handed down from generation to generation, it is recommended that one prayer from the Heart is worth more than many without heart, great love is the answer, a woman was happy because she taught me to knit, I’m her first student,she taught me with love. she wanted me to learn, desire…the more I think I know the less I really know…

 

[zaramarie81]

I am a happily married woman of twenty years whose husband has been blessed with a veerrrryyy strong conversion experience and re commitment to his Catholic faith. We are both cradle Catholics who, like many, set our faith on the back burner through our twenties and returned to an active faith during the raising of our children. My husband experienced a strong conversion about three years ago and is consumed with praying, bible study, voracious theological studies, and now a postulancy (sp.?) with the Lay Dominicans. I have what I would say is a strong, steady, Catholic faith. I however, feel overwhelmed with his 24/7 thought, discussions, praying, studying, preaching…etc. How do we blend our different ways of sharing and practicing our faith? I feel like he’s in the seminary and I’m being drowned with religion at every turn and it’s beginning to cause tension. I feel replaced by his over-Catholicism. Help.

I find this thread fascinating because this is sort of a difference between me and my boyfriend. Except it’s me who’s “on fire”! But I’ve been “on fire” for years now. I actually don’t think I irritate him at this point, lol, (2 years of dating) but it has been a point of difference in our relationship. He is very committed to the faith, in a very steady, practical, quiet way. He is content with the fact that he is Catholic and the faith is true, and he will never waver from it and sees little need to constantly discuss and read. I however can never get enough of the reading and discussing and constantly feel the need to push for spiritual growth. It’s worth noting that he has more patience and commitment for devotions like Adoration and the rosary than I do (I am a bit ADD), but yeah overall, I seem to be the one who has the big blinking red sign over my forehead that says “CATHOLIC.” I think he is actually concerned about this difference and it may be one reason we’re not engaged yet. Anyway, I hope you can find some balance again. Something that helps me is knowing that “everyday life” and interactions are very much part of God’s plan for our lives and that He is present in these activities that don’t appear outwardly “religious” (cleaning, talking about politics, joking around, discussing plans for next week etc). He even uses these things to sanctify us. Knowing this motivates me to live in the world instead of with my nose in a book. (And, being one who is not married yet, I really do feel called to the vocation of marriage - not religious life, and so I’ve been working on embracing all these other aspects of life with focus and a cheerful heart!)

 

[TexCatholic4JMJ]

Mtnmama, maybe you could bring up the subject in the following way:
“Honey, when you spent all evening yesterday reading that book /attending that meeting,
I felt lonely/ignored/whatever.”
It actually worked for someone who did not have a clue as to what his actions were doing
to his wife. Just one at a time, though. No condemnation, just “feelings.”
Also be prepared when he cuts back. All of our lives as to be lived for the Lord, but they
need to immerse with our vocations as wives and husband, single, etc. What is it that you
have been wanting to do during those times when he was unavailable to you?

 

[JulianN]

will he make a vow of celibacy to the lay Dominicans? some tertiaties practice celibacy, married or not.

as his wife, joined by God in the sacramental vocation of marriage, you have the right to oppose any such vow.

By definition, to be celibate is to be unmarried. That is a separate issue from engaging in sexual relations.